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(BookRiot)   Notoriously repetitive writer Dan Brown is repetitive. INFERNO by the numbers   (bookriot.com) divider line 61
    More: Amusing, Inferno, Robert Langdon, Inferno by the numbers, new novel, Dwight Schrute  
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3541 clicks; posted to Geek » on 20 May 2013 at 12:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-20 10:57:19 AM  
He wakes up with retrograde amnesia in a hospital in Florence,

Aaaaaaand we're done here.
 
2013-05-20 11:08:16 AM  
Inferno by numbers, one two three, it's as easy to learn as your ABC's.
 
2013-05-20 11:47:30 AM  
I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.  I think it is some kind of jealousy because his books, which are average thrillers, sell so many farking copies.  You don't see Stieg Larsson getting that much crap and his books are farking terrible.  Maybe that's because Larsson is dead, but still.

I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.  They're fun, they're fast-paced.  They do what they're intended to do.  It's like having a satisfying shiat.

If one wants great literature, one reads something else.  And I think even Brown would admit that.  With so many crap authors out there I don't understand why this guy is so vilified.  Must be the money.
 
2013-05-20 11:52:02 AM  
Reading Dan Brown is like reading Fifty Shades of Grey, only Grey is played by Dan Brown, and instead of S&M he just looks into a mirror while masturbating all over your face for 400 pages.
 
2013-05-20 11:56:45 AM  

AdolfOliverPanties: It's like having a satisfying shiat.


I think that's even on his jacket cover for Inferno!
 
2013-05-20 12:08:56 PM  
o.onionstatic.com
 
2013-05-20 12:23:54 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.


Pseudointellectualism.

As far as movies, National Treasure is a better movie than The DaVinci Code. There's some "bad" history in National Treasure, but there's some good history in there, too, and it doesn't take itself too seriously.
 
2013-05-20 12:29:01 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality. They're fun, they're fast-paced. They do what they're intended to do. It's like having a satisfying shiat.


Not understanding basic physics like "How much energy it would take to contain an antimatter bomb"? (THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU COULD EASILY HIDE).
 
2013-05-20 12:31:04 PM  
Times Robert Langdon thinks he is going to die: 3

Attempts to kill Robert Langdon: 5

 Conclusion: either Robert Langdon is not very observant, or two of those attempts were ridiculously lame.
 
2013-05-20 12:32:41 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.  I think it is some kind of jealousy because his books, which are average thrillers, sell so many farking copies.  You don't see Stieg Larsson getting that much crap and his books are farking terrible.  Maybe that's because Larsson is dead, but still.

I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.  They're fun, they're fast-paced.  They do what they're intended to do.  It's like having a satisfying shiat.

If one wants great literature, one reads something else.  And I think even Brown would admit that.  With so many crap authors out there I don't understand why this guy is so vilified.  Must be the money.


That's not exactly a great defense, to say it's crap but it's satisfying crap.  They're critics, if it looks like shiat and smells like shiat, it might've been satisfying, but it's still shiat.

I don't think he's vilified by critics anymore than other authors who make airport books.  You just hear about it more because of his popularity.
 
2013-05-20 12:33:47 PM  

Felgraf: Not understanding basic physics like "How much energy it would take to contain an antimatter bomb"? (THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU COULD EASILY HIDE).


It goes beyond that. Moving antimatter would be a b*tch due to the need for containment.

Also, the goddamn idiots could have narrowed down the location of the bomb really fast if they had:

1. Cut the power to different sections of the Vatican one by one until they see the lights go out in the camera feed.
2. Start cutting power to smaller sections of that section.

And so on.
 
2013-05-20 12:38:17 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: It's like having a satisfying shiat.


Edited that down for you.
 
2013-05-20 12:41:02 PM  

Sid_6.7: Felgraf: Not understanding basic physics like "How much energy it would take to contain an antimatter bomb"? (THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU COULD EASILY HIDE).

It goes beyond that. Moving antimatter would be a b*tch due to the need for containment.

Also, the goddamn idiots could have narrowed down the location of the bomb really fast if they had:

1. Cut the power to different sections of the Vatican one by one until they see the lights go out in the camera feed.
2. Start cutting power to smaller sections of that section.

