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(Topless Robot)   Someone bravely tried the new Taco Bell breakfast tacos so you don't have to   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 185
    More: Sick, Taco Bell, galactic empire, tacos, hot sauces  
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22091 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2013 at 12:09 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-20 03:42:08 PM  
Brave Sir Robin ran away. ("No!") Bravely ran away away. ("I didn't!") When danger reared it's ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. ("no!") Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about ("I didn't!") And gallantly he chickened out.
 
2013-05-20 03:49:42 PM  

Skywolf the Scribbler: How long till they have Taco Bell poptarts?


Maybe a Pop Tart shell for a taco?
 
2013-05-20 03:51:27 PM  

Ihaveanevilparrot: I lol'd at the thought of someone at Guantanamo or something screaming, crying, and offering a confession as the interrogators pull out the terrible gyro hot pocket-like item. "No! Anything but that! Send me to Detroit!"


I had started to just eat it like a hot pocket, the first few bites I opened it up because I had to see what the innards looked like.
 
2013-05-20 03:54:58 PM  
If you must eat a breakfast taco hopefully you have a steak and shame nearby. Their breakfast tacos are made with actual egg, diced up peppers and shredded cheese. They actually scramble everything up and cook it on the skillet. Its not a frozen egg patty, frozen sausage patty, etc that they microwave. The best part is that it only costs 99 cents.
 
2013-05-20 04:04:44 PM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


Maybe Taco Smell can figure out a way to fark these up. Tater tots stuffed with beef and nacho cheese, or something? They could do it. We have the technology!
 
2013-05-20 04:06:07 PM  

grinding_journalist: Prank Call of Cthulhu: You'll wish you had a TARDIS so you could go back in time and stop yourself from eating them. If it's like every other Taco Bell meal, then the "scar in time" you leave behind won't be so much white and shimmery, as much as brown and splattery.

Am I the only person on the planet whose ass DOESN'T explode after eating TBell? I've never understood this complaint; you should probably see a doctor.


I used to share your sentiment, but after changing my diet I eat fast food very rarely now and when I do.....n'yoh my god. 20-25 minutes later I'm running to the bathroom.
 
2013-05-20 04:06:13 PM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


Back in 1995-6 or so, the Taco Bell by me (Huntington, NY) sold fries.
 
2013-05-20 04:08:44 PM  

bungle_jr: DarthBart: Prank Call of Cthulhu: grinding_journalist: Am I the only person on the planet whose ass DOESN'T explode after eating TBell? I've never understood this complaint; you should probably see a doctor.

For me, at least, the explosions are (mostly) just gas. Violent, uncontrollable, voluminous, and near constant flatulence that kicks in about four or five hours afterwards. I'm talking about those really hot farts that threaten to peel the paint off the walls and blow out fluorescent light tubes. It's like that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where the top of Ark blows off and the winds scream around and melt people and the dead rise. Mrs. PCoC walked into a room once shortly after I'd detonated one and then quickly departed, screaming and vurping.

Does this not happen to everyone? Should I not order their bean burritos?

I don't even get that.  Sure, volume and frequency increase slightly, but noting compared to the "power a third world country with the methane" levels people claim to suffer.

I suppose eating a childhood diet of SOS, ramen, hamburger helper, and La Choy canned chinese food has made my intestines fairly bullet proof.  Maybe two rounds of salmonella helped too.

/ye gods, my mother was not a good cook.

i, too, had a (un?)healthy dose of all those things you mentioned, yet my parents really are good cooks. these things were inexpensive, quick, and tasty in a household with 2 full-time working parents

now my wife and kids and i still have h.helper (and chicken and tuna helpers) on a fairly regular basis. but we both know how to cook also. when i was single i'd make h.h. for nostalgia reasons.


I will never, never, never eat  "* Helper" again and neither will my father.  I'd rather eat something shoveled out of the cat box.

My stepmother uses HH as a threat when my dad gets pissy.  She keeps a box of it around and when needed, she'll drag it out and say "You don't like it here with me? You can go back to *her*".

Then my wife one-upped her by buying a box of generic WalMart HH.
 
2013-05-20 04:09:59 PM  
If it's good, I'll eat it. If it's not, hey, there are other options and nobody really goes to Taco Bell to be sticklers about selection or nutritional benefit.
You go because it's midnight and you have $3 in your pocket, and that $3 can conveniently buy you something astounding synthetic and undoubtedly horrible for you but Christ it's so good.
 
2013-05-20 04:12:29 PM  

ski9600: Skywolf the Scribbler: How long till they have Taco Bell poptarts?

Maybe a Pop Tart shell for a taco?


I would try that.  Deep fry that baby, sprinkle on some powdered sugar and you've got a freaky Mexican Monte Christo.
 
2013-05-20 04:17:28 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: 1 blender bottle, 2 scoops of vanilla cream whey protein, and 12oz of milk or cold water = a low calorie, nutritious, and filling breakfast that I can drink on my way to work, so no Taco Bell breakfast for me.


