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(Mental Floss)   ██ ████ to know if ███ ██████████ ██ ███████ your email   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 136
    More: Scary, Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, legal doctrine, public switched telephone network, FISA Amendments Act, National Security Agency, American Internet  
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24993 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2013 at 12:19 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-21 12:00:12 AM
#14 If you click this link
 
2013-05-21 12:12:16 AM
1.  You have email.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:36 AM
#15 you're writing emails.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:43 AM
#12. You accidentally joined the communist party, just to get rid of an over-eager pamphleteer who cornered you on the street.

/true story, bro.
 
2013-05-21 12:24:49 AM
Well somebody needs to read that shiat, and it ain't gonna be me.
 
2013-05-21 12:25:14 AM
Troll headline. Won't click.

-1
 
2013-05-21 12:25:59 AM
They're monitoring my Fark submissions, I've run out of time, the treasure is hidden in the +++++++++++++++++++++++carrierlost++++++++++++++++++++
 
2013-05-21 12:26:58 AM
I just assume nothing is private.
 
2013-05-21 12:27:13 AM
i believe anything im told
 
2013-05-21 12:29:14 AM
Who cares your ISP, email provider, and search engine is selling them the shiat anyway.
 
2013-05-21 12:29:35 AM
So they saw I got an email from Martha Stewart on making pillows out of handkerchiefs, Backstreet Boys pre-sale ticket information, and an email from my aunt telling me to forward it to everyone I know if I love Jesus.

I did not forward the email.

/also receive amusing emails from some Farkers occasionally so thanks for the giggles.
//not WIE
 
2013-05-21 12:30:21 AM
Email is a postcard with big flashing lights on the top screaming "READ ME"!

Wake me when they're beating you with rubber hoses for encryption keys.
 
2013-05-21 12:32:39 AM
OMG the government knows I exist and who I am!
 
2013-05-21 12:33:41 AM
In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb
 
2013-05-21 12:34:24 AM

drjekel_mrhyde: Who cares your ISP, email provider, and search engine is selling them the shiat anyway.


My local grocery store knows more about me from my clubcard purchases.
 
2013-05-21 12:35:45 AM
I want a hosted email service that (1) supports GPG and (2) converts unencrypted messages to GPG as they are received and stored on the hosted server.

I've looked but I haven't found anything quite like that.

GPG, or something like it, should be well-polished enough that any idiot should use it, and it should be absolutely mandatory for any communication with a bank or credit card company.
 
2013-05-21 12:36:46 AM
I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.
 
2013-05-21 12:37:02 AM
Behind 7 proxies.
 
2013-05-21 12:37:31 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."


The one on HBO?  Great show for my 12 year old self to watch.  Some of the first boobs I got to see on TV.
 
2013-05-21 12:39:34 AM
Hey NSA,

████ You.

Love,

████████
 
2013-05-21 12:39:39 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"
 
2013-05-21 12:39:46 AM
If you work in a secure government facility where you need a (level) of clearance  they're reading your email.
 
2013-05-21 12:42:20 AM

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


My arabic midget butler isn't doing porn anymore.  After corning the market on the North Korean market for boom boom there was nowhere left to go.  So now he cleans up my residue and draws pretty pictures of nuclear blasts over Newark.
 
2013-05-21 12:45:25 AM
Basically they save everything, but only get around to reading it if you become interesting to them for some reason. This allows them to not only examine the emails people send after they become interesting, but go back and read emails they sent before.

But don't take my word for it, here's the Chief Technology Officer of the CIA telling you that and so much more.

I'm sure they also use the emails for other things, like gauging the public's feelings about different matters, and scanning them all for certain keywords, because you know they wouldn't be able to resist, but that's all they'll admit to in public.

/protip: Hushmail is a thing
 
2013-05-21 12:46:12 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.
 
2013-05-21 12:47:02 AM
12. Your data might have been intercepted or collected by Russia, China, or Israel if you traveled to those countries. The FBI has quietly found and removed transmitters from several Washington, D.C.-area cell phone towers that fed all data to wire rooms at foreign embassies.

WTF?
 
2013-05-21 12:47:17 AM

valkore: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."

The one on HBO?  Great show for my 12 year old self to watch.  Some of the first boobs I got to see on TV.


Yep. "HBOs sexy new adult comedy."

We shot all the boob scenes a second time in a bra, for syndication. (Actress wore a bra, too.)
 
2013-05-21 12:47:42 AM

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.
 
2013-05-21 12:48:37 AM
#16 If you live in America, just expect your email and any other private communication to be monitored.

#17 If you live in a country who has anything called or similar to "The Patriot Act", you are monitored.

#18 If there is an American base in your country, and maybe not, you're monitored.
 
2013-05-21 12:49:09 AM

jonny_q: I want a hosted email service that (1) supports GPG and (2) converts unencrypted messages to GPG as they are received and stored on the hosted server.

I've looked but I haven't found anything quite like that.

GPG, or something like it, should be well-polished enough that any idiot should use it, and it should be absolutely mandatory for any communication with a bank or credit card company.



Any of your unencrypted emails and other communications are already slurped up by *redacted* at every big peering point anyway.

/They have tiny fancy rooms
 
2013-05-21 12:52:30 AM

fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.


Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.
 
2013-05-21 12:54:27 AM
Go ahead, read my email, if you want to be bored witless.
 
2013-05-21 12:56:15 AM

Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.


Would they be checking me out if I had done something like, oh, maybe like checking out a few of the stalls on Silk Road?
 
2013-05-21 12:57:17 AM

crayola_chicken: worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"

just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.


pixelbedlam.co.uk
 
2013-05-21 12:58:11 AM
4. If you work for a member of the "Defense Industrial Base" on sensitive projects and your company uses Verizon and AT&T, your e-mail has likely been screened by NSA computers for malware.

I sorta like this one. Big Brother is watching for people actively attacking you. Probably because they do the same thing.

