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(Opposing Views)   Having to calm down the teller is sign No. 1 that your bank robbery is going badly   (opposingviews.com) divider line 59
    More: Fail, bank robbery, Third Avenue, Contests  
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7409 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2013 at 2:00 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



59 Comments   (+0 »)
 
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2013-05-19 06:51:11 PM  
She's lucky he's a liar or she would have killed everyone.
 
2013-05-19 07:42:24 PM  
Did they just use the word "back" where it should have said "bank" in that article? TWICE???
 
2013-05-19 08:02:35 PM  
she ran screaming and hid for cover under a desk on the other end of the back.

i922.photobucket.com

/he's just as confused about the voting
 
2013-05-19 09:18:33 PM  

show me: Did they just use the word "back" where it should have said "bank" in that article? TWICE???


Also this:

The note, scribbled in black marker, read: "I have a gub and will use it. You have 5 seconds to hand over 100s, 50s, 20s before people start getting hurt."
 
2013-05-19 09:59:00 PM  
SHHHH. if Starsky catches us, I'll have to do a 70's ghetto dragon impression.


/ I just had a mental picture of that and decided I need help
 
2013-05-19 10:00:24 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: SHHHH. if Starsky catches us, I'll have to do a 70's ghetto dragon impression.


/ I just had a mental picture of that and decided I need help


P.S. Don't judge me.
 
2013-05-19 10:19:37 PM  
if you're gonna rob a bank, don't teller
 
2013-05-19 10:22:05 PM  

SpikeStrip: if you're gonna rob a bank, don't teller


Aaaaand we're done here.
 
2013-05-19 11:18:44 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-19 11:20:24 PM  

cman: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x793]


CRAP wrong thread
 
2013-05-20 12:09:50 AM  

cman: cman: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x793]

CRAP wrong thread


I loled anyway.
 
2013-05-20 02:01:27 AM  
Overly emotional people, they ruin just about everything.
 
2013-05-20 02:02:30 AM  
I have a gub....
 
2013-05-20 02:09:45 AM  
That wasn't "calm down," that was "shut the hell up". Don't they tell bank employees to just hand over the money? Wonder if they'll can her for violating policy by panicking and hiding from a guy threatening to kill people.
 
2013-05-20 02:14:06 AM  

SpdrJay: I have a gub....


i42.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-20 02:23:35 AM  
I think she handled it well.
 
2013-05-20 02:26:01 AM  
This teller needs to be fired at once for endangering everybody- but of course she's going to milk the Worker's Comp thing for every cent she can squeeze out. Probably sue the bank. And sue the coworkers who won't have anything to do with her now. Might even have a go at suing the customers, too.
 
2013-05-20 02:29:18 AM  
I guess there wasn't some Kharmic-Chi love thing happening there baby or what.
 
2013-05-20 02:37:04 AM  
She recognized him from okCupid, was hoping for a second date
 
2013-05-20 02:41:19 AM  
I have this image of a middle-aged black woman, 350 pounds, waddling at the pace of a tortoise towards a desk 10 feet away with her hands covering her ass (as if that is going to help her) screaming "Ah Lord, Ah Lord."
 
2013-05-20 02:43:30 AM  
Why the f--- is this a contest thread?
 
2013-05-20 02:52:50 AM  
The note, scribbled in black marker, read: "I have a gun and will use it. You have 5 seconds to hand over 100s, 50s, 20s before people start getting hurt."

Well no wonder she started panicking. 5 seconds? That's not enough time to gather up all the 100s, 50s, and 20s.
 
2013-05-20 03:00:13 AM  

worlddan: I have this image of a middle-aged black woman, 350 pounds, waddling at the pace of a tortoise towards a desk 10 feet away with her hands covering her ass (as if that is going to help her) screaming "Ah Lord, Ah Lord."


Bwahahaha. I had the same image, but you expressed it better.
 
2013-05-20 03:01:01 AM  
What's the voting for? Vote on someone's best robbery attempt story?!
 
2013-05-20 03:23:25 AM  
Bag guy mith a gub.
 
2013-05-20 03:26:41 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: What's the voting for? Vote on someone's best robbery attempt story?!


I have three, all from when I was a bank teller. First time it was a guy with a stained note, badly written, asking for all my money or his friend in the car would come in and kill me. They caught him that same day. Second and third times were the next Summer, 6 weeks apart. Different guy from the first, but he committed both the second and third. Places a Priority Mail box with a typed note attached on my window. He rode a bicycle to and from the robbery. He wore a helmet, wraparound sunglasses, a white polo, and held a camo rag over his face. The note said the box was a bomb that would detonate if he did not get my money.

The second time rattled me a little bit. The third time basically changed my life for the worse. Not many days go by that I don't wish I had chased after him that third time, because he was clearly targeting my bank and likely me. That feeling of not knowing if he was still targeting me, after me, out there somewhere, it has never completely left me. I don't know that it ever will.

It took me about a decade but I finally saw a doctor for the OCD, depression, and anxiety that built over that time. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I take pills now that have taken away all of those symptoms. I sleep better. I even have lost a little weight. I am happy. I struggle now with knowing that he did all of that to me and I can never, ever square things with that son of a biatch; with any luck I will someday just be able to move on. Just writing all of this has brought on a headache. I don't know what else to say really, at times I wish cancer or worse on him but really I don't want to be like that. I am trying.
 
2013-05-20 03:45:50 AM  

Wayne 985: Why the f--- is this a contest thread?


I don't know, but you've got my vote.
 
