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(Daily Mail)   Soldier returns from deployment and learns that half of his family is missing   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 63
    More: Spiffy, Chris Evert, shock jocks, deathbed conversion, Hofstra University, tennis great, Michelle Obama, US Airways  
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20517 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 May 2013 at 1:01 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-19 01:06:37 PM
Is the other half pregnant?
 
2013-05-19 01:06:42 PM
Good for her. Takes a lot of motivation to drop any amount of weight.
 
2013-05-19 01:09:18 PM
Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...
 
2013-05-19 01:09:35 PM
She doesn't really look like she had 150lbs to lose.
 
2013-05-19 01:13:48 PM
Subby, nice job with the headline.  Also, good for her. She looks great and I hope she can keep up the good work and keep off the weight.
 
2013-05-19 01:13:49 PM
img594.imageshack.us

The two fatties in the background looking all depressed really make the article epic.
 
2013-05-19 01:14:12 PM

Teknowaffle: She doesn't really look like she had 150lbs to lose.


Depends a lot on her height.  Taller girls can hold more weight and it not be obvious.
 
2013-05-19 01:15:37 PM
Here weight loss secret....  Lots and lots of marathon sex.
 
2013-05-19 01:18:45 PM
Good headline submitter.
 
2013-05-19 01:22:53 PM

IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...


... and I might just be that person. I wonder which one she was up to.
 
2013-05-19 01:23:51 PM

IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...


Heh, that happened to a friend of mine. His gf started wearing makeup to work whereas before she'd never ever wear makeup. He said she told him that it boosted her self esteem. I told him dude, she's trying to get the attention of another guy...he didn't believe me til they broke up. He's an idiot.

Waiting for the follow up where she reveals she's pregnant with some other guy's kid, divorces him and takes everything leaving him homeless then he kills himself.
 
2013-05-19 01:24:05 PM

Alonjar: [img594.imageshack.us image 632x420]

The two fatties in the background looking all depressed really make the article epic.


They're just there to make sure she looks as thin as possible.
 
2013-05-19 01:24:11 PM
Great. Goes away and leaves a wife who is chill and likes to eat, meaning she is more likely to cook for you and doesn't harp on what you eat. Come back to find a woman who now counts every calorie, is obsessed with exercise and gives you the hairy eyeball over what you eat and why you are not exercising as much as she is. Good-bye burgers and fries and hello to rice cakes and baked, flavorless chicken. YEAH!
 
2013-05-19 01:25:00 PM
Nice use of the spiffy tag. My brain went clonk!
 
2013-05-19 01:26:19 PM

mrlewish: Here weight loss secret....  Lots and lots of marathon sex.


that's what I assumed
 
2013-05-19 01:27:42 PM
their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.
 
2013-05-19 01:28:45 PM
Neva, Neva, Neva gonna work here...
 
2013-05-19 01:31:16 PM

FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.


Nevhah, as in, "you ain't nevhah havin' sex again, pal."
 
2013-05-19 01:31:21 PM
The wife transfered her weight to the kid. I mean, look at pudgy that princess!

But seriously though, cool story.
 
2013-05-19 01:32:16 PM
What if he likes fat chicks?
 
2013-05-19 01:35:38 PM

mekki: Great. Goes away and leaves a wife who is chill and likes to eat, meaning she is more likely to cook for you and doesn't harp on what you eat. Come back to find a woman who now counts every calorie, is obsessed with exercise and gives you the hairy eyeball over what you eat and why you are not exercising as much as she is. Good-bye burgers and fries and hello to rice cakes and baked, flavorless chicken. YEAH!


He could stand to lose about 40lbs
 
2013-05-19 01:37:05 PM
The weight was just one of a host of surprises Misty had waiting for him.

www.maps2anywhere.com
 
2013-05-19 01:38:44 PM
The weight is kind of a big deal; but she also BOUGHT A FRIGGIN HOUSE.

