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(Slate)   Dear Prudie: Our brother's schlong is much bigger & prettier than ours or our father's. Should we ask Mom whether she had an affair?   (slate.com) divider line 64
    More: Asinine, Emily Yoffe, brothers, visual routine  
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21302 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2013 at 7:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-16 07:33:22 PM  
22 votes:
Dear Prudence,

I run a humorous news aggregator website. Lately, I've had to load it up with paid Buzzfeed and Daily Mail links to cover my Faberge egg habit. The site members caught on, though, and so I've had to put in a bunch of plainly listed "featured partner" garbage links to get it out in the open. Will this distract people enough to get away with continuing to link half-assed fake advice columns on the regular in exchange for Pizza Hut coupons?

- Drunk Kentuckian
2013-05-16 07:26:28 PM  
9 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2013-05-16 07:32:03 PM  
8 votes:
Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion


/penis
2013-05-16 07:26:26 PM  
6 votes:
Dear Prudie,

Our bro can literally pitch a tent with his skin pickle but hates the outdoors. What should we do?

Human emotions,
2013-05-16 06:17:01 PM  
6 votes:
There's a pill for that. The proof is in my Yahoo spam folder
2013-05-16 09:48:57 PM  
5 votes:
 Omahawg: poison_amy: Too bad I got here late.  This is the perfect thread to ask for WIE and start the great cock-a-lanche that always comes with such requests..  EIP , and naming your pic with one of "thisisyourbrainonfark"'s suggestions will net you bonus BIE in return.

it says invalid email?

am I stupid?

yes yes, I know that already

I figured it out. yay me


Well, I hope you will continue to keep us updated on your fumbling attempts to email dick pics to a stranger over the Internets who might or not even be an actual woman. It is all very fascinating stuff.
2013-05-16 07:55:56 PM  
5 votes:
Oh Long Johnson.
2013-05-16 09:36:11 PM  
4 votes:
My penis knows it is beautiful. It sings like nobody is listening, and dances like nobody knows I'm banging your mom.
2013-05-16 07:47:57 PM  
4 votes:

fusillade762: My penis is farking George Clooney.


I didn't know Clooney was into that.  It'd be more believable if you said your penis was farking Tom Cruise or John Travolta.
2013-05-16 07:44:30 PM  
4 votes:

octopied: My mom was nearly flat until she had us, and is still quite small chested,I am chesty and have been since 14. I have a few of her features, but not many. Most people would never guess we are mother and daughter as she is Asian and I pass for white. Apparently the boobies came down from somewhere on my dad's side.


I suspect your real father is Dolly Parton.
2013-05-16 07:24:35 PM  
4 votes:
Better complexion? Dude, he's the only one who doesn't have the herp.
2013-05-16 07:42:38 PM  
3 votes:
Your brother having a bigger penis is no reason to go off half-cocked.
2013-05-16 07:30:02 PM  
3 votes:
In other news, you can no longer call him your little brother.  That is how he will now refer to you.
2013-05-16 07:24:53 PM  
3 votes:
That was almost as good as the "Caught our landlord having sex with his dog, should we move out?" one.
2013-05-16 07:20:20 PM  
3 votes:
Dear Prudence, why do you get really drunk and write yourself such silly letters?
2013-05-17 12:16:27 AM  
2 votes:
fusillade762:

What celebrity does your penis most resemble?

after reviewing the collection, i can say we have a Phil Collins, a Che Guevara, a Carrot Top, and R2D2, for a start
2013-05-16 09:20:55 PM  
2 votes:
This is why penis inspection day should be held at public schools rather than done at home.
2013-05-16 09:20:20 PM  
2 votes:
Mine have been described to have the majestic beauty of a lion and the scented fragrance of smoked bacon.
2013-05-16 08:08:45 PM  
2 votes:

Oakenshield: JWideman: awalkingecho: Dwangerous: (assuming that I was willing to pony up the big bucks and get TF this month)

You don't need TF to submit a link...

Unless something has changed that I don't know about.

A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.

Not specifically. Redlighted (visible to TF) headlines do get sniped fairly often, though. Copy headline (perhaps changing a word, maybe two), paste, add ? to the URL, resubmit a few hours later.


happens to me quite often

meh

i'll sleep with their daughters some day to get back at them. oh yes I will.
2013-05-16 07:58:52 PM  
2 votes:
Wtf kind of "wedding" was this?
2013-05-16 07:53:10 PM  
2 votes:
Who would have guessed?

