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(College Humor)   Cop gets a breathalyzer math lesson from physics student   (collegehumor.com) divider line 37
    More: Dumbass, arrests, lessons  
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7060 clicks; posted to Video » on 18 May 2013 at 8:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-18 01:20:52 AM
Stop filming with your (vertical!) phone, and bust out your calculator app.
 
2013-05-18 01:41:22 AM
Um, no.  Cop demonstrates that he has the mental capacity of a retarded banana while physics major tries to explain basic arithmetic.

Physics major explains that .016 < .08, and that .08*2 = .16, not .016.

Cop says "Tell it to the judge, you farking liar."

This is why we call cops only as a last resort.  They're stupid, and not the folks I'd prefer to trust with a dog I didn't like, much less my life.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-05-18 05:11:05 AM
How many thousands of innocent lives have been destroyed because of "cop math".
 
2013-05-18 05:28:51 AM
Yeah, in this case, that cop was.. well, stupid.  Or had a brain of an extent that should require him to take the rest of the day off sick or something.
 
2013-05-18 05:30:28 AM
As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.
 
2013-05-18 06:42:32 AM

Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.


That's why you tell the cop you only drank .08 of 1 beer.
 
2013-05-18 06:52:25 AM

jehovahs witness protection: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

That's why you tell the cop you only drank .08 of 1 beer.


This guy might think I drank 81 beers.
 
2013-05-18 08:49:08 AM

Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.


I had a buddy back in college who like to tell a story about how he got off.  He had been drinking that afternoon, not much, but would not have passed a breathalyzer...anyway, that early evening, he had picked up a lot of alcohol (like a mixed case of rum, vodak, gin, etc)...I would guess something like $200 worth, also a few cases of beer.  So he gets pulled over and the first thing that the cop says to him is "have you been drinking?"  My buddy looks over at the cop, then to the gallons upon gallons of booze in his car, pats/taps the case on his front passengers seat, looks up at the cop and says "Not yet!!" with a smile.

Apparently the cop laughed quite hard and told him to watch his speed, have a good night, and let him go.
 
2013-05-18 09:06:24 AM
 
2013-05-18 12:36:05 PM
As soon as the cop started swearing, I could tell he knew he was wrong, and was going to hope that the inevitable delays in the court system would make the nerd just pay up to be rid of the problem.

This officer was just resorting to being an asshole in response to the stoppee being a jerkass.

Physics major also should have just shut the fark up and taken it to court, with the video where the number is clearly stated, then point out the cop's error.  Ticket dismissed, cop gets a page added to his record that might hold no bearing on his continued service in law enforcement/tax collection.  But now that the cop thinks the physics major is a cocky little shiat, I wouldn't be surprised if that car gets pulled over every time it's spotted in that town for fishing trips.
 
2013-05-18 12:48:10 PM

Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.


Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.
 
2013-05-18 01:13:49 PM

unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.


But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?
 
2013-05-18 01:29:51 PM
There is nothing I hate more than a cocky, bulling cop. Man o man do I wish that was me in the video instead of that physics student. "How about this, stupid copper, how about you take that breathalyzer and go fark your mother with it."

Would I have been arrested? Yeah, probably. But then I could have insulted the cop from the back seat all the way to booking. "Hey, A-hole copper, you know your wife is probably gang-banging stray dogs right now, right?" ... stuff like that.
 
2013-05-18 01:33:18 PM
Actual proof aside, if a cop can't tell whether someone is one-fifth their standard of drunk or more than twice their standard of drunk, he has no business doing a job that involves breathalyzers.
 
2013-05-18 02:09:41 PM

GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?


You aren't going to ever get into less trouble by admitting guilt. Never do that. All talking does is give them information to use again you. Shut your mouth and take a ticket or go to jail and fight in court. Never cooperate with the police. Even when innocent all you should say is, "Am I being detained" and "Am I free to go".
 
2013-05-18 02:10:01 PM

Saberus Terras: As soon as the cop started swearing, I could tell he knew he was wrong, and was going to hope that the inevitable delays in the court system would make the nerd just pay up to be rid of the problem.

This officer was just resorting to being an asshole in response to the stoppee being a jerkass.

Physics major also should have just shut the fark up and taken it to court, with the video where the number is clearly stated, then point out the cop's error.  Ticket dismissed, cop gets a page added to his record that might hold no bearing on his continued service in law enforcement/tax collection.  But now that the cop thinks the physics major is a cocky little shiat, I wouldn't be surprised if that car gets pulled over every time it's spotted in that town for fishing trips.


5 years ago I would have agreed with you.

Now, at least in the last courtroom I was in (not for DUI, but I got to watch a few) it costs nearly $250 just to contest the ticket. That's not including at least two court appearances eating up your time, and possibly having to take days off work.

If I knew I was right, I would do freaking everything possible to try to avoid having to start down that maze, instead of waiting to tell it to the judge.
 
2013-05-18 02:18:19 PM
Got stopped at a checkpoint after leaving a party. Got out of a ticket by saying I was diabetic. Showed them my girlfriends test kit and insulin (she's carrying them for me in her purse) and cop kind of apologized and let us go.
 
