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(Slate)   Dear Prudie: Our brother's schlong is much bigger & prettier than ours or our father's. Should we ask Mom whether she had an affair?   (slate.com) divider line 202
    More: Asinine, Emily Yoffe, brothers, visual routine  
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21287 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 May 2013 at 7:18 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-16 07:48:57 PM
Dear Small Fry.

It is widely known that schlong size is more accurate than a paternity test. You should immediately confront your mom as the slut she is.

Sincerely,
Prudie.
 
2013-05-16 07:49:36 PM

teenage mutant ninja rapist: thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis

"golf clap"

bravo +1 internets for you


I call mine "The Boomstick."
 
2013-05-16 07:53:00 PM
Size doesn't matter, right ladies? Right??!!
 
2013-05-16 07:53:10 PM
Who would have guessed?

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-16 07:53:33 PM
fusillade762:

Yeah, speak for yourselves, guys. My penis is farking George Clooney.


So GC takes it up the arse now, eh?
 
2013-05-16 07:54:01 PM

Dr.Zom: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

I've been told by multiple girlfriends that mine is "beautiful." The first time it happened - my first time actually - I thought she was just being nice. But since many women have now told me I assume it's pretty attractive. This does nothing for my luck with women, however, as "I have a beautiful penis" is a lousy pickup line.

/penis story bro


If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my dick is always drop-dead gorgeous.
 
2013-05-16 07:54:06 PM
It kind of makes me wonder what ever happened to those two boys, Johnny Deeper and Tommy Farkerfaster.
 
2013-05-16 07:55:56 PM
Oh Long Johnson.
 
2013-05-16 07:56:18 PM
She forgot the other obvious answer.  Younger bro has a homosexual incest fantasy, and the different color and size were due to him being turned on by seeing everyone naked.
 
2013-05-16 07:56:30 PM
I call mine Mufasa. It has a beautiful mane and loves ladies' circle of life.
 
2013-05-16 07:57:23 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


You forgot Willie.. you know, the one eyed wonder worm.....
 
2013-05-16 07:58:52 PM
Wtf kind of "wedding" was this?
 
2013-05-16 08:01:07 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: Old Drizzly


a2.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

You take that back, that is MINE! I copyrighted it with the guy at Kinko's!
 
2013-05-16 08:01:16 PM
EmmaLou

Wtf kind of "wedding" was this?


yea, that was my question as well.
 
2013-05-16 08:02:16 PM

JWideman: awalkingecho: Dwangerous: (assuming that I was willing to pony up the big bucks and get TF this month)

You don't need TF to submit a link...

Unless something has changed that I don't know about.

A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.


I believe that.
 
2013-05-16 08:03:53 PM

desertfool: JWideman: awalkingecho: Dwangerous: (assuming that I was willing to pony up the big bucks and get TF this month)

You don't need TF to submit a link...

Unless something has changed that I don't know about.

A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.

I believe that.


I've gotten two, both while as a liter.  And I don't try very hard.
 
2013-05-16 08:05:21 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Dr.Zom: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

I've been told by multiple girlfriends that mine is "beautiful." The first time it happened - my first time actually - I thought she was just being nice. But since many women have now told me I assume it's pretty attractive. This does nothing for my luck with women, however, as "I have a beautiful penis" is a lousy pickup line.

/penis story bro

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my dick is always drop-dead gorgeous.


i'm pretty happy with my equipment but if my lady friends are to be believed there are a lot of Ugly Johnsons out there. My friend dumped her last boyfriend because his was "too stabby." I didn't ask.
 
2013-05-16 08:06:49 PM

JWideman: awalkingecho: Dwangerous: (assuming that I was willing to pony up the big bucks and get TF this month)

You don't need TF to submit a link...

Unless something has changed that I don't know about.

A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.


Not specifically. Redlighted (visible to TF) headlines do get sniped fairly often, though. Copy headline (perhaps changing a word, maybe two), paste, add ? to the URL, resubmit a few hours later.
 
2013-05-16 08:08:45 PM

Oakenshield: JWideman: awalkingecho: Dwangerous: (assuming that I was willing to pony up the big bucks and get TF this month)

You don't need TF to submit a link...

Unless something has changed that I don't know about.

A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.

Not specifically. Redlighted (visible to TF) headlines do get sniped fairly often, though. Copy headline (perhaps changing a word, maybe two), paste, add ? to the URL, resubmit a few hours later.


happens to me quite often

meh

i'll sleep with their daughters some day to get back at them. oh yes I will.
 
2013-05-16 08:08:55 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: Dear Prudie,

Our bro can literally pitch a tent with his skin pickle but hates the outdoors. What should we do?

Human emotions,


thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


Omg I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard. Bravo, good sir.

/Lost it at Madeline Albright and never recovered
 
2013-05-16 08:14:00 PM
Too bad I got here late.  This is the perfect thread to ask for WIE and start the great cock-a-lanche that always comes with such requests..  EIP , and naming your pic with one of "thisisyourbrainonfark"'s suggestions will net you bonus BIE in return.
 
2013-05-16 08:14:06 PM
"It was like seeing a great white whale breaching alongside dolphins..."

This line will be used again
 
2013-05-16 08:17:38 PM

js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them


I think someone once said that genitals are proof of God's sense of humor.
It's cliche to make fun of penises since they belong to men and we can take the comedic jabs, but vaginas are just as ridiculous.
 
2013-05-16 08:18:57 PM

God-is-a-Taco: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

I think someone once said that genitals are proof of God's sense of humor.
It's cliche to make fun of penises since they belong to men and we can take the comedic jabs, but vaginas are just as ridiculous.


