If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Talking Points Memo)   Florida mayoral candidate who claimed to have been endorsed by Jesus Christ finishes dead last in election. I haven't seen a Floridian endorsed by Christ fail this badly since Tim Tebow   (livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com) divider line 75
    More: Amusing, Jesus Christ, North Miami  
•       •       •

3041 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 May 2013 at 9:22 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



75 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-05-16 09:23:21 AM
nice
 
2013-05-16 09:23:55 AM

reillan: nice

 
2013-05-16 09:24:08 AM
I thought the headline said the candidate endorsed by Jesus finished dead, in the last election.  I was just about to say we should wait three days before the recount.
 
2013-05-16 09:24:28 AM
Jesus, what a let-down.
 
2013-05-16 09:24:41 AM
I dont see the problem. The pope says that God talks to him directly, and then gives the masses the message, as if he was some sort of spiritual conduit, and he's the ONLY ONE that can hear the voice of God. Works for the pope, why not this guy?
 
2013-05-16 09:25:51 AM
Christ, what an asshole
 
2013-05-16 09:26:58 AM
Praise Allah!
 
2013-05-16 09:27:20 AM
Maybe he should try a Canadian election?
 
2013-05-16 09:28:31 AM
From her Facebook  "...NOT ONLY I AM COVERED UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS...I AM SWIMMING IN IT."

Good Lord.
 
2013-05-16 09:30:19 AM
Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.
 
2013-05-16 09:30:27 AM

mrlewish: From her Facebook  "...NOT ONLY I AM COVERED UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS...I AM SWIMMING IN IT."

Good Lord.


I'm too lazy to find a picture of Ann Margaret swimming in baked beans.
 
2013-05-16 09:30:34 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: I dont see the problem. The pope says that God talks to him directly, and then gives the masses the message, as if he was some sort of spiritual conduit, and he's the ONLY ONE that can hear the voice of God. Works for the pope, why not this guy?


Really. You have to be pretty narcissistic to think that your own personal religious experiences are ordained by God, but everyone else is simply a crazy person.
 
2013-05-16 09:31:02 AM
This has really harmed my faith in cheese sauce.
 
2013-05-16 09:31:32 AM
i305.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-16 09:32:43 AM
I love how the black chick endorses Aryan Jesus.
 
2013-05-16 09:33:37 AM
Also from her Facebook:

"The results are in. The administration screwed me big time.... They claimed I only have 56 votes - YOU CAN BELIEVE THEM IF YOU WANT"

Sigh
 
2013-05-16 09:34:49 AM
This reminds me of a story I had related here once before (though I don't remember the specifics).

There was an election going on in Australia, where the candidate kept on touting his confirmed belief in God.  The country litterally laughed him out of the election.  In my view that's the way it should be.  If you are going on about how strong you are with your belief in the invisible man in the sky, you are clearly not in any sort of condition to rule anyone let alone make laws.
 
2013-05-16 09:36:00 AM

0Icky0: I love how the black chick endorses Aryan Jesus.


Had to look again. Lovely blonde locks, perfectly accurate!
 
2013-05-16 09:37:26 AM
Did she really think an endorsement from some Middle Eastern dude was going to help in local politics?
 
2013-05-16 09:37:50 AM
Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.
 
2013-05-16 09:39:40 AM
Also from her FB page: "NORTH MIAMI CHOSE "LUCIEFER" OVER JESUS."  And then: "CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNER, MS. LUCIE TONDREAU"

I see what you did there.
 
2013-05-16 09:41:31 AM
She should have put a discreet jesus fish in the ad and called it good.
 
2013-05-16 09:42:03 AM

Clemkadidlefark: Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.


Rex Grossman had a few great games too. Even went to the Super Bowl.
You can see him now in the bargain bin waiting to show his fellow alumnus Timmy around.
 
2013-05-16 09:42:49 AM

Clemkadidlefark: Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.

Unemployed.
 
2013-05-16 09:49:09 AM
Jeebus Crikey.
 
2013-05-16 09:52:21 AM
God; Jesus Christ!

Jebus: Yes, father?