2013-05-18 03:56:43 PM
Reminds of a friend of mine staggering home from a party. My friend has cerebral palsy and obviously walks kinda funny. He gets stopped by a cop on the way. "Oh, I'm sowwy occifer can I hep yoo?" The poor cop apologizes profusely and vamooses.

Of course my friend was actually playing the "full retard" card. He's high functioning, see, but he was in fact completely drunk off his ass.
 
2013-05-18 06:17:17 PM

il Dottore: Got stopped at a checkpoint after leaving a party. Got out of a ticket by saying I was diabetic. Showed them my girlfriends test kit and insulin (she's carrying them for me in her purse) and cop kind of apologized and let us go.


Boast or confession?
 
2013-05-18 08:27:16 PM
isn't he a cop because he cant do math?
 
2013-05-18 09:14:13 PM

GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?


It's called the Fifth Amendment. You are NEVER required to admit your guilt.
 
2013-05-18 09:55:30 PM

musicmanboston: GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?

It's called the Fifth Amendment. You are NEVER required to admit your guilt.


img.fark.net
http://img.fark.net/images/cache/850/m/mR/mREAWYa4Azw4WU4kQUjfKRpVbxs . jpg?t=5LnlUDO6O935HcojO1U58A&f=1369022400
 
2013-05-18 11:04:11 PM
You can be nailed for OUI after just 2 beers. You are presumed to be under the influence at a .08 level and no further evidence is generally needed. I'm no expert, but it is possible that if the cop tosses around a lot of stuff about weaving between lanes or driving too slowly along with the physics major's admission to 2 beers. Plus the video he made may have been an illegal recording and not admissible.

/never admit to drinking anything, ever.
 
2013-05-18 11:38:05 PM
This thread is full of people bragging about tricking cops out of getting caught driving drunk (or having had just a few beers, whatever), and then you wonder why cops are dicks to people they pull over?

I sincerely hope you never kill or injure another human being because you can handle a couple of beers.
 
2013-05-18 11:54:12 PM

Shadow Blasko: If I knew I was right, I would do freaking everything possible to try to avoid having to start down that maze, instead of waiting to tell it to the judge.


I would also immediately file a malicious prosecution case if the cop decided to charge me anyway. Especially in a case like this with video evidence that you tried to explain what the numbers really meant.

ModernLuddite: This thread is full of people bragging about tricking cops out of getting caught driving drunk (or having had just a few beers, whatever), and then you wonder why cops are dicks to people they pull over?

I sincerely hope you never kill or injure another human being because you can handle a couple of beers.


Virtually everyone that has ever driven has made that mistake at one time or another. Most people have stories from their youth where they did something that could have ended tragically, had things gone differently. Relax, maybe have a beer or two, you will feel better.
 
2013-05-19 12:31:00 AM

agent00pi: Related:

http://xkcd.com/verizon/


That and The Rock-blocker never get old.
 
2013-05-19 01:08:58 AM

Saberus Terras: As soon as the cop started swearing, I could tell he knew he was wrong, and was going to hope that the inevitable delays in the court system would make the nerd just pay up to be rid of the problem.


Yes, he knew he was wrong, but dammit he can't let some punk-ass kid commit contempt of cop!  Better put him through an expensive legal wringer just to show the kid who's boss around here!
 
2013-05-19 03:18:27 AM

GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?


No.  He can make the process more painful for you, or be a prick, but he can't legally do anything worse to you because you lied.

If you say 'two beers' and he lets you go, and you kill someone, he's going to lose his job.  If you say 'nothing' and you kill someone, he has deniability.

Be cool and give the guy some cover.  He may ask you to blow either way, but the penalty doesn't go up because you didn't admit to drinking.

Last year I was at a family-friendly outdoor concert with some friends.  It was pissing rain, we're sitting under a tree smoking dope.  A downwind cop catches a whiff.  He comes around the tree, just after my friend had taken a lungful, so he didn't actually see anything.  He asks, 'are you guys smoking marijuana?' My answer:  'nope'.  He asks, 'Are you sure?'  I say:  "I'm sure".  He looks at me, knowing full well that we're guilty as sin.  "Ok, you better not, there are kids here".  And moves on.  My friend Lindsey finally gets to exhale.

He didn't want to bust us, but there were others that had smelled it and he had to respond. Had I said yes, he would have no choice but to take action, either write us a ticket or chuck us out of the venue.  He did neither.  The fact that I'm a 45 year old apparently upstanding citizen didn't hurt- plausible deniability.
 
2013-05-19 03:54:09 AM

unyon: GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?

No.  He can make the process more painful for you, or be a prick, but he can't legally do anything worse to you because you lied.

If you say 'two beers' and he lets you go, and you kill someone, he's going to lose his job.  If you say 'nothing' and you kill someone, he has deniability.

Be cool and give the guy some cover.  He may ask you to blow either way, but the penalty doesn't go up because you didn't admit to drinking.

