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(Huffington Post)   Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 173
    More: Amusing, New York, pissing contests  
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11199 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 May 2013 at 8:25 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



173 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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Archived thread
 
2013-05-18 01:45:50 PM  
"Smallest Penis Contest"

aka "Nothing To See Here"
 
2013-05-18 01:51:52 PM  
 
2013-05-18 02:56:17 PM  
Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.
 
2013-05-18 03:13:41 PM  
The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well  I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a  trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.
 
2013-05-18 03:30:30 PM  
The small penis guys are always the biggest dicks.
 
2013-05-18 03:42:39 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: The small penis guys are always the biggest dicks.


Done!
 
2013-05-18 04:21:58 PM  
Sources say that no matter who wins, no one is going home with a big package..
 
2013-05-18 06:48:14 PM  
Impromptu Fark party?
 
2013-05-18 07:15:28 PM  
Another damn thing the Chinese will beat us in.
 
2013-05-18 07:46:48 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


this would be so easy and so hard to fap to ....
 
2013-05-18 07:58:30 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


It wouldn't be much of a contest if Ms. Del Rio showed up.

gunshyassassin.com
 
2013-05-18 07:59:42 PM  
Someone should tell Fox News HQ.  They seem genuinely rubbed raw by Obama but they can't quite put their fingers on it.
 
2013-05-18 08:03:32 PM  
Does the winner get a Hummer?
 
2013-05-18 08:18:58 PM  
Why isn't this in the Politics Tab?  We all know that's the countries most storied and continuous "Smallest Penis Contest" going.
 
2013-05-18 08:27:48 PM  
Why is there a huge picture of two naked men having sex with apples?!
 
2013-05-18 08:28:36 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: The small penis guys are always the biggest dicks.


So yours is inverted, I take it.
 
2013-05-18 08:30:28 PM  
How will anyone find parking with all the giant trucks in the parking lot?
 
2013-05-18 08:31:30 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-18 08:31:52 PM  
Wouldn't having that many Hummers in one location be a parking disaster?
 
2013-05-18 08:32:42 PM  
A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.
 
2013-05-18 08:36:42 PM  
I thought that the GOP has this every 4 years as a tie breaker for who wins the primary
 
2013-05-18 08:38:43 PM  
Not counting little people, is there small penis porn?
 
2013-05-18 08:38:45 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


images2.static-bluray.com
She'd sweep it.
 
2013-05-18 08:40:18 PM  
If you want an epic troll have someone who could probably win the worlds biggest penis contest enter the smallest penis contest for the lols
 
2013-05-18 08:44:51 PM  
The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?
 
2013-05-18 08:45:35 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


I would think certain transgender/intersex people would have a great chance of winning.  I wonder how/if they're eliminated from the competition.
 
2013-05-18 08:47:12 PM  
Hmmm. Where is this bar exactly?
 
2013-05-18 08:49:33 PM  
A very small trophy would be appropriate.
 
2013-05-18 08:51:00 PM  

traylor: Hmmm. Where is this bar exactly?


Bushwick IIRC
 
2013-05-18 08:51:43 PM  
Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.
 
2013-05-18 08:53:15 PM  
Look for the biggest steroid users driving Hummers with the gun rack in the back.
 
2013-05-18 08:53:33 PM  

doyner: Why isn't this in the Politics Tab?  We all know that's the countries most storied and continuous "Smallest Penis Contest" going.


I see you've never visited the Last Post threads.
 
2013-05-18 08:56:07 PM  
what would i win if i went?
 
2013-05-18 08:57:45 PM  

eventhelosers: what would i win if i went?


A parish of your very own.
 
2013-05-18 08:57:46 PM  
www.celebritiesheight.com
Last years winner
 
2013-05-18 08:59:00 PM  
you are the wiener!
 
2013-05-18 08:59:34 PM  
We are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small.
 
2013-05-18 08:59:54 PM  
Sausagefest.
 
