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(Metro)   "It's coming. It's coming. I can't taaaaaaaaake the pain anymore. Pleeeeease, these labor pains are killing me. Can someone get my wife in here?"   (metro.co.uk) divider line 69
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5693 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2013 at 12:23 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-15 10:41:05 AM
Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.
 
2013-05-15 10:44:36 AM
That was one point I bought up with the hospital. It's sexiest!! Why does the woman get all the good drugs?!?
 
2013-05-15 10:52:01 AM
Who needs simulators? I've had a few `brick-like' BMs that would have killed Ma Duggar!
 
2013-05-15 11:32:46 AM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: That was one point I bought up with the hospital. It's sexiest!! Why does the woman get all the good drugs?!?


You know how you get the *really* good drugs?  Give birth to the Chief of Anaesthesia's first grandchild.  You also get the delivery room with the jacuzzi tub.
 
2013-05-15 11:43:25 AM
codinghorror.typepad.com


I was thinking more along these lines.
 
2013-05-15 11:47:15 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: You know how you get the *really* good drugs? Give birth to the Chief of Anaesthesia's first grandchild. You also get the delivery room with the jacuzzi tub.


You just thought that was a jacuzzi. It was just a large cup of water next to your face. That just proves how awesome the drugs were!!

And the Chief of Anesthesia where my wife had our kids is a poker friend of mine, plus he owed me money at the time!! SOB left me high and dry!!
 
2013-05-15 12:27:35 PM
Although the article has nothing to do with this, Subby, did you know that in several states and countries, women can get married to each other? And one can then get pregnant and want to be with their wife. No, really, it's true. Welcome to the 21st century.
 
2013-05-15 12:30:03 PM
Reminds me of last nights NCIS Los Angeles show.
 
2013-05-15 12:31:51 PM
A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.
 
2013-05-15 12:33:00 PM

oldfarthenry: Who needs simulators? I've had a few `brick-like' BMs that would have killed Ma Duggar!


I peed. U owe me jeans.
 
2013-05-15 12:34:01 PM
Looking at the medical personnel, I was really hoping it was a porno...
 
2013-05-15 12:37:54 PM
Would have been more impressive if they had surgically implanted a golf ball and made them per it out.
 
2013-05-15 12:38:49 PM
I always thought childbirth would feel like taking a really big dump.
 
2013-05-15 12:39:30 PM
Pee, even
 
2013-05-15 12:39:38 PM

doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.


Yeah, I have had two so far, I am waiting for the third one (the myth is they come in three, and it was true for my father and grandfathers) to rear it's ulgy head.  The first one had me on the  ER floor curled up into a ball screaming in agony (until I got a shot of sweet, sweet morphine) wishing, praying, and hoping for the sweet release of death.  The second one wasn't as bad as the first, but damn it was still painful.
 
2013-05-15 12:42:03 PM
I call bullshiat. There is no way to measure that the pain is actually the same and the men haven't been marinading in happy hormones to prepare for the upcoming pain.
 
2013-05-15 12:42:43 PM
Also, I got a catheter put in one time..... while not as long lasting, it is a very intense pain.

"You will feel a slight pressure"

"AHH YOU biatch A SLIGHT PRESSURE MY ASS! A POX ON THE NEXT SEVEN GENERATIONS OF YOU FAMILY!"
 
2013-05-15 12:42:49 PM
Yeah,  I was thinking of having a sex change just so I could have a baby but that video convinced me otherwise.

/Do they have a simulator so women people can feel what it's like to have their arm blown of by an IED or crushed in an accident?
 
2013-05-15 12:43:26 PM

It's coming. It's coming. I can't taaaaaaaaake the pain anymore. Pleeeeease, these labor pains are killing me. Can someone get my wife in here?"


It sounds like there is already one gigantic vagina in the room.
 
2013-05-15 12:43:44 PM

Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.


I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.

9/10
 
2013-05-15 12:45:34 PM
Is there a Sammich making simulator?
 
2013-05-15 12:48:09 PM

Bacontastesgood: Yeah,  I was thinking of having a sex change just so I could have a baby but that video convinced me otherwise.

/Do they have a simulator so women people can feel what it's like to have their arm blown of by an IED or crushed in an accident?



Tammy Duckworth called. She said for you to kiss her ass, and both of her prosthetic legs.
 
2013-05-15 12:50:52 PM

Theaetetus: Although the article has nothing to do with this, Subby, did you know that in several states and countries, women can get married to each other? And one can then get pregnant and want to be with their wife. No, really, it's true. Welcome to the 21st century.


I thought that was what the story was going to be about.
 
2013-05-15 12:51:38 PM

ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10


well that's it. I've heard the funniest thing I'm going to hear today.
 