God; Did you endorse some one in a Florida election?

Jebus: I don't believe so, Father. I'll have to check with the people in the office. Say, aren't you all knowing?

God; Yeah. But I want to hear your side on this. Look at this flyer.

Jebus: Dear me. That is an old graven image. It's all over the Internet. She might as well used that one of me and the truck driver.

God: The "Don't let them merge" one? I LOL'd.

Jebus: I'll check with some angels and see what happened, father. I'll get back to you.

(Jebus' Office)

Jebus: Who handles prayer requests for North America. Specifically a weird area known as Florida.

Fenwick: That would be me, Mr. Jebus.

Jebus: Call me Jesus. You're new here.

Fenwick: Yes sir. Last week, I was crossing the street and I got hit by a city bus.

Jebus: Yeah. Your wife had prayed for a lot of money. She'll get it when she settles with the bus company. It was a tough lesson, but I think she learned it.

Fenwick: I was in pain for hours. Even in the coma, I could feel them harvesting my organs.

Jebus: Did you tell someone I'd endorse them for Mayor?

Fenwick: Yes sir. She sends up a lot of requests. I was going to grant her prayer for beautiful begonias in her garden but I stamped the wrong form. I didn't think she'd go too far.

Jebus: This makes us look bad, Fenwick. Lucifer Inc. is just going to have a field day. I'm afraid I'm going to have to demote you to the Children's Letters to Jebus Department. Maybe we can bring you back up in a millennium or two.

Fenwick: Yes, sir. It's so slow down there. Your dad gets all the good mail.

Jebus: I wish I could forgive you. But if I did, I'd have to forgive everyone.

God's Office

Jebus: Found out who did the endorsement. I had to bust him down. Sometimes I hate this job.

God: I know. I'm omnipotent. Sigh, I was going to go easy on Florida this hurricane season. But 'cause of this, I gotta divert a few inland. Lucifer Inc always gets blamed for them.

Jebus: Lucifer is such a tool.

God: You mess with the bull, you get the horns, Lucifer.

Jebus: Got time for golf?

God: I make time for golf! Literally!
 
2013-05-16 09:57:06 AM
durbnpoisn

This reminds me of a story I had related here once before (though I don't remember the specifics).

There was an election going on in Australia, where the candidate kept on touting his confirmed belief in God. The country litterally laughed him out of the election. In my view that's the way it should be. If you are going on about how strong you are with your belief in the invisible man in the sky, you are clearly not in any sort of condition to rule anyone let alone make laws.


www.biography.com

I wish it were like that here in merica.
 
2013-05-16 09:57:12 AM
If god/jesus actually was speaking to these wing-nuts I would like to think he would ask them a few questions first, such as:
"Have you actually read the bible?",
"Have you considered the idea that maybe you aren't cut out for politics?", and
"You do realize that shouting my name at the top of your lungs is not an acceptable substitute for making cogent and sound public policy decisions,  Right?"
I would then like to further imagine that his response to their derpy answers to these questions would be:
"Shut up You're ruining my street cred" and/or
"My Legal department will be contacting you about using my name on your campaign literature without my approval and endorsement."
 
2013-05-16 09:59:49 AM

Clemkadidlefark: Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.


I see Tebow's agent is a FARKer.
 
2013-05-16 10:05:47 AM

0Icky0: Clemkadidlefark: Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.

Rex Grossman had a few great games too. Even went to the Super Bowl.
You can see him now in the bargain bin waiting to show his fellow alumnus Timmy around.



Remember all the lucrative contracts Trent Dilfer received after the Bucs won the Super Bowl?
 
2013-05-16 10:45:13 AM

Clemkadidlefark: Tebow. 5 straight wins. Humiliated Pittsburgh in first round. AFC Western Division Champions. Can't throw? Ask Ike Taylor.


... all of which is useless now because no team in the NFL wants him.
 
2013-05-16 10:51:08 AM

Kibbler: I'm too lazy to find a picture of Ann Margaret swimming in baked beans.


I read that as "swimming in naked beans", which is an entirely different mental image.
 
