Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The New Republic)   Cracker Jack: Baseball and popcorn and secret toy surprises aren't enough. Now we have an "extreme" spinoff. Cocoa Java Power Bites, anyone?   (newrepublic.com) divider line 18
    More: Asinine, Cracker Jack, seventh inning stretch, football jerseys, Frito-Lay  
•       •       •

510 clicks; posted to Sports » on 13 May 2013 at 2:48 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



18 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-05-13 02:50:34 PM  
Toy surprises?

What is this, 1955?
 
2013-05-13 03:06:47 PM  
Can't hold a candle to the loose candy store lurking in the depths of Safeco.
 
2013-05-13 03:11:22 PM  

unlikely: Toy surprises?

What is this, 1955?


Those surprises used to be things that were okay when I was a kid all the way back in the early 90s. Maybe a ring, or a plastic jumping thing that never worked right and broke. It was stuff that used to be in the quarter machines in the front of the crappy supermarket in town. Not the 50 cent machines, and not in the nicer supermarket, but the ones that looked a few years old and had stale gum interspersed.

Now you don't even get a sticker. You get a piece of paper that you can fold one way to show a face and then fold another way to show a different face. Or maybe a piece of paper that you can poke two holes in and put around a standard #2 pencil. HOURS MINUTES MOMENTS OF FUN DISAPPOINTMENT! Kid's don't even use the wooden pencils any more.

If you want to "reboot" the brand into something more people would buy do two things: Make the popcorn less stale, put in more peanuts (2 is not enough. For anyone), and put in a toy that a kid can choke on. Market it as "mature" and "edgy" and "not your kid's snack", and manchildren who aren't allergic to peanuts will buy it. I'd get it for the superball alone. You can even keep the original, kid-friendly, version around as "Cracker Jack Classic".
 
2013-05-13 03:16:00 PM  
It's Xtreme! TO THE MAX!!!!
 
2013-05-13 03:18:10 PM  
Nice try, I already disabled Java.
 
2013-05-13 03:51:19 PM  
I actually tried the BBQ mix a few weeks back, and, ridiculous packaging/marketing aside, it wasn't too bad.

That being said, I would have greatly preferred real Cracker Jacks. Or maybe some Fiddle Faddle. Or Crunch 'n' Munch. Or even Poppycock.
 
2013-05-13 04:06:13 PM  
Im ok with this
 
2013-05-13 04:15:09 PM  
Sports tab, just because it's mentioned in a baseball-related song?
 
2013-05-13 04:16:42 PM  

Johnstarr: unlikely: Toy surprises?

What is this, 1955?

Those surprises used to be things that were okay when I was a kid all the way back in the early 90s. Maybe a ring, or a plastic jumping thing that never worked right and broke. It was stuff that used to be in the quarter machines in the front of the crappy supermarket in town. Not the 50 cent machines, and not in the nicer supermarket, but the ones that looked a few years old and had stale gum interspersed.

Now you don't even get a sticker. You get a piece of paper that you can fold one way to show a face and then fold another way to show a different face. Or maybe a piece of paper that you can poke two holes in and put around a standard #2 pencil. HOURS MINUTES MOMENTS OF FUN DISAPPOINTMENT! Kid's don't even use the wooden pencils any more.

If you want to "reboot" the brand into something more people would buy do two things: Make the popcorn less stale, put in more peanuts (2 is not enough. For anyone), and put in a toy that a kid can choke on. Market it as "mature" and "edgy" and "not your kid's snack", and manchildren who aren't allergic to peanuts will buy it. I'd get it for the superball alone. You can even keep the original, kid-friendly, version around as "Cracker Jack Classic".


This.
I'd pay quite a bit for a large box of quality, original Cracker Jack.  Make a bunch of collectible batting helmets so people have an incentive to buy multiple boxes.
 
2013-05-13 04:26:04 PM  
An extremely choke-on-able toy?
 
2013-05-13 04:31:05 PM  

Super Chronic: Sports tab, just because it's mentioned in a baseball-related song?


I came here wondering the same thing. Just because baseball is in the headline doesn't mean it's about baseball, guys.
 
2013-05-13 04:43:30 PM  
A kids snack with peanuts. We must put a stop to this.
 
2013-05-13 05:04:12 PM  
I seem to recall them having a vanilla and/or espresso flavor back in ... November?

It was disgusting. I couldn't give them away.
 
2013-05-13 05:09:27 PM  
Now the snack food companies are losing the plot in much the same way that cable TV channels have. What's next? Doritos gummi candy?
 
2013-05-13 05:55:58 PM  
In the mid 50's Cracker Jack prizes were very nice.

My Mother and her sisters were fighting over a particular prize once.   It was a miniature pair of scissors.  They were metal, and they functioned.

One of her sisters put them in her mouth and accidentally  inhaled them.   The X - ray showed them lodged in the bronchi of her lungs.

As the gurney was being wheeled to the operating room, it hit a bump, she coughed and spit the scissors into her hands.   Surgery was cancelled and everyone was happy

Grandma threw the scissors away.
 
2013-05-13 06:25:29 PM  
Why are there no peanuts in my cracker jack?

Last week at the Jays game, I was looking for a snack in the 6th inning to go with my last beer.

Didn't want just popcorn, and the peanuts are way too salty.  Decided the next best thing was CJ.

Bought a bag for what seemed like $20, and about three handfulls in, realized it was missing peanuts.  Hadn't had a single one by that point.

/I believe I tasted peanuts about 4 times through the bag
//insert obvious tasting nuts joke here
///GO LEAFS GO!
////and Jays too.
 
2013-05-13 06:26:36 PM  

weiserfireman: In the mid 50's Cracker Jack prizes were very nice.

My Mother and her sisters were fighting over a particular prize once.   It was a miniature pair of scissors.  They were metal, and they functioned.

One of her sisters put them in her mouth and accidentally  inhaled them.   The X - ray showed them lodged in the bronchi of her lungs.

As the gurney was being wheeled to the operating room, it hit a bump, she coughed and spit the scissors into her hands.   Surgery was cancelled and everyone was happy

Grandma threw the scissors away.


Cool story bro.
 
2013-05-13 08:21:24 PM  
I can't wait for the Urban Dictionary entry for this...

"Cracker Jack'D: When a wigger steals your whip."
 
Displayed 18 of 18 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report