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(Mental Floss)   ██ ████ to know if ███ ██████████ ██ ███████ your email   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 136
    More: Scary, Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, legal doctrine, public switched telephone network, FISA Amendments Act, National Security Agency, American Internet  
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24993 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2013 at 12:19 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-21 12:00:12 AM
#14 If you click this link
 
2013-05-21 12:12:16 AM
1.  You have email.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:36 AM
#15 you're writing emails.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:43 AM
#12. You accidentally joined the communist party, just to get rid of an over-eager pamphleteer who cornered you on the street.

/true story, bro.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:49 AM
Well somebody needs to read that shiat, and it ain't gonna be me.
 
2013-05-21 12:25:14 AM
Troll headline. Won't click.

-1
 
2013-05-21 12:25:59 AM
They're monitoring my Fark submissions, I've run out of time, the treasure is hidden in the +++++++++++++++++++++++carrierlost++++++++++++++++++++
 
2013-05-21 12:26:58 AM
I just assume nothing is private.
 
2013-05-21 12:27:13 AM
i believe anything im told
 
2013-05-21 12:29:14 AM
Who cares your ISP, email provider, and search engine is selling them the shiat anyway.
 
2013-05-21 12:29:35 AM
So they saw I got an email from Martha Stewart on making pillows out of handkerchiefs, Backstreet Boys pre-sale ticket information, and an email from my aunt telling me to forward it to everyone I know if I love Jesus.

I did not forward the email.

/also receive amusing emails from some Farkers occasionally so thanks for the giggles.
//not WIE
 
2013-05-21 12:30:21 AM
Email is a postcard with big flashing lights on the top screaming "READ ME"!

Wake me when they're beating you with rubber hoses for encryption keys.
 
2013-05-21 12:32:39 AM
OMG the government knows I exist and who I am!
 
2013-05-21 12:33:41 AM
In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb
 
2013-05-21 12:34:24 AM

drjekel_mrhyde: Who cares your ISP, email provider, and search engine is selling them the shiat anyway.


My local grocery store knows more about me from my clubcard purchases.
 
2013-05-21 12:35:45 AM
I want a hosted email service that (1) supports GPG and (2) converts unencrypted messages to GPG as they are received and stored on the hosted server.

I've looked but I haven't found anything quite like that.

GPG, or something like it, should be well-polished enough that any idiot should use it, and it should be absolutely mandatory for any communication with a bank or credit card company.
 
2013-05-21 12:36:46 AM
I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.
 
2013-05-21 12:37:02 AM
Behind 7 proxies.
 
2013-05-21 12:37:31 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."


The one on HBO?  Great show for my 12 year old self to watch.  Some of the first boobs I got to see on TV.
 
2013-05-21 12:39:34 AM
Hey NSA,

████ You.

Love,

████████
 
2013-05-21 12:39:39 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"
 
2013-05-21 12:39:46 AM
If you work in a secure government facility where you need a (level) of clearance  they're reading your email.
 
2013-05-21 12:42:20 AM

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


My arabic midget butler isn't doing porn anymore.  After corning the market on the North Korean market for boom boom there was nowhere left to go.  So now he cleans up my residue and draws pretty pictures of nuclear blasts over Newark.
 
2013-05-21 12:45:25 AM
Basically they save everything, but only get around to reading it if you become interesting to them for some reason. This allows them to not only examine the emails people send after they become interesting, but go back and read emails they sent before.

But don't take my word for it, here's the Chief Technology Officer of the CIA telling you that and so much more.

I'm sure they also use the emails for other things, like gauging the public's feelings about different matters, and scanning them all for certain keywords, because you know they wouldn't be able to resist, but that's all they'll admit to in public.

/protip: Hushmail is a thing
 
2013-05-21 12:46:12 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.
 
2013-05-21 12:47:02 AM
12. Your data might have been intercepted or collected by Russia, China, or Israel if you traveled to those countries. The FBI has quietly found and removed transmitters from several Washington, D.C.-area cell phone towers that fed all data to wire rooms at foreign embassies.

WTF?
 
2013-05-21 12:47:17 AM

valkore: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."

The one on HBO?  Great show for my 12 year old self to watch.  Some of the first boobs I got to see on TV.


Yep. "HBOs sexy new adult comedy."

We shot all the boob scenes a second time in a bra, for syndication. (Actress wore a bra, too.)
 
2013-05-21 12:47:42 AM

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.
 
2013-05-21 12:48:37 AM
#16 If you live in America, just expect your email and any other private communication to be monitored.

#17 If you live in a country who has anything called or similar to "The Patriot Act", you are monitored.

#18 If there is an American base in your country, and maybe not, you're monitored.
 
2013-05-21 12:49:09 AM

jonny_q: I want a hosted email service that (1) supports GPG and (2) converts unencrypted messages to GPG as they are received and stored on the hosted server.

I've looked but I haven't found anything quite like that.

GPG, or something like it, should be well-polished enough that any idiot should use it, and it should be absolutely mandatory for any communication with a bank or credit card company.



Any of your unencrypted emails and other communications are already slurped up by *redacted* at every big peering point anyway.

/They have tiny fancy rooms
 
2013-05-21 12:52:30 AM

fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.


Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.
 
