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(Telegraph)   Pope Francis weighs the same as a duck   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 56
    More: Unlikely, Pope Francis, Cardinals, Bergoglio, basilica, Holy Spirit, Sistine Chapel  
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7163 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 May 2013 at 12:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-15 11:59:11 AM
Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.
 
2013-05-15 12:05:11 PM
They saw the sign, and it opened up their eyes.

a1.mzstatic.com
 
2013-05-15 12:12:30 PM
BURN HIM!

JC
 
2013-05-15 12:12:40 PM
BURN HIM!!!!
 
2013-05-15 12:13:19 PM
/grrrrrr....................!
 
2013-05-15 12:14:11 PM
What would you rather fight?  1 pope sized duck or 100 duck sized popes?
 
2013-05-15 12:14:43 PM
He turned me into a newt!
 
2013-05-15 12:15:16 PM
It should frighten everyone that people like this, who are not substantially different than some nut who thinks they are psychic or the weirdo with black nail polish who says he's a vampire, or the person who says he was abducted by aliens, make decisions that affect real lives.
 
2013-05-15 12:15:17 PM
Nice to know that a sign from God has now been reduced to "I met an Argentine couple who wanted the Argentine cardinal elected, probably one of only a few cardinals they knew the name of, because he was, you know, Argentinian".
 
2013-05-15 12:15:41 PM

NutWrench: He turned me into a newt!


did you get better?
 
2013-05-15 12:16:33 PM

bigmf: What would you rather fight?  1 pope sized duck or 100 duck sized popes?


100 duck sized popes with a weed whip!
 
2013-05-15 12:17:11 PM
i.telegraph.co.uk

media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-15 12:18:32 PM
The Papal Conclave.

www.intriguing.com
 
2013-05-15 12:21:50 PM
Imagine in the real world if you chose a vendor/contractor/supplier/whatever because of supernatural signs.

Religion is so not real world.
 
2013-05-15 12:21:58 PM
Very small rocks?!
 
2013-05-15 12:22:11 PM
Build a bridge out of him!

It's nice to know that he's gone from humble reformer of the church, to "chosen one", heralded by visions and miracles around the world, who ascended the Papal throne to the trumpets and choruses of angels... that doesn't sound like something that could possibly end badly.

Some of that I exaggerated for effect.
 
2013-05-15 12:23:13 PM
So how. do you tell. if he is made. of wood?

Build a bridge out of 'em?
 
2013-05-15 12:24:21 PM
/dammit, I got beerruned
//grrrrr
 
2013-05-15 12:26:25 PM

dkimball: Imagine in the real world if you chose a vendor/contractor/supplier/whatever because of supernatural signs.

Religion is so not real world.


Christianmingle.com?
 
2013-05-15 12:26:45 PM

dkimball: Imagine in the real world if you chose a vendor/contractor/supplier/whatever because of supernatural signs.

Religion is so not real world.


That's exactly like the Reagan White House ran...


static.neatorama.com
 
2013-05-15 12:28:59 PM
i.telegraph.co.uk

Hello, friends. Maybe you're between religions. Maybe you just aren't happy with the quality of your current one. well, if so, I want to invite you down to your local catholic Church. We have offices everywhere and convenient hours.

Just take a look at what the Catholic Church offers:

One hour services. If you aren't blessed and in your car in 65 minutes or less, it's automatic salvation. We are talking full blanket pardon. Our guys at the front are specially trained to keep everything under an hour. And we never encourage any windy "Save the church" extra sermons. In our biz, people who do that wind up in the back office.

Lots of formality. Does your Pastor want you to call him by his first name? What is up with that? "Please call me Pastor Dave so when I show up on your doorstep asking for extra money, you'll have to open the wallet because it's for Pastor Dave." We have names, titles and big hats and robes.

Hot chics. Check out our 5 PM Saturday service. We got the MILFs hitting the church and then hitting the bars. We got the finest 18-21 year old girls in organized religion. That's not boasting. That's based on a 2012 international survey which clearly states, the Catholic church has more hittable tail in it per square foot than a broken down bus on the way to Cheerleader Camp.

And we've cleaned up that other stuff. Besides, none of that stuff was worse that what you went through in the Navy or the frat house, right?

So, come on down the the Catholic Church. We'll save a pew for yew!
 
2013-05-15 12:30:09 PM
HE'S A WITCH! POPE FRANK IS A WITCH! :O
 
2013-05-15 12:30:23 PM
Sign 1) they all came at the same time
Sign 2) the kid didn't cry after
 
2013-05-15 12:31:09 PM

MythDragon: /dammit, I got beerruned
//grrrrr


A rather ignominious way to be added to the lexicon of Farkisms, but I'll take it.
 
