If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fox News)   Four reasons you're not having sex. Strangely absent: You're a Farker   (magazine.foxnews.com) divider line 27
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

16400 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2013 at 6:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-11 06:19:22 PM  
8 votes:
You're married.
2013-05-11 07:03:05 PM  
5 votes:

Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.


I'm pretty much one of the libbiest libs that ever libbed, but regardless of party people who can't turn of their political filters off for two seconds are some of the most annoying people in the world. I can handle seeing a Fox tag on a link and not feel the need to rant about them in a thread that has nothing to do with politics. I feel sorry for you.
2013-05-11 06:53:51 PM  
2 votes:

Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.


1) Politics tab is a few over.
2) "Brown people" is a racial slur used by the KKK and anyone else who thinks that certain Caucasians aren't white enough to be "white".  Oddly, the only people I hear use it tend to be people lost on their way to the politics tab.
2013-05-11 06:14:26 PM  
2 votes:
"You listen to what Fux News has to say about sex." is also strangely absent.
2013-05-11 06:09:29 PM  
2 votes:

Apos: Dr. Seth Meyers for eHarmony.com


[www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com image 396x594]


wow
just wow
He left out the part about not praying enough to jesus.
2013-05-11 11:36:54 PM  
1 votes:

MBA Whore: How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?


It's pretty simple, really:

1. Be good looking
2. Be attractive
3. Don't be unattractive
2013-05-11 11:03:51 PM  
1 votes:

TheRealAde: MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.

Speaking from experience, if you see someone on the street, in the grocery store, wherever and she really catches your attention, give her a sincere compliment and then carry on.
Example: walking down the street, some random guy walking past me paused and told me that I had really stunning eyes. This was quite a while ago but I still remember it clearly and I am certain that if I had been single I would have turned around, caught up with the guy and told him that he just brightened my day and then introduced myself to see where it led - maybe suggest grabbing a cup of coffee if it seemed right. I believe that something as simple as that really can work as long as its sincere, and not something that is used so frequently that it is obviously just a pick up line. And if it doesn't lead anywhere, know that you have very likely made someone's day better.


Dude, dog parks.  If you have a dog, great.  Otherwise just tell people you like dogs, and you're kind of thinking about getting one.  Dog people love to talk about their dog - it's a great opening.

/Course, if you're allergic to dogs, you're screwed
2013-05-11 10:17:02 PM  
1 votes:

MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead



Tax accountant from the Southwestern Connecticut area, recently transplanted from the greater Brew City area in Wisconsin. Alumnus bass player for Milwaukee rock band Random Maxx (randommaxx.com). Novice skydiver with Sky Knights Sport Parachute Club ("novice" means I suck, but everyone should have fun doing something they suck at). Otherwise, I'm just an ordinary guy with a job who does stuff.


Finance guy, not at all bad-looking, from WI, still love the PNW but in CT now and appreciating the New England winters.  I play bass for a local band and I like to skydive, but you don't have to like either.  I'd love to meet a Catherine Keener-type woman: smart, sexy, knowing, kick-ass.
2013-05-11 10:01:42 PM  
1 votes:

MattyBlast: dopekitty74: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead

Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

You're the second person to say that. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and become a motorcycle mechanic or something?

I would think that a woman with a brain in her head would consider it a plus that a man is gainfully employed and making decent money.

But what the hell do I know...my dick hasn't gotten wet in years.


maybe you should get it wet, wash it now and then. maybe then you might get some action. nobody wants a dirty smelly dick.
2013-05-11 09:58:22 PM  
1 votes:

studebaker hoch: Q:  How is a base player different than a large pizza?


one is something hot, salty & delicious that I could eat for days, and the other is a pizza.

/what?
2013-05-11 08:21:03 PM  
1 votes:
Females like confident men who can help support them.  Men who will take responsibility for their actions.  This disqualifies most liberals (farkers) sadly.
2013-05-11 08:18:42 PM  
1 votes:

TommyDeuce: How about a Paladin of a Goddess of Fertility?