And so on.


I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.
 
2013-05-20 12:42:31 PM  
I only read authors who haven't actually published.
 
2013-05-20 12:46:38 PM  
Much better review here:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowne d- Dan-Brown.html?fb


/that link was redlit at least twice
//must be a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top
///also good:  http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/may/14/dan-brown-inferno-first-l o ok
 
2013-05-20 12:48:25 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.


Most critics are failed writers with an axe to grind. It just kills them that someone could actually make a dollar by writing a novel.
 
2013-05-20 12:53:54 PM  

Felgraf: I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.


Wasn't that like the plot of pretty much every episode of Eureka?
 
2013-05-20 12:57:37 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Felgraf: I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.

Wasn't that like the plot of pretty much every episode of Eureka?


.. I admit I have not yet seen the show. It might be.
 
2013-05-20 01:04:19 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.

Most critics are failed writers with an axe to grind. It just kills them that someone could actually make a dollar by writing a novel.


All of the critics negative about Dan Brown are just rage-fueled failed writers, instead of having a point about the quality of his work?  Sounds plausible.
 
2013-05-20 01:07:40 PM  

Felgraf: Sid_6.7: Felgraf: Not understanding basic physics like "How much energy it would take to contain an antimatter bomb"? (THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU COULD EASILY HIDE).

It goes beyond that. Moving antimatter would be a b*tch due to the need for containment.

Also, the goddamn idiots could have narrowed down the location of the bomb really fast if they had:

1. Cut the power to different sections of the Vatican one by one until they see the lights go out in the camera feed.
2. Start cutting power to smaller sections of that section.

And so on.

I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.



I look forward to reading your pamphlet.


/ although Inferno could have cut to 300 pages without losing anything
 
2013-05-20 01:11:50 PM  
I got halfway though Da Vinci Code before I gave up. I'm not sure about his other books, but I'm not willing to shell out the money to find out if they are any good. (Da Vinci Code was free from Google Books).
There have been other writers that were hit and miss for me. I like Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas books, but I don't like his other stuff, the 'Watchers' in particular.
 
2013-05-20 01:12:32 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Felgraf: I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.

Wasn't that like the plot of pretty much every episode of Eureka?


Man did I have to give up on that show!  I liked some of the humor and some of the quirkiness, but when every single episode is more formulaic than "House" and not nearly as interesting, that's enough for me.  Breaking point?  James Callis's HORRIBLE attempt at an American accent.  Wow.
 
2013-05-20 01:13:07 PM  
If I could get my shiat together I have an idea for doing a Dan Brown knock off where our hero sees all these conspiracies but is really just a little crazed man.
 
2013-05-20 01:15:17 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.

Most critics are failed writers with an axe to grind. It just kills them that someone could actually make a dollar by writing a novel.


most critics are paid to write professionally. I'd like to fail like that someday.
 
2013-05-20 01:18:54 PM  

wildcardjack: If I could get my shiat together I have an idea for doing a Dan Brown knock off where our hero sees all these conspiracies but is really just a little crazed man.

 
2013-05-20 01:21:12 PM  

wildcardjack: If I could get my shiat together I have an idea for doing a Dan Brown knock off where our hero sees all these conspiracies but is really just a little crazed man.

ts1.mm.bing.net
 
2013-05-20 01:21:24 PM  

HighZoolander: most critics are paid to write professionally. I'd like to fail like that someday.


I'm paid to write professionally.

Today, for example, I'm writing an in-store flyer promoting cooking appliances for a major retailer.

Spoiler Alert... You can SAVE!
 
2013-05-20 01:25:05 PM  
Let me guess:

The male character who is pretending to help the main character is actually the Big Bad of the book?
 
2013-05-20 01:25:10 PM  
I read one of his books once. Here was the transition between every chapter:

"And then...and then...AND THEN..."

"...Chapter 16"
 
2013-05-20 01:33:08 PM  

maxx2112: I look forward to reading your pamphlet.


