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(Huffington Post)   This is how you reduce your carbon footprint for eternity   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 51
    More: Spiffy, United States, natural burial, Michigan Football, hiking trails, biodegradability, bamboo, embalming fluid, burials  
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5214 clicks; posted to Geek » on 13 May 2013 at 8:47 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-13 08:53:37 PM
I don't care what happens to my body after I die. Bury me, cremate me, feed me to the dogs. I won't care then, either.
 
2013-05-13 08:54:29 PM
No, THIS is how you reduce your carbon footprint forever and how you keep the toxins in your body from polluting the environment.
 
2013-05-13 08:59:46 PM
I want to be composted.  Either that or put me to good use and leave me to rot on a forensics farm.  Students can come and watch all the ways I decompose.
 
2013-05-13 09:03:24 PM
I really don't get wanting your body to be "preserved" in an airtight box. Your body came from the earth, why not let it go back to the earth?
 
2013-05-13 09:08:14 PM
Couldn't we start by say, finding a better alternative to embalming? It can't help that we go to such lengths to preserve our loved ones that we end up poisoning the places they're buried..

//plus, if you honestly think your eternal soul is bound to a flesh-and-blood being after death, it's still going to decay embalming or not.
...//do you keep a styrofoam coffee cup after you drink the coffee?
 
2013-05-13 09:10:59 PM
So toss me in a gunny sack and chuck me in the ground has finally come full circle?
 
2013-05-13 09:29:45 PM
I want to be mummified and placed next to Stalin.

/not obscure if you're cool
 
2013-05-13 09:30:00 PM
Meh. THAT'S not a green burial. Sticking the body in a tree to be eaten by birds, ants and spiders is a green burial.

The toxins that the broad is talking about in TEDTalks will break down. Any birds, ants or spiders that die in the meantime are CEUs (carbon emitter units) and that's all to the good.

Actually, the Chinese Emperors and Egyptian Pharaohs had the right idea for green burials: bury 10,000 retainers/slaves.concubines/bodyguards with you (alive or dead, doesn't matter) in a tomb sealed with a few thousand tons of rock. All those pesky carbon emitters deleted from Gaia's biosphere....

Hmmm.... come to think of it, maybe Fred Saberhagen's Berserkers would be useful in reducing the carbon footprint.
 
2013-05-13 09:32:23 PM
Pity I can't be cremated and have my ashes used in an Ash Wednesday service.

"Remember you are but dust... just like the guy on your forehead."
 
2013-05-13 09:32:42 PM
I'll bet there's a Hipster Burial Service, where the Ironically Departed is loaded into a Hefty bag and left on the curb during trash day.
 
2013-05-13 09:37:26 PM
I thought green burials were running up against health laws saying the body had to be preserved or burned for sanitary reasons, or am I confused again?
 
2013-05-13 09:46:21 PM
"Traditional Burial(tm)" is frankly just farking creepy. Scoop out your guts, drain all your fluids, replace them with carcinogenic toxins, sew you up, use putty and paints to sculpt you into something vaguely human looking again, then seal you and plant you in the ground, where you can leach cancer causing toxins into the groundwater, your last act on this earth poisoning the ground you are buried in.

I'll be buried at sea. It tickles me to think of my friends and family taking a boat ride and tossing my corpse over the side.
 
2013-05-13 09:51:53 PM

Son of Thunder: I want to be mummified and placed next to Stalin.

/not obscure if you're cool


I'm not cool, I had to look it up.

Link for the uncool.
 
2013-05-13 10:10:19 PM
Sounds like an environmentalist plot to me.
 
2013-05-13 10:19:55 PM
A "green burial" is nothing new, it's greedy cemeteries and funeral homes that start to only allow their approved (ie expensive) coffins.to be used.

If I had my way it would be $100 worth of lumber from Menards and call it good.
 
2013-05-13 10:34:20 PM

dennysgod: If I had my way it would be $100 worth of lumber from Menards and call it good.