3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-16 07:48:57 PM  
2 votes:
Dear Small Fry.

It is widely known that schlong size is more accurate than a paternity test. You should immediately confront your mom as the slut she is.

Sincerely,
Prudie.
2013-05-16 07:46:25 PM  
2 votes:

fusillade762: AbbeySomeone: reklamfox: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

^^^THIS

Wang's aren't pretty. They are fun and useful, but not the best lookin' thing out there.

Some are better looking than others.

Yeah, speak for yourselves, guys. My penis is farking George Clooney.


It is farking George clooney?
2013-05-16 07:43:50 PM  
2 votes:

js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them


I've been told by multiple girlfriends that mine is "beautiful." The first time it happened - my first time actually - I thought she was just being nice. But since many women have now told me I assume it's pretty attractive. This does nothing for my luck with women, however, as "I have a beautiful penis" is a lousy pickup line.

/penis story bro
2013-05-16 07:42:37 PM  
2 votes:
img.photobucket.com
2013-05-16 07:38:00 PM  
2 votes:

Cagey B: Dear Prudence,

I run a humorous news aggregator website. Lately, I've had to load it up with paid Buzzfeed and Daily Mail links to cover my Faberge egg habit. The site members caught on, though, and so I've had to put in a bunch of plainly listed "featured partner" garbage links to get it out in the open. Will this distract people enough to get away with continuing to link half-assed fake advice columns on the regular in exchange for Pizza Hut coupons?

- Drunk Kentuckian


Damn, Young's Double Chocolate Stout  all over the screen
2013-05-16 07:31:57 PM  
2 votes:
img.photobucket.com
2013-05-16 07:28:44 PM  
2 votes:
On the extremely remote possibility that this is real: why care?

There's nothing that can be done about it.

Just don't let your wife see your brother naked and everything will be fine.
2013-05-16 07:23:48 PM  
2 votes:
Dear Pee Wee,

Your brother was just happy to see you.
2013-05-16 05:35:53 PM  
2 votes:
Dear skimp, why are you looking at your man family's dicks?
2013-05-17 12:31:57 PM  
1 votes:

great_tigers: I have the weirdest boner right now.


Let go of it, it's not yours.
2013-05-17 11:28:59 AM  
1 votes:

poison_amy: If you are fibbing, follow that with "but I'll try...." Grimace appropriately.


If it's big, purple, and drooling, you're doing it....right, I guess.
2013-05-17 08:54:45 AM  
1 votes:

fusillade762: What celebrity does your penis most resemble?


vin diesel.
2013-05-17 08:36:00 AM  
1 votes:

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

/penis


I call mine "Penosaurus  Rex"
2013-05-17 07:39:00 AM  
1 votes:
Willie, Peter, and Rod ? aby bro's one-eyed wonder? Moby-Dick?

FFS. She's not even trying to make them sound real anymore.
2013-05-17 07:36:20 AM  
1 votes:
Came to see penis. Leaving disappoint.
2013-05-17 07:20:04 AM  
1 votes:
fusillade762:
My penis is farking George Clooney.

Is it detachable?  Because if your penis is farking George Clooney and you're in the vicinity, I have a script I've been trying to get in front of him.
2013-05-17 01:18:03 AM  
1 votes:
I feel so alone.
3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-17 12:09:54 AM  
1 votes:

fusillade762: stu1-1: Sir Simon Milligan: fusillade762: AbbeySomeone: reklamfox: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

^^^THIS

Wang's aren't pretty. They are fun and useful, but not the best lookin' thing out there.

Some are better looking than others.

Yeah, speak for yourselves, guys. My penis is farking George Clooney.

It is farking George clooney?

Yeah  ...he may want to rephrase that.

*Groundskeeper Willie voice*

You heard me.

What celebrity does your penis most resemble?


Mickey Rooney.
2013-05-16 11:52:47 PM  
1 votes:
I may have a pretty penis, but it is attached to one ugly motherfarker.
2013-05-16 11:47:36 PM  
1 votes:

Azlefty: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: One thing I've learned from watching interracial porn is that brothers definitely tend to have the bigger penises.

[encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com image 183x275]

Disagrees with your silly comment


4.bp.blogspot.com

www.biography.com

whitenoiseinsanity.com

Also disagree.