2013-05-16 10:56:15 AM

Lackofname: Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.


And the Democrat derpers thought there candidate WAS jesus christ.
 
2013-05-16 10:57:27 AM
their*
 
2013-05-16 11:03:14 AM
Even as a Christian myself, I think it's pretentious for any politician to claim endorsement from Christ
 
2013-05-16 11:16:43 AM
I haven't read much about her being a nurse. What does she treat people with, masks and chickens?
 
2013-05-16 11:18:50 AM

durbnpoisn: This reminds me of a story I had related here once before (though I don't remember the specifics).

There was an election going on in Australia, where the candidate kept on touting his confirmed belief in God.  The country litterally laughed him out of the election.  In my view that's the way it should be.  If you are going on about how strong you are with your belief in the invisible man in the sky, you are clearly not in any sort of condition to rule anyone let alone make laws.


Unfortunately that God botherer is going to win the next election unless something drastic happens.

It's a bit of a mix of in-fighting, bad PR, and a News corp. run media
 
2013-05-16 11:23:47 AM

CMYK and PMS: Lackofname: Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.

And the Democrat derpers thought there candidate WAS jesus christ.


Its not difficult to out sine a dimwit.
 
2013-05-16 11:26:05 AM
Thus continues the fall of Christian Terrorism in the US....
 
2013-05-16 11:29:17 AM

Steak_Cake_Sause: CMYK and PMS: Lackofname: Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.

And the Democrat derpers thought there candidate WAS jesus christ.

Its not difficult to out sine a dimwit.


*shine

/damnitsomuch
 
2013-05-16 11:31:18 AM

Steak_Cake_Sause: CMYK and PMS: Lackofname: Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.

And the Democrat derpers thought there candidate WAS jesus christ.

Its not difficult to out sine a dimwit.


I think you went off on a tangent.
 
2013-05-16 11:38:04 AM

lenfromak: I haven't read much about her being a nurse. What does she treat people with, masks and chickens?


Prayer!!!
//I heard an interview with a nurse who was being asked about Obama-care and she said people don't need insurance, they need more prayer.
///would have been awesome if the interviewer asked her is she would be willing to settle for prayer instead of a paycheck
 
2013-05-16 11:41:37 AM
"Suk Su Bonbon" in Hatian Creole means "sugar on cookies".  Why someone would put that on their campaign poster - well, your guess is as good as mine.
 
2013-05-16 11:46:56 AM

Harry Freakstorm: God; Jesus Christ!

Jebus: Yes, father?

God; Did you endorse some one in a Florida election?

Jebus: I don't believe so, Father. I'll have to check with the people in the office. Say, aren't you all knowing?

God; Yeah. But I want to hear your side on this. Look at this flyer.

Jebus: Dear me. That is an old graven image. It's all over the Internet. She might as well used that one of me and the truck driver.

God: The "Don't let them merge" one? I LOL'd.

Jebus: I'll check with some angels and see what happened, father. I'll get back to you.

(Jebus' Office)

Jebus: Who handles prayer requests for North America. Specifically a weird area known as Florida.

Fenwick: That would be me, Mr. Jebus.

Jebus: Call me Jesus. You're new here.

Fenwick: Yes sir. Last week, I was crossing the street and I got hit by a city bus.

Jebus: Yeah. Your wife had prayed for a lot of money. She'll get it when she settles with the bus company. It was a tough lesson, but I think she learned it.

Fenwick: I was in pain for hours. Even in the coma, I could feel them harvesting my organs.

Jebus: Did you tell someone I'd endorse them for Mayor?

Fenwick: Yes sir. She sends up a lot of requests. I was going to grant her prayer for beautiful begonias in her garden but I stamped the wrong form. I didn't think she'd go too far.

Jebus: This makes us look bad, Fenwick. Lucifer Inc. is just going to have a field day. I'm afraid I'm going to have to demote you to the Children's Letters to Jebus Department. Maybe we can bring you back up in a millennium or two.

Fenwick: Yes, sir. It's so slow down there. Your dad gets all the good mail.

Jebus: I wish I could forgive you. But if I did, I'd have to forgive everyone.