I sort of suspect that because my parents are both highly vetted employees of DoD contractors that I have my email monitored and at least one felony arrest disappeared. I mean, when my fricken bailbondsman disappeared and the arrest entry didn't show on the sheriff's website I assumed the weirdest. Well, at least after over 10 years hindsight.

A later misdemeanor they didn't make go away because it was low stakes. At the most I faced a year in the county lockup.

/The other felony would have been an argument in the misdemeanor.
//Better to take the rap and spend 365 in Denton County jail than admit to a felony in court.
///They still allowed smoking there in 2000.
////Felt really safe on 911.
 
2013-05-21 12:58:30 AM

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

Would they be checking me out if I had done something like, oh, maybe like checking out a few of the stalls on Silk Road?


Why would you do that?  Silk Road Online is a terrible MMORPG
 
2013-05-21 01:03:24 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


Funny funny show
 
2013-05-21 01:04:58 AM
Joy, I made the list.  Which might explain why every single damned time I fly I get searched.  One time I got searched AT the freaking booking desk.  No joke.  WTH?
 
2013-05-21 01:09:00 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


*favorited for having worked on Dream On*

/"Why do they call him Eat a Puss?"
 
2013-05-21 01:11:07 AM
I wonder how much they actually play by the rules.  If they have the capability to investigate people in real time and nearly instantaneously all you'd have to do is get enough horsepower and you could pretty much spy on everyone all the time.  I'm sure they don't cast a full net all the time but I wonder what the broadest search they've performed would be.
 
2013-05-21 01:13:25 AM
Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.
 
2013-05-21 01:18:17 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


Carnivore is waht you were looking for. That's not 1/5 of what happens. It's mostly automated though. No human "reading your mail".
 
2013-05-21 01:18:45 AM
That's why I hang out in a tent in the desert and communicate by runners.
 
2013-05-21 01:19:23 AM

Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.


Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.
 
2013-05-21 01:21:10 AM

Bumblefark: crayola_chicken: worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"

just our of curiosity, i did a GIS for "arab midget porn."  huh.  everything exists.


Last time I checked there was no midgit gas mask porn.It was a rule 34 drinking game.
 
2013-05-21 01:25:03 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


A good friend of mine growing up had a stepfather that worked in data analysis type stuff. On multiple occasions he mentioned that enough keywords in a message or (at the time) phone call would trigger attention from whichever agency. I have since shrugged and thought it to be (at least the phone version) George Noory territory. Later thought made me realize just how high the false positive rate would have to be for all the people talking ABOUT terrorists, and presumably terrorists using Tony Soprano circumlocutions to not use the sort of words people might notice. Then again, there aren't nearly enough Arabic/Pashto/Urdu/Farsi translators available to the government to actually get the nuances on zillions of conversations.
 
2013-05-21 01:29:53 AM

Fano: RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb

*favorited for having worked on Dream On*

/"Why do they call him Eat a Puss?"


Ha! Thanks. It was a great show to work on. Wendy Malick was unfrickenbelievably sexy in person. During the first season we spent huge amounts of time watching, logging and transcribing any usable line or gesture or action from hundreds and hundreds of old (pre-residuals) shows in the Universal archive. For awhile I was an unexpected expert on guests who appeared on "Ronald Reagan Presents." That's knowledge that really hasn't come in handy since.

To keep this on topic: We we all freaked out about getting a call from the FBI. There we were in a dumpy converted warehouse that used to be the studio for "The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd." Couldn't for the life of us figure out why calling the Czech embassy was a big deal. Nor did we have an inkling of how the FBI would know (or care). Tip of the hat to the NSA, I guess.
 
2013-05-21 01:30:30 AM

Marcintosh: Ever view the movie "Enemy of the State"?

ALL data goes through the filters.  It was (at the time I was writing about it) called Echelon, the NSA used it.  It's since been replaced by faster software/dictionaries but the basic idea is still there.  The moment your signal jumps from wire to the bird they have you.  There were at one time a number of listening posts scattered about the globe.
The FBI used a similar software.  Can't recall the name right now.

Spent a good deal of time looking into this using legitimate sources and really, there isn't much in the movie that doesn't happen. It's amazing how much privacy you haven't had and for how long you haven't had it.

No, sorry, not a tinfoil hat messiah.  You need to look elsewhere for them.


Heh. My father was a fairly high ranking officer in the military. He would make passing references to how he had been involved in some operation monitoring US mail headed overseas. Was always sketchy on the details, and it was always in a "we don't discuss this outside the house" sort of tone. Not the sort of man to make up stories.

The disturbing thing is that's not even the most disturbing thing he ever shared. Sleep tight, citizen.

/whelp, 'bout time to go brew a pot of coffee, and wait for some nice men in black to show up at my door...
 
2013-05-21 01:30:40 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


I loved that show.  Add me to the list of 12yr olds that loved the boobies.

I saw Wendy is on that Hot in Cleveland debacle.  What Happened to Brian?
 
2013-05-21 01:36:54 AM
Guess what. If you're not doing something that the NSA, FBI or CIA is already looking into (like terrorism in target countries, selling drugs in suspect nations, or working for one of the Five Families), they've got no reason to start looking at your email, or any other mail, just because.

So stop being so f*cking paranoid about the government already. They have other people they're spying on besides your sorry ass.
 
2013-05-21 01:38:48 AM

Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


rlv.zcache.com


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...
 
2013-05-21 01:38:54 AM
The best and most clever way to fool the  FBI is to come up with some kind of code  and stick to it.  The folks at the government's secretive   NSA could care less about average citizens, or do they?    Are Farkers paranoid government agencies have nothing better to do;  monitoring their private emails is not a government's priority.  Will  this egocentric hubris continue to manifest itself in every Fark  thread?

/ Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine
 
2013-05-21 01:41:00 AM
Meh let em read what they want, if they want eye watering boredom my emails will provide it in spades, if they want blindness and the sudden need to shower with ajax my surfing habits will suffice nicely, if they want to run from the room screaming while trying to remove their eyeballs with yogurt spoons have em link into my webcam.

