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(Salon)   The most unromantic proposals of all time   (salon.com) divider line 64
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14141 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 May 2013 at 4:07 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-19 01:32:51 AM
Would you like to make sammiches and fetch me beer forever and ever?
 
2013-05-19 02:42:50 AM
I had planned to propose to my girlfriend a few months down the road while taking a romantic flight in a small aircraft over our city.  We were both in college and dirt poor, but I knew lots of guys in the aviation program that needed the hours in the air.

But I come home one day, and my girlfriend shyly announces that she's pregnant.  I pretty matter-of-factly ask, "so we should get married.  How about it?"  She says "sure, sounds like a good idea".

We're celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this summer.

/last of the true romantics
 
2013-05-19 04:13:00 AM
I proposed to my ex at around 1AM on a cool autumn night in a city garden with trees filled with color-changing lights.

We broke up about 2 months before the wedding, and she went on a "blow my friends" spree afterwards.

farkin coont.
 
2013-05-19 04:13:32 AM
Kneeling down in front of a woman while she's sitting on a toilet urinating? Sounds more kinky than necessarily unromantic. I think there was a scene like that in a Richard Kern film, but I think involved a cup rather than a diamond ring.
 
2013-05-19 04:16:21 AM
I can see forever in the corn in your poo.

/ Will you marry me?
 
2013-05-19 04:23:10 AM
img19.imageshack.us
 
2013-05-19 04:26:47 AM
"Y'unt to?"
 
2013-05-19 04:30:12 AM
www.blogcdn.com

"Well Carla, I knocked you up... so I guess I have to."
 
2013-05-19 04:49:10 AM
I decided to propose to my girlfriend at the finish line of a "Muddy Buddy" race. It was a five-mile race where we alternated between running and bicycling with obstacles in-between, then finished as a couple by mucking through a giant pit of mud. I figured it would be ironically romantic to pull the ring out of the pocket in my show as we crossed the finish line.

The first problem was that I was freaked out that I'd lose the ring in the mud.

The second was that my girlfriend announced the day before the race that we were entering the costume contest and dressing up as old ladies.

We stayed in a hotel the night before the race, went out for a nice dinner, then went to the pre-race party and drank quite a bit. On the way home, we stopped by a convenience store for a six-pack and a bag of Doritos.

As we sat naked in bed, drinking beers and staining the already stained bedsheets with Dorito dust, I pulled out my smelly shoe, yanked out the ring and handed it to her with no explanation. She cried for a good 5-10 minutes before I interrupted her, saying "You haven't said yes, yet."

The next day, we won the costume contest and when we went onstage to accept our prize of a pair of US roadmaps we've never used, I told the crowd how we got engaged the night before. During the race, people passing us kept yelling congrats, which was really nice.

/7 year anniversary this December
//Son turns three next month, daughter turns two on Halloween
///Get off my lawn
////CSB
//Slashies
 
2013-05-19 04:59:50 AM
marcre3363: *engagement story*

Fark could use a 'that's a nice post and it made me feel good' voting button.

Or, you know, I could move hands to keyboard.....type out a comment..... mouse hand to mouse.... engage wrist......click add comm*yaaaaaawn*

That's a nice story marcre3363. I especially like how your 'two chicks at one time' was satisfied by dressing up as an old lady with your fiance. Well done, you dog.
 
2013-05-19 05:31:15 AM
Im preety sure Adolf and Eva have the most unromantic proposal/wedding of all time.

Hey baby wanna get married in the damp musty bunker then take a couple of cyanide capsules and blow our brains out.
 
2013-05-19 05:52:23 AM

Oldiron_79: Im preety sure Adolf and Eva have the most unromantic proposal/wedding of all time.

Hey baby wanna get married in the damp musty bunker then take a couple of cyanide capsules and blow our brains out.


Unique venue.  Every friend you have in the world present for the ceremony.  Important reason for the timing.  Great story to tell the kids.  I think it was pretty romantic.  It's just the honeymoon that sucked.
 
2013-05-19 06:14:38 AM

Radak: Oldiron_79: Im preety sure Adolf and Eva have the most unromantic proposal/wedding of all time.

Hey baby wanna get married in the damp musty bunker then take a couple of cyanide capsules and blow our brains out.

Unique venue.  Every friend you have in the world present for the ceremony.  Important reason for the timing.  Great story to tell the kids.  I think it was pretty romantic.  It's just the honeymoon that sucked.