I love my wife and all....but I would be pissed off beyond belief if I learned she'd bought a house without consulting me.  I'd like to believe that she's got a well paying career and is rational about how much they can afford and knew what type of location he would be interested in, and was intimately familiar with the home-purchasing process, ensured there were no loose ends with the paper work or legal crap, found the best possible mortgage, put down the optimal amount of money given their situation, got the best possible price for the house, and performed all sorts of due-diligence to ensure no costly surprises down the road when they find out something in the house is broken.

But even if my wife did ALL OF THAT, I'd *still* be a little pissed that I wasn't involved....given that I'll probably be expected to contribute financially to the house for the next 30 years.

Maybe that's what works for this couple, but yeah....it strikes me as awfully fishy.
 
2013-05-19 01:39:17 PM

Begoggle: What if he likes fat chicks?


That's the first thing I thought! I know a guy like that. He'd never date a woman who looks like the "after" wife.

/If he's no longer interested, I'd hit it.
 
2013-05-19 01:40:02 PM

zamboni: IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...

... and I might just be that person. I wonder which one she was up to.


Jody called.
 
2013-05-19 01:41:16 PM

Alonjar: [img594.imageshack.us image 632x420]

The two fatties in the background looking all depressed really make the article epic.


I'm sure his first thought was "Jesus  Effin Christ... she's fatter than when I left... and I didn't think that was possible." Then realized neither of them was her.

Then the other two military husbands on the plane said "Jesus  Effin Christ... she's fatter than when I left... and I didn't think that was possible."
 
2013-05-19 01:43:19 PM

D2theMcV: Begoggle: What if he likes fat chicks?

That's the first thing I thought! I know a guy like that. He'd never date a woman who looks like the "after" wife.

/If he's no longer interested, I'd hit it.


Obligatory:  What's his fark handle?
 
2013-05-19 01:51:38 PM
The army has no weight limit? And I thought only the cops in the US can be lardasses, did not know it was ok for active duty military too.
 
2013-05-19 01:56:22 PM

Fark_Guy_Rob: The weight is kind of a big deal; but she also BOUGHT A FRIGGIN HOUSE.

I love my wife and all....but I would be pissed off beyond belief if I learned she'd bought a house without consulting me.  I'd like to believe that she's got a well paying career and is rational about how much they can afford and knew what type of location he would be interested in, and was intimately familiar with the home-purchasing process, ensured there were no loose ends with the paper work or legal crap, found the best possible mortgage, put down the optimal amount of money given their situation, got the best possible price for the house, and performed all sorts of due-diligence to ensure no costly surprises down the road when they find out something in the house is broken.

But even if my wife did ALL OF THAT, I'd *still* be a little pissed that I wasn't involved....given that I'll probably be expected to contribute financially to the house for the next 30 years.

Maybe that's what works for this couple, but yeah....it strikes me as awfully fishy.


As does the smell of her bedroom ....

You assume they never spoke about the house purchase, like he was in solitary confinement without outside contact.  I submit that they probably exchanged pictures, google street views, real estate listings and skyped with the realtor during the search and purchase.  The purchase packet and loan papers were probably fedexed back and forth to get signatures....
 
2013-05-19 01:59:37 PM

My Yali or Yours: The weight was just one of a host of surprises Misty had waiting for him.

[www.maps2anywhere.com image 330x450]


wildcardjack: Alonjar: [img594.imageshack.us image 632x420]

The two fatties in the background looking all depressed really make the article epic.

They're just there to make sure she looks as thin as possible.


Mission accomplished then.
 
2013-05-19 02:01:14 PM
first two images in article: faces of meth?

tl;dr DRTFA.
 
GBB [TotalFark]
2013-05-19 02:05:48 PM

FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.


Religious nuts that name their kid Nevaeh are the same ones that consider reverse recordings the sign of the devil.  No, they're not hypocritical.   nosiree
 
2013-05-19 02:06:04 PM

zamboni: IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...

... and I might just be that person. I wonder which one she was up to.