2013-05-15 12:54:49 PM
So they invented this machine to transfer labor pains to the father. On the day of birth, the new father and his wife decide to use this device, and to start with a low setting. The nurse asks how he is feeling, and he says there's nothing, she should dial it up. Still nothing, so they turn it up all the way, and it is a painless birth for mother and father.
When he gets home, there's the police and an ambulance just driving off from his house, so he asks his other child what happened.

"I don't know daddy, but the postman came and suddenly started screaming in pain, and it got worse and worse, I think he died."
 
2013-05-15 12:55:00 PM

ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10


In "Pot Luck: A Game of Skill and Chance" we always called that one the "Alabama Coiler".....every region has its differences.
 
2013-05-15 12:57:00 PM
This reminds me of a longish joke:

A man and his wife go into the emergency room, and she's in labor, about to have a baby.  The doctor looks at her chart and sees that she has elected for no drugs.  The doctor offers, "Well, we actually have a high tech machine that wirelessly transfers part of the pain from the mother to the father, no drugs needed.  Would you like to try?"

The man agrees, and the doctor sets it all up saying.  "Ok, I'll only put it at 10% because that's the most that most men can endure."

The doctor comes back into the room and sees the machine is now set to 50%.  The doctor is a bit shocked, but the man says, he did that himself because he was feeling ok, and wants his wife to have less pain.  The doctor says "Ok, but no more, don't be a hero."

The doctor comes back a second time, and sees the machine is up to 80%.  The doctor is really mad now and says that nobody has ever gone over 75%.  The man still says "I'm doing fine, and if my wife can have less pain, then so be it."  The wife is doing great, only having 20% of the pain.

Finally, the baby is about to be born, and the doctor glances at the machine, now set to 100%.  The doctor orders the man to at least sit, and asks one last time "Are you sure about this?" to which the man replies "Of course, I want to do this for my wife!"  So, the baby is born, and the wife delivers it completely pain free.

The couple then take their new baby home and finds the poolboy dead on the patio.
 
2013-05-15 12:59:49 PM
Phase II of the experiment:  a kick in the crotch for each of our brave little guys, so these two can settle whether men or women feel the worst routine pain.

I read when I was child an article in Popular Mechanics on a pain that can be experienced by men or women and which is said to be vastly more painful than childbirth or a kick in the crotch by those who have suffered it. It's caused by one of a pair of nerves in the face and is called tic douloureux in French (painful tic) or trigeminal neuralgia. It mostly comes on in late adulthood and mostly in women, but it can affect the young and male as well.

Here is a link:

http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/9339/10867.html

This pretty much settles the old debate:  neither of these pains is the worse that you can experience. Neither sex has a monopoly on suffering and intensity of pain. Men do whine more.
 
2013-05-15 01:00:04 PM

Langdon Alger: ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10

In "Pot Luck: A Game of Skill and Chance" we always called that one the "Alabama Coiler".....every region has its differences.


So if one were to have a poo like this nearly every time they went, should they be examined by a medical professional? <.<;;
 
2013-05-15 01:01:19 PM
I had seven hours of no-drugs natural labor including two hours of pushing. The baby I pushed out weighed nine pounds. I used a meditative method for childbirth, didn't go to any classes to prepare. I just read a book I picked up at B&N and started practicing the meditation techniques, nutrition suggestions (lots of protein) and the stretching the book suggested about three months in advance of delivery. It wasn't that terrible. On a scale of 10 for max pain I'd put my childbirth experience at 7 max. It still was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever been for a prolonged period of time but I've had briefer episodes of more intense pain. Labor wasn't constantly intense. It was intense in intervals. It made me think of like the most intense diarrhea and menstrual cramps ever, but it wasn't "searing pain"  as I've seen some fiction novels describe childbirth. When labor started I actually thought I had intestinal discomfort. I figured out I was in labor when I couldn't talk through what I realized were contractions. My stomach didn't start out getting hard like the Braxton Hix had been doing.

The only way I can think of to test this is to fMRI women's brains in labor and then try zapping women after pregnancy to see if they can get the same results on the fMRI. I'd start with giving men something that causes prolonged intestinal discomfort though and increasing the dose periodically a few minutes apart, since that's what it seemed most like to me.
 
2013-05-15 01:01:57 PM

give me doughnuts: Tammy Duckworth called. She said for you to kiss her ass, and both of her prosthetic legs.


Uh, that's why I crossed out women and put "people", idiot.  The point being that the video is being sexist.  BTW, I have actually met Duckworth, have you?
 
2013-05-15 01:03:15 PM
According to my doctor, gout can be worse that labor pains according to some of his female patients that have gone through both.  I've only had gout so I tend to agree.
 
2013-05-15 01:03:23 PM

This text is now purple: ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10

well that's it. I've heard the funniest thing I'm going to hear today.


That's some funny *shiat* right there.....
 