Save big money at Menards.
 
2013-05-13 10:36:57 PM
Cremation for me. Cemeteries are even bigger wastes of land than golf courses. Plus I won't have to worry about being buried alive.
 
2013-05-13 10:41:50 PM
What I would like...

1. Part any useful organs out.
2. Whore any other remains out to science.
3. If anything is still left feed it to animals
 a. if that's not possible then cremate me and dump those ashes somewhere in Michigan...
 
2013-05-13 10:46:05 PM
Im a crematory operator, so I'm really getting a kick out of these replies...

I really dont care what happens to my body when I die. Less waste and harm to environment is preferred. Cremation takes a whole lot of energy. Burial takes a lot of space. I say let the med students poke around with my corpse and try to learn something.

Then again, as far I know, once the med students are done playing operation with your body, the leftovers usually get sent to a crematory anyways. I get boxes of assorted parts to cremate from the local university sometimes. 20 legs in a box. A couple torsos. Sometimes a single head in a little box. Once I got like 30 skulls in a box.

There's also chemical cremation, which uses less energy than traditional (fire, in my case, natural gas burners) cremation. Might catch on with the green crowd one of these days. Certain superstitions who prefer cremation (over burial) would never go for it, though, the fire is seen as holy or sacred or whatever.
 
2013-05-13 10:46:37 PM
 
2013-05-13 10:54:41 PM
Cremate me, put the ashes in a Chinese Puzzle Box, and then mail the box to a random person.
 
2013-05-13 10:59:47 PM

Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Meh. THAT'S not a green burial. Sticking the body in a tree to be eaten by birds, ants and spiders is a green burial.

The toxins that the broad is talking about in TEDTalks will break down. Any birds, ants or spiders that die in the meantime are CEUs (carbon emitter units) and that's all to the good.

Actually, the Chinese Emperors and Egyptian Pharaohs had the right idea for green burials: bury 10,000 retainers/slaves.concubines/bodyguards with you (alive or dead, doesn't matter) in a tomb sealed with a few thousand tons of rock. All those pesky carbon emitters deleted from Gaia's biosphere....

Hmmm.... come to think of it, maybe Fred Saberhagen's Berserkers would be useful in reducing the carbon footprint.


I'm not sure if you're being funny here, but a lot of people are confused on this point: living things are carbon neutral. Plants take carbon out of the air and turn it into calories, using the sun as the energy source. Then animals eat those calories, burn them with oxygen, and release the carbon back into the air, where it's again available for plants. This can just keep going on and the carbon levels in the atmosphere will not change. The only way carbon levels go up is if we dig up more.
 
2013-05-13 11:14:23 PM

TV's Vinnie: I'll bet there's a Hipster Burial Service, where the Ironically Departed is loaded into a Hefty bag and left on the curb during trash day.


Yeah, that's how I do it. Of course, I always draw and quarter the bodies first...flush the fluids down the bathtub drain with plenty of water, then freeze each bag before casually dropping it off curbside on garbage day. Straight to the landfill they go, with nobody the wiser.

I can recommend a nice chianti to have with the tasty bits if you like...
 
2013-05-13 11:15:20 PM
vasectomy?
 
2013-05-13 11:41:29 PM
www.starpulse.com
Approve.
 
2013-05-13 11:47:35 PM
If my logic follows this article correctly, they're saying they charge $500 for the cardboard burial box.

SCREW THAT. If I want to be buried in cardboard, I'll have my family grab a refrigerator box from the local Sears and save themselves $500.
 
2013-05-13 11:57:49 PM
I like the idea of a market of artisanal wicker coffins for ground burial.

My family has been doing cremation for the previous generations and the first of the current. We have a very solid "end of the line" and no special place of remembrance. Our problem with the ground burial is the idea of having a final place. Even the ancestral farm house is expected to be razed and turned into a parking lot for the businesses that have moved in close.
 
