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(Gawker)   Journey with us into a new kind of dating world, a world fraught with insecurity, inappropriate behavior, and heartbreak. That world is the college admissions waitlist   (gawker.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, admissions waitlist, academic institutions, dating  
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5863 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 May 2013 at 8:30 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-13 01:10:22 PM  
spentmiles:

That's ok, I didn't need to finish my lunch anyway.
 
2013-05-13 02:23:27 PM  
Just think, these  kids are this country's future leaders.  You don't want to die old in America, believe me.
 
2013-05-13 05:09:05 PM  

spentmiles: I'm one of the admissions officers that selects kids off these lists for a major medical university.  Here's a tip for the parents with a kid on the wait list: every time you call me, I move your kid down ten spots.  Eventually, you pester me enough, he falls off the bottom.  Trust me, if he was worth a shiat, he wouldn't be on the wait list with a bunch of other suburban white kids who think AP exams and Honors courses mean a farking thing.  All we care about is raw IQ, not whether or not Johnny Dipshiat was the captain of his Meals on Wheels elderly assistance team.  We don't need extra-circular, well rounded little assholes for meet and greats.  We need human computers with photographic memories that can instantly recall the fifty-third step in a complex clinical procedure.  You're either born with it or your aren't.

And if your kid wasn't, there's only one way he's getting past me - you letting me fark you anyway I feel like.  Maybe it's just a few dozen blowjobs in front of your husband.  Maybe you let me tape you from behind screaming out how much you hate your other kids while I rip your asshole like a birthday gift.  Maybe me and South African janitorial staff run the mystery train on you and your husband.  If your kid gets in then maybe he'll cure HIV and you won't have to worry about it afterward.  Maybe you just come into my office and drink the contents of the surgical glove that I've been spurting into for the last three semesters.  You've got to prove to me that you want it.

I drive a 1937 Mercedes 540 K Special - to work.  That's my farking work car.  I eat a pile of cocaine for breakfast.  That's a million dollar a year habit.  When I want relax on Friday night, I kill a prostitute with the DA.  I've got all the money and power and drugs that one university admissions officer could ever want.  All that's missing in my life is your total humiliation.  Pay me.


I like you.
 
2013-05-13 05:09:42 PM  

Donnchadha: spentmiles: I'm one of the admissions officers that selects kids off these lists for a major medical university.  Here's a tip for the parents with a kid on the wait list: every time you call me, I move your kid down ten spots.  Eventually, you pester me enough, he falls off the bottom.  Trust me, if he was worth a shiat, he wouldn't be on the wait list with a bunch of other suburban white kids who think AP exams and Honors courses mean a farking thing.  All we care about is raw IQ, not whether or not Johnny Dipshiat was the captain of his Meals on Wheels elderly assistance team.  We don't need extra-circular, well rounded little assholes for meet and greats.  We need human computers with photographic memories that can instantly recall the fifty-third step in a complex clinical procedure.  You're either born with it or your aren't.

And if your kid wasn't, there's only one way he's getting past me - you letting me fark you anyway I feel like.  Maybe it's just a few dozen blowjobs in front of your husband.  Maybe you let me tape you from behind screaming out how much you hate your other kids while I rip your asshole like a birthday gift.  Maybe me and South African janitorial staff run the mystery train on you and your husband.  If your kid gets in then maybe he'll cure HIV and you won't have to worry about it afterward.  Maybe you just come into my office and drink the contents of the surgical glove that I've been spurting into for the last three semesters.  You've got to prove to me that you want it.

I drive a 1937 Mercedes 540 K Special - to work.  That's my farking work car.  I eat a pile of cocaine for breakfast.  That's a million dollar a year habit.  When I want relax on Friday night, I kill a prostitute with the DA.  I've got all the money and power and drugs that one university admissions officer could ever want.  All that's missing in my life is your total humiliation.  Pay me.

Are you Herbert Kornfeld's cousin?


Kornfeld 4 LIFE, biatches!
 
2013-05-13 05:16:41 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
the 1937 Mercedes 540 K Special

//pictures can not come close
 
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