2013-05-18 09:00:53 PM  

doyner: Why isn't this in the Politics Tab?  We all know that's the countries most storied and continuous "Smallest Penis Contest" going.


Don't worry. Some of the regulars there will show up and mention guns or the NRA, if they haven't already. Some of those guys are incapable of separating guns and penises. Must be sme kind weird fetish.
 
2013-05-18 09:02:29 PM  
I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.
 
2013-05-18 09:04:16 PM  

Kenny B: Vienna Sausagefest.


FTFY
 
2013-05-18 09:04:24 PM  
I predict the winners name is Mike Roe Johnson.
 
2013-05-18 09:04:46 PM  

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.


So can I interest you in a new hummer from my dealership?
 
2013-05-18 09:05:14 PM  

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.


It's OK, I hear the Irish women are sluts to make up for it.
 
2013-05-18 09:05:42 PM  

Kenny B: Sausagefest.


Cocktail weenies
 
2013-05-18 09:05:58 PM  
Well I'm out.
 
2013-05-18 09:08:11 PM  

Oldiron_79: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.

So can I interest you in a new hummer from my dealership?


The whole dealership?
 
2013-05-18 09:09:21 PM  
They also "should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear."

Sounds like cheating to me.

 encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-05-18 09:12:59 PM  

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: Oldiron_79: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.

So can I interest you in a new hummer from my dealership?

The whole dealership?


So you like my business model setting up accross the street from the Penis enlargement clinic?
 
2013-05-18 09:17:28 PM  
And according to that picture, they're overweight and out of shape too.

And yet, they probably still get laid more than me.

/*mutters and swears*
 
2013-05-18 09:18:46 PM  
I was dating a girl for a few months when we ran in to her ex-boyfriend. He was not happy to see her with me. He said a few nasty comments to her and she shot back in the restaurant "If your dlxk was bigger we would probably still be together" all the while she was holding up her pinky finger.

That ended the argument and he left quickly. She was a fun girl, too bad she moved away soon after.

/ I'm little above average
 
2013-05-18 09:22:31 PM  

12349876: They also "should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear."

Sounds like cheating to me.

 [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 259x195]


I WAS IN THE POOL
 
2013-05-18 09:22:34 PM  
I want to go just to lose the fastest. I'd get buzzed off the floor just taking my pants down.
 
2013-05-18 09:23:45 PM  

libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.


Me too.
 
2013-05-18 09:27:05 PM  

semiotix: The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well  I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a  trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.


Wouldnt surprise me if 2nd commits suicide on the stage.
 
2013-05-18 09:27:34 PM  

megarian: libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.

Me too.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-18 09:27:36 PM  
...With GG Allin and the Coachella Wizard in the top bracket. Coachella Wizard takes by default for still (presumably) being alive.
 
2013-05-18 09:28:27 PM  

libranoelrose: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.

It's OK, I hear the Irish women are sluts to make up for it.


Brings a tear to my eye thinkin' of dear old ma
 
2013-05-18 09:28:27 PM  

12349876: They also "should be comfortable getting hosed down while wearing only skimpy underwear."

Sounds like cheating to me.

 [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 259x195]


If the prize for the winner were enticing enough (such as a considerable amount of money or something like the chance to have sex with a porn star who will afterward publicly lie about your incredible sexual prowess), it wouldn't be all that surprising if a few "growers" entered the competition with the aid of shrinkage-enhancing substances.
 
2013-05-18 09:31:56 PM  
In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.
 
2013-05-18 09:32:41 PM  
Hmm... The quote at the end of the article implies that the media are to blame for men being embarrassed by their junk. Certainly they've contributed to the problem, with regard to size, but the general sense of shame probably goes way back to the more sexually repressive days of the 19th century.
 
2013-05-18 09:32:54 PM  

mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.


Tuna can TWF!
 
2013-05-18 09:33:29 PM  
4*
 
2013-05-18 09:36:00 PM  
You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.
 
2013-05-18 09:44:43 PM  

libranoelrose: mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.

