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(Huffington Post)   Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 173
    More: Amusing, New York, pissing contests  
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11186 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 May 2013 at 8:25 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-18 09:18:46 PM
I was dating a girl for a few months when we ran in to her ex-boyfriend. He was not happy to see her with me. He said a few nasty comments to her and she shot back in the restaurant "If your dlxk was bigger we would probably still be together" all the while she was holding up her pinky finger.

That ended the argument and he left quickly. She was a fun girl, too bad she moved away soon after.

/ I'm little above average
 
2013-05-18 09:22:31 PM

12349876: They also "should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear."

Sounds like cheating to me.

 [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 259x195]


I WAS IN THE POOL
 
2013-05-18 09:22:34 PM
I want to go just to lose the fastest. I'd get buzzed off the floor just taking my pants down.
 
2013-05-18 09:23:45 PM

libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.


Me too.
 
2013-05-18 09:27:05 PM

semiotix: The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well  I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a  trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.


Wouldnt surprise me if 2nd commits suicide on the stage.
 
2013-05-18 09:27:34 PM

megarian: libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.

Me too.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-18 09:27:36 PM
...With GG Allin and the Coachella Wizard in the top bracket. Coachella Wizard takes by default for still (presumably) being alive.
 
2013-05-18 09:28:27 PM

libranoelrose: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.

It's OK, I hear the Irish women are sluts to make up for it.


Brings a tear to my eye thinkin' of dear old ma
 
2013-05-18 09:28:27 PM

12349876: They also "should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear."

Sounds like cheating to me.

 [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 259x195]


If the prize for the winner were enticing enough (such as a considerable amount of money or something like the chance to have sex with a porn star who will afterward publicly lie about your incredible sexual prowess), it wouldn't be all that surprising if a few "growers" entered the competition with the aid of shrinkage-enhancing substances.
 
2013-05-18 09:31:56 PM
In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.
 
2013-05-18 09:32:41 PM
Hmm... The quote at the end of the article implies that the media are to blame for men being embarrassed by their junk. Certainly they've contributed to the problem, with regard to size, but the general sense of shame probably goes way back to the more sexually repressive days of the 19th century.
 
2013-05-18 09:32:54 PM

mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.


Tuna can TWF!
 
2013-05-18 09:33:29 PM
4*
 
2013-05-18 09:36:00 PM
You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.
 
2013-05-18 09:44:43 PM

libranoelrose: mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.

Tuna can TWF!


TWF?
 
2013-05-18 09:46:56 PM

mariner314: libranoelrose: mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.

Tuna can TWF!

TWF?


-F
 
2013-05-18 09:47:52 PM

semiotix: The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well  I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a  trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.


ZZ Top song remixed here and yeah, the winner will get laid effortlessly, just for sport.
 
2013-05-18 09:48:10 PM

mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.


The tube. Not while roll
 
2013-05-18 09:51:33 PM
A challenger appears....

i759.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-18 09:56:19 PM

Miss Stein: A challenger appears....

[i759.photobucket.com image 445x327]


ic2.pbase.com

all credit to Herb Utsmelz
 
2013-05-18 09:59:38 PM

libranoelrose: megarian: libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.

Me too.


Okay, I laughed harder than I probably should have.
 
2013-05-18 10:00:11 PM
I wonder if the naked wizard guy will be there.

NSFW http://vimeo.com/4273363
 
2013-05-18 10:01:24 PM

meanmutton: You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.


Oh, no. Not again.
 
2013-05-18 10:04:11 PM
I might not win, but I'll make the finals.

/hung like a Tic-Tac.
 
2013-05-18 10:05:02 PM

bmr68: I was dating a girl for a few months when we ran in to her ex-boyfriend. He was not happy to see her with me. He said a few nasty comments to her and she shot back in the restaurant "If your dlxk was bigger we would probably still be together" all the while she was holding up her pinky finger.

That ended the argument and he left quickly. She was a fun girl, too bad she moved away soon after.

/ I'm little above average


Well she lied, she should have held up her thumb. I was sooooo mad!
 
2013-05-18 10:06:11 PM

MajorBurns: ...With GG Allin and the Coachella Wizard in the top bracket. Coachella Wizard takes by default for still (presumably) being alive.


'GG Allin and the Coachella Wizards' is today's coolest band name.
 
2013-05-18 10:07:16 PM

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.


(In best Andrew Dice Clay voice) 220 lbs of dynamite with a quarter inch fuse
 
2013-05-18 10:07:19 PM
According to wiki, Micropenis occurs in about 0.6% of males so chances are a least one poster above has a teeny-weenie.
 
2013-05-18 10:10:38 PM
The last thing i needed first thing this morning was to have this song (NSFW) come burbling and gurgling to the surface of my consciousness after i've spent the last 20 years successfully submerging it.
 
2013-05-18 10:11:26 PM

BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?


whynotboth.jpg
 
2013-05-18 10:11:50 PM
If I was a car thief I would seriously consider hitting this event.
 
2013-05-18 10:12:10 PM
Are TFers expected to dominate the field?
 
2013-05-18 10:16:45 PM
i289.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-18 10:18:27 PM
Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.
 
2013-05-18 10:20:05 PM
blog.nj.com

Tom Sizeless could take this thing.
 
2013-05-18 10:21:25 PM

Sultan Of Herf: Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.


What Id probably do if it was in my neck of the woods.

7 3/8"
 
2013-05-18 10:22:16 PM

WhippingBoy: How will anyone find parking with all the giant trucks in the parking lot?


Reminds me of the time I was hanging out with in-laws when my sil said something like that.  We were at a camping resort with all sorts of camping trailers around us when she made her comment about all the trucks were representing small penises.  We all looked at her and said 'How do you think they got the trailers here?'  One of the few times she was embarrassed enough to be quiet for awhile.
 
2013-05-18 10:22:26 PM
C'mon . . . there's plenty of parking for all contestants!

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-18 10:22:46 PM
What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman
 
2013-05-18 10:28:51 PM

Now That's What I Call a Taco!: What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman


Peter Gunn
 
2013-05-18 10:30:11 PM

Now That's What I Call a Taco!: What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman


Sweet - Little Willie
 
2013-05-18 10:32:09 PM
The grand prize:

pad1.whstatic.com

We call it a thimble. They call it a penis cozy.
 
2013-05-18 10:34:17 PM

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


Nah, Bloomberg has this one by a mile.
 
2013-05-18 10:37:47 PM
Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.
 
2013-05-18 10:39:11 PM
Oblig. song

I could be a contender in the contest, not that I care about it.  Sometimes I wonder whether I'll...have enough to be useful when I get my operation >.<
 
2013-05-18 10:41:54 PM
If they make it a death match we could lose Howard Stern AND Donald Trump.

I say go for it.
 
2013-05-18 10:45:08 PM

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.
 
2013-05-18 10:48:22 PM

meanmutton: You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.


I played college basketball. There are some packages that no amount of ice can belittle. I'd rank myself at about average, but holy wow.
 
2013-05-18 10:54:40 PM
Oy , yes.
Thus my Fark name.

Not as long but as wide.
Think of a Tuna can.

I may not reach bottom.
But I'll bang the shiat out of the sides.
 
2013-05-18 10:54:45 PM

wildcardjack: Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.


Huh, never occurred to me. That's like what, a 33% improvement?

/off to Staples for the stomach treatment
 
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