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(Newser)   A church gave out free $25 Chik-fil-A gift cards to straight married couples attending its "Day to Honor Biblical Marriage" event. So far, no gay couples are reported to have reconsidered their sexual preference at the prospect of free chicken   (newser.com) divider line 106
    More: Amusing, gift card, couples  
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2283 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2013 at 12:13 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-21 01:25:25 AM  
Biblical Marriage day?  OOO, I hope none of those women who showed up had sex before marriage then.
 
2013-05-21 01:37:00 AM  

wildsnowllama: maxheck: I've had waffle fries with a coupon from CFA after I gave blood. at a Red Cross blood drive... They weren't bad at all, and it was nice of them to help out.

Their owner's stance is still dickish, but hey.no one is perfect short of God.

God's track record isn't that great.

See: The Recurrent Laryngeal Nerve, especially in giraffes.


tl;dr
 
2013-05-21 01:39:48 AM  
Well... Republicans keep fuicking that chicken.
 
2013-05-21 01:54:38 AM  
Mr. Rabinowitz and Mr. Berkowitz are walking down a Brooklyn street when they pass a Catholic Church. A sign outside the church said "Convert to Catholicism and make $50". Rabinowitz says to his friend "I'm going to make a quick $50. I'll be right back."

Thirty minutes later Rabinowitz exits the church and Berkowitz asks "So... did you make $50?"

Rabinowitz responds "Is money all you people think about?"

//totally unrelated but it makes me chortle.
 
2013-05-21 01:55:53 AM  
Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.
 
2013-05-21 01:57:01 AM  
$25 is simply not enough to feed the wife and 9 concubines.
 
2013-05-21 02:04:23 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.


What possible context could there be where that passage isn't insane and horribly misogynistic?
 
2013-05-21 02:19:36 AM  

Fano: Not News:Lesbians reject free cock.


Guys offer me free cock all the time, and it seems to be predicated on the assumption I'm heterosexual, so it's really not newsworthy at all.
 
2013-05-21 02:20:44 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.


Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.
 
2013-05-21 02:30:22 AM  

theMagni: it's the choose-your-own-adventure version of the bible.


Stealing that.
 
2013-05-21 02:34:48 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.


Tell ya what, I'm a pretty fair-minded person so if I have missed the context of this passage I am willing to listen to an alternate interpretation. I don't see how my previous post would indicate that I have a problem with Jews, so I would also request an elaboration on that point. Judaism and Christianity (as well as most religions for that matter) are sort of umbrella terms and there are many different sects and approaches to spirituality within them that may assign greater or lesser importance to certain texts or portions of texts. For example, some may insist on strict adherence to this excerpt from Leviticus, such as some Orthodox and Fundamentalist sects, while some may view it as an outdated cultural quirk and/or unimportant altogether. There are also sects in many religions that view ethics and spirituality as being something mostly separate and place importance on trying to understand and commune with God (or gods, or a more abstract supreme being, or something else entirely) as the greatest way to honor and worship the divine rather than following a bunch of behavioral rules.

My previous post was intended to point out the silliness of the "Day to Honor Biblical Marriage" event because there are many more implications to the term "Biblical marriage" than the organizers probably intended when naming the event. I would also guess that most Christians and Jews would consider strict adherence to the passage I quoted to be bizarre behavior.
 
2013-05-21 02:38:22 AM  
Well, looks like I picked the right thread to bring popcorn to. :-)
 
2013-05-21 02:38:28 AM  

Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.


Biblical marriage would, technically, be any type of marriage found in the Bible.  Whether or not that's what any particular flavor of religion decides to follow is another matter.
 
2013-05-21 02:41:00 AM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I have theory that all the chicken served at Chick-Fil-A are the poor birds that have been finally farked to death by Republicans.


Snerk :)
 
2013-05-21 02:48:31 AM  

Sgt Otter: Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured.


Personally, I would have her bathed. After a month, she would be pretty ripe.
 
2013-05-21 02:48:55 AM  

Ed Grubermann: Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.

Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.


Exactly. See, the Jews are smart about it, they've managed to convince everyone that it's not a religion, it's an ethnicity, or a race. So anyone criticizing Judaism gets labelled a bigot or a racist.

But Christians, they picked a horrible prequel for their mythology, and they haven't figured out how to move away from the religion aspect of it yet.
 
2013-05-21 02:50:50 AM  

fusillade762: theMagni: it's the choose-your-own-adventure version of the bible.

Stealing that.


Ditto

/Ah, dittos. Miss those as much as the Choose Your Own Adventure books.
//80's childhood, FTW
 
2013-05-21 02:56:22 AM  
You know, I've never looked at another man's hairy backside and thought about CFA.

www.backyardchickens.com
 
2013-05-21 03:03:26 AM  

Schmegicky: You know, I've never looked at another man's hairy backside and thought about CFA.