Well, one could stretch it out a bit. Maybe the physicist has to shuffle around a bit to find the right power boxes, and perhaps the criminal mastermind anticipated this and posted some guards at some (or posted some guards at a non-critical one in an attempt at misdirection?). There are ways one could make a story with sensible problem solving longer.
 
2013-05-20 01:33:57 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.  I think it is some kind of jealousy because his books, which are average thrillers, sell so many farking copies.  You don't see Stieg Larsson getting that much crap and his books are farking terrible.  Maybe that's because Larsson is dead, but still.

I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.  They're fun, they're fast-paced.  They do what they're intended to do.  It's like having a satisfying shiat.

If one wants great literature, one reads something else.  And I think even Brown would admit that.  With so many crap authors out there I don't understand why this guy is so vilified.  Must be the money.


Don't forget Clive Cussler.  ::shudder::  I grabbed one of his books (pre-Kindle) at the airport bookstore, and within 30 pages my brain tried to kill itself twice.
 
2013-05-20 01:34:52 PM  

LDM90: I read one of his books once. Here was the transition between every chapter:

"And then...and then...AND THEN..."

"...Chapter 16"


He is not that good a writer.  But I have more respect for him than those Kostabi writers; people like James Patterson who are ONLY in it for the money and get co-writers to help them crank out a dozen books a year.  Tom Clancy started doing that too.
 
2013-05-20 02:28:05 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.  I think it is some kind of jealousy because his books, which are average thrillers, sell so many farking copies.  You don't see Stieg Larsson getting that much crap and his books are farking terrible.  Maybe that's because Larsson is dead, but still.

I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.  They're fun, they're fast-paced.  They do what they're intended to do.  It's like having a satisfying shiat.

If one wants great literature, one reads something else.  And I think even Brown would admit that.  With so many crap authors out there I don't understand why this guy is so vilified.  Must be the money.


It's the "Olive Garden phenomenon".

It's not great, it's not good for you, but it's good enough.
 
2013-05-20 02:42:23 PM  

WhoopAssWayne: AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.

Most critics are failed writers with an axe to grind. It just kills them that someone could actually make a dollar by writing a novel.



Then why haven't we ever seen almost as much Stephen King hate?
 
2013-05-20 02:53:21 PM  
Don't forget Clive Cussler. ::shudder:: I grabbed one of his books (pre-Kindle) at the airport bookstore, and within 30 pages my brain tried to kill itself twice.

And he's been churning them out non stop since like '74! It's farking amazing you can do something for 40 years and actually get worse at it. A couple really shiat ones that didn't sell, then the not-quite-as-shiate-but-still-shiate "Raise The Titanic" and then a freaking 40 year career.
 
2013-05-20 02:56:55 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: I honestly cannot understand why Brown gets so much crap from critics.  I think it is some kind of jealousy because his books, which are average thrillers, sell so many farking copies.  You don't see Stieg Larsson getting that much crap and his books are farking terrible.  Maybe that's because Larsson is dead, but still.

I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.  They're fun, they're fast-paced.  They do what they're intended to do.  It's like having a satisfying shiat.

If one wants great literature, one reads something else.  And I think even Brown would admit that.  With so many crap authors out there I don't understand why this guy is so vilified.  Must be the money.


Eh, I have a much easier time giving a pass to Larsson because a) the books were not written in English and b) they were not really intended for public consumption (they were all published posthumously).

I think you're right about the money - most people would rather someone more deserving got rich doing what they loved. I'm much more cynical about the relationship between merit and reward, so I say good for him and good luck to everyone else.
 
2013-05-20 02:57:34 PM  
Then why haven't we ever seen almost as much Stephen King hate?

There's plenty of King hate, it's just directed at his pacing and plots/ resolutions (and the cocaine period) instead of his actual ability to write. Even King's critics acknowledge he's a talented writer as opposed to a guy like Brown who probably constructs his books more than actually writing them.
 
2013-05-20 02:58:10 PM  
Never read Da Vinci but I was entertained by Angels and Demons and Deception Point
 
2013-05-20 03:19:53 PM  
AdolfOliverPanties
I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.


You are either useless at math, with teh interwebz or you skipped "Digital Fortress".
 