2013-05-15 12:32:29 PM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2013-05-15 12:33:38 PM

BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.


to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.
 
2013-05-15 12:44:55 PM
Harry Freakstorm: 
"Please call me Pastor Dave so when I show up on your doorstep asking for extra money, you'll have to open the wallet because it's for Pastor Dave." We have names, titles and big hats and robes.

That would be "Father Dave". Sheesh.
 
2013-05-15 12:50:02 PM
Well, since religion is all made-up bullshiat anyway, why not have delusions to pick the leader of your chosen delusion religion?
 
2013-05-15 12:54:42 PM
He'd sell his soul for a lung.
 
2013-05-15 12:57:00 PM
So I guess he probably SHOULDN'T lighten up, Francis?
 
2013-05-15 01:06:38 PM
I heard his midichlorians were off the scale too.  Maybe he IS the one to bring balance back to the force.
 
2013-05-15 01:14:11 PM

dkimball: Imagine in the real world if you chose a vendor/contractor/supplier/whatever because of supernatural signs.


i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-15 01:22:11 PM

gshepnyc: It should frighten everyone that people like this, who are not substantially different than some nut who thinks they are psychic or the weirdo with black nail polish who says he's a vampire, or the person who says he was abducted by aliens, make decisions that affect real lives.


Only those that share his beliefs. Which are in general that kindness and forgiveness are good things. I suppose you think we should all agree with whatever you believe. And therein lies the difference between Catholics and you and groups you mentioned.

Catholics have some central authority trying to keep the crazy in check and steer it towards a common good. You and the vampires don't have that. You form your own religions/world view to justify whatever you desire.
 
2013-05-15 01:25:02 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Hello, friends. Maybe you're between religions. Maybe you just aren't happy with the quality of your current one. well, if so, I want to invite you down to your local catholic Church. We have offices everywhere and convenient hours.

Just take a look at what the Catholic Church offers:

One hour services. If you aren't blessed and in your car in 65 minutes or less, it's automatic salvation. We are talking full blanket pardon. Our guys at the front are specially trained to keep everything under an hour. And we never encourage any windy "Save the church" extra sermons. In our biz, people who do that wind up in the back office.

Lots of formality. Does your Pastor want you to call him by his first name? What is up with that? "Please call me Pastor Dave so when I show up on your doorstep asking for extra money, you'll have to open the wallet because it's for Pastor Dave." We have names, titles and big hats and robes.

Hot chics. Check out our 5 PM Saturday service. We got the MILFs hitting the church and then hitting the bars. We got the finest 18-21 year old girls in organized religion. That's not boasting. That's based on a 2012 international survey which clearly states, the Catholic church has more hittable tail in it per square foot than a broken down bus on the way to Cheerleader Camp.

And we've cleaned up that other stuff. Besides, none of that stuff was worse that what you went through in the Navy or the frat house, right?

So, come on down the the Catholic Church. We'll save a pew for yew!


Heh. You forgot the buddy Christ.
 
2013-05-15 01:48:33 PM

Magorn: BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.

to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.


That is the most concise explanation of feeling the presence of God (or hearing His voice) that I have
ever heard.

There have only been 3 times in my life when i have experienced it, but I've never forgotten it. The first,
and probably most powerful, time was when my folks were driving me from Stuart FL to Clearwater FL
where I had to go to get my divorce from my first husband. I was so terrified, I sat in the back of the
van and just shook. I felt sick to my stomach and almost called the whole thing off. See, my first husband
turned out to be an abusive SOB and back then, even the thought of being in the same room with him
would send me into panic attacks.

So there I am, having my own little breakdown, with my parents oblivious in the front of the van. All of a
sudden I heard this whisper in my head - I kid you not, it said "I am with you.". As soon as I heard it, all
of the fear, all of the shaking and nausea just went away. Like someone flipped a switch, I was calm and
collected.

/ CSB, at least as far as I am concerned.
 
2013-05-15 01:53:38 PM
Wait.  Pope Francis wasn't even on the short list for selection??  Wow.
 
2013-05-15 02:03:51 PM

xanadian: Wait.  Pope Francis wasn't even on the short list for selection??  Wow.


That's happened many times. It's actually rarer for the top rumoured candidates to be elected.
 
2013-05-15 02:13:49 PM

Magorn: BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.

to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.


notsureifpocketninja.jpg
 
2013-05-15 02:41:30 PM

digitalrain: Magorn: BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.

to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.

That is the most concise explanation of feeling the presence of God (or hearing His voice) that I have
ever heard.

There have only been 3 times in my life when i have experienced it, but I've never forgotten it. The first,
and probably most powerful, time was when my folks were driving me from Stuart FL to Clearwater FL
where I had to go to get my divorce from my first husband. I was so terrified, I sat in the back of the
van and just shook. I felt sick to my stomach and almost called the whole thing off. See, my first husband
turned out to be an abusive SOB and back then, even the thought of being in the same room with him
would send me into panic attacks.

