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Boston bomber to spend eternity surrounded by Virginians, game of ding dong ditch emphasizes the dong, and Hooters wants moms to show off their twins for Mother's Day: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 5/5 - 5/11
Posted by Unfreakable at 2013-05-14 12:29:09 PM (7 comments) | Permalink
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3000 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2013 at 12:38 PM (1 year ago) | | share: more»
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Every week, it's difficult to pick out some of the best headlines. This week, some personal favorites were the Gabrielle Giffords headline and the choking Cubs fan headline. Both made me laugh and then feel really bad. I have a soft spot for wordplay, so"local hoes" and "emphasis on the dong" got a smile out of me. There was a certain elegance to "Thief steals $500 from a three-year-old after spotting a three-year-old with $500" and the context-heavy "White House elects new Pope". But a favorite this week? Too tough to choose. That'll be up to you later this year...
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2013-05-05 to Sat 2013-05-11:
Russian and Iranian media predicting full-scale Middle East war involving Israel erupting in hours. CNN reports already sixty-five millionty-billion dead in Iceland, a giant octopus attacking Rome, and Ted Turner has grown five extra penises
Gabrielle Giffords honored with JFK award... well of course, she did meet the one major requirement
Gardeners celebrate naked planting day with local hoes
Man plays game of ding dong ditch, emphasis on the dong
Thief steals $500 from a three-year-old after spotting a three-year-old with $500
The number of people applying to live on Mars is now up to 78,000. Strangely, every application came with a return address from Cleveland
Barber dies after getting into fist fight with coworker over pair of broken clippers. Cops suspect cause of death to be fail pattern brawlness
Because the Cleveland kidnapping case wasn't weird enough already, FBI finds suicide note Ariel Castro wrote in 2004. CNN still unable to verify if he went through with it or not
As God is my witness, Turkey will support no-fly zone
Boston Marathon bomber to spend eternity surrounded by Virginians
White House elects new pope
Sir Alex Ferguson to retire as manager of Manchester United. As a mark of respect, six minutes of extra time will be added to every Premier League game
Fan dies after choking at Wrigley Field, earns roster spot
Raikkonen plays down the exit of Jimi Allison from his formula one racing team, vows that it won't interefere with his plans to crush the Atreides racing team and seize contol of Arrakis
New hipster e-moped will do 27 mph. Fast enough to feel the wind in your beard hair, but not so fast it will overdry your 'stache wax
Scientists may or may not have been using quantum internet for the past two years. Meow
Tesla is the Apple of car companies. You can tell because people are already complaining that they can't replace the batteries themselves
Fan rushes the stage at Motley Crue concert, manages to knock over Mick Mars. In other news, Motley Crue fans are still mobile
Ray Harryhausen finally masters the art of stop-motion at age 92
The Avengers get ready to battle their most terrifying foes ever: The Brotherhood of Stingy Studio Execs
Michigan children to have the best roads on which to ride school buses with no gas to schools with no teachers
In a stunning discovery, Federal investigators looking into the activities of six New York Democratic state lawmakers may have found one who isn't on the take
Rodman rips Obama a new one--because if there's one thing Dennis knows, it's assholes
In-car internet has automakers salivating: get ready for Your Odometer, Brought To You By Tostitos Hint of Lime And Geico Insurance
Wrigley takes new caffeinated gum off the market after threats of legislation on gum control
Hooters offers free meals to moms on Mother's Day. Women are encouraged to bring and show off their twins
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