In a ditch, covered in petrol on fire?
 
2013-05-19 06:25:13 AM
I proposed on a mountaintop in Glacier National Park.  I'm glad I chose that particular hike to propose and not the one we went on the next day when we got caught in a downpour and almost froze to death.

/getting married in 26 days
//but who's counting?
///she is
 
2013-05-19 07:29:37 AM
Did the "Stupid" tag take the day off, <b>Subby</b>?
 
2013-05-19 07:31:13 AM

Radak: Oldiron_79: Im preety sure Adolf and Eva have the most unromantic proposal/wedding of all time.

Hey baby wanna get married in the damp musty bunker then take a couple of cyanide capsules and blow our brains out.

Unique venue.  Every friend you have in the world present for the ceremony.  Important reason for the timing.  Great story to tell the kids.  I think it was pretty romantic.  It's just the honeymoon that sucked.


Have you ever thought about a job in sales?
 
2013-05-19 07:55:00 AM
Barkis is willin'.
 
2013-05-19 08:02:16 AM
My wife and I were sitting at Texas Roadhouse for their $5 burger Monday's special and I said "you know what would be fun? If we got married." So we drove across the street to the mall and bought a ring. We had been together almost 6 years at that point and we really just wanted an excuse to throw a party with all of our friends
 
2013-05-19 08:03:17 AM
""Kara" and her boyfriend of six years were lounging around watching "Ricki Lake" one afternoon in 1994. "

Click.........
 
2013-05-19 08:08:09 AM
I completely muffed my proposal.  In fact I really can't even remember it.  It was something like, "I suppose we'd better get married."  But it had been increasingly obvious for a while that we were moving in that direction.

Married for 14 years and I think we must have one of the most solid and stable marriages in history.  This is remarkable because I'm not the most loveable of people, and I had some serious growing up left to do when we first got married.

So yeah, the proposal can be a nice memory but that's all it is.  There are plenty of other chances to create nice memories.
 
2013-05-19 08:09:57 AM
In a long-distance relationship, I thought it would be symbolic and cool to propose by telegram- this was a long time ago, obviously.  Completely missing the point, Western Union decided my real motivation was immediacy, so they called her and some douche read my telegram to her on the phone.  If I had wanted to propose to her on the phone, I should have been that douche.  She said yes, but then soon married a local intercooled turbo-douche and now they're divorced.  So it goes.


Not cool, bro
 
2013-05-19 08:17:00 AM
I drove halfway across the country to attend a wedding last night so I'm getting a kick,...........I have such a bad hangover
 
2013-05-19 08:49:38 AM
I had planned to propose to my wife on a boat at my wife's lake house over one Memorial Day weekend 6 years ago. There was bad weather at the lake so we stayed home instead. Keep in mind I was a poor college kid but I had my own apartment. One morning I made her breakfast in bed. Eggs, toast, sausage and juice with a flower in a vase. This was presented on a cookie sheet covered in a pillow case by the way. About halfway though her meal I got down on one knee and asked if she knew how to spell my last name. After passing the test she cried, called her mom and we went all over Omaha showing her family the ring. We then drove out to Des Moines to help a friend move.
 
2013-05-19 09:06:38 AM
My ex-hubby tossed a ring at me while we were at a monster truck rally. I handed him my nachos and put the ring on.

/Divorced 12 yrs later...
 
2013-05-19 09:14:38 AM
I asked her to marry me on Fark. She said I had to sow my oats first and get five BIE. I'm too faithful to look at any I get, though.
 
2013-05-19 09:24:33 AM
"I'm rich" is unromantic, but it seems to work.
 
2013-05-19 09:29:45 AM
Mr. Co-Pirate rolled over in bed one Sunday morning and said, "I think we should get married."  Public proposals seem like the most embarrassing and self-centered thing ever.

Seven years and two kids later, still going strong.
 
2013-05-19 09:39:06 AM
I was 17 years old and I proposed by waking my 19 year old fiance up at 8:30 am, got down on one knee and asked her. Strangely enough it was her Dad's birthday(both her parents hated me, they thought I was a hoodlum) We had a year engagement and she got pregnant during that time so we moved the wedding up and her parents chipped in after we told them about the baby. This July it'll be 14 years and 3 kids later.
 