/currently lying here naked while the Old Lady braids my nipple hair
 
2013-05-21 01:43:01 AM
I always said PGP should have been built or implemented into the infrastructure.  Then again I was 14 and most people were like BBS what now?
 
2013-05-21 01:48:37 AM

Pribar: Meh let em read what they want, if they want eye watering boredom my emails will provide it in spades, if they want blindness and the sudden need to shower with ajax my surfing habits will suffice nicely, if they want to run from the room screaming while trying to remove their eyeballs with yogurt spoons have em link into my webcam.

/currently lying here naked while the Old Lady braids my nipple hair


I think I have found a replacement for Margret Thatcher.
 
2013-05-21 01:50:42 AM

AGremlin: / Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine


Whatever you want to know about the world can befound out. If you really want to know -- you'resureas can be -- then there is only one waytodiscover. The truth is like a long, tall, cooldrinkof water. The real question is whether or not yourconstitution is up to discovering the dark secret behindOvaltine.

/orphan annie out
 
2013-05-21 01:53:02 AM

Bumblefark: He would make passing references to how he had been involved in some operation monitoring US mail headed overseas.


I grant that mail != telegraphs, but that does sound a lot like this one.
 
2013-05-21 01:56:44 AM
Then they'll see all the Obama spam I get and maybe put a stop to it. farking asshole. I never signed up for that shiat. I'm never voting for him again.
 
2013-05-21 01:59:45 AM

Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn




Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...


I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.
 
2013-05-21 02:00:59 AM

Gyrfalcon: Guess what. If you're not doing something that the NSA, FBI or CIA is already looking into (like terrorism in target countries, selling drugs in suspect nations, or working for one of the Five Families), they've got no reason to start looking at your email, or any other mail, just because.

So stop being so f*cking paranoid about the government already. They have other people they're spying on besides your sorry ass.


 so i guess uve not read of individuals using said access for their own reasons

or not heard of such power ever being abused?

(it just now occurred to me that i may have been trolled - if so - i am amused at myself)
 
2013-05-21 02:01:50 AM

asynchron: Bumblefark: He would make passing references to how he had been involved in some operation monitoring US mail headed overseas.

I grant that mail != telegraphs, but that does sound a lot like this one.


Could very well be. Except, he used the word, "opening," which makes me think it was probably physical mail. The time frame would be about right, though. He mentioned it somewhere in the 1980s, and I got the sense that he was talking about something that happened many years ago. Reading that, I have to believe that if they were intercepting telegraphs, that isn't the *only* thing they were they were intercepting.

/Hold on...think somebody's at the door. Lemme go check. BRB.
 
2013-05-21 02:07:22 AM
I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.
 
2013-05-21 02:09:27 AM

Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.


Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.
 
2013-05-21 02:18:42 AM
If they aren't required to destroy data collected accidentally, doesn't it stand to reason they already built whatever is needed to collect all the things, hooked it up to a big red button, and put the button in random places in the office until someone accidentally the whole thing? Then never bothered to turn it off?
 
2013-05-21 02:20:41 AM

Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.

Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.


Nothing is unfappable.
 
2013-05-21 02:22:49 AM
LMAO! I came into the thread with something specific to say and by the time I had read the last post I had completely forgotten what I was going to say!

/Good job Farkers!
//These threads are why I will never be able to quit Fark
///I am very Amused!
 
2013-05-21 02:24:58 AM
ha,

everything is read, then filtered for patterns of words that of interest.  Doesn't mean every message is read by human eyes, but any electronic transmission that says combination of words like yellow cake or enrich or islamababameh is then put in an edit queue

and when I say everything...
 
2013-05-21 02:26:51 AM

Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.

Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.

Nothing is unfappable.


www.treaclechops.co.za

Bea Arthur. (Not safe for lunch.)

Your move.
 
2013-05-21 02:28:41 AM

Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Now I don't have that, but somewhere on my drive I think I have a girl wearing a gas mask while pooping.  I think that trumps midgets.
 
2013-05-21 02:28:51 AM

J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.


The chair is against the wall.

John has a long mustache.
 
2013-05-21 02:29:24 AM

Oldiron_79: Pribar: Meh let em read what they want, if they want eye watering boredom my emails will provide it in spades, if they want blindness and the sudden need to shower with ajax my surfing habits will suffice nicely, if they want to run from the room screaming while trying to remove their eyeballs with yogurt spoons have em link into my webcam.

/currently lying here naked while the Old Lady braids my nipple hair

I think I have found a replacement for Margret Thatcher.


I dont think I can fit into one of her dresses though, catch me on a slow day and I will be willing to try.
 
2013-05-21 02:35:40 AM

bk3k: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn

Now I don't have that, but somewhere on my drive I think I have a girl wearing a gas mask while pooping.  I think that trumps midgets.


I think I saw that one.

I cried uncontrollably for most of that week, but the tremors have almost stopped. Ask your doctor about Wellbutrin. Worked for me! (*thumbs up*)
 
2013-05-21 02:42:50 AM
WTF, am I the only one who does my ilegal activity in person anymore? who the hell uses their email for anyhting other then telling your boss hes a dick when you have found a new job?
 
2013-05-21 02:43:40 AM

Mark Ratner: The chair is against the wall.

John has a long mustache.


They weren't quite so vague, or like a cold reading. I'm not paranoid by nature, and have never looked at someones post history before or since. It genuinely freaked me out.

I've since become comfortable with the idea there might be a file on me somewhere, and as long as they're comfortable with me talking about certain things in public we're cool. I probably don't know anything which would cause them to care that much about me anyway. And as i've heard before, they don't really care about what people hear, only what they believe. People here don't believe much of anything i say.
 
2013-05-21 02:46:36 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
O rly?
 
2013-05-21 02:47:41 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On." For a short scene one week we needed a sentence translated from English into Czechoslovakian, so I got the bright idea to just call the Czech embassy and ask whoever we got on the phone to translate it for us. We did. They did. And into the script our authentic translation went.