Tuna can TWF!


TWF?
 
2013-05-18 09:46:56 PM  

mariner314: libranoelrose: mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.

Tuna can TWF!

TWF?


-F
 
2013-05-18 09:47:52 PM  

semiotix: The winner will actually probably get laid for his troubles. After all, he'll have the whole self-confidence thing going for him, and farking him means you automatically have a hilarious sex-anecdote. ("Oh yeah? Well  I had this guy once who was so tiny he won a  trophy for it!") Trust me, that guy will be inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon for weeks.

It's the guy who finishes second who is going to have to be put on suicide watch.


ZZ Top song remixed here and yeah, the winner will get laid effortlessly, just for sport.
 
2013-05-18 09:48:10 PM  

mariner314: In guessing I cannot win this contest.

/kinda shaped like a toilet paper roll.


The tube. Not while roll
 
2013-05-18 09:51:33 PM  
A challenger appears....

i759.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-18 09:56:19 PM  

Miss Stein: A challenger appears....

[i759.photobucket.com image 445x327]


ic2.pbase.com

all credit to Herb Utsmelz
 
2013-05-18 09:59:38 PM  

libranoelrose: megarian: libranoelrose: Give me 2 grams of cocaine and I'm all in.

Me too.


Okay, I laughed harder than I probably should have.
 
2013-05-18 10:00:11 PM  
I wonder if the naked wizard guy will be there.

NSFW http://vimeo.com/4273363
 
2013-05-18 10:01:24 PM  

meanmutton: You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.


Oh, no. Not again.
 
2013-05-18 10:04:11 PM  
I might not win, but I'll make the finals.

/hung like a Tic-Tac.
 
2013-05-18 10:05:02 PM  

bmr68: I was dating a girl for a few months when we ran in to her ex-boyfriend. He was not happy to see her with me. He said a few nasty comments to her and she shot back in the restaurant "If your dlxk was bigger we would probably still be together" all the while she was holding up her pinky finger.

That ended the argument and he left quickly. She was a fun girl, too bad she moved away soon after.

/ I'm little above average


Well she lied, she should have held up her thumb. I was sooooo mad!
 
2013-05-18 10:06:11 PM  

MajorBurns: ...With GG Allin and the Coachella Wizard in the top bracket. Coachella Wizard takes by default for still (presumably) being alive.


'GG Allin and the Coachella Wizards' is today's coolest band name.
 
2013-05-18 10:07:16 PM  

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: I'm 6'4" yet somehow got robbed genetically. I blame my Irish ancestors.

On the plus side, I'm an alcoholic.


(In best Andrew Dice Clay voice) 220 lbs of dynamite with a quarter inch fuse
 
2013-05-18 10:07:19 PM  
According to wiki, Micropenis occurs in about 0.6% of males so chances are a least one poster above has a teeny-weenie.
 
2013-05-18 10:10:38 PM  
The last thing i needed first thing this morning was to have this song (NSFW) come burbling and gurgling to the surface of my consciousness after i've spent the last 20 years successfully submerging it.
 
2013-05-18 10:11:26 PM  

BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?


whynotboth.jpg
 
2013-05-18 10:11:50 PM  
If I was a car thief I would seriously consider hitting this event.
 
2013-05-18 10:12:10 PM  
Are TFers expected to dominate the field?
 
2013-05-18 10:16:45 PM  
i289.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-18 10:18:27 PM  
Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.
 
2013-05-18 10:20:05 PM  
blog.nj.com

Tom Sizeless could take this thing.
 
2013-05-18 10:21:25 PM  

Sultan Of Herf: Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.


What Id probably do if it was in my neck of the woods.

7 3/8"
 
2013-05-18 10:22:16 PM  

WhippingBoy: How will anyone find parking with all the giant trucks in the parking lot?


Reminds me of the time I was hanging out with in-laws when my sil said something like that.  We were at a camping resort with all sorts of camping trailers around us when she made her comment about all the trucks were representing small penises.  We all looked at her and said 'How do you think they got the trailers here?'  One of the few times she was embarrassed enough to be quiet for awhile.
 