2013-05-14 12:27:30 AM
I want to be stuffed and posed in a way that I am pointing at someone with disapproval. Then feel free to move me around to random places. Shopping mall, airport, dive bar... Wherever.
 
2013-05-14 12:31:32 AM
this should end well

blog.rottencotton.com
 
2013-05-14 12:35:54 AM

DesertDemonWY: this should end well

[blog.rottencotton.com image 500x273]


I'm telling ya.. burial at sea is the only way to not become a zombie. Your carcass will be scattered and devoured by crabs long before any kind of sea-zombie making virus could get there.

One of my biggest beefs with d&d. Underwater undead. Pfft.
 
2013-05-14 12:36:06 AM

Cork on Fork: I want to be stuffed and posed in a way that I am pointing at someone with disapproval. Then feel free to move me around to random places. Shopping mall, airport, dive bar... Wherever.


Kind of like this? (Dead guy might be NSFW)
 
2013-05-14 12:36:12 AM

s2s2s2: This is how I want to do it.


I'll see your mushroom suit and raise you a Tibetan Sky Burial
 
2013-05-14 01:08:03 AM

neongoats: DesertDemonWY: this should end well

[blog.rottencotton.com image 500x273]

I'm telling ya.. burial at sea is the only way to not become a zombie. Your carcass will be scattered and devoured by crabs long before any kind of sea-zombie making virus could get there.

One of my biggest beefs with d&d. Underwater undead. Pfft.

 
2013-05-14 01:09:25 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-14 01:47:44 AM
why do I have to listen to a whore biatching about green shiat when I click on something about dead people?

This is why I don't click on huffpo links in the politics tab. Phuqin' propoganda.

Shiat, I'm hearing right now all the FarkLIbtard talking points right now...PHUQ YOU SUBBIE!!!1!
 
2013-05-14 01:49:48 AM
I'm actually cool with this. Dump me in a hole in the ground, but let me cash in all the carbon credits I can accumulate before I die, taking into account everything I've used up in my entire life, and I get that eternal do-over when I croak.

//Jack Daniels is operating my keyboard right now.
 
2013-05-14 01:55:42 AM

Tumunga: I'm actually cool with this. Dump me in a hole in the ground, but let me cash in all the carbon credits I can accumulate before I die, taking into account everything I've used up in my entire life, and I get that eternal do-over when I croak.

//Jack Daniels is operating my keyboard right now.


I'll toss your carcass over the side of my burial at sea boat. I'll even text your grandkids the gps location.
 
2013-05-14 02:17:20 AM

Cork on Fork: I want to be stuffed and posed in a way that I am pointing at someone with disapproval. Then feel free to move me around to random places. Shopping mall, airport, dive bar... Wherever.


something like this?
www.pghcitypaper.com

or more like the half guy on the right?

www4.pictures.gi.zimbio.com


/GIS bodies exhibit for more, plus lots of haters gonna hate material
 
2013-05-14 02:19:23 AM

gilgamesh23: Just Another OC Homeless Guy: Meh. THAT'S not a green burial. Sticking the body in a tree to be eaten by birds, ants and spiders is a green burial.

The toxins that the broad is talking about in TEDTalks will break down. Any birds, ants or spiders that die in the meantime are CEUs (carbon emitter units) and that's all to the good.

Actually, the Chinese Emperors and Egyptian Pharaohs had the right idea for green burials: bury 10,000 retainers/slaves.concubines/bodyguards with you (alive or dead, doesn't matter) in a tomb sealed with a few thousand tons of rock. All those pesky carbon emitters deleted from Gaia's biosphere....

Hmmm.... come to think of it, maybe Fred Saberhagen's Berserkers would be useful in reducing the carbon footprint.

I'm not sure if you're being funny here, but a lot of people are confused on this point: living things are carbon neutral. Plants take carbon out of the air and turn it into calories, using the sun as the energy source. Then animals eat those calories, burn them with oxygen, and release the carbon back into the air, where it's again available for plants. This can just keep going on and the carbon levels in the atmosphere will not change. The only way carbon levels go up is if we dig up more.