2013-05-21 12:54:27 AM
Go ahead, read my email, if you want to be bored witless.
 
2013-05-21 12:56:15 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


Would they be checking me out if I had done something like, oh, maybe like checking out a few of the stalls on Silk Road?
 
2013-05-21 12:57:17 AM

crayola_chicken: worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"

just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.


pixelbedlam.co.uk
 
2013-05-21 12:58:11 AM
4. If you work for a member of the "Defense Industrial Base" on sensitive projects and your company uses Verizon and AT&T, your e-mail has likely been screened by NSA computers for malware.

I sorta like this one. Big Brother is watching for people actively attacking you. Probably because they do the same thing.

I sort of suspect that because my parents are both highly vetted employees of DoD contractors that I have my email monitored and at least one felony arrest disappeared. I mean, when my fricken bailbondsman disappeared and the arrest entry didn't show on the sheriff's website I assumed the weirdest. Well, at least after over 10 years hindsight.

A later misdemeanor they didn't make go away because it was low stakes. At the most I faced a year in the county lockup.

/The other felony would have been an argument in the misdemeanor.
//Better to take the rap and spend 365 in Denton County jail than admit to a felony in court.
///They still allowed smoking there in 2000.
////Felt really safe on 911.
 
2013-05-21 12:58:30 AM

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

Would they be checking me out if I had done something like, oh, maybe like checking out a few of the stalls on Silk Road?


Why would you do that?  Silk Road Online is a terrible MMORPG
 
2013-05-21 01:03:24 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


Funny funny show
 
2013-05-21 01:04:58 AM
Joy, I made the list.  Which might explain why every single damned time I fly I get searched.  One time I got searched AT the freaking booking desk.  No joke.  WTH?
 
2013-05-21 01:09:00 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


*favorited for having worked on Dream On*

/"Why do they call him Eat a Puss?"
 
2013-05-21 01:11:07 AM
I wonder how much they actually play by the rules.  If they have the capability to investigate people in real time and nearly instantaneously all you'd have to do is get enough horsepower and you could pretty much spy on everyone all the time.  I'm sure they don't cast a full net all the time but I wonder what the broadest search they've performed would be.
 
2013-05-21 01:13:25 AM
Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.
 
2013-05-21 01:18:17 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


Carnivore is waht you were looking for. That's not 1/5 of what happens. It's mostly automated though. No human "reading your mail".
 
2013-05-21 01:18:45 AM
That's why I hang out in a tent in the desert and communicate by runners.
 
2013-05-21 01:19:23 AM

Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.


Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.
 
2013-05-21 01:21:10 AM

Bumblefark: crayola_chicken: worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"

just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.


Last time I checked there was no midgit gas mask porn.It was a rule 34 drinking game.
 
2013-05-21 01:25:03 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


A good friend of mine growing up had a stepfather that worked in data analysis type stuff. On multiple occasions he mentioned that enough keywords in a message or (at the time) phone call would trigger attention from whichever agency. I have since shrugged and thought it to be (at least the phone version) George Noory territory. Later thought made me realize just how high the false positive rate would have to be for all the people talking ABOUT terrorists, and presumably terrorists using Tony Soprano circumlocutions to not use the sort of words people might notice. Then again, there aren't nearly enough Arabic/Pashto/Urdu/Farsi translators available to the government to actually get the nuances on zillions of conversations.
 
2013-05-21 01:29:53 AM

Fano: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb

*favorited for having worked on Dream On*

/"Why do they call him Eat a Puss?"


Ha! Thanks. It was a great show to work on. Wendy Malick was unfrickenbelievably sexy in person. During the first season we spent huge amounts of time watching, logging and transcribing any usable line or gesture or action from hundreds and hundreds of old (pre-residuals) shows in the Universal archive. For awhile I was an unexpected expert on guests who appeared on "Ronald Reagan Presents." That's knowledge that really hasn't come in handy since.

To keep this on topic: We we all freaked out about getting a call from the FBI. There we were in a dumpy converted warehouse that used to be the studio for "The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd." Couldn't for the life of us figure out why calling the Czech embassy was a big deal. Nor did we have an inkling of how the FBI would know (or care). Tip of the hat to the NSA, I guess.
 
2013-05-21 01:30:30 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


Heh. My father was a fairly high ranking officer in the military. He would make passing references to how he had been involved in some operation monitoring US mail headed overseas. Was always sketchy on the details, and it was always in a "we don't discuss this outside the house" sort of tone. Not the sort of man to make up stories.

The disturbing thing is that's not even the most disturbing thing he ever shared. Sleep tight, citizen.

/whelp, 'bout time to go brew a pot of coffee, and wait for some nice men in black to show up at my door...
 
2013-05-21 01:30:40 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


I loved that show.  Add me to the list of 12yr olds that loved the boobies.

I saw Wendy is on that Hot in Cleveland debacle.  What Happened to Brian?
 
2013-05-21 01:36:54 AM
Guess what. If you're not doing something that the NSA, FBI or CIA is already looking into (like terrorism in target countries, selling drugs in suspect nations, or working for one of the Five Families), they've got no reason to start looking at your email, or any other mail, just because.

So stop being so f*cking paranoid about the government already. They have other people they're spying on besides your sorry ass.
 
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