2013-05-20 03:46:15 AM  

cman: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x793]


Genuine LOL from me. I don't care how predictable or overdone that shiat is, it's funny - even to him, according to interviews.
 
2013-05-20 03:47:11 AM  

cman: cman: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 550x793]

CRAP wrong thread


I thought you were riffing on the Woody Allen "gub" joke upthread.
 
2013-05-20 03:59:55 AM  
Vote for me!!
 
2013-05-20 04:44:17 AM  

Owangotang: DarkSoulNoHope: What's the voting for? Vote on someone's best robbery attempt story?!

I have three, all from when I was a bank teller. First time it was a guy with a stained note, badly written, asking for all my money or his friend in the car would come in and kill me. They caught him that same day. Second and third times were the next Summer, 6 weeks apart. Different guy from the first, but he committed both the second and third. Places a Priority Mail box with a typed note attached on my window. He rode a bicycle to and from the robbery. He wore a helmet, wraparound sunglasses, a white polo, and held a camo rag over his face. The note said the box was a bomb that would detonate if he did not get my money.

The second time rattled me a little bit. The third time basically changed my life for the worse. Not many days go by that I don't wish I had chased after him that third time, because he was clearly targeting my bank and likely me. That feeling of not knowing if he was still targeting me, after me, out there somewhere, it has never completely left me. I don't know that it ever will.

It took me about a decade but I finally saw a doctor for the OCD, depression, and anxiety that built over that time. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I take pills now that have taken away all of those symptoms. I sleep better. I even have lost a little weight. I am happy. I struggle now with knowing that he did all of that to me and I can never, ever square things with that son of a biatch; with any luck I will someday just be able to move on. Just writing all of this has brought on a headache. I don't know what else to say really, at times I wish cancer or worse on him but really I don't want to be like that. I am trying.


If you can't forget it you can benefit from talking it out with someone, ideally professionally. Just taking pills doesn't allow you to let go of things.
 
2013-05-20 05:04:12 AM  
Mos Def?
 
2013-05-20 05:20:23 AM  
Looking directly into the security camera like you're at the Sear's portrait studio on your way out is sign #2

bp2.blogger.com
 
2013-05-20 05:58:23 AM  
*looks at Bad cover*
*looks at TFA*
I think black Michael Jackson did it.
 
2013-05-20 06:03:16 AM  

mike_d85: *looks at Bad cover*
*looks at TFA*
I think black Michael Jackson did it.


Unpossible. There's no such thing as black Michael Jackson.
 
2013-05-20 06:10:37 AM  
Having to rob a bank is sign No. 1 that your life is going badly.
 
2013-05-20 06:30:37 AM  
"First time being robbed? You're doing very well!"

/Not obscure
 
2013-05-20 06:45:18 AM  
This thread makes no sense. What are we voting for?
 
2013-05-20 06:50:12 AM  

Albert911emt: This thread makes no sense. What are we voting for?


For me! I shall lead us into a new dawn of Fark all.
 
2013-05-20 06:58:20 AM  
I still say robbing a bank teller only makes no sense. You can't be getting much from one teller's drawer and for so little gain, if/when you get caught it's automatically a felony. If you're gonna get serious charges thrown at you, might as well go for the whole take at the bank.
 
2013-05-20 07:03:32 AM  
Several years ago, I was standing in line at the bank and my mind was idly wandering to some news stories about bank robberies in the area.  It occurred to me that I couldn't remember any stories of bank robberies in the particular small town in which I was banking that day.  In a move that can only be ascribed to lack of forethought on my part, when I got up to the next available teller, I asked her if this bank had ever been robbed.

The teller looked stricken and said that they had never been robbed before as her hands went under the counter.  Had I been more alert, I would have caught her use of the word "before."  Suddenly, I had a big, beefy bank guard's hand on my shoulder, asking if I'd like to accompany him.  Fortunately, I was able to explain my actions and we all had a good laugh before the cops got there.  Mr. Bank Guard explained the situation to them and all was well.  The teller was a bit embarrassed by her over-reaction, but she never screamed.
 
2013-05-20 07:05:30 AM  
media.trb.com

Well dressed man.
 
2013-05-20 07:11:38 AM  
Owangotang:


I wish to hear more.
 
2013-05-20 07:25:40 AM  

jjorsett: That wasn't "calm down," that was "shut the hell up". Don't they tell bank employees to just hand over the money? Wonder if they'll can her for violating policy by panicking and hiding from a guy threatening to kill people.


They do. My friend who is a teller in a bad neighborhood has been robbed multiple times. At this point she's pretty meh about it.
 
2013-05-20 07:25:51 AM  

flamingboard: Albert911emt: This thread makes no sense. What are we voting for?

For me! I shall lead us into a new dawn of Fark all.


No!  Vote for me!  Abortions for everyone!
 
2013-05-20 08:00:44 AM  
Before you put the money in the bag, take a couple deep breaths into it.
 
2013-05-20 08:04:04 AM  
Don't know why this popped into my head, it just did.

www.aaanything.net
 
2013-05-20 08:09:14 AM  

The_Y2P_Problem: flamingboard: Albert911emt: This thread makes no sense. What are we voting for?

For me! I shall lead us into a new dawn of Fark all.

No!  Vote for me!  Abortions for everyone!


What does abortion have to do with Bengazi?
 
2013-05-20 08:19:25 AM  
s3.amazonaws.com

What a hot teller may look like.

Now you've got something to vote on.
 
2013-05-20 08:31:42 AM  
s3.amazonaws.com

What a hot teller may look like.

This time with vote whoring enabled
 
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