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(Huffington Post)   Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, New York, pissing contests  
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11214 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 May 2013 at 8:25 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



173 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2013-05-18 10:57:55 PM  
oh, how i love the penis threads.
 
2013-05-18 11:02:45 PM  
Since it's in New York they could bill it as

THE SMALLEST DICKS ON THE BIGGEST PRICKS!
 
2013-05-18 11:03:40 PM  

maxx2112: C'mon . . . there's plenty of parking for all contestants!

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x387]


Those are "I am poor" cars. However your point is well taken. :)
 
2013-05-18 11:08:40 PM  

Indolent: Impromptu Fark party?


Impromptu? I thought this was the announcement...
 
2013-05-18 11:24:28 PM  
So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?
 
2013-05-18 11:30:38 PM  
I'm asking for a friend...how big is the cash prize?
 
2013-05-18 11:32:35 PM  

WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?


In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.
 
2013-05-18 11:33:07 PM  

wildcardjack: Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.


Yep, I noticed I got bigger when I lost some weight.  I haven't the slightest idea if it's working size or visual size.  I'm not, you know, gifted or anything.  I expect I'm average, given my height.  I'm a shade under 6" usable and approx. 5" in circumference.

I've been drinking.  I bought a scotch glass and I want to make sure it's working.
 
2013-05-18 11:36:01 PM  

RogermcAllen: WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?

In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.


assets0.ordienetworks.com
 
2013-05-18 11:37:26 PM  

RogermcAllen: WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?

In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.



Damn, if I wasn't out of gift months I'd give you one for that post.
 
2013-05-18 11:41:45 PM  
This is probably the ONLY contest I couldn't win, because I'm so massive and awesome. Seriously, I'm packing at LEAST half a roll of Certs down there. Don't be intimidated ladies, it won't bite!
 
2013-05-18 11:41:46 PM  
Coming out the pool I'm hung like an acorn button on a wool sweater.  Are cold showers available?
 
2013-05-18 11:42:45 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


You can't even afford a month for yourself, why are you trying to pretend you're willing to honor the bet?
 
2013-05-18 11:45:31 PM  
My Thai GF says a small penis shouldn't matter

I still wish she didn't have one
 
2013-05-18 11:48:16 PM  

mod3072: This is probably the ONLY contest I couldn't win, because I'm so massive and awesome. Seriously, I'm packing at LEAST half a roll of Certs down there. Don't be intimidated ladies, it won't bite!


Half a roll? Damn, James Deen impersonator, I'm two Sweetarts with a magnifying glass!


/BIE
//EIP

///oh, come on!
 
2013-05-18 11:48:39 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


I nominate FloydA.
 
2013-05-18 11:53:27 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


Nothing says dick like a bowl of hasy generalization and sprinkles of baseless assertion.
 
2013-05-19 12:00:56 AM  
 
2013-05-19 12:01:52 AM  

BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?


That was the third place guy.  The winner just cut me off in his Prius with one of those "coexist" stickers and an equal sign on his rear bumper, then slowed down to 20 under the speed limit just to prove he could control the flow of traffic on the freeway.
 
2013-05-19 12:02:04 AM  
And the winner is ... Les Johnson.
 
2013-05-19 12:04:18 AM  
Before I became a fat bastard, I used to model nude for the art classes at my university.  My worst nightmare was to pop one stiff while I was on the posing platoform.  Lots of thinking of basebal, because there were a couple of hotties in the course who would come to class and sit without drawers under their hippie garb.  It probably didn't help that my best friend would draw a ruler across the desk after striking it, to make that "BOOOOOINGOINGOINGOING" sound.  I was pretty successful in keeping it down.  Never got any dates out of the sessions.
I quit doing it the day the flamingly gay instructor put me in a pose on all fours and took a seat directly behind me to draw me.  Creeeeeepy.

/occasionally chilly story, bro
 
2013-05-19 12:05:48 AM  
Four nickels in the end of a deflated balloon.
 
2013-05-19 12:07:08 AM  

sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.


Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.
 
2013-05-19 12:16:55 AM  
So if I show up, I'll be like the bad singer on American Idol?

"You don't belong here".

/pats self on back
//with my dick
 
2013-05-19 12:22:39 AM  
I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."
 
2013-05-19 12:32:51 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."


I'd have that one in the bag after a night with your mom.

//rimshot
 
2013-05-19 12:35:51 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."


Circumcision thread to appear shortly.

Ha ha. Shortly.
 
2013-05-19 12:39:18 AM  
bucultureshock.com
 
2013-05-19 12:39:41 AM  
inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon...., Good thing, or bad thing?
 
2013-05-19 12:43:25 AM  
I strongly suspect this contest will be won by a man named "Justin."
 
2013-05-19 12:51:56 AM  
I'd lose.
 
2013-05-19 12:59:33 AM  
Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?
 
2013-05-19 01:00:22 AM  

cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.


No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?
 
2013-05-19 01:15:10 AM  
I assume we are talking erect members here, ice will not help.
 
2013-05-19 01:16:25 AM  

symptomoftheuniverse: inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon...., Good thing, or bad thing?


Different strokes for different folks, but nobody likes for it to burn when urinating.

/A Zen koan for Farkers
 
2013-05-19 01:19:25 AM  

Sultan Of Herf: Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.


That's my plan.
 
2013-05-19 01:22:29 AM  

Langdon_777: I assume we are talking erect members here, ice will not help.


The most accurate measurement is flaccid but stretched, imo.

I still lose.
 
2013-05-19 01:31:37 AM  

Notabunny: Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?


On principle, I vote for Beer Run.
 
2013-05-19 02:04:26 AM  

Notabunny: Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?


The radio show.
 
2013-05-19 02:08:17 AM  
Notabunny

pion:
On principle, I vote for Beer Run.

HotWingAgenda: The radio show.


1.bp.blogspot.com

 
2013-05-19 02:28:35 AM  
What a small penis may look like....

ts4.mm.bing.net
 
2013-05-19 02:34:42 AM  

HotWingAgenda: BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?

That was the third place guy.  The winner just cut me off in his Prius with one of those "coexist" stickers and an equal sign on his rear bumper, then slowed down to 20 under the speed limit just to prove he could control the flow of traffic on the freeway.


This
 
2013-05-19 03:19:31 AM  
I would join just to not lose.
 
2013-05-19 03:31:06 AM  
µWIE thread?
 
2013-05-19 03:42:38 AM  

pion: I strongly suspect this contest will be won by a man named "Justin."


No, he's still under 21.
 
2013-05-19 04:09:43 AM  
So this means that New York is going to be overrun by gold chain wearing Trans Am and Corvette Owners?
 
2013-05-19 04:23:36 AM  

sethen320: cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.

No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?


Thank you! I am getting so sick of every single thread getting turned into a pro/anti [obama, guns, terrorists, bronies] flamewar.  It's very tiring.  If I wanted to read a political debate, I'd click on political stories.  But no, douchebags have to go trolling and bringing up off-topic subjects and hijack the whole discussion about penises and whatnot...
 
2013-05-19 04:36:08 AM  

GreenSun: Why is there a huge picture of two naked men having sex with apples?!


It's not an apple. They are deep in dis pear.
 
2013-05-19 07:44:12 AM  

johncb76006: So this means that New York is going to be overrun by gold chain wearing Trans Am and Corvette Owners?


Leave Joe Biden out of this.
 
2013-05-19 08:09:12 AM  
I bet Bloomberg wins.
 
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