Bro, do you even lift?
 
2013-05-20 04:39:44 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!

Back in 1995-6 or so, the Taco Bell by me (Huntington, NY) sold fries.


You need to venture up here to canada, where you can not only get fries, but fries supreme! (Picture, if you dare, french fries topped with cheese, taco meat and sour cream.)

/never had a problem with Taco Bell, digestive wise
//not much of a fast food guy to begin with
///Fries supreme ARE my kryptonite
 
2013-05-20 04:42:12 PM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


They have fries and chili fries in Canada. Often Taco Bell/KFC  are combined too. Fewer items and much higher prices overall than the US though.
 
2013-05-20 04:55:38 PM  

jst3p: grinding_journalist: IdBeCrazyIf: I've been thinking of stopping in and asking if they can make me a pizza burrito

Went to a TBell/PH combo store and had them make me a Cheesy Gordita Crunch with pizza sausage instead of taco meat. Was better than you'd think.

Mostly unrelated but it reminds me of the time my kids (who are iCarly fans) talked me into making spaghetti  tacos, was better than expected.

/taco spaghetti (using Mexican spices on the meat rather than Italian) is pretty good too.


Mexican lasagna.

Mexican spiced beef
Cheddar cheese
Sour cream insteard of ricotta
Salsa instead of tomato sauce
Layer as you would a normal lasagna with regular lasagna noodles and bake and enjoy.
 
2013-05-20 05:24:53 PM  

Pangea: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: 1 blender bottle, 2 scoops of vanilla cream whey protein, and 12oz of milk or cold water = a low calorie, nutritious, and filling breakfast that I can drink on my way to work, so no Taco Bell breakfast for me.

Bro, do you even lift?


I lift (not as often as I should), and I would rather eat my own shiat than suffer through a protein shake ever again. I think they are a practical joke that got out of hand.
 
2013-05-20 05:25:24 PM  

The Southern Dandy: Warning: Not all Carl's Jr's are alike, so your mileage may vary, but...

Carl's Jr's Loaded Breakfast Burrito at my local Carl's Jr. is OUT FARKING STANDING!!!

Eggs, Cheese, Ham, Sausage, Hash Browns, Pico de Gallo wrapped in a steamy tortilla.

Heaven!


I'll stick to the loaded omlette biscuit.

/Hardee's in this neck of the woods.
 
2013-05-20 06:14:52 PM  
does it have meat
 
2013-05-20 06:25:32 PM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


I feel the same way about Krispy Kreme.
 
2013-05-20 06:58:47 PM  

UberDave: They should be adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon.


When the oil hits the anus, you'll regret it.
 
2013-05-20 07:37:53 PM  
Damn. Just got finished with a grilled steak and lobster. I'm hungry again.
 
2013-05-20 07:39:46 PM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


Ok, I'm baffled. What does Mexican have to do with Taco Bell?
 
2013-05-20 08:02:53 PM  

Psycoholic_Slag: tricycleracer: wildcardjack: SuperSonic breakfast burrito FTW. Especially good for dinner, since you can get them all hours.

Sorcery that McDonald's has yet to master.

WTF is up with that?  The biggest motherfu*king hamburger restaurant on this damned planet will not sale me a hamburger until what, 10:30am? Sh*t, I've been up for over 6 hours at that point and I'm ready for some goddamned lunch even if it's one of their sh*tty mass produced meat byproduct discs. [walks into McDonalds at 10:15am] "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Psycoholic_Slag, we lack the technology to cook eggs and meat byproduct discs at the same time and as soon as technology advances to that level we will be more than happy to provide you with the product that we sale more of than anyone else on this planet prior to 10:30am.  But if you wait 15 minutes our technicians will replace the current eggs and pancakes grill with the new meat byproduct disc grill so we can provide you with that which you seek."

Fu*kers

/end rant


That was pretty awesome. Made me laugh more than 50% of stand-up acts.
 
2013-05-20 08:07:54 PM  

kazikian: Psycoholic_Slag: tricycleracer: wildcardjack: SuperSonic breakfast burrito FTW. Especially good for dinner, since you can get them all hours.

Sorcery that McDonald's has yet to master.

WTF is up with that?  The biggest motherfu*king hamburger restaurant on this damned planet will not sale me a hamburger until what, 10:30am? Sh*t, I've been up for over 6 hours at that point and I'm ready for some goddamned lunch even if it's one of their sh*tty mass produced meat byproduct discs. [walks into McDonalds at 10:15am] "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Psycoholic_Slag, we lack the technology to cook eggs and meat byproduct discs at the same time and as soon as technology advances to that level we will be more than happy to provide you with the product that we sale more of than anyone else on this planet prior to 10:30am.  But if you wait 15 minutes our technicians will replace the current eggs and pancakes grill with the new meat byproduct disc grill so we can provide you with that which you seek."

Fu*kers

/end rant

That was pretty awesome. Made me laugh more than 50% of stand-up acts.