A couple hours later the LA office of the FBI called asking why we were calling the Czech embassy in DC from our offices in North Hollywood. After a few minutes of our script coordinator explaining it a few different ways they said "okay" and hung up.

Script Coordinator Susan got to feel like a spy for a day.

/csb


That's....actually a pretty cool story, bro. My first chuckle of the day.
 
2013-05-21 02:57:42 AM

J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.


You'd be amazed what builds up in farkies when you log everything important they post in their header. You've just been farkied for your strange experience

Only like 6 farkers have admitted to being black in threads I've seen. There are literally more lesbians and gays than black folk on here.
 
2013-05-21 03:06:08 AM

omnibus_necanda_sunt: J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.

You'd be amazed what builds up in farkies when you log everything important they post in their header. You've just been farkied for your strange experience

Only like 6 farkers have admitted to being black in threads I've seen. There are literally more lesbians and gays than black folk on here.


Btw, I'd have that mole checked out, if I were you.
 
2013-05-21 03:08:37 AM

Fano: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.


Hell, I learned how to make TNT from a library book. I shiat you not.

/The Romance of Modern Weapons
 
2013-05-21 03:13:19 AM

iq_in_binary: Fano: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.

Hell, I learned how to make TNT from a library book. I shiat you not.

/The Romance of Modern Weapons



the recipe for thermite is in one of your highschool chem books. this I can almost 100% guarantee. sure it dosent go BOOM as easily, but it will put a hole through your "favourit" teachers engine block and leave alot of un-answered questions in its wake.
/wasent me...
 
2013-05-21 03:16:16 AM

bobtheallmighty: iq_in_binary: Fano: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.

Hell, I learned how to make TNT from a library book. I shiat you not.

/The Romance of Modern Weapons


the recipe for thermite is in one of your highschool chem books. this I can almost 100% guarantee. sure it dosent go BOOM as easily, but it will put a hole through your "favourit" teachers engine block and leave alot of un-answered questions in its wake.
/wasent me...


It doesn't go boom at all....
 
2013-05-21 03:18:54 AM

iq_in_binary: bobtheallmighty: iq_in_binary: Fano: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.

Hell, I learned how to make TNT from a library book. I shiat you not.

/The Romance of Modern Weapons


the recipe for thermite is in one of your highschool chem books. this I can almost 100% guarantee. sure it dosent go BOOM as easily, but it will put a hole through your "favourit" teachers engine block and leave alot of un-answered questions in its wake.
/wasent me...

It doesn't go boom at all....


put iy on a block of ice and call me back. it also forms unstalbe pools of molton iron in large ammounts that have the tendency to off shoot. but yeah, it dosent normaly go boom.
 
2013-05-21 03:21:19 AM

J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.


Flynavy wasn't a genius, he just had his intelligent wife typing.

She was heavily involved in MK ULTRA and Echelon.
 
2013-05-21 03:30:26 AM

bobtheallmighty: iq_in_binary: bobtheallmighty: iq_in_binary: Fano: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

Back in the BBS days, pre-Oklahoma City bombing, I remember downloading out of curiousity a fair number of excerpts from the Anarchist's Cookbook and various "how to make explosives" like how to make nitroglycerine or picric acid. Or how to make psychidelics from banana peels. The directions were always written in leet speak, and all seemed brain damaged enough to be a guaranteed plan to blow yourself up trying. (Last step always seemed to be "hAv3 pHun!")

Of course, a fair number of them were copied from Paladin Press, which I'm sure is what you're referencing.

I've sometimes wondered over the years if my parent's phone lines were ever checked over that stuff.

/it's hard to prevent some bomb-making knowledge when some of it is just applied jr. high chemistry.

Hell, I learned how to make TNT from a library book. I shiat you not.

/The Romance of Modern Weapons


the recipe for thermite is in one of your highschool chem books. this I can almost 100% guarantee. sure it dosent go BOOM as easily, but it will put a hole through your "favourit" teachers engine block and leave alot of un-answered questions in its wake.
/wasent me...

It doesn't go boom at all....

put iy on a block of ice and call me back. it also forms unstalbe pools of molton iron in large ammounts that have the tendency to off shoot. but yeah, it dosent normaly go boo ...


Basically, during your exercises start thinking about highly exothermic reactions... then start thinking about the factors that increase pressure and decrease volume...

The problem about denying people knowledge of explosives is realizing that it was discovered in China in the middle ages without Science. The principles are simple.

Now... finding a stable, safe, and destructive chemical reaction that won't kill the person trying to home cook it... why, that's an achievement worthy of a Nobel.
 
2013-05-21 03:53:53 AM
@fano

diesel and high nitrate futerlizer... where is my nobel?
 
2013-05-21 04:20:02 AM
Ooooh... So the government now knows that I have $8.57 on my Walmart money card, I delete everything from careerbuilder and Nigerian royalty, oh and I signed up for publishers clearing house for the discount magazines.

Don't judge me.
 
2013-05-21 05:26:56 AM

Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.

Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.

Nothing is unfappable.

[www.treaclechops.co.za image 325x240]

Bea Arthur. (Not safe for lunch.)

Your move.


media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-21 05:56:26 AM

meat0918: I just assume nothing is private.


That's the best way to proceed. Something that TFA doesn't take into account is that the government is allowed to provide disinformation in order to protect national security. That is, the information obtained and provided to the author may not be accurate, regardless of how good his confirmed sources are.

Just assume the NSA takes a whiff of everything you send, submit, and say. If you don't want them coming after you for talking about airline hijackings, nuclear weapons smuggling, and human trafficking, then don't discuss airline hijackings, nuclear weapons smuggling, and human trafficking in any of your communications, whether or not they're encrypted. You need to keep in mind--

Oops. Hang on... there's someone dressed in black hanging from a rope outside my window. Sh*it... Now there's someone banging on my door and yelling something. WTF IS THAT? TEAR GA--

+++NO CARRIER
 
2013-05-21 06:05:51 AM

jonny_q: I want a hosted email service that (1) supports GPG and (2) converts unencrypted messages to GPG as they are received and stored on the hosted server.