A less cynical explanation would be that she lost the weight when she wasn't sharing meals with her husband, who could have been eating tons every day to keep up with the physical demands of his job. So, cooking for herself rather than her husband. Plus, a small amount could have been the baby weight finally falling off. Probably the most important factor was change in routine and role in life with her husband being gone. Someone improving themselves doesn't necessarily mean they have darker motives.
 
GBB [TotalFark]
2013-05-19 02:10:48 PM

Fark_Guy_Rob: The weight is kind of a big deal; but she also BOUGHT A FRIGGIN HOUSE.


She figured he'd CSI the shiat out of the place first chance he got after trying to figure out why she lost so much weight.
 
2013-05-19 02:12:38 PM

KellyKellyKelly: FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.

Nevhah, as in, "you ain't nevhah havin' sex again, pal."


So if you give your kid a name that is "thing spelled backwards", is it supposed to mean the opposite of the original word?

So "Neveah" means "hell".

Maybe I should have named my children "Resol", "Norom", and "Deyolpmenu". Yeah. I'm sure my wife would have gone for that.
 
2013-05-19 02:15:47 PM

Teknowaffle: She doesn't really look like she had 150lbs to lose.


no way she was 300 in that before pic unless they are both well over 6'0
 
2013-05-19 02:20:28 PM

lucksi: The army has no weight limit? And I thought only the cops in the US can be lardasses, did not know it was ok for active duty military too.


whyareyousofat.files.wordpress.comwww.globalpost.com
 
2013-05-19 02:24:54 PM

lucksi: The army has no weight limit? And I thought only the cops in the US can be lardasses, did not know it was ok for active duty military too.


Depends on the branch, duty station and MOS.  I'd wager except for special units like Airborne or Rangers, the Army is overall significantly more lax on weight standards than the Marines.

In the Corps, you could all of this just by physical appearance at the end of the deployment.  Combat MOSs were generally either cut as hell from working out while stuck on a FOB or looked like Auschwitz survivors from doing 2 patrols a day for 7 months out of a PB in buttfark nowhere.  Everyone else turns into the stay-puft marshmallow man from FOB food.

/Airforce food is always the best, better than stateside.
 
2013-05-19 02:29:23 PM

eas81: lucksi: The army has no weight limit? And I thought only the cops in the US can be lardasses, did not know it was ok for active duty military too.

[whyareyousofat.files.wordpress.com image 562x707][www.globalpost.com image 650x433]


Pizza Hut isn't pizza, I don't think it even qualifies as food.
 
2013-05-19 02:32:07 PM

RandomCommenter: zamboni: IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...

... and I might just be that person. I wonder which one she was up to.

A less cynical explanation would be that she lost the weight when she wasn't sharing meals with her husband, who could have been eating tons every day to keep up with the physical demands of his job. So, cooking for herself rather than her husband. Plus, a small amount could have been the baby weight finally falling off. Probably the most important factor was change in routine and role in life with her husband being gone. Someone improving themselves doesn't necessarily mean they have darker motives.


Yeah... that was probably it. That 150 lbs of baby weight from 3+ years ago finally came off.

Anyway... I hope that was it. Otherwise, now that he's back, she'll just pack it all back on now that her routine is back to normal, and she's sharing meals with her husband who has to eat tons to keep up with the physical demands of his job.

Actually, one innocent explanation would be that he's an army cook. It would explain his svelte figure as well as her weight loss. Of course she's happy to see him... she's starving!!!
 
2013-05-19 03:06:04 PM

FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.


Nevhah, gonna give you up !
Nevhah, gonna let you down!

I bet she hates that song.
 
GBB [TotalFark]
2013-05-19 03:10:38 PM

ISO15693: FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?  I've seen Nevaeh, which is heaven backwards and is stupid all on its own, but these people went above and beyond creating a stupid name.

Nevhah, gonna give you up !
Nevhah, gonna let you down!

I bet she hates that song.



moviesfilmsmotionpictures.files.wordpress.com

Nevah!
 
