Ladies and Gentleman and Friends of my daughter. There comes atime in every wedding reception when the man who paid for the damn thingis allowed to speak a word or two of his own. And I should like to takethis opportunity, schloshed as I may be, to say a word or two about Martin.As far as I'm concerned. my daughter could not have chosen a moredelightful, charming, witty, responsible... wealthy? Let's not deny it....well-placed, good-looking and fertile young man than Martin as her husband.And I therefore ask the question... why the hell did she marry Geraldinstead?Because Gerald is the sort of man we used to describe at school as acomplete prick. If I may use a gardening simile here, if his entirefamily may be likened to a compost heap... and I think they can...then Gerald is the biggest weed growing out of it. I think he is thesort of man people immigrate to avoid.I remember the first time I met Gerald. I said to my wife... she's thelovely woman propping up that horrendous old lush of a mother of his...either this man is suffering from serious brain damage, or the new vacuumcleaner has arrived. As for his family, they are quite simply the mostintolerable herd of steaming social animals I have ever had this misfortuneof turning my nose up to. I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog!I would like to propose a toast.... to the caterers. And to the pigeonwho crapped on the groom's families limousine at the church. As for therest of you around this table not directly related to me, you can fark off!I wouldn't trust any of you to sit the right way on a toilet seat!
clivecusslerfan: When I just started dating my wife, my FIL tried to get me to go night hunting with him.When my wife's sister started dating her husband, he was offered a chance to go "coon huntin'" during the day. He's black.
Harry Freakstorm: Is "stabbin'" the same as "slashin'" and or "sticking yew wit mah knife"? Because a lot of potential father in laws have tried the aforementioned on me."No daddy! He's got a job an' everything!"and / or"No daddy! Let Ray-Bob my jealous ex-boyfriend do 'im in. He'll do the time in county lockup where's ah kin visit him."
BarkingUnicorn: clivecusslerfan: When I just started dating my wife, my FIL tried to get me to go night hunting with him.When my wife's sister started dating her husband, he was offered a chance to go "coon huntin'" during the day. He's black.So of course he took a friendly invitation and turned it into a racist insult.
Can't get enough Fark in your life? Try
More threads. More community. More Farking.
Sign up for the Fark NotNewsletter!
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Nov 21 2017 23:39:11
Runtime: 0.149 sec (148 ms)