2013-05-19 09:43:23 AM
I'm pretty sure I never actually did propose.   We sort of muttered something about moving in together.   That was 29 years and 3 kids ago.   Some bumps I suppose but I think we're compatible.   As compatible as two non-communicative vulcans can be.
 
2013-05-19 09:47:15 AM
I had my speech all prepared, and as I started into it at the big moment my girlfriend interrupted and started telling a story  about her father.  Her father is a real asshole; beat the hell out my girlfriend and her brothers when they were little and still abuses his wife to this day.  So I despise her father.  She did this at least twice, maybe three times.  She kept trying to tell this story in the middle of my spiel.  Frustrated, I just blurted out "Hey, shut up about your dad for a minute!" and just finished my prepared remarks.

/She said yes
 
2013-05-19 09:49:39 AM
We were on different continents, chatted over a phone and decided to get married.
Twenty four years ago.
 
2013-05-19 09:56:06 AM
That's where I did it.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-05-19 09:58:25 AM
I was with my lady for two years when we took a trip to Europe last September, touring through Germany and Italy, ending in Rome. On our first night in Rome I was going to propose at the Trevi Fountain after we threw in coins and made wishes. Turns out that that place is a mosh pit of fat tourists wearing backpacks and street vendors trying to sell you plastic crap, so I didn't do it. Threw in coins, made wishes, then we kept walking and talking, eventually found ourselves at the top of the Spanish Steps. There were flowers everywhere and it was lit up very prettily. Incredibly, we were alone.

Me- "So what did you wish for when we tossed our coins in?"
Her - "I can't tell you, because then it won't come true."
Me - "Well you can make my wish come true."

Got down on one knee and took out the ring, asked her to marry me. Her response? "Are you being serious right now?" Yes, I am. "Then yes, yes, yes."

Bought some roses and spent the rest of the night walking through Rome drinking champagne, holding hands, and talking. Also best sex of my life that night, as a fun little bonus.

/getting married in August
 
2013-05-19 10:00:45 AM
Moved in with her and said if I'm still here in six months we'll get hitched. 32 years later and I'm still here.
 
2013-05-19 10:08:56 AM
The smug, stupid first paragraph or so of that article kept me from finishing. I'd rather read the stories from here anyways.
 
2013-05-19 10:13:09 AM

keypusher: Barkis is willin'.


heh. good catch.
 
2013-05-19 10:16:44 AM
Mr. FOP and I had a rather informal talk at the Norfolk Southern yard.  That was nice--I am not much of a frou-frou person.

Than we watched some more trains and then we got kicked out by security.
 
2013-05-19 10:19:53 AM
My wife proposed to me via text message...
 
2013-05-19 10:21:41 AM
I spent a couple months carving a ring for her, during which time I also figured out that the huge mess on my desk is a very useful hiding place. She's a fan of the symphony, and before we left for it at our first tickets to last season, so we were all dressed up, I gave it to her and asked her to marry me.

Like a couple others have mentioned, I had to remind her that it would be nice to hear her say "yes". (A little while later, seeing as how she started kissing me and I wasn't planning to interrupt that).

Been married a month and a half.
 
2013-05-19 10:44:35 AM
My husband kept insisting we go for a walk at the park by our apartment.  It was December in Ohio and I was cuddled up in a blanket fort on our couch.  I didn't get the hint that he was going to propose because we had been together 6 years.

The next morning, I sat up in bed and he was on one knee holding the ring.  He says, "This is happening. Will you marry me? Yes I'm serious." I cried, tackled him, said yes, then called into work so I could get a manicure and stuff.  We still joke that I was wearing glow-in-the-dark Superman pajama pants.

/7 years next week
 
2013-05-19 10:51:33 AM

Baryogenesis: Radak: Oldiron_79: Im preety sure Adolf and Eva have the most unromantic proposal/wedding of all time.

Hey baby wanna get married in the damp musty bunker then take a couple of cyanide capsules and blow our brains out.

Unique venue.  Every friend you have in the world present for the ceremony.  Important reason for the timing.  Great story to tell the kids.  I think it was pretty romantic.  It's just the honeymoon that sucked.

In a ditch, covered in petrol on fire?


 Luxury. On our honeymoon, we had to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the Wehrner von Braun's V-2 slave camp every day for a Reichsmark a month, come home, and my father in law would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
 
2013-05-19 10:52:37 AM
My hubby proposed to me after a stressful day, after a horrible argument, on the dirty basement steps.