[www.backyardchickens.com image 640x480]


to be honest most of the time i'm to busy jaming something into a hairy back side to care about eating fried chicken, even though the grease makes for intresting lube.
 
2013-05-21 03:09:06 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Ed Grubermann: Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.

Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.

Exactly. See, the Jews are smart about it, they've managed to convince everyone that it's not a religion, it's an ethnicity, or a race. So anyone criticizing Judaism gets labelled a bigot or a racist.

But Christians, they picked a horrible prequel for their mythology, and they haven't figured out how to move away from the religion aspect of it yet.


That is because Christians are self absorbed, hate-filled, rascist, homophobic assholes. Did I state that concisely and strait forward enough for everyone? Don't want any ambiguity. Assholes. Period.
I know I had it forced on me for 18 years until I learned to think for myself.

/flame on.
 
2013-05-21 03:09:26 AM  

PizzaJedi81: Well, looks like I picked the right thread to bring popcorn to. :-)


Act II, Trail's End, Jiffy Pop, or Redenbacker?

www.scale4x4rc.org
The abortion thread... gave out right at popcorn time.
 
2013-05-21 03:16:02 AM  

Sgt Otter: So can I get a coupon if I drag in that attempted female suicide bomber we captured?

Deuteronomy 21:11-13.


Deuteronomy 21 is all kinds of farked up.  Thanks for mentioning that chapter - I now have another passage to use to make points about the Abrahamic religions.
 
2013-05-21 03:16:18 AM  

Ed Grubermann: Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.

Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.


This makes very little sense with certain approaches to religion, such as viewing a deity as the embodiment of a moral absolute in general (as is present in many sects of religions with a monotheistic or dualistic cosmology), but when compared to many ancient polytheistic religions a kingly god being both a fierce destructive war god as well as a kindly god of justice and generosity wasn't out of the norm. Take Zeus, Marduk, and Odin for example. These two different aspects could also be viewed as two different sides to maintaining order.
 
2013-05-21 03:47:12 AM  

Walter Paisley: Ed Grubermann: Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.

Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.

This makes very little sense with certain approaches to religion, such as viewing a deity as the embodiment of a moral absolute in general (as is present in many sects of religions with a monotheistic or dualistic cosmology), but when compared to many ancient polytheistic religions a kingly god being both a fierce destructive war god as well as a kindly god of justice and generosity wasn't out of the norm. Take Zeus, Marduk, and Odin for example. These two different aspects could also be viewed as two different sides to maintaining order.


Hey, look: a word salad with apology dressing.
 
2013-05-21 04:15:19 AM  
bobcargill.files.wordpress.com
How about these "biblical marriages"?
 
2013-05-21 04:23:10 AM  
I love my Dad and Mom.  That said, I'm fairly certain their marriage was one of convenience.  They were both nearly 30, my Mom was anxious, and my Dad grew up with an Old Dad himself and didn't want to have his own kids do the same.

Once we progress as a f--king society "gay marriage": will be no better or worse than "straight marriage" - pobody's nerfect - but having seen friends go through "commitment ceremonies" in Michigan (Where we have a f--king gay marriage ban) who then travel/move to Canada/a gay marriage legal state afterwards... yeah, they're better than us straights right now.  Because they have to go through so many f--king hoops just to know they can see the person they love in the ICU, for example.

HOWEVER, the tide is turning (took too damn long but better late than never y'know?)

I'll know we actually have marriage quality when married gay couples didn't have to navigate the web of Canadian residency/citizenship, don't have to work up crazy lawyer papers to make sure homophobic relatives don't get the last DNR call over a husband, didn't have to prove anything to the damn world, and - like my parents (who again, I do love) can just get married because their biological clocks are a-ticking and they want a family.  HELL, if I get to go to a commitment ceremony without a (completely justified) political tirade and get to go to a proper marriage ceremony without the preaching-to-the- choir ranting and raving... I''m happy.

Then, I will lay down my sword.  Which is really just my loud ass mouth and occasionally pen-to-paper and pen-to-checkbook.

I sincerely look forward to that day.
 
2013-05-21 04:37:25 AM  

maxheck: I've had waffle fries with a coupon from CFA after I gave blood. at a Red Cross blood drive... They weren't bad at all, and it was nice of them to help out.

Their owner's stance is still dickish, but hey.no one is perfect short of God.


Do they have waffles and chicken?
 