That's one helluva *sales job* too.

/LMAO
 
2013-05-20 09:18:36 PM  

abfalter: Look at this.  I would eat the fark out of this.  And I have a Mountain Dew for breakfast every morning anyways so adding 5% orange juice won't kill me....


www.blogcdn.com


What about this?

cdn.foodbeast.com.s3.amazonaws.com

i734.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-20 10:22:16 PM  

umad: I lift (not as often as I should), and I would rather eat my own shiat than suffer through a protein shake ever again. I think they are a practical joke that got out of hand.


I've tried a lot of different proteins and some are definitely better than others. Personally I think Optimum Nutrition is the tastiest. People were getting strong long before the invention of protein shakes, I just don't mind them.
 
2013-05-20 10:30:08 PM  

Igor Jakovsky: The best part is that it only costs 99 cents.


img42.imageshack.us

Approves

TheSteamingPile: You need to venture up here to canada, where you can not only get fries, but fries supreme! (Picture, if you dare, french fries topped with cheese, taco meat and sour cream.)


What I've never understood about that is: why would ANY self-respecting diner order that in a country where you can get a proper poutine?
 
2013-05-20 10:33:01 PM  

ZeroPly: Rapmaster2000: Only an idiot can screw up breakfast.  I'm sure it tastes fine.

One of my favorite breakfast combos is a waffle taco made from an Eggo waffle, 1 fried egg, sliced and pan fried potatoes, and kim chi. Don't get too many takers on that though.


Leave off the Kim Chi (crying first thing in the morning sucks).  Otherwise, you have my daily breakfast.
 
2013-05-21 12:38:45 AM  

doczoidberg: You know what bugs me?

Taco Bell doesn't offer fries.

It's a fast food joint. It should have FRIES.

I just don't feel like I'm getting an complete fast food experience unless French fried potaters are involved.

And I don't care if they're not Mexican. Make it happen, Taco Bell!


Korean Taco Bell serves fries

http://www.tacobellkorea.com/menu/Fries_Bellgrande.asp
 
2013-05-21 05:20:43 AM  

umad: Pangea: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: 1 blender bottle, 2 scoops of vanilla cream whey protein, and 12oz of milk or cold water = a low calorie, nutritious, and filling breakfast that I can drink on my way to work, so no Taco Bell breakfast for me.

Bro, do you even lift?

I lift (not as often as I should), and I would rather eat my own shiat than suffer through a protein shake ever again. I think they are a practical joke that got out of hand.

 
Was the guy who gave you the "protein shake" wearing a cowboy hat?
 
2013-05-21 06:58:19 AM  

WhoopAssWayne: They'd be much wiser to skip the Mexican theming and go with a vanilla American-style breakfast menu instead. Biscuit sandwiches, potatoes, maybe pancakes, just the basics. The McDonalds here is always packed for breakfast, with a line of cars for the drive through, while most of the other fast food places are shuttered. If they could tap into some of that with a cloned breakfast menu, it might really work for them. Nothing novel, just a faster way to get the basics.


That's just stupid.

SickDonalds and Booger Fling already have the market for crap American breakfast garbage.  Those of us who HATE that shiat have to wait until after 11am for breakfast, when we'd like a motherfarking burrito or burger or fried chicken at 8.  I DO NOT EVER want anything on any fast food place's breakfast menu.  I hate biscuits, I despise overcooked eggs (and have you EVER been able to get an egg over easy at a fast food place?)  and I despise overcooked low-grade bacon and mostly-gristle sausage.

So no, Crotcho Smell certainly does not need to try to copy anybody else.  But they do either need to forget about eggs, or get me some nice runny eggs in my chorizo y huevos.
 
2013-05-21 07:00:15 AM  
On second thought, forget it.

I make better Mexican food at home, and I can get that anytime I feel like cooking.  I'll just keep doing that.
 
2013-05-21 08:09:00 AM  

grinding_journalist: Prank Call of Cthulhu: You'll wish you had a TARDIS so you could go back in time and stop yourself from eating them. If it's like every other Taco Bell meal, then the "scar in time" you leave behind won't be so much white and shimmery, as much as brown and splattery.

Am I the only person on the planet whose ass DOESN'T explode after eating TBell? I've never understood this complaint; you should probably see a doctor.


Mine doesn't either. However I tend to stick to the Tacos only.

I suspect it's all the fiber from the rice and beans creates a colon bomb in some people.
 
2013-05-21 08:10:33 AM  
I think I'll stick with drinking my Red Bull and smoking Marlboro cigarettes for breakfast
 
2013-05-21 09:44:57 AM  

mike_d85: YoOjo: "the sausage tastes like genuine animal bits"

Donkey penis?

Who said anything about mammals?


Think smaller, and more legs.
 
2013-05-21 01:19:47 PM  
Now if you are pinched for money, the one thing I'd recommend ingesting from Taco Belgrade is a chicken burrito meal deal. Two buck fifty. It's a mild blast compared with the normal Blastega
 
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