2013-05-18 10:22:26 PM  
C'mon . . . there's plenty of parking for all contestants!

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-18 10:22:46 PM  
What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman
 
2013-05-18 10:28:51 PM  

Now That's What I Call a Taco!: What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman


Peter Gunn
 
2013-05-18 10:30:11 PM  

Now That's What I Call a Taco!: What songs should they play during the contest?

"Short People" by Randy Newman


Sweet - Little Willie
 
2013-05-18 10:32:09 PM  
The grand prize:

pad1.whstatic.com

We call it a thimble. They call it a penis cozy.
 
2013-05-18 10:34:17 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


Nah, Bloomberg has this one by a mile.
 
2013-05-18 10:37:47 PM  
Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.
 
2013-05-18 10:39:11 PM  
Oblig. song

I could be a contender in the contest, not that I care about it.  Sometimes I wonder whether I'll...have enough to be useful when I get my operation >.<
 
2013-05-18 10:41:54 PM  
If they make it a death match we could lose Howard Stern AND Donald Trump.

I say go for it.
 
2013-05-18 10:45:08 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.
 
2013-05-18 10:48:22 PM  

meanmutton: You'd think that a little ice and damn near any man could win this.


I played college basketball. There are some packages that no amount of ice can belittle. I'd rank myself at about average, but holy wow.
 
2013-05-18 10:54:40 PM  
Oy , yes.
Thus my Fark name.

Not as long but as wide.
Think of a Tuna can.

I may not reach bottom.
But I'll bang the shiat out of the sides.
 
2013-05-18 10:54:45 PM  

wildcardjack: Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.


Huh, never occurred to me. That's like what, a 33% improvement?

/off to Staples for the stomach treatment
 
2013-05-18 10:57:55 PM  
oh, how i love the penis threads.
 
2013-05-18 11:02:45 PM  
Since it's in New York they could bill it as

THE SMALLEST DICKS ON THE BIGGEST PRICKS!
 
2013-05-18 11:03:40 PM  

maxx2112: C'mon . . . there's plenty of parking for all contestants!

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x387]


Those are "I am poor" cars. However your point is well taken. :)
 
2013-05-18 11:08:40 PM  

Indolent: Impromptu Fark party?


Impromptu? I thought this was the announcement...
 
2013-05-18 11:24:28 PM  
So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?
 
2013-05-18 11:30:38 PM  
I'm asking for a friend...how big is the cash prize?
 
2013-05-18 11:32:35 PM  

WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?


In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.
 
2013-05-18 11:33:07 PM  

wildcardjack: Indians (slurpee, not casino) are more likely to win.

BBC report "Condoms 'too big' for Indian men"

Or maybe it'll go to some fat bastard with huge crotch fat.  Most men could add an extra usable inch by losing weight.


Yep, I noticed I got bigger when I lost some weight.  I haven't the slightest idea if it's working size or visual size.  I'm not, you know, gifted or anything.  I expect I'm average, given my height.  I'm a shade under 6" usable and approx. 5" in circumference.

I've been drinking.  I bought a scotch glass and I want to make sure it's working.
 
2013-05-18 11:36:01 PM  

RogermcAllen: WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?

In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.


assets0.ordienetworks.com
 
2013-05-18 11:37:26 PM  

RogermcAllen: WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?

In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.



Damn, if I wasn't out of gift months I'd give you one for that post.
 
2013-05-18 11:41:45 PM  
This is probably the ONLY contest I couldn't win, because I'm so massive and awesome. Seriously, I'm packing at LEAST half a roll of Certs down there. Don't be intimidated ladies, it won't bite!
 
2013-05-18 11:41:46 PM  
Coming out the pool I'm hung like an acorn button on a wool sweater.  Are cold showers available?
 