I've looked but I haven't found anything quite like that.

GPG, or something like it, should be well-polished enough that any idiot should use it, and it should be absolutely mandatory for any communication with a bank or credit card company.


Lavabit.com
 
2013-05-21 06:31:48 AM

AGremlin: The best and most clever way to fool the  FBI is to come up with some kind of code  and stick to it.  The folks at the government's secretive   NSA could care less about average citizens, or do they?    Are Farkers paranoid government agencies have nothing better to do;  monitoring their private emails is not a government's priority.  Will  this egocentric hubris continue to manifest itself in every Fark  thread?

/ Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine


That's called a "null cipher".   The problem with using words is that if you are trying to be surreptitious you give the game away.  It's better to do something like the third letter after every punctuation mark, like this:

Hi Dad.  Has Mom gotten my letter?  There is a card in the envelope.  Went down to the store, and picked it up on clearance.  Mom will love it.  Booked a flight home for July.  Won't be able to make the family reunion this year.  May try next year.

That doesn't sound suspicious at all, does it?   The problem is that you could write a computer program to simply go through all the possible combinations of null cipher regimes and eventually find plaintext.  If you add the complexity of a relatively simple cipher to it, then it becomes largely unnoticeable, which is not the same thing as unbreakable.
 
2013-05-21 06:40:29 AM

J. Frank Parnell: I once had a guy on this very website make some comments which seemed like he might know more than he should about who i really am. So i researched his previous posts and what do you know, he worked in US naval intelligence. I stopped posting here for quite awhile after.


Meh.

It's not that hard to build up a profile of somebody based upon their postings, if they are interested.  Unless you never, ever post anything of a personal nature, and you go through the proverbial 7 proxies every single time, you'll leave enough tracks for even a mildly interested person to figure out who you are.

For example, I do X, Y, and Z, and I've posted on Fark that I do them.  The list of people who do those is online.  By simply looking at the common names for those that do all three, you could probably determine who I am fairly quickly, with just a little bit of effort.
 
2013-05-21 06:43:11 AM

dittybopper: AGremlin: The best and most clever way to fool the  FBI is to come up with some kind of code  and stick to it.  The folks at the government's secretive   NSA could care less about average citizens, or do they?    Are Farkers paranoid government agencies have nothing better to do;  monitoring their private emails is not a government's priority.  Will  this egocentric hubris continue to manifest itself in every Fark  thread?

/ Come up with a code like reading every tenth word
// Burn after reading
/// Drink your Ovaltine

That's called a "null cipher".   The problem with using words is that if you are trying to be surreptitious you give the game away.  It's better to do something like the third letter after every punctuation mark, like this:

Hi Dad.  Has Mom gotten my letter?  There is a card in the envelope.  Went down to the store, and picked it up on clearance.  Mom will love it.  Booked a flight home for July.  Won't be able to make the family reunion this year.  May try next year.

That doesn't sound suspicious at all, does it?   The problem is that you could write a computer program to simply go through all the possible combinations of null cipher regimes and eventually find plaintext.  If you add the complexity of a relatively simple cipher to it, then it becomes largely unnoticeable, which is not the same thing as unbreakable.


I liked when that one group that was using the same print copy of a book as the way to encode messages. they would talk in page, line and word numbers intermixed into normal conversation. The police heared phone conversations about picking up part 372-5-4  and 276-37-8. and other confusing stuff and it was all useless.
 
2013-05-21 06:43:36 AM

iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....


You know what does?

Flour.
 
2013-05-21 06:48:00 AM

bobtheallmighty: I liked when that one group that was using the same print copy of a book as the way to encode messages. they would talk in page, line and word numbers intermixed into normal conversation. The police heared phone conversations about picking up part 372-5-4  and 276-37-8. and other confusing stuff and it was all useless.


That's actually too obvious.  And not very secure, either.  Sure, might work against a local PD, but not against professional  cryptanalysts.
 
2013-05-21 06:50:24 AM

dittybopper: iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....

You know what does?

Flour.


gotta love an old fassion grain elevator explotion, or a coal mine.

I thought everyone learned about surface area in chem?
 
2013-05-21 07:04:23 AM

dittybopper: bobtheallmighty: I liked when that one group that was using the same print copy of a book as the way to encode messages. they would talk in page, line and word numbers intermixed into normal conversation. The police heared phone conversations about picking up part 372-5-4  and 276-37-8. and other confusing stuff and it was all useless.

That's actually too obvious.  And not very secure, either.  Sure, might work against a local PD, but not against professional  cryptanalysts.


it might not work with the big boys, but with over 100mill books in print plus diffrent additions and revisions it might still be annoying to figure out. couldent you just drop another simple code onto that to futher confuse matters anyways?
 
2013-05-21 07:18:36 AM
Yeah, well, would it kill them to help out by deleting a little spam once in a while?  :|
 
2013-05-21 07:29:51 AM

bobtheallmighty: dittybopper: bobtheallmighty: I liked when that one group that was using the same print copy of a book as the way to encode messages. they would talk in page, line and word numbers intermixed into normal conversation. The police heared phone conversations about picking up part 372-5-4  and 276-37-8. and other confusing stuff and it was all useless.

That's actually too obvious.  And not very secure, either.  Sure, might work against a local PD, but not against professional  cryptanalysts.

it might not work with the big boys, but with over 100mill books in print plus diffrent additions and revisions it might still be annoying to figure out. couldent you just drop another simple code onto that to futher confuse matters anyways?


The problem is that you're looking at it from the wrong perspective.   Sure, you've got a huge keyspace, but that only matters against brute force attacks.   Here are some problems with book codes:

1.  Not every book has every word you might want to use, except perhaps dictionaries*
2.  People get lazy and start using the same words that they've memorized.
3.  The principles of analyzing codes are well known, and you don't need the actual book to break them.