God's Office

Jebus: Found out who did the endorsement. I had to bust him down. Sometimes I hate this job.

God: I know. I'm omnipotent. Sigh, I was going to go easy on Florida this hurricane season. But 'cause of this, I gotta divert ...


Thanks, man. I needed a smile today.
 
2013-05-16 11:47:37 AM

mrlewish: From her Facebook  "...NOT ONLY I AM COVERED UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS...I AM SWIMMING IN IT."

Good Lord.


I think her mother forgot to give her the Special Talk For Girls when she was younger.
 
2013-05-16 11:51:34 AM

CMYK and PMS: Lackofname: Ever notice that all the ones who say "God told me to run" never win? All the GOP derpers running for President said that and they didn't make it.

And the Democrat derpers thought there candidate WAS jesus christ.


www.trilobite.org

Whatever you say, Sparky.
 
2013-05-16 11:52:02 AM

mrlewish: From her Facebook  "...NOT ONLY I AM COVERED UNDER THE BLOOD OF JESUS...I AM SWIMMING IN IT."

Good Lord.


It's all fun and games until that shiat starts to clot.
 
2013-05-16 11:57:12 AM

Harry Freakstorm: God; Jesus Christ!

Jebus: Yes, father?

God; Did you endorse some one in a Florida election?

Jebus: I don't believe so, Father. I'll have to check with the people in the office. Say, aren't you all knowing?

God; Yeah. But I want to hear your side on this. Look at this flyer.

Jebus: Dear me. That is an old graven image. It's all over the Internet. She might as well used that one of me and the truck driver.

God: The "Don't let them merge" one? I LOL'd.

Jebus: I'll check with some angels and see what happened, father. I'll get back to you.

(Jebus' Office)

Jebus: Who handles prayer requests for North America. Specifically a weird area known as Florida.

Fenwick: That would be me, Mr. Jebus.

Jebus: Call me Jesus. You're new here.

Fenwick: Yes sir. Last week, I was crossing the street and I got hit by a city bus.

Jebus: Yeah. Your wife had prayed for a lot of money. She'll get it when she settles with the bus company. It was a tough lesson, but I think she learned it.

Fenwick: I was in pain for hours. Even in the coma, I could feel them harvesting my organs.

Jebus: Did you tell someone I'd endorse them for Mayor?

Fenwick: Yes sir. She sends up a lot of requests. I was going to grant her prayer for beautiful begonias in her garden but I stamped the wrong form. I didn't think she'd go too far.

Jebus: This makes us look bad, Fenwick. Lucifer Inc. is just going to have a field day. I'm afraid I'm going to have to demote you to the Children's Letters to Jebus Department. Maybe we can bring you back up in a millennium or two.

Fenwick: Yes, sir. It's so slow down there. Your dad gets all the good mail.

Jebus: I wish I could forgive you. But if I did, I'd have to forgive everyone.

God's Office

Jebus: Found out who did the endorsement. I had to bust him down. Sometimes I hate this job.

God: I know. I'm omnipotent. Sigh, I was going to go easy on Florida this hurricane season. But 'cause of this, I gotta divert ...


So... is this an analogy of the IRS scandal?

Is Obama Jesus or God?

Or Fenwick?
 
2013-05-16 12:02:02 PM

Bit'O'Gristle: I dont see the problem. The pope says that God talks to him directly, and then gives the masses the message, as if he was some sort of spiritual conduit, and he's the ONLY ONE that can hear the voice of God. Works for the pope, why not this guy?


Because he isnt' sitting in The Magic Chair

Wearing the special Ruby Slippers

Carrying the One and Only Shiny Stick

and saying unto his flock: Yo, for the next 30 seconds, I be like infallible n' shiat. But ONLY about the biatches and collection plates.

Duh.
 
2013-05-16 12:02:13 PM

0Icky0: I love how the black chick endorses Aryan Jesus.


It was either him or Nubian Jesus. Not like closer-to-Historical-Jesus Semitic Jesus is ever considered...
 
Displayed 50 of 75 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report