2013-05-18 11:42:45 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


You can't even afford a month for yourself, why are you trying to pretend you're willing to honor the bet?
 
2013-05-18 11:45:31 PM  
My Thai GF says a small penis shouldn't matter

I still wish she didn't have one
 
2013-05-18 11:48:16 PM  

mod3072: This is probably the ONLY contest I couldn't win, because I'm so massive and awesome. Seriously, I'm packing at LEAST half a roll of Certs down there. Don't be intimidated ladies, it won't bite!


Half a roll? Damn, James Deen impersonator, I'm two Sweetarts with a magnifying glass!


/BIE
//EIP

///oh, come on!
 
2013-05-18 11:48:39 PM  

bring to a festering boil: Hold it in tandem with "Largest Clitoris Contest" and the two winners could have a face off .... so to speak.


I nominate FloydA.
 
2013-05-18 11:53:27 PM  

Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.


Nothing says dick like a bowl of hasy generalization and sprinkles of baseless assertion.
 
2013-05-19 12:00:56 AM  
 
2013-05-19 12:01:52 AM  

BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?


That was the third place guy.  The winner just cut me off in his Prius with one of those "coexist" stickers and an equal sign on his rear bumper, then slowed down to 20 under the speed limit just to prove he could control the flow of traffic on the freeway.
 
2013-05-19 12:02:04 AM  
And the winner is ... Les Johnson.
 
2013-05-19 12:04:18 AM  
Before I became a fat bastard, I used to model nude for the art classes at my university.  My worst nightmare was to pop one stiff while I was on the posing platoform.  Lots of thinking of basebal, because there were a couple of hotties in the course who would come to class and sit without drawers under their hippie garb.  It probably didn't help that my best friend would draw a ruler across the desk after striking it, to make that "BOOOOOINGOINGOINGOING" sound.  I was pretty successful in keeping it down.  Never got any dates out of the sessions.
I quit doing it the day the flamingly gay instructor put me in a pose on all fours and took a seat directly behind me to draw me.  Creeeeeepy.

/occasionally chilly story, bro
 
2013-05-19 12:05:48 AM  
Four nickels in the end of a deflated balloon.
 
2013-05-19 12:07:08 AM  

sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.


Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.
 
2013-05-19 12:16:55 AM  
So if I show up, I'll be like the bad singer on American Idol?

"You don't belong here".

/pats self on back
//with my dick
 
2013-05-19 12:22:39 AM  
I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."
 
2013-05-19 12:32:51 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."


I'd have that one in the bag after a night with your mom.

//rimshot
 
2013-05-19 12:35:51 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: I keep reading this as "SmelliestPenis Contest."


Circumcision thread to appear shortly.

Ha ha. Shortly.
 
2013-05-19 12:39:18 AM  
bucultureshock.com
 
2013-05-19 12:39:41 AM  
inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon...., Good thing, or bad thing?
 
2013-05-19 12:43:25 AM  
I strongly suspect this contest will be won by a man named "Justin."
 
2013-05-19 12:51:56 AM  
I'd lose.
 
2013-05-19 12:59:33 AM  
Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?
 
2013-05-19 01:00:22 AM  

cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.


No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?
 
2013-05-19 01:15:10 AM  
I assume we are talking erect members here, ice will not help.
 
2013-05-19 01:16:25 AM  

symptomoftheuniverse: inch-deep in Brooklyn hipster poon...., Good thing, or bad thing?


Different strokes for different folks, but nobody likes for it to burn when urinating.

/A Zen koan for Farkers
 
2013-05-19 01:19:25 AM  

Sultan Of Herf: Im betting its going to be a bunch of hung guys walking up, showing their junk, and saying "ooops, I lost"...then trying to pick up chicks.


That's my plan.
 
2013-05-19 01:22:29 AM  

Langdon_777: I assume we are talking erect members here, ice will not help.


The most accurate measurement is flaccid but stretched, imo.

I still lose.
 
2013-05-19 01:31:37 AM  

Notabunny: Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?


On principle, I vote for Beer Run.
 