*Perhaps not even then.  For instance, you won't find some slang, narrow technical terms, and most proper names in even the most comprehensive dictionaries.  Also, the very nature of dictionaries (they are organized in alphabetical order) makes them vulnerable to cryptanalysis:  If you know 200-2-10 is the word "call" then you know that 327-1-17 can't be "before", for example.
 
2013-05-21 07:35:04 AM
99% of the population is so insonfigent....wake up people, your life isn't that exciting in the grand scheme of things
 
2013-05-21 07:43:55 AM

tbhouston: 99% of the population is so insonfigent....wake up people, your life isn't that exciting in the grand scheme of things


That's irrelevant.  It doesn't matter how exciting any particular person happens to be.  Anne Frank wasn't all that exciting, after all.  What matters is that government doesn't get total mastery of all communications.

/Yeah, I went there.
 
2013-05-21 07:53:18 AM
Bumblefark:
#12. You accidentally joined the communist party, just to get rid of an over-eager pamphleteer who cornered you on the street.

/true story, bro.


Ah, the "Socialist Worker".  Sheesh.  You guys didn't invent socialism, you know.  Other people did all the hard work, you just publish a whiny newsletter.
 
2013-05-21 07:57:52 AM
Im surprised you americans and all your guns haven't figured out a way around this.
 
2013-05-21 07:58:02 AM
(N.B.: A Senate Select Committee on Intelligence report notes that the FISA Amendments Act does not require material erroneously collected to be destroyed.)

"Oops, we 'erroneously' collected data on every American citizen... welp, no point in deleting it I suppose"
 
2013-05-21 08:09:31 AM

Target Builder: (N.B.: A Senate Select Committee on Intelligence report notes that the FISA Amendments Act does not require material erroneously collected to be destroyed.)

"Oops, we 'erroneously' collected data on every American citizen... welp, no point in deleting it I suppose"


Actually, they might have a good reason to retain it:  It might make the analysis of communications from non-US Persons easier in those "we're not quite sure" cases.  In other words, with a large enough sample size, you can analyze typical non-targeted information and use that to filter out the inane stuff you don't want.

On the other hand, it's just going to be sitting there taking up disk space for no good reason once you develop those rules, so they probably will get rid of it at some point.

Back when I was in the SIGINT business, and I was in training, I used to copy 'US Persons' all the time (almost exclusively US ham radio operators - a reliable way to find Morse to copy even today is to scan the bottom of the ham radio bands).  Only caveat was that we had to destroy the stuff afterwards.
 
2013-05-21 08:10:24 AM
welcome to America in 2013.
 
2013-05-21 08:31:22 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: Couldn't for the life of us figure out why calling the Czech embassy was a big deal. Nor did we have an inkling of how the FBI would know (or care).


\begin<csb>
CSB time.  In 1962 I was a plebe at the Naval Academy.  An upperclassman (class of '64) asked me how many carriers there were in the Russian Navy.  When I gave the (then) correct answer, none,  He asked my why they had none.  The duty response was, "I'll find out, sir."  "Yeah, you do that," he said.

So I typed up a letter to the Russian embassy asking them why they had no carriers.  Even at 17 or 18, I was smart enough to cover my butt by bringing it to the upperclassman for approval.  Upon approval, I mailed the letter.

A few weeks later, I was summoned to the main office to meet two Men In Black, one from the FBI, another from the NCIS.  They wanted to know why I was asking the Russian embassy about carriers.  Something told me somebody other than the addressee had been reading my mail!

After I explained the situation, that I was just carrying out orders, one agent asked me, "Didn't you think to question that order?"   Clearly this agent had no idea what it was like to be a plebe in 1962.  After pausing long enough to let the guy know I thought he had asked a stupid question, I said, "No, sir."

After leaving the main office, I went straight to the upperclassman's room, and he happened to be in.  Barely able to keep a straight face, I said, "We're in big trouble, sir."  I knew that never had the plural pronoun been less appropriate.  I skated, of course.  The upperclassman got what we'll call "a strong talking-to."  Didn't seem to hurt anybody else.  Our company officer, then a USMC captain, later made brigadier.
\end<csb>

/Why, yes, I AM a TeX user.
 
2013-05-21 08:40:07 AM

Sudo_Make_Me_A_Sandwich: Lavabit.com


"Due to a recent increase in the number of accounts being created for abusive purposes we have decided to suspend new user registrations until further notice."
 
2013-05-21 08:41:00 AM

stumpwiz: \begin{csb}
blah blah blah cool story blah blah blah
\end{csb}


\usepackage{ftfy}

A seriously cool story. Mine was just some Hollywood silliness. Yours was 1962 Cold War sweetness! Nice!
 
2013-05-21 08:48:54 AM
Yeah, I noticed the TeX errors just after I posted.  Got me, biatch :-(!
 
2013-05-21 09:08:44 AM
There is no privacy. If the government can force the banks, insurance companies, employers, credit card companies, communications companies to give them any and all information on you, and have already developed devices that can see through the outside wall of your home from the street (yes it exists, too lazy to find a link for you, and thats what we know exists), what privacy do you really think you have?
 
2013-05-21 09:15:34 AM
If you like to troll telemarketers, then you're probably on a list like me.

