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(Fox News)   Four reasons you're not having sex. Strangely absent: You're a Farker   (magazine.foxnews.com) divider line 220
    More: Obvious  
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16535 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2013 at 6:13 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-11 09:40:37 PM  

OgreMagi: MattyBlast: dopekitty74: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead

Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

You're the second person to say that. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and become a motorcycle mechanic or something?

I would think that a woman with a brain in her head would consider it a plus that a man is gainfully employed and making decent money.

But what the hell do I know...my dick hasn't gotten wet in years.

The last woman I dated dumped me (but let's still be friends, ok, because blah blah blah)  for a an unemployed guy with no prospects.  I know I am not handsome, but that made me feel hideous.


Well you would not beleive how many of the ex gfs that have dumped me went to someone that even people who are her friends and not mine are like "downgrade".

I may not look like a Calvin Klein underwear model but I got a decent jorb am wel endowed and tall.
 
2013-05-11 09:41:56 PM  
Sex is a drug and like other drugs your tolerance builds up. Eventually you look at the pipe and say whats the point.
 
2013-05-11 09:43:16 PM  

MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.


if you want to be even more confused, just read this.

http://jezebel.com/5981581/how-to-talk-to-a-woman-without-being-a-cr ee p
 
2013-05-11 09:43:17 PM  
My ex didn't bother to dump me before going in for the abusive drunk. You can't tell what they want in a man until they tear out your heart after cheating on you with their ideal mate. She recently started to refer to me as her mate after I let her back in at our original agreement. Not falling for it this time, mostly because while the farkbuddy angle is fun, the abusive daddy issues make listening to her painful. After she ripped my heart out, she expects me to care. until I meet someone who has more in common with me than searching for the next orgasm, this works.

/mind you, she is a pleasant girl, but when she will cheat on me with a guy who leaves bruises, black eyes, and "loves her" more, this is not a healthy relationship
//I took her from an abusive relationship, she hasn't gotten the point that she doesn't need to be beaten to be loved
///need to find a nerdy girl who thinks her man is an equal, not a meal ticket.
 
2013-05-11 09:44:46 PM  

Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.


Bill is the one getting all the action.
 
2013-05-11 09:46:08 PM  
Wow. I don't know of this thread makes me feel better about my boring personal life, but damn there are a lot of bass players here.
 
2013-05-11 09:47:02 PM  

sotua: Bass player, married for ten years.

The reason I'm not getting as much as I'd like? Exhaustion, and a two year old baby who's the biggest cockblock in town.

/still, got properly laid on Friday morning. It's amazing how good sex when you aren't both on the brink of falling asleep like we've been doing for the past year or so.


Ah, babies. Nature's cockblockers.
 
2013-05-11 09:50:32 PM  
Q:  How is a base player different than a large pizza?
 
2013-05-11 09:54:10 PM  

Bane of Broone: Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.

I'm pretty much one of the libbiest libs that ever libbed, but regardless of party people who can't turn their political filters off for two seconds are some of the most annoying people in the world. I can handle seeing a Fox tag on a link and not feel the need to rant about them in a thread that has nothing to do with politics. I feel sorry for you.


That's refreshing to read. I honestly don't think I've ever seen that POV from any political side before, at least here on Fark. (Not that I spend that much time in the Politics tab). Good on ya.
 
2013-05-11 09:55:54 PM  

spentmiles: It's probably because your husband is exhausting himself at the local park on his lunch break.  Seriously, I've been a marital counsellor for over a decade.  9 times out of 10, when the sex stops in a relationship, it's because the husband has started getting his shiat packed by the local jean short wearing man stallion.  The other 1 time out of 10, the guy won't admit it.  Closet homosexuality is like the new AIDS of suburbia.  Chances are, if your husband has lost interest in you, he's getting it from a dude behind your back.

Easy test: When he falls asleep, smell his penis and his rectal opening.  If the come and shiat smells have swapped places, go see a divorce lawyer.  He's gay.


You're sick and deluded, displaying a tad too much fervor over closeted gay husbands... and your handle anagrams to Penis Melts.  Seriously?  9/10 husbands not having sex are gay and "getting their shiat packed?"  A bit obsessed, are we?  The local jean-short-wearing man stallion?  Smell his penis and rectal opening?  Good grief.  I'd call you farking nuts, but I don't want to get you too stirred up.
 
2013-05-11 09:57:38 PM  
Missing is that this is a bullshiat advertisement in article clothes.
 
2013-05-11 09:57:47 PM  

John Buck 41: Bane of Broone: Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.

I'm pretty much one of the libbiest libs that ever libbed, but regardless of party people who can't turn their political filters off for two seconds are some of the most annoying people in the world. I can handle seeing a Fox tag on a link and not feel the need to rant about them in a thread that has nothing to do with politics. I feel sorry for you.

That's refreshing to read. I honestly don't think I've ever seen that POV from any political side before, at least here on Fark. (Not that I spend that much time in the Politics tab). Good on ya.


People expecting sanity from Fark? You must be new here.
 
2013-05-11 09:58:22 PM  

studebaker hoch: Q:  How is a base player different than a large pizza?


one is something hot, salty & delicious that I could eat for days, and the other is a pizza.

/what?
 
2013-05-11 10:01:42 PM  

MattyBlast: dopekitty74: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead

Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

You're the second person to say that. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and become a motorcycle mechanic or something?

I would think that a woman with a brain in her head would consider it a plus that a man is gainfully employed and making decent money.

But what the hell do I know...my dick hasn't gotten wet in years.


maybe you should get it wet, wash it now and then. maybe then you might get some action. nobody wants a dirty smelly dick.
 
2013-05-11 10:05:19 PM  

MattyBlast: dopekitty74: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead

Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

You're the second person to say that. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and become a motorcycle mechanic or something?

I would think that a woman with a brain in her head would consider it a plus that a man is gainfully employed and making decent money.

But what the hell do I know...my dick hasn't gotten wet in years.


Have you guys considered moonlighting as freelance superheroes? They mystery, the danger, the cape, the mask. Worked out pretty good for Spiderman and Batman.
 
2013-05-11 10:05:47 PM  

wax_on: ILoveBurritos: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
I'm just gonna leave this here.

/and go cry in a corner.

Had a girlfriend with a version of that.  Said sex felt like someone sawing at her vag with a rusty knife.  Every once in a while it was ok and then the sex was great but over the course of several years it took it's toll on us.  Even though we didn't break up over sex, there were plenty of other things wrong, it was a factor.  Took me several years to get over the head trips that were implanted during that time.  Yuck.

Good luck to you, hope you've been able to find a doctor who recognizes that it's an actual physical problem, not something you made up in