2013-05-21 04:57:50 AM  

rfeick0: Wait, since I'm straight, I have to eat Chik-Fil-a? Anybody got a dick I can suck?


weknowmemes.com
 
2013-05-21 05:02:59 AM  

Fark Me To Tears: feckingmorons: I just had CFA on the way back from Home Depot. Combo #1 (sung to the tune of Mambo # 5)

CFA hires attractive 18 year old women.

I needed a screw.

Fornicator!

/Just be sure to double-check her ID before tapping that young CFA filet.


You need to be extra careful with the CFA workers.  CFA has a habit of hiring 14 year old homeschoolers as a way to do an end run around the child labor laws that normally prevent kids from working weekdays. Not all of them look 14 either.
 
2013-05-21 05:08:06 AM  
A church in Dayton, Ohio gave out free $25 Chik-fil-A gift cards to straight married couples attending its "Day to Honor Biblical Marriage" event.

...
but it's the homosexuals who keep flaunting their relationships and their sexuality.  Why won't they just leave the poor heteros, who are obviously just trying to mind their own business, alone?
 
2013-05-21 05:36:27 AM  

Luneward: Now that's how you troll fundamentalists.


The problem is that they are impervious to it. 10,000 years of reality trolling them has had no appreciable effect. They only grudgingly acknowledge that the Earth is indeed an oblate spheroid, and that it orbits the Sun.
 
2013-05-21 05:57:43 AM  

Bawdy George: Walter Paisley: Ed Grubermann: Kurmudgeon: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?

Oh look, everyone is quoting the Old Testament out of context again, wow that's never happened here before.
Unless you have a problem with Jews, you're kind of missing the point.

Haha! You think the OT doesn't count. See, this here is the problem with trying to turn an old Jewish war god into a world-wide god of love: all the baggage you can't expunge from the previous religion now that everyone can read. You guys really should have made up a new supreme being from scratch.

This makes very little sense with certain approaches to religion, such as viewing a deity as the embodiment of a moral absolute in general (as is present in many sects of religions with a monotheistic or dualistic cosmology), but when compared to many ancient polytheistic religions a kingly god being both a fierce destructive war god as well as a kindly god of justice and generosity wasn't out of the norm. Take Zeus, Marduk, and Odin for example. These two different aspects could also be viewed as two different sides to maintaining order.

Hey, look: a word salad with apology dressing.


Word salad? It's not hard to follow if you read it.

-If you view a deity as being the embodiment of moral absolute, which happens often (but not necessarily in every case) in monotheistic (one ultimate good god) or dualistic (one good god vs. one bad god), it tends to create theological problems when a deity's behavior seems (at least on the surface) to contradict the moral absolute it is supposed to embody.

-Deities in polytheistic religions tend to be multifaceted in their nature and aspects of a god that may seem to be in opposition on the surface (ex: being associated with destruction and warfare as well as justice and generosity) are more likely adding contextual details rather than creating a "problem of evil" situation.
 
2013-05-21 07:03:51 AM  

Fano: Not News:Lesbians reject free cock.


Fark:  The CFA here in Wilson is owned by two lesbians (different partners) who are long-standing members of my parents' church (Disciples of Christ).

Ultrafark:  Supposedly, when you apply for a CFA franchise, they don't really take it seriously unless you have a letter of recommendation from your minister/pastor/priest.  This franchise was opened about 1988.  The pastor of my family's church at the time would eventually leave to take a job in the Richmond, VA area.

For those of you who lived in Richmond 12 years ago, you might have heard of him storing what was at the time an impressive amount of kiddie porn on his church computer.

Therefore, I can only conclude that a man who went to jail for over two years for using his church's computer to look at CP was the one who told CFA these two lesbians were moral enough to run a franchise.

/and this is nothing against the owners, they're nice people
 
2013-05-21 07:13:27 AM  
Subby, you are using an old term "sexual preference".  Personally I prefer less sex right after eating.   But on Sundays I prefer Chik-Fil-A since I can't have it.   But overall I prefer lots of sex, especially since I can't get it.
 
2013-05-21 07:18:03 AM  

PapaChester: Sgt Otter: So can I get a coupon if I drag in that attempted female suicide bomber we captured?

Deuteronomy 21:11-13

if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife.

This god guy sounds like a real asshole.

/or maybe someone translated wrong
//or made it up


Here's the KJV to enlighten you to that error:
Deuteronomy 21:11-13King James Version (KJV)

11And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;
12Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails;
13And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
 
2013-05-21 07:49:43 AM  

rfeick0: Wait, since I'm straight, I have to eat Chik-Fil-a? Anybody got a dick I can suck?


Don't worry, if you hate Chik-Fil-A your automatically queer.
 