See, we had moved into a new place but still had crap and needed to clean the shiatty old place because our lease wasn't up yet. Our former roommates had moved cross-country and couldn't help us clean and left their crap there.

So I spent all day cleaning out the nasty side by side door fridge. Hubby kept on going back and forth to the dump or our house to unload crap.

I have no idea why started arguing in the first place or what it was about, but we ended up on the basement steps crying to each other.

Hubby said "Do you still love me and want to marry me?" I said "Yes". He grabbed the ring from upstairs and put it on my finger.

/We'll be married a year next week!
 
2013-05-19 10:53:57 AM
Proposal?  For us it never happened.  We just knew where the relationship was going, there was no issue of asking.  Married 25 years.
 
2013-05-19 11:22:41 AM
Husband proposed to me one night after a session of D&D. He spent a long time tidying up the space we gamed in, waiting for everybody else to leave. When I asked him why he was taking so long, he turned around with ring box in hand and asked "Want to do it tomorrow?"

We got married the next morning at city hall.

/ we hit five years back in February
// five years since the wedding ceremony we had for the family in another week
/// we celebrate both anniversaries just because
 
2013-05-19 11:44:18 AM
Ours was a quick romance.  Met in February, first date in March, and by the fourth date we just knew.  The closest either of us come to remembering a proposal was this:  "My friend knows a jeweler downtown.  Do you want to go in on Saturday and look at rings?"

Married 24 years this month.
 
2013-05-19 11:50:11 AM
My girlfriend and I had been living together about six months when she got an offer for a new job. Good job, good pay, still in PERS, unfortunately no health insurance. We hadn't really talked about marriage yet (because I was a big chicken on the topic after my disastrous first marriage) but we had known each other for a few years and cohabitation was going shockingly well (I'm difficult to live with). I pointed out that if we got married I could put her on my insurance and she could take the job she wanted without any worries. After she decided I was both sober and serious we went to the courthouse and got a marriage license. We drove out to my dad's house since he was able to perform weddings, had him do the paperwork and we were married.

/It's been a bit over five years and Mrs. Devil still hasn't run screaming into the night so I think it's going pretty well.
//Now that I read this I realize my wife is right, romance is dead.
 
2013-05-19 11:54:43 AM
I don't see what the big deal is. The recent rash of proposal memes is just kind of annoying. You can be romantic, or you can program a shiatty platformer to pop the question for you. You can be sentimental, or you can have your friends stage a mediocre musical number. Unless you have some kind of romantic competition for the girl, I don't see the point of using bombast in a proposal.
 
2013-05-19 11:59:05 AM
Oh, I did propose to another girl.  No prepared speech, but off the cuff, it was a doozy.  I poured my heart out to her, in each others' arms in my apartment.

But, I moved to her home town to try to make it work...and I met Mrs. Earguy.  Like I said earlier, we just knew.

She knew she should have said yes, years later she tearfully told me so,  that I was the only one who ever truly loved her.

I am fortunate in that I found true love twice in my life.
 
2013-05-19 12:01:09 PM
v.cdn.cad-comic.com
/hot
 
2013-05-19 12:21:31 PM

Huck Chaser: I proposed on a mountaintop in Glacier National Park.  I'm glad I chose that particular hike to propose and not the one we went on the next day when we got caught in a downpour and almost froze to death.

/getting married in 26 days
//but who's counting?
///she is


Congrats and thanks for making me realize my wedding is only 26 days away!

I kinda killed the romance of the moment but it makes for a funny story. We decided to leave on vacation the day after completing my first submission of my thesis. We had been discussing finally getting married (10 years+ together) in the months preceding but he was being nonchalant about it. The night before our departure we were sitting around the table at his parents' and I made a comment about getting engaged. He blurts out "I told you I don't want to talk about getting married during the trip". I'm pissed and I storm out of the house to run some errands.

The morning after we arrive we set out for a walk on the beach. He takes me to a sandspit with some large driftwood. He walks me around a particularly large piece until he points to a bottle (I have a collection). I pick it up and he mentions a message stuck in the bottle. I open it up, skim the writing without actually reading it and say "It really is a message in a bo-". I turn around to find him on his knee with a ring. I hadn't read the letter he wrote to me. I couldn't answer him because I was shocked. When prompted by him, I started crying, squeaked out yes and he put the ring on.

He was serious about not talking about the wedding during the trip.
 
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