2013-05-19 02:04:26 AM  

Notabunny: Ok. Sometime in the next 3 minutes I'm either going to listen to resign myself to listening to my frikin' neighbors in their hottub, make a beer run, or tune into teh Livingston Stapler Company. Any suggestions?


The radio show.
 
2013-05-19 02:08:17 AM  
Notabunny

pion:
On principle, I vote for Beer Run.

HotWingAgenda: The radio show.


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-19 02:28:35 AM  
What a small penis may look like....

ts4.mm.bing.net
 
2013-05-19 02:34:42 AM  

HotWingAgenda: BitwiseShift: The winner just passed me at 50 mph over the limit in a car that cost more than most people's lifetime earnings.  Or was that Karl Rove?

That was the third place guy.  The winner just cut me off in his Prius with one of those "coexist" stickers and an equal sign on his rear bumper, then slowed down to 20 under the speed limit just to prove he could control the flow of traffic on the freeway.


This
 
2013-05-19 03:19:31 AM  
I would join just to not lose.
 
2013-05-19 03:31:06 AM  
µWIE thread?
 
2013-05-19 03:42:38 AM  

pion: I strongly suspect this contest will be won by a man named "Justin."


No, he's still under 21.
 
2013-05-19 04:09:43 AM  
So this means that New York is going to be overrun by gold chain wearing Trans Am and Corvette Owners?
 
2013-05-19 04:23:36 AM  

sethen320: cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.

No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?


Thank you! I am getting so sick of every single thread getting turned into a pro/anti [obama, guns, terrorists, bronies] flamewar.  It's very tiring.  If I wanted to read a political debate, I'd click on political stories.  But no, douchebags have to go trolling and bringing up off-topic subjects and hijack the whole discussion about penises and whatnot...
 
2013-05-19 04:36:08 AM  

GreenSun: Why is there a huge picture of two naked men having sex with apples?!


It's not an apple. They are deep in dis pear.
 
2013-05-19 07:44:12 AM  

johncb76006: So this means that New York is going to be overrun by gold chain wearing Trans Am and Corvette Owners?


Leave Joe Biden out of this.
 
2013-05-19 08:09:12 AM  
I bet Bloomberg wins.
 
2013-05-19 09:00:28 AM  
I'm sorry to break your little hearts but the people with the smallest packages are not driving big SUVs with NRA stickers.

They're driving compact hybrids with "Coexist" stickers on them.
 
2013-05-19 09:33:34 AM  

Oldiron_79: 220 lbs of dynamite with a quarter inch fuse


U...n...b..e..lievable!!   OHHHH
 
2013-05-19 09:33:52 AM  

Lidocaine: Thank you! I am getting so sick of every single thread getting turned into a pro/anti [obama, guns, terrorists, bronies] flamewar.  It's very tiring.  If I wanted to read a political debate, I'd click on political stories.  But no, douchebags have to go trolling and bringing up off-topic subjects and hijack the whole discussion about penises and whatnot...


You sound like derriere-devastated, subhuman pony scum and now I want to argue about. >:(
 
2013-05-19 09:35:16 AM  
Those danged in-sourced Indians taking our jerbs and our sex contest trophies.
 
2013-05-19 09:46:57 AM  
Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff

Is this a Jewish joke?
 
2013-05-19 09:52:01 AM  
Finally, the worm has turned.

/my parents will be so proud
 
2013-05-19 09:54:57 AM  
I'd go and watch the contest if I could lay a little poker.  I mean, play, play a little poker.
 
2013-05-19 09:56:53 AM  
If you feel the need to tell people you're big, you aren't.

If you know you're big, you don't care to brag about it on the Internet.
 
2013-05-19 10:09:26 AM  

FARK rebel soldier: Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff

Is this a Jewish joke?


It shouldn't be. Most Jews I've been with have been bigger-than-average.