You know, I've just decided the next character I'm going to roll....  funny coincidence, that
2013-05-11 07:38:28 PM  
1 votes:

teeny: mr teeny works out of town during the week and stays with his parents to avoid the 2 hour commute.  There is no sex during the week until we finish out our lease and move the family closer to his work.

The weekends, however, are suddenly as fun as hell because we get to make up for lost time. The kids think they've hit the jackpot because we're satisfied with them accomplishing only the most essential chores and then they're free to play outside all. day. long.


So your free during the week then?
2013-05-11 07:35:22 PM  
1 votes:

MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead


Accountant

I think I see your problem
2013-05-11 07:33:33 PM  
1 votes:
Low sexual experience correlates (understand correlates,) with high intelligence. Why? Well, if you're in the final two per cent sliver of the bell curve, that's your dating pool. It's already hard enough to find someone as it is. Additional filters reduce the odds of you getting any even more.
2013-05-11 07:15:06 PM  
1 votes:
cause and effect, dude.  You're a farker because you're not having sex.
2013-05-11 06:57:53 PM  
1 votes:
Psssst, Guys. I'll let you in on a little secret. She's not too tired. She just can't stand you anymore.
2013-05-11 06:56:46 PM  
1 votes:

MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead


From what I understand, most of the match.com profiles are either inactive or straight up fake, and if you're not vocally, devoutly religious, you won't get any matches on eHarmony. They're not as blatant about it as, say, Christian Mingle, but it's a very important factor for them.
2013-05-11 06:56:43 PM  
1 votes:

Opiate of the Lasses: Bane of Broone: Opiate of the Lasses: WhippingBoy: You're married.

And we're done here

Never understood this one. I know stereotypes get started for a reason, but I was with my ex-wife for 11 years and had sex usually twice a day until the day I left. Hell, I WISHED the stereotype was true when I was growing up. My folks were farking 3-4 times a week until I moved out so that would put them in their 50s at the time. I bought my first walkman with birthday money for that reason alone, lol.

As someone who gets screwed maybe 1/3 as much as 4 years ago (and I'm only engaged, not even married yet), I was going to respond with something bitter. Instead I shall say I'm happy for you, and here's hoping your good fortune continues.


It is and thanks. I was really hoping I didn't come off as bragging or anything. It's just a genuine foreign concept to me. When I'm in a relationship I need sex. I need that form of intimacy. It's as much emotional as it is physical. Maybe that's an insecurity. I don't know, but I will admit that the frequency does make me feel validated. I want to feel desired and I'd much rather be shown than told, lol.
2013-05-11 06:52:18 PM  
1 votes:
#1 - Wedding Cake
2013-05-11 06:42:17 PM  
1 votes:
I suppose it falls under exhaustion, but how about kiddus interruptus?  It's like the little tyrants sense that mom and dad are getting frisky and blam!  "Mom, I frew up."  "Dad, I had a nightmare."  If we get a night of uninterrupted peace and quiet, we get nervous and go check on them.

Thank God for afternoon delight.
2013-05-11 06:38:03 PM  
1 votes:
I'm calling bullshiat on all of you bass players claiming you're getting laid. Nobody shags the bass player.
2013-05-11 06:27:31 PM  
1 votes:

OgreMagi: I can have sex any time I want.  Except I have standards.  No fat women.


I regularly get shot down by a calibre women on internet dating sites who would be all-up-ons if we was at a bar. Its like once they have the anonymity of the internet they become the female equivilent of Studman69
2013-05-11 06:22:56 PM  
1 votes:
As a married Farker of 10 years who has had sex twice in the last 24 months, resentment and depression (hers not mine) are the two big reasons on that list. That and I'm too damn tired from work and being told "not tonight" all the farking time.
2013-05-11 06:20:41 PM  
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: You're married.


And we're done here
2013-05-11 06:19:52 PM  
1 votes:
They can recycle the four reasons for a later article titled:

"Why young adults don't get married"
2013-05-11 02:24:26 PM  
1 votes:
Dr. Seth Meyers for eHarmony.com


www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com
 
Displayed 27 of 27 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report