Got a call from some long distance phone company that went thusly:
"Hi, I'm from Ragamuffin communications, and I think we can save you money. Sir, how much do you spend a month in long distance?"
'Oh...probably about two or three- (I could almost hear the guy smiling ans he thought I was gonna say 'hundred') thousand dollars'
"....did you say three thousand dollars?"
'Yeah, about that'
"Sir.....where are you calling?"
'Oh, the normal places. China, Libya, Pakistan, Iran, North Korea, Syria.'
"Uh.....is this for business?"
'Yeah'
"What kind of business are you in?"
'Oh, I sell missle guidance systems'
"Are you allowed to do that?"
'I dunno. I never really thought about that. I suppose if you don't ask, they can't say no, right?'
"You sell a lot of those?"
'Oh yeah, they can't get enough, for some reason.'
"I bet they really want to get their hands on good tech"
'Oh, I don't sell them good guidance equipment, the stuff I sell is pretty aweful'
"Why?"
'Well, do YOU want them to have lastest gen GPS and electronic systems in their missles? I sure don't. The chips I use come from old Donkey Kong Machines. Why do you think North Korea has a hard time even hitting the ocean with a missle?'
"Don't they get mad?"
'Eh, I just tell them they arn't following the instructions and they need to learn English better. Plus, all the manuals for the different parts giving conflicting instructions so the tracking guy is actively messing up what the guidance guy is doing, and the electronics guy is messing both of them up.'
"Oh, I see. Okay, well you have a good day"

He forgot to even try and sell me his service.
 
2013-05-21 09:16:22 AM

tbhouston: 99% of the population is so insonfigent....wake up people, your life isn't that exciting in the grand scheme of things


99% of the people in "1984" weren't being watched, either.

Congratulations on being a peasant, though. O
 
2013-05-21 09:18:30 AM

dittybopper: On the other hand, it's just going to be sitting there taking up disk space for no good reason once you develop those rules, so they probably will get rid of it at some point.


I don't think people can arguably grasp the sheer size of data involved

Of course, computing power the way it is and with distributed cloud based analytics, it is quite possible that though while this stuff isn't stored it is fed through algorithms, analyzed and then what is deemed important is then filtered through for further analysis.

Just started on my advanced VOIP courses and its pretty amazing some of the shiat these advanced hardware systems can do
 
2013-05-21 09:27:52 AM
The FBI has quietly found and removed transmitters from several Washington, D.C.-area cell phone towers that fed all data to wire rooms at foreign embassies.

WTF?! How was this not immediately declared an act of war! This is actually worth getting insanely pissed about. We're in a tizzy over whether Benghazi was a planned or impromptu terrorist act, and other countries are conducting espionage in our capital? At the very least the embassy should have been cleared out and every diplomat declared persona non grata.
 
2013-05-21 09:33:57 AM
The real thing is, a national registry of gun owners isn't needed, all they need  is the meta-data that's available with Big Data.You can pass all the no gun registry laws you want, it's just lip service as they can go right ahead and keep a gun-safe registry, or fig newton registry. People who buy Fig newtons at Wall Mart after 9pm tend to be hand grenade owners.

Sure you can live your life without a credit card or checkbook, taking the battery out of your burner phone, paying cash for everything.  But I'm sure THAT will get you on the watch list faster than anything, so it would be more trouble than it's worth.

The result?  When there is a legitimate need for gun tracking, some guy has to spend a week of getting a handful of other people to look up manual records rather than searching a database.  All that resistance for nothing.
 
2013-05-21 09:38:09 AM

worlddan: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

None of that is going to trigger anything because you left out the words "arab," "midget," and "porn"


Still, it might trigger an audit.
 
2013-05-21 09:47:38 AM

Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.


The Improvised munitions Black books, 1,2,and 3? Nah, never heard of them.
/I have heard that PDF copies exist.
//Not that I would know anything about that.
 
2013-05-21 09:58:22 AM
Are you on the internet?  Are you sending any sort of digital communication?  It's been parsed through NSA networking equipment and scanned for key words.  Every single communication is being monitored...

CSB time: friend of mine who grew up in small town Wisconsin, his dad was a system admin for a small teleco company.  Black suits from the NSA came in and installed their networking equipment (basically just a way to parse every communication and look for key words).  Every single telecom company routes data through NSA equipment...don't be fooled.
 
2013-05-21 10:01:35 AM

bobtheallmighty: @fano

diesel and high nitrate futerlizer... where is my nobel?


I dunno, I was joking about Alfred Nobel made his fortune from creating a stable explosive.

dittybopper: iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....

You know what does?

Flour.


I learned that from this issue of GI Joe Special Missions, although there was a [REDACTED] portion to them explaining how they blew up the stuff with it, they gave a fair idea of how it was done.

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-05-21 10:10:12 AM

Tommy Moo: The FBI has quietly found and removed transmitters from several Washington, D.C.-area cell phone towers that fed all data to wire rooms at foreign embassies.

WTF?! How was this not immediately declared an act of war! This is actually worth getting insanely pissed about. We're in a tizzy over whether Benghazi was a planned or impromptu terrorist act, and other countries are conducting espionage in our capital? At the very least the embassy should have been cleared out and every diplomat declared persona non grata.


I'm actually laughing my ass off thinking about all my inane phone calls and texts being fed to Russia and whatnot. Yeah, have fun with my sexting, comrade
 
2013-05-21 10:21:56 AM
Occasionally, I email plans to assassinate various world leaders between my various email accounts.  So far no black helicopters.  BRB... someone's knocking on the door...
 
2013-05-21 10:33:48 AM

SharkInfested: I'm actually laughing my ass off thinking about all my inane phone calls and texts being fed to Russia and whatnot. Yeah, have fun with my sexting, comrade


Why do these Americans insist on texting pictures of every meal they eat?
 
2013-05-21 10:43:01 AM
Government perverts reading all our BIE.

(EIP)
 
2013-05-21 10:55:19 AM

RubberBabyBuggyBumpers: In the early 90s I worked on a show called "Dream On."

I loved that show!
 
2013-05-21 10:56:44 AM

washington-babylon: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

The Improvised munitions Black books, 1,2,and 3? Nah, never heard of them.
/I have heard that PDF copies exist.
//Not that I would know anything about that.


TM 31-210 Improvised Munitions Handbook - quite readily available through the handy intarwebs.
 
2013-05-21 11:21:10 AM

bobtheallmighty: dittybopper: iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....

You know what does?

Flour.

gotta love an old fassion grain elevator explotion, or a coal mine.