People make fun of them because it's awkward to admit how great some of them think they look.
 
2013-05-16 08:19:32 PM
Can't the two brothers just take a DNA test and not get the parents involved?

/ yes some penni can be beautiful
 
2013-05-16 08:22:54 PM

desertfool: JWideman:
A lot of liters believe that you need TF to get the link approved.

I believe that.


Nah. The thing TFers have is that they see the redlit stuff. So if they see a good headline (or story), they have the chance to make it a great one. Or just copy/paste and hope for the best.
I don't understand why people care this much, to be honest. No one is going to be paid, and it's a bad avenue to massage one's ego.
 
2013-05-16 08:25:26 PM
dear short/narrow,

galleryplus.ebayimg.com

best regards,

deal-with-it
 
2013-05-16 08:26:43 PM
"Camping-Style Family Wedding"....????

Did this involve a shotgun & the groom duct taped up in the back of Cousin Skeeter's pickup?

/Squeeeel!
 
2013-05-16 08:32:34 PM
Don't care. I'm happy with mine.

/EIP
 
2013-05-16 08:33:10 PM

SilentStrider: Well, assuming this is a fake, at least its a good one.


They are always fake.
Getting old.
 
2013-05-16 08:34:00 PM

TexanBoy: thisisyourbrainonFark: Dear Prudie,

Our bro can literally pitch a tent with his skin pickle but hates the outdoors. What should we do?

Human emotions,

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis

Omg I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard. Bravo, good sir.

/Lost it at Madeline Albright and never recovered


Y'all forgot mine,  The Kraken.
 
2013-05-16 08:37:43 PM
FunkOut:
People make fun of them because it's awkward to admit how great some of them think they look.

How is that not exemplified better by women, though?
The way women talk about their appearance and how it contrasts with men, you'd think that each of them rose from the sea foam as an act of sacrifice for mankind.
It's pretty annoying, but I guess people are just used to it and it's really not worth the effort to try and change.
 
2013-05-16 08:38:18 PM
/ Waiting for Wellon Dowd to give us his opinion on this.
 
2013-05-16 08:40:10 PM

awalkingecho: You don't need TF to submit a link...


You are correct. Plenty of liters get greenlights and the only real advantage that TFers have is that they see everything that's been submitted and to a certain extent get some ideas on how to better craft their headlines.
 
2013-05-16 08:43:28 PM
No attempts to tie this to the Dick Trickle thing?
 
2013-05-16 08:51:18 PM
www.domyownpestcontrol.com
 
2013-05-16 08:51:49 PM
My favorite pick-up line;
Little boys have pee-pee's.
Young boys have penis's.
Most men have dick's.
I have a Cock!

Usually only works on neglected wives


/penis
//trademarked
///i sell t-shirts
 
2013-05-16 08:52:04 PM

js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them


Personally I think there are, but it's rare.  Mostly it's the case that some look better than others as Abby said.  Much like all body parts really.
 
2013-05-16 08:53:18 PM
Answers to the "did mom screw around on dad" question are as follows:

1) is his skin complexion a lot darker and does he have kinky hair?  Then yes, your mom is a whore.

2) if answer to number 1 is "no", then your brother is teh ghey and just got chubbed up looking at his nekkid brothers.

/ which answer did you prefer ?
 
2013-05-16 08:56:50 PM
wackymania.com
 
2013-05-16 09:00:04 PM
Their parents just got smart and didn't circumcise the youngest, which is why it looks better and healthier.

(score out of 10?)
 
2013-05-16 09:00:59 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-16 09:01:05 PM

Sir Simon Milligan: fusillade762: AbbeySomeone: reklamfox: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

^^^THIS

Wang's aren't pretty. They are fun and useful, but not the best lookin' thing out there.

Some are better looking than others.

Yeah, speak for yourselves, guys. My penis is farking George Clooney.

It is farking George clooney?


Yeah  ...he may want to rephrase that.
 
2013-05-16 09:02:12 PM
Prudy fails for not asking for pics of all four in question. Preferably peeking out of Lacrosse shorts.
 
2013-05-16 09:09:22 PM

thisisyourbrainonFark: Also, some mere suggestions for penis terms that people can use in the thread.

Schlongzilla
Pennis the Menace
Wrinklebeast
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
The Molten Mushroom
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion

/penis


tl;dr
tmw;ito;yh
(toommuchwierd;idletimeon;yourhands)
 
2013-05-16 09:15:46 PM
Dr.Zom: js34603: Is there such a thing as a pretty one? I gotta say none I've ever seen, mine included, made the word "pretty" come to mind.

/course vajays ain't pretty either but I still like them

I've been told by multiple girlfriends that mine is "beautiful." The first time it happened - my first time actually - I thought she was just being nice. But since many women have now told me I assume it's pretty attractive. This does nothing for my luck with women, however, as "I have a beautiful penis" is a lousy pickup line.


But have you actually tried that line? Ya nevah know...
 
2013-05-16 09:17:33 PM
One thing I've learned from watching interracial porn is that brothers definitely tend to have the bigger penises.
 
2013-05-16 09:20:20 PM
Mine have been described to have the majestic beauty of a lion and the scented fragrance of smoked bacon.
 
2013-05-16 09:20:55 PM
This is why penis inspection day should be held at public schools rather than done at home.
 
2013-05-16 09:22:17 PM

cookiefleck: Can't the two brothers just take a DNA test and not get the parents involved?

/ yes some penni can be beautiful


Think that's really expensive. Cheaper if they wanted to see if they had the same mother.But father, without his DNA, think that's a lot pricier. Though I think worrying about it at all is pretty silly.
 
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