Absolutely. *I* and the other Badlife (Deniers) understand that. It's the Goodlife that seem to have a problem with the concept.
 
2013-05-14 06:24:20 AM

neongoats: DesertDemonWY: this should end well

[blog.rottencotton.com image 500x273]

I'm telling ya.. burial at sea is the only way to not become a zombie. Your carcass will be scattered and devoured by crabs long before any kind of sea-zombie making virus could get there.

One of my biggest beefs with d&d. Underwater undead. Pfft.


But what if the crabs... were undead?
 
2013-05-14 06:41:04 AM
I'll eternally lower my carbon footprint by not having kids. Turns out this matters much, much more than how you are buried or what kind of vehicle you drive.
 
2013-05-14 07:15:09 AM
Sheesh, after reading this I'd rather by strap a bomb to myself and blow myself up in a fiery explosion.
 
2013-05-14 07:26:19 AM

Tommy Moo: I'll eternally lower my carbon footprint by not having kids. Turns out this matters much, much more than how you are buried or what kind of vehicle you drive.


Possibly, but if everyone adopted this solution it would kind of defeat the purpose of lowering carbon footprints.
 
2013-05-14 07:53:24 AM

dillengest: Tommy Moo: I'll eternally lower my carbon footprint by not having kids. Turns out this matters much, much more than how you are buried or what kind of vehicle you drive.

Possibly, but if everyone adopted this solution it would kind of defeat the purpose of lowering carbon footprints.


When we are underpopulated we can begin to discuss that problem. In practice, that will never happen.
 
2013-05-14 08:49:30 AM

Tommy Moo: dillengest: Tommy Moo: I'll eternally lower my carbon footprint by not having kids. Turns out this matters much, much more than how you are buried or what kind of vehicle you drive.

Possibly, but if everyone adopted this solution it would kind of defeat the purpose of lowering carbon footprints.

When we are underpopulated we can begin to discuss that problem. In practice, that will never happen.


Hey, can you give me next week's lottery numbers since you know everything that's going to happen in the future?
 
2013-05-14 11:10:36 AM

DigitalCoffee: Cremate me, put the ashes in a Chinese Puzzle Box, and then mail the box to a random person.


I want my ashes spread over Kate Upton.
 
2013-05-14 12:23:06 PM
I want to be spread over the Earth in chemtrails.
 
2013-05-14 12:47:40 PM

untaken_name: Tommy Moo: dillengest: Tommy Moo: I'll eternally lower my carbon footprint by not having kids. Turns out this matters much, much more than how you are buried or what kind of vehicle you drive.

Possibly, but if everyone adopted this solution it would kind of defeat the purpose of lowering carbon footprints.

When we are underpopulated we can begin to discuss that problem. In practice, that will never happen.

Hey, can you give me next week's lottery numbers since you know everything that's going to happen in the future?


I don't know everything that's going to happen in the future. I do know for certain that there is zero chance of the human race going extinct due to people choosing not to have children, at least within the lifetimes of anyone who will be born within our lifetimes. I'm sick of hearing this argument. Whenever a ZPG advocate reminds people that we are overpopulated, all they can come up with is "But if there were none of us, we'd be extinct!" as if there's nothing in between.
 
2013-05-14 02:08:48 PM
I want to be frozen and shot into space by a rocket that is powered by 5000 cans of hair spray and old tires.
 
2013-05-14 08:10:05 PM

Tommy Moo: I do know for certain that there is zero chance of the human race going extinct due to people choosing not to have children, at least within the lifetimes of anyone who will be born within our lifetimes.


I do know for certain that "at least within the lifetimes of anyone who will be born within our lifetimes" is quite a different time period than "never". So, in other words, you're retracting your original statement, right? Because you've recognized your error?
 
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