I thought everyone learned about surface area in chem?


Wow. Not every day you run across multiple someones that actually know what a dust-air initiator is.

*high-five
 
2013-05-21 11:26:41 AM

xaks: bobtheallmighty: dittybopper: iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....

You know what does?

Flour.

gotta love an old fassion grain elevator explotion, or a coal mine.

I thought everyone learned about surface area in chem?

Wow. Not every day you run across multiple someones that actually know what a dust-air initiator is.

*high-five


Doesn't *EVERYBODY* know?
 
2013-05-21 11:39:54 AM

xaks: bobtheallmighty: dittybopper: iq_in_binary: It doesn't go boom at all....

You know what does?

Flour.

gotta love an old fassion grain elevator explotion, or a coal mine.

I thought everyone learned about surface area in chem?

Wow. Not every day you run across multiple someones that actually know what a dust-air initiator is.

*high-five


I like showing new soldiers how the non-dairy creamer that comes in MREs is flammable (when particulated in air).
Me "Hey, that stuff you just drank...did you know it's actualy dried rocket fuel?"
New private "What the hell are you talking about?"
*gets lighter, opens creamer, pours on lighter, stuff goes FOOOSH*
Me "See? Just the slightest amount burns. It's old rocket fuel that's been dried and powdered. It' just happens to have a slight creamy flavor. That's actualy the chemical di-hyrtamentine-7 (or whatever else I make up) part of it.
Private "Why do they use rocket fuel?"
Me "Because federal regulations don't allow them to dispose of it within the US. Something about killing too many turtles. But they say if you dry it, and pass a small amount of it through the human body, it makes it safe for the environment, and doesn't hurt you if you don't drink too much. Though personaly *I* wouldn't drink it, much less touch it with my bare hands, but whatever."
Private: *hurk*
First Sergeant "Sergeant MythDragon, we need to have a chat about your stories"
 
2013-05-21 11:45:31 AM

Tommy Moo: The FBI has quietly found and removed transmitters from several Washington, D.C.-area cell phone towers that fed all data to wire rooms at foreign embassies.

WTF?! How was this not immediately declared an act of war! This is actually worth getting insanely pissed about. We're in a tizzy over whether Benghazi was a planned or impromptu terrorist act, and other countries are conducting espionage in our capital? At the very least the embassy should have been cleared out and every diplomat declared persona non grata.


Because everyone spies on everyone, and everyone knows it. Even allies spy on each other. It's considered par for the course. We just all pretend we don't know anything about it. We can't get mad about people tapping our lines when we are tapping theirs. We just try and catch them, remove the bugs, and wait for them to try again, while hoping they don't find our bugs.
 
2013-05-21 11:48:19 AM

thegrievingmole: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn


Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.

Rule #97: If a Farker cannot fap to it, it is unfappable. Verily.

Nothing is unfappable.

[www.treaclechops.co.za image 325x240]

Bea Arthur. (Not safe for lunch.)

Your move.

[media.tumblr.com image 500x285]


Yeah. I really didn't need to wake up to that, either.

/lemme go Irish up my coffee...
 
2013-05-21 12:37:52 PM

Gyrfalcon: Guess what. If you're not doing something that the NSA, FBI or CIA is already looking into (like terrorism in target countries, selling drugs in suspect nations, or working for one of the Five Families), they've got no reason to start looking at your email, or any other mail, just because.

So stop being so f*cking paranoid about the government already. They have other people they're spying on besides your sorry ass.


Because the second-to-last one wasn't in any way racist or ignoring the data trend showing that most terrorists on American soil aren't Arabic in the first place.

/Sure, they aren't reading my email. Doesn't mean they're not racist shiats who need their asses kicked.
 
2013-05-21 01:32:59 PM

wish I was: washington-babylon: Smeggy Smurf: fusillade762: Smeggy Smurf: I've never emailed bomb plans to a gay terrorist in the tea party in Boston.  Not me.  I only mention firebombings in Waco and fertilizer bombs in Oklahoma City.  It's not like I talk about tax evasion or music piracy in emails.

I had ricin beans for lunch while listening to Anthrax and checking my mail.

Ricin is the poor man's james bond fantasy.  To be really nasty you need to do some google of the army improvised munitions and demolitions manual from 1968.  You can get them at unlicensed gun shows run by militias and other patriot groups.

The Improvised munitions Black books, 1,2,and 3? Nah, never heard of them.
/I have heard that PDF copies exist.
//Not that I would know anything about that.

TM 31-210 Improvised Munitions Handbook - quite readily available through the handy intarwebs.


Yes, as are many other fun manuals for the whole family!
 
2013-05-21 01:38:47 PM
1Just assume they are and don't be stupid online
 
2013-05-21 07:05:36 PM
CSB:

In the late 90's/early 00's, I was very into chess (but eventually gave up when I plateau'ed out and stopped getting any better).   But during this time I was reading everything that I could about players and their games.  Somewhere during my interweb crawlings, I found what I originally thought was a Bobby Fischer fan page hosted in Japan.  Some of the rants on the page were pretty crazy.  Then I got to thinking, hey, "Bobby Fischer is crazy, too."  I hypothesized that Bobby Fischer (who had been in hiding for nearly 10 years after violating the embargo against Yugoslavia by playing Spassky there) was actually living in Japan.  I told an acquaintance my theory by telephone.  A few weeks later, Bobby Fischer was detained at Narita Airport while trying to leave the country.

/CSB
 
2013-05-21 08:25:02 PM

Oldiron_79: Bumblefark: Oldiron_79: midgit gas mask porn

Yeah, no way in hell I want that Google image search rolling around in my head while I'm trying to drift off to sleep. I'm just going to grant you the win, here...

I came up with something too sick for Fark? Does that mean I get a internet law named after me or something.


You graduate to 4chan\d.

Or so I've heard.
 
2013-05-22 11:11:38 AM

Makh: 1.  You have email.


This.
 
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