2013-05-21 07:51:05 AM  

Digitalstrange: rfeick0: Wait, since I'm straight, I have to eat Chik-Fil-a? Anybody got a dick I can suck?

Don't worry, if you hate Chik-Fil-A your automatically queer.


You're even

/damn it sucks to notice a grammar mistake just as you hit the post button when you are calling someone out
 
2013-05-21 08:11:09 AM  
Meh. The biblical child-rearing event was way more fun. Little Uranus Jr got a little more involved than we'd planned, and well... I'll miss the little guy, but he wasn't adequately honoring his mother and me, so we had to put him down... with rocks... big farking rocks.

On the bright side, my older brother got killed when he refused a blood transfusion following an attack on our pagan neighbors (RIP, Jupiter is Enormous). Looks like I'll finally get a crack at his smokin' hot widow. It will be awkward at first seeing as how she's also my mother-in-law, but hey, we follow the Bible around these parts.
 
2013-05-21 08:16:59 AM  
Biblical Marriage: it's a trap.  Eat lackluster chicken sammiches for 10 years in hopes of landing a babe, only to have her dad give you her fugly sister.
 
2013-05-21 08:18:56 AM  

wildcardjack: Well... Republicans keep fuicking that chicken.


Came here to say this, considering how much they've been farking that chicken who wood eat it?

/boner
 
2013-05-21 08:22:01 AM  

FreetardoRivera: rfeick0: Wait, since I'm straight, I have to eat Chik-Fil-a? Anybody got a dick I can suck?

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 551x753]


My favorite part of that picture is how he is perfectly positioned to make the doorknob of the closet behind him look like a tiny earring.
 
2013-05-21 08:29:56 AM  
Bigoted company says something bigoted, promotes inequality. Big deal.
 
2013-05-21 08:47:47 AM  

FunkOut: $25 is simply not enough to feed the wife and 9 concubines.


Win
 
2013-05-21 09:01:14 AM  
A while back some person on my Facebook friend list was chastising others who ate at CFA because of all the "They hate teh gays!" stuff.  She referred to it as, "You shouldn't buy their bigotry chicken!"  Everyone loves being told what to do by people who know better, amirite?

So now whenever the wife and I are trying to decide what food we should pick up on the way home, "Bigotry Chicken" is always an option.  We refer to it as bigotry chicken and we pretty much are of the opinion that bigotry chicken is the best tasting chicken.

Mmmmmmm, bigotry chicken.
 
2013-05-21 09:10:33 AM  

Sgt Otter: Deuteronomy 21:11-13

if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife.


That sounds extremely farking close to what that dude in Ohio did with those girls.  Considering Chick Fil-A explicitly says that they support "Biblical marriage", and the above quote unequivocally qualifies as a Biblical definition of marriage, then I'd have to assume that Chick-Fil-A fully supports what Ariel Castro did with his victims.
 
2013-05-21 09:20:19 AM  

Walter Paisley: Biblical marriage? So that means the husbands showed up alone if their wives were menstruating?


Leviticus 15:19-30English Standard Version (ESV)

19"When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening. 20And everything on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean. Everything also on which she sits shall be unclean. 21And whoever touches her bed shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. 22And whoever touches anything on which she sits shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. 23Whether it is the bed or anything on which she sits, when he touches it he shall be unclean until the evening. 24And if any man lies with her and her menstrual impurity comes upon him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean.
25"If a woman has a discharge of blood for many days, not at the time of her menstrual impurity, or if she has a discharge beyond the time of her impurity, all the days of the discharge she shall continue in uncleanness. As in the days of her impurity, she shall be unclean. 26Every bed on which she lies, all the days of her discharge, shall be to her as the bed of her impurity. And everything on which she sits shall be unclean, as in the uncleanness of her menstrual impurity. 27And whoever touches these things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes and bathe himself in water and be unclean until the evening. 28But if she is cleansed of her discharge, she shall count for herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. 29And on the eighth day she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest, to the entrance of the tent of meeting. 30And the priest shall use one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. And the priest shall make atonement for her befo ...


only until the evening
 
2013-05-21 09:26:20 AM  
Would tiny American flags help?
 
2013-05-21 09:31:56 AM  
Not surprising to see church leaders involves with chicken.
 
2013-05-21 09:35:32 AM  
You know, you can make their sandwiches at home. All of the taste, none of the bigotry.
 
2013-05-21 10:52:31 AM  

GORDON: Everyone loves being told what to do by people who know better, amirite?


So you buy the chicken from ardent supporters of the largest outfit who do that in human history? I guess you did hit every branch of the stupid tree when you fell out of it.

Your friend was inarticulate, as you point out. The Christian Taliban who run CFA are far worse than that.
 
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