2013-05-19 03:12:11 PM

Sandwyrm: lucksi: The army has no weight limit? And I thought only the cops in the US can be lardasses, did not know it was ok for active duty military too.

Depends on the branch, duty station and MOS.  I'd wager except for special units like Airborne or Rangers, the Army is overall significantly more lax on weight standards than the Marines.

In the Corps, you could all of this just by physical appearance at the end of the deployment.  Combat MOSs were generally either cut as hell from working out while stuck on a FOB or looked like Auschwitz survivors from doing 2 patrols a day for 7 months out of a PB in buttfark nowhere.  Everyone else turns into the stay-puft marshmallow man from FOB food.

/Airforce food is always the best, better than stateside.


Actually in my opinion the Army has always had the best food.  An example was at the VBC in Baghdad.  Sather Air Base had a small, bleh chow hall.  Air Force would make it a point to travel to the Army bases and eat at their chow halls on our days off.  Their chow halls even had specialized gyro and pizza bars!
 
2013-05-19 03:33:26 PM

mekki: Great. Goes away and leaves a wife who is chill and likes to eat, meaning she is more likely to cook for you and doesn't harp on what you eat. Come back to find a woman who now counts every calorie, is obsessed with exercise and gives you the hairy eyeball over what you eat and why you are not exercising as much as she is. Good-bye burgers and fries and hello to rice cakes and baked, flavorless chicken. YEAH!


You sound fat.
 
2013-05-19 03:46:53 PM
Next stop: Pound town.
 
2013-05-19 04:03:18 PM

firemanbuck: Fark_Guy_Rob: The weight is kind of a big deal; but she also BOUGHT A FRIGGIN HOUSE.

I love my wife and all....but I would be pissed off beyond belief if I learned she'd bought a house without consulting me.  I'd like to believe that she's got a well paying career and is rational about how much they can afford and knew what type of location he would be interested in, and was intimately familiar with the home-purchasing process, ensured there were no loose ends with the paper work or legal crap, found the best possible mortgage, put down the optimal amount of money given their situation, got the best possible price for the house, and performed all sorts of due-diligence to ensure no costly surprises down the road when they find out something in the house is broken.

But even if my wife did ALL OF THAT, I'd *still* be a little pissed that I wasn't involved....given that I'll probably be expected to contribute financially to the house for the next 30 years.

Maybe that's what works for this couple, but yeah....it strikes me as awfully fishy.

As does the smell of her bedroom ....

You assume they never spoke about the house purchase, like he was in solitary confinement without outside contact.  I submit that they probably exchanged pictures, google street views, real estate listings and skyped with the realtor during the search and purchase.  The purchase packet and loan papers were probably fedexed back and forth to get signatures....


"Incredible welcome home surprises: daughter has grown up and the family have a new house too "

If he played an active role in the purchase, none of it would be a surprise.  The daughter growing up...well, while I acknowledge that children do grow, lots of people are surprised by how fast they grow.  It was one of the most common things I heard at family gatherings as a child and it is something that I say as an adult...so, sure, I can let that slide.  But nothing about buying a house should be a surprise.  He wouldn't return to the country and be surprised that they had a new house.
 
2013-05-19 04:21:44 PM

Teknowaffle: She doesn't really look like she had 150lbs to lose.


That's what I was thinking. maybe she had really really fat feet or something.
 
2013-05-19 04:37:24 PM

IAmRight: Someone who is far more cynical than me might come up with a reason she might've started getting attractive while her husband was gone for several months...


Being a veteran and lived on several bases, I will tell you that cynacism is not needed. It is just the way it is. Guys go on deployment, the parade of guys to the gashes of their wives starts forming before the wheels are up.
 
2013-05-19 04:48:49 PM

FourPetesake: their kid is named Nevhah?


Just be glad their last name isn't Moore.
 
2013-05-19 05:14:04 PM

Fark_Guy_Rob: If he played an active role in the purchase, none of it would be a surprise.


NEWSFLASH - British tabloids occasionally use hyperbole as a way to sell papers.....
 
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