/My wife however does agree
//My girlfriends don't
2013-05-16 11:37:11 PM  
1 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: One thing I've learned from watching interracial porn is that brothers definitely tend to have the bigger penises.


encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

Disagrees with your silly comment
2013-05-16 10:42:54 PM  
1 votes:

reklamfox: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

^^^THIS

Wang's aren't pretty. They are fun and useful, but not the best lookin' thing out there.


Oh, I dunno...
A bit of chocolate sauce, judiciously applied aerosol whipped cream and a few tasteful sprinkles can lead to cover a multitude of sins...
2013-05-16 10:22:42 PM  
1 votes:
Weird doesn't like the link.
Oh well.
http://www.sonorika.co.uk/unclebonsai
2013-05-16 10:18:15 PM  
1 votes:
Penis Envy?
/Thanks again Bathia : )
2013-05-16 10:09:03 PM  
1 votes:

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


No Arnold Swollenmember? Also, any man referring to his penis as "The New York Post" probably has at least a 50% chance of hitting the wrong hole.
2013-05-16 09:56:35 PM  
1 votes:

EmmaLou: poison_amy: Too bad I got here late.  This is the perfect thread to ask for WIE and start the great cock-a-lanche that always comes with such requests..  EIP , and naming your pic with one of "thisisyourbrainonfark"'s suggestions will net you bonus BIE in return.

If you're for real, you're quite brave.


Brave for what? Wow, give this modern Anne Frank a medal for begging for pictures of cocks. So brave.
2013-05-16 09:25:11 PM  
1 votes:

Hagbardr: Good, but not as good as the gay incestual twin brothers.


...why no link?
2013-05-16 08:56:50 PM  
1 votes:
wackymania.com
2013-05-16 08:38:18 PM  
1 votes:
/ Waiting for Wellon Dowd to give us his opinion on this.
2013-05-16 08:26:43 PM  
1 votes:
"Camping-Style Family Wedding"....????

Did this involve a shotgun & the groom duct taped up in the back of Cousin Skeeter's pickup?

/Squeeeel!
2013-05-16 08:08:55 PM  
1 votes:

thisisyourbrainonFark: Dear Prudie,

Our bro can literally pitch a tent with his skin pickle but hates the outdoors. What should we do?

Human emotions,


thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


Omg I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard. Bravo, good sir.

/Lost it at Madeline Albright and never recovered
2013-05-16 07:57:23 PM  
1 votes:

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


You forgot Willie.. you know, the one eyed wonder worm.....
2013-05-16 07:56:18 PM  
1 votes:
She forgot the other obvious answer.  Younger bro has a homosexual incest fantasy, and the different color and size were due to him being turned on by seeing everyone naked.
2013-05-16 07:53:00 PM  
1 votes:
Size doesn't matter, right ladies? Right??!!
2013-05-16 07:44:32 PM  
1 votes:

AbbeySomeone: reklamfox: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

^^^THIS

Wang's aren't pretty. They are fun and useful, but not the best lookin' thing out there.

Some are better looking than others.


Yeah, speak for yourselves, guys. My penis is farking George Clooney.
2013-05-16 07:42:57 PM  
1 votes:

gambitsgirl: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

yes


Georgia O'Keeffe disagrees.
2013-05-16 07:40:08 PM  
1 votes:

octopied: My mom was nearly flat until she had us, and is still quite small chested,I am chesty and have been since 14. I have a few of her features, but not many. Most people would never guess we are mother and daughter as she is Asian and I pass for white. Apparently the boobies came down from somewhere on my dad's side.


I haven't checked, but if you have any pics in your profile, take them down now!  And your contact info!  You will not survive the onslaught of BIE requests!
2013-05-16 07:39:42 PM  
1 votes:

js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them


yes
2013-05-16 07:36:11 PM  
1 votes:
I'm torn between:
1. The letter writer made this up.
2. Prudie made it up.
3. Nobody has to make this shiat up, because life is just that completely weird.

I'd really love to know how Dan Savage would have responded to this, though.

If the brothers really want to know, I'd imagine genetic testing would tell which if any of them had a different father.

/wouldn't it be crazy if all three of them had different fathers?
//don't ask questions unless you're sure you really want to know the answer
2013-05-16 07:28:23 PM  
1 votes:
Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them
2013-05-16 07:26:20 PM  
1 votes:
Good, but not as good as the gay incestual twin brothers.
2013-05-16 05:59:29 PM  
1 votes:
Dear Ugly Junk,

You have worse problems

Regards,
2013-05-16 05:58:01 PM  
1 votes:
Well, assuming this is a fake, at least its a good one.
 
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