Last year I was at a family-friendly outdoor concert with some friends.  It was pissing rain, we're sitting under a tree smoking dope.  A downwind cop catches a whiff.  He comes around the tree, just after my friend had taken a lungful, so he didn't actually see anything.  He asks, 'are you guys smoking marijuana?' My answer:  'nope'.  He asks, 'Are you sure?'  I say:  "I'm sure".  He looks at me, knowing full well that we're guilty as sin.  "Ok, you better not, there are kids here".  And moves on.  My friend Lindsey finally gets to exhale.

He didn't want to bust us, but there were others that had smelled it and he had to respond. Had I said yes, he would have no choice but to take action, either write us a ticket or chuck us out of the venue.  He did neither.  The fact that I'm a 45 year old apparently upstanding citizen didn't hurt- plausible deniability.


Yes, but you're up there in Canada. I'm not so sure American cops would take that the same way.

The fact is, once you lie to a cop by saying 'no,' and then you test above the legal limit, they'll nail you for two infractions.
 
2013-05-19 04:22:16 AM
Cops are allowed to lie to you, why would you feel bad about reciprocating?
 
2013-05-19 05:08:43 AM

Mija: GruntledWorker: unyon: Relatively Obscure: As an aside, if I had actually had two beers, I would still say something besides "two beers."  "Two beers" has to be the most common lie answer in the universe.

Even if you stink like a brewery, the right answer is always 'nothing'.  If you suggest in any way that you've been drinking, then the cop is obligated to advance the conversation.  'Nothing' gives them the latitude to wave you on, even if they suspect you may have been drinking.

But won't the lie get you in more trouble if they don't wave you on?

You aren't going to ever get into less trouble by admitting guilt. Never do that. All talking does is give them information to use again you. Shut your mouth and take a ticket or go to jail and fight in court. Never cooperate with the police. Even when innocent all you should say is, "Am I being detained" and "Am I free to go".


This. I'm not going to jump on the cop hate but they all want the easy way out which is your confession. Be polite, do what he says and SHUT THE fark UP. You will not talk your way out of a ticket with the cop.
 
2013-05-19 08:18:52 AM
farking decimals, how do they work?
 
2013-05-19 10:05:35 AM

Zombalupagus: Reminds of a friend of mine staggering home from a party. My friend has cerebral palsy and obviously walks kinda funny. He gets stopped by a cop on the way. "Oh, I'm sowwy occifer can I hep yoo?" The poor cop apologizes profusely and vamooses.

Of course my friend was actually playing the "full retard" card. He's high functioning, see, but he was in fact completely drunk off his ass.


So having CP is the same as being "retarded" huh? You must have both then, asshole.
 
2013-05-19 12:18:18 PM
Corn_Fed:

Yes, but you're up there in Canada. I'm not so sure American cops would take that the same way.

There may be some truth to that.  I had my nephew get a completely unjustifiable beatdown in Phoenix from a cop in a way that here would have made national news and ended with the cop resigning in disgrace and probably going to jail.  In Maricopa County, lawyers openly laugh at the idea of ever holding anyone accountable.

 There's no doubt if you're making a cops life difficult, that they can make your life difficult as well.  But lying about having had a drink isn't making the cops life more difficult, its making it easier.

The fact is, once you lie to a cop by saying 'no,' and then you test above the legal limit, they'll nail you for two infractions.

Really.  And what would that second offense be?  Lying to a cop?  Unless you're actively interfering in a criminal investigation, it's not usually against the law.  Even if it was an offence it'd be the easiest rap to beat.  Beyond that agreed-upon lie, be as co-operative as absolutely possible.

45 years on this planet, and it's one thing I know for certain.
 
2013-05-19 02:17:56 PM

unyon: Corn_Fed:

Yes, but you're up there in Canada. I'm not so sure American cops would take that the same way.

There may be some truth to that.  I had my nephew get a completely unjustifiable beatdown in Phoenix from a cop in a way that here would have made national news and ended with the cop resigning in disgrace and probably going to jail.  In Maricopa County, lawyers openly laugh at the idea of ever holding anyone accountable.

 There's no doubt if you're making a cops life difficult, that they can make your life difficult as well.  But lying about having had a drink isn't making the cops life more difficult, its making it easier.

The fact is, once you lie to a cop by saying 'no,' and then you test above the legal limit, they'll nail you for two infractions.

Really.  And what would that second offense be?  Lying to a cop?  Unless you're actively interfering in a criminal investigation, it's not usually against the law.  Even if it was an offence it'd be the easiest rap to beat.  Beyond that agreed-upon lie, be as co-operative as absolutely possible.

45 years on this planet, and it's one thing I know for certain.


At that age you should know that you know nothing.
 
2013-05-19 04:11:48 PM
it would take two really big beers to get me to 0.08%   and it doesn't take much booze to get my goat.  i'm the sensitive type, i guess.   a cheap date.  (:
 
2013-05-19 04:14:02 PM
the underfuned American Public School system does leave much to be desired.


but the wealthy send their mice to private schools, so its all good.  and they get their tax cuts as a cherry on top.


ain't Freedom great!
 
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