So there I am, having my own little breakdown, with my parents oblivious in the front of the van. All of a
sudden I heard this whisper in my head - I kid you not, it said "I am with you.". As soon as I heard it, all
of the fear, all of the shaking and nausea just went away. Like someone flipped a switch, I was calm and
collected.

/ CSB, at least as far as I am concerned.


Christian doctrine also calls that "The peace that passes all understanding" and generally regards it as a gift of/a sign of the presence of, the Holy Spirit.  As you can probably tell, I'm something of skeptic when it comes to the finer points of dogma and doctrine, but I find that an incredibly useful phrase/concept to describe that feeling, which has often happened to me in times of otherwise near-panic or depression
 
2013-05-15 03:03:09 PM
"Signs"

www.torchgallery.com

"Yup. Did him. Did him... no not him."
 
2013-05-15 03:50:40 PM

The Irresponsible Captain: "Signs"

[www.torchgallery.com image 448x540]

"Yup. Did him. Did him... no not him."


He mostly get drunk at night. Mostly.
 
2013-05-15 04:02:27 PM

Magorn: BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.

to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.


I could induce that feeling in you about the most ridiculous ideas using nothing but an MRI machine.
 
2013-05-15 05:03:00 PM
Did you dress him like this?
i.telegraph.co.uk

/He has got a wart.
 
2013-05-15 05:19:23 PM

digitalrain: All of a
sudden I heard this whisper in my head - I kid you not, it said "I am with you.".


So you know God exists because apparently, you're so incredibly special he revealed himself to you (leaving billions of other people to wallow in uncertainty) and you're sitting around FARKing?  Don't you feel bad for wasting your life like this when you should be out proselytizing or at least in a convent?
 
2013-05-15 05:37:03 PM
Well he has got a midichlorian count of 27,700.
 
2013-05-15 06:15:25 PM
So he's made of wood?
 
2013-05-15 07:58:28 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Magorn: BKITU: Nice to know that a position of authority over a substantial portion of the world's population was granted in part by a man listening to the voices in his head.

to be fair, he's a cardinal and listening to an invisible voice IS part of his job description.  And frankly, I'm neither ashamed to say that I believe in God, and that I do believe he has directly communicated with me before, and I know exactly what the cardinal is talking about.  Buddhists call it "divine lightning", Skeptics call it "an intuitive leap", But you can have a moment when  a certain word is soken, an idea is proposed, etc and your body reacts with a small, almost electrical shock to it and you KNOW it is correct with utter certainty.  More than once I've correctly anticipated future events because of a feeling like that when consideringpossible outcomes of a decision or future event.

I could induce that feeling in you about the most ridiculous ideas using nothing but an MRI machine.


Fully aware of that. But I doubt that would have the same hit rate for accurately predicting the future
 
2013-05-15 09:49:20 PM

Bungles: xanadian: Wait.  Pope Francis wasn't even on the short list for selection??  Wow.

That's happened many times. It's actually rarer for the top rumoured candidates to be elected.


Usually the guy who comes out is at least in the conversation, though. And Bergolio wasn't one of the top rumored guys, but not really because of ability or theology, it was because of age- he's pretty similar in age to Ex-Benedict, who retired due, more or less, to age, and was one of the short list guys in the Conclave where Ratzinger was selected. Francis is obviously a bit more vital than Palpatine was, but it was generally expected that the conclave would choose someone a bit younger who might be around for a while. He didn't exactly come out of nowhere.
 
2013-05-15 10:01:12 PM

Slaves2Darkness: I could induce that feeling in you about the most ridiculous ideas using nothing but an MRI machine.


You could also make someone think they're tasting a banana. Therefore, bananas are fake. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.
 
2013-05-15 10:18:56 PM

Precision Boobery: digitalrain: All of a
sudden I heard this whisper in my head - I kid you not, it said "I am with you.".

So you know God exists because apparently, you're so incredibly special he revealed himself to you (leaving billions of other people to wallow in uncertainty) and you're sitting around FARKing?  Don't you feel bad for wasting your life like this when you should be out proselytizing or at least in a convent?


I am the farthest thing from incredibly special. I am just relating my own personal experience, that is all.
Why did He choose to comfort me? I don't know.  You want to mock it, that's your right. I wouldn't presume
to tell anyone what or how to believe.

As far as me knowing that God exists - if you're asking if I have irrefutable concrete even-athiests-cant-
discount-this proof, then the answer is no. But that's kinda what faith is, isn't it? Believing in something
and knowing in your heart that something is real even without concrete proof.
 
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