2013-05-20 03:21:03 PM  

HighZoolander: Much better review here:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowne d- Dan-Brown.html?fb


/that link was redlit at least twice
//must be a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top
///also good:  http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/may/14/dan-brown-inferno-first-l o ok


That was truly an awesome book review.
 
2013-05-20 03:38:58 PM  

The Voice of Doom: AdolfOliverPanties
I've read every one of Brown's books except this latest one and I'm not offended by their lack of quality.

You are either useless at math, with teh interwebz or you skipped "Digital Fortress".


I read Digital Fortress.  While I am not a math whiz, I am not useless at it.

I simply do not go into Dan Brown books looking for plausibility.  When I want to be challenged or forced to use my brain, I'll read something by Neal Stephenson or Dan Simmons.  If I am looking for the novel equivalent of a "Wolverine" movie, I might choose Dan Brown.
 
2013-05-20 03:41:37 PM  

HighZoolander: Much better review here:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/10049454/Dont-make-fun-of-renowne d- Dan-Brown.html?fb


/that link was redlit at least twice
//must be a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top
///also good:  http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/may/14/dan-brown-inferno-first-l o ok


Both of those are awesome.
 
2013-05-20 04:02:56 PM  

ShawnDoc: Don't forget Clive Cussler. ::shudder:: I grabbed one of his books (pre-Kindle) at the airport bookstore, and within 30 pages my brain tried to kill itself twice.


Ehh. They're shut off your brain novels.  I've read a handful of them.  As long as you go into them knowing they're formulaic, over the top, and non-Pulitzer prize winners, they can be fun reads.
 
2013-05-20 04:11:30 PM  

skullkrusher: Never read Da Vinci but I was entertained by Angels and Demons and Deception Point


Angels and Demons in the only book I have given up on. The cartoonish villain was just too much for me along with the "factual" science and history. Also how can a chapter consist of one page?
 
2013-05-20 04:12:51 PM  
img716.imageshack.us


/Dan who?
 
2013-05-20 04:31:26 PM  

Halli: skullkrusher: Never read Da Vinci but I was entertained by Angels and Demons and Deception Point

Angels and Demons in the only book I have given up on. The cartoonish villain was just too much for me along with the "factual" science and history. Also how can a chapter consist of one page?


My reply, chapter 1.

It's called efficiency.
 
2013-05-20 04:36:58 PM  

Snapper Carr: [img716.imageshack.us image 322x475]


/Dan who?


I love Umberto Eco - The Island of the Day Before was brilliant.
 
2013-05-20 04:56:54 PM  
I also gave up after Angels and Demons when I realized what an ego stroke his books are.  We get it Dan Brown, young, smart, beautiful college grad students want to bang you all the time.  You're a smart James Bond who saved Jesus...or something.

It's the transformers of novels.  One is plenty.  After that, I'm just reading the same book over again.
 
2013-05-20 05:41:34 PM  
I blame Kindle, and other eBook readers.  This sort of success among popular fiction writers who were at all repetitive wouldn't have been possible before "books" went away.

/adjusts onions on belt
 
2013-05-20 07:21:33 PM  

Felgraf: I honestly want to write a book or story where a physicist or some-such *does* solve a mystery in that fashion (think critically, come up with a boring, but clever and practical way to 'cheat' and solve the mystery), while another hero is 'running' around trying to solve bizarre moon-logic puzzles.


I have a sequence in my space opera novel where exactly that happens - all the Big Damn Heroes are running around a ship doing really cool things trying to prevent imminent catastrophe, and a bored ammunition tech laying in her bunk watching things unfold on screen figures out where they just need to shoot the thing (gently) to avert the catastrophe.

It's really hard to write, because if you just pull it out of the blue, it's shiatty; but if you spend too much time explaining the thought process, you telegraph it too early. You have to dramatize the person doing the cold analysis without letting the reader realize why you're doing it, but giving them just enough hints to figure it out at exactly the right moment, all the while keeping up the drama and focus on the Big Damn Heroes. It generally works out as an anticlimax, which is okay for a plot point (I was using it for character arcs) but pretty crap for a work as a whole.
 
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