/except for one Israeli
 
2013-05-19 10:17:54 AM  

Langdon_777: I assume we are talking erect members here, ice will not help.


thats what i was wondering, im a grower probably win limp but loose hard
 
2013-05-19 10:29:37 AM  
I rarely get to comment, but this thread was made for me!

olo
 
2013-05-19 10:30:11 AM  

Grumpy Cat: FARK rebel soldier: Bar will host "Smallest Penis Contest" ... and since it will be held in New York, competition is expected to be stiff

Is this a Jewish joke?

It shouldn't be. Most Jews I've been with have been bigger-than-average.

/except for one Israeli


i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-05-19 11:10:35 AM  

Lidocaine: sethen320: cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.

No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?

Thank you! I am getting so sick of every single thread getting turned into a pro/anti [obama, guns, terrorists, bronies] flamewar.  It's very tiring.  If I wanted to read a political debate, I'd click on political stories.  But no, douchebags have to go trolling and bringing up off-topic subjects and hijack the whole discussion about penises and whatnot...


It is perfectly on topic to bring up firearms and big cars, or any other small-dick related purchase/hobby.
 
2013-05-19 12:06:22 PM  
This thread has been awesome. I am for sure a grower. 7" all the way, MAYBE 2" flaccid. Weird how some stuff works.
 
2013-05-19 12:14:10 PM  

theMagni: RogermcAllen: WhippingBoy: So how exactly is this different from a typical Fark party?

In this contest wet underwear is provided.  At most Fark parties the attendees are required moisten their own underwear.


Damn, if I wasn't out of gift months I'd give you one for that post.


I had one to burn and that was worthy...
 
2013-05-19 12:30:31 PM  
And this won't be just another pissing contest, either. As the Village Voice notes, winners will be selected by a "Small Member Expert Panel".

Your ex-girlfriends.
 
2013-05-19 12:45:15 PM  

VonSchmegalton: This thread has been awesome. I am for sure a grower. 7" all the way, MAYBE 2" flaccid. Weird how some stuff works.


Just to be fair for all the times we've barked it at the Farkette: Pics or GTFO.

/No, not really
 
gja
2013-05-19 01:53:12 PM  

FloydA: Sponsor.


Invocation of Markely's Law.
You lose.
 
2013-05-19 03:31:43 PM  

Smackledorfer: Lidocaine: sethen320: cygnusx13: sethen320: Poopspasm: A month of TotalFark says the winner will be an NRA lifetime member.

50 bucks says you're a trolling douchebag.

Waaah. Someone made a joke about your beloved gun buddies. Maybe YOU should enter the contest.

No, I don't care about the NRA or whatever...just wish we could keep the gun and politics thread a bit separated.  It's obvious what the douche was trying to do, he wants to argue...about something which has nothing to do with this story.  If that's not trolling then what is?

Thank you! I am getting so sick of every single thread getting turned into a pro/anti [obama, guns, terrorists, bronies] flamewar.  It's very tiring.  If I wanted to read a political debate, I'd click on political stories.  But no, douchebags have to go trolling and bringing up off-topic subjects and hijack the whole discussion about penises and whatnot...

It is perfectly on topic to bring up firearms and big cars, or any other small-dick related purchase/hobby.


What about your position on Skub?
 
2013-05-19 03:45:45 PM  
Already been done...

blogs-images.forbes.com
 
2013-05-19 04:02:23 PM  

Boris S. Wort: Already been done...

[blogs-images.forbes.com image 337x336]


I love the posture of the elephant, trumpeting triumphantly as if it's about to rare back and stomp its handler into a bloody mess.
 
2013-05-19 04:22:04 PM  

i upped my meds-up yours: Boris S. Wort: Already been done...

[blogs-images.forbes.com image 337x336]

I love the posture of the elephant, trumpeting triumphantly as if it's about to rare back and stomp its handler into a bloody mess.


I like the three-starred flag, one each for Mississippi, Utah, and Alaska.
 
2013-05-19 08:50:25 PM  
They should do it after deadlifts in a meat locker.
 
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