2013-05-15 01:05:21 PM

Burr: doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.

Yeah, I have had two so far, I am waiting for the third one (the myth is they come in three, and it was true for my father and grandfathers) to rear it's ulgy head.  The first one had me on the  ER floor curled up into a ball screaming in agony (until I got a shot of sweet, sweet morphine) wishing, praying, and hoping for the sweet release of death.  The second one wasn't as bad as the first, but damn it was still painful.


When my dad was suffering from kidney stones a woman co-worker told him, "I've given birth and had kidney stones and kidney stones hurt more."
 
2013-05-15 01:09:53 PM

Theaetetus: Although the article has nothing to do with this, Subby, did you know that in several states and countries, women can get married to each other? And one can then get pregnant and want to be with their wife. No, really, it's true. Welcome to the 21st century.


Was that necessary, or were you just under your "be a dick to people for no reason" quota for the day?
 
2013-05-15 01:13:29 PM

doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.


Studies have generally ranked that second: not a very distant second, but second all the same. Burning alive was third.
 
2013-05-15 01:13:37 PM
caption FTA: "The wives thoroughly enjoyed watching their men in pain (Picture: YouTube) "

Because men always laugh and high-five each other while their wives experience labor pains, right?
 
2013-05-15 01:16:29 PM

Millennium: doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.

Studies have generally ranked that second: not a very distant second, but second all the same. Burning alive was third.


Because it's only a few minutes until your nerves are burned away- and then no more pain... on the surface.
 
2013-05-15 01:17:37 PM
I wonder if labor pains are similar to the feelings you get during nasty case of gastroenteritis when your body is trying to puke out the upper half of your skeleton and crap out the lower half at the same time?
 
2013-05-15 01:27:49 PM

doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.


Well, I've had kids and I've had kidney stones, gall stones and pancreatitis as a result of gall stones. Pancreatitis wins but child birth is a very close second.
 
2013-05-15 01:38:21 PM
Try a crushed sciatic nerve from a ruptured disk in your spine.

3 months of pain that the strongest pain killers did nothing for.

The pain was so bad that I was ready to kill myself just to make it go away. After my surgery the pain from the surgery was so much less than what I had been going through I didn't need pain meds. Dr made me take them anyway so I wouldn't move around too much.

Ended up with a staff infection in the wound :( but I am 10000% better today than I was then)
 
2013-05-15 01:42:26 PM
www.familyguylol.com
 
2013-05-15 01:48:01 PM

Langdon Alger: ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10

In "Pot Luck: A Game of Skill and Chance" we always called that one the "Alabama Coiler".....every region has its differences.


I call that "Tuesday."
 
2013-05-15 01:48:05 PM
Firstly, there's a reason people use anesthesia.

Secondly, it's like anything else done for entertainment: way more fun to dial it up to 11 and see what happens than to actually simulate anything.
 
2013-05-15 01:52:25 PM
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=97662&page=1#.UZPLIsr22qE

Sorry to inject reality but men have on average a much higher pain tolerance than women.
 
2013-05-15 01:55:35 PM

doglover: Bullshiat births pain is the worst.

Get an unpassable kidney stone and get back to me.


I just had an 8mm stone that was stuck in my left ureter laser lithotripsied a week ago, so I'm getting a kick out of your reply. Putting up with a ureteric stent for a week was awful. Towards the end of the week, the thread that was supposed to hang out of my pecker would disappear up my urethra more often than not. And now in the near future I get to do it all over again to have the 13mm stone in my right kidney zapped. But on the bright side, with the left stone gone and the stent out, I feel like a new man.
 
2013-05-15 02:04:30 PM

xanadian: Langdon Alger: ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10

In "Pot Luck: A Game of Skill and Chance" we always called that one the "Alabama Coiler".....every region has its differences.

I call that "Tuesday."


You only POOP once a WEEK?!?!?!
/no wonder.
 
2013-05-15 02:11:24 PM

ChipNASA: xanadian: Langdon Alger: ChipNASA: Langdon Alger: A "Top Gun " BM is pretty painful----the kind that feel like they're coming out inverted.

I had a cheese doodle "Hello" POO once......

It was so long, it curled back up the bowl in a "U" shape like a giant brown cheese doodle, and then touched the backside of my leg and said "HELLO!!"
I thought there was someone living in my toilet.
9/10

In "Pot Luck: A Game of Skill and Chance" we always called that one the "Alabama Coiler".....every region has its differences.

I call that "Tuesday."

You only POOP once a WEEK?!?!?!
/no wonder.


One weekend a month, two weeks every summer.
 
2013-05-15 02:13:51 PM
The women in that pic seemed a little too happy.
 
2013-05-15 02:16:22 PM
Is there a machine to simulate the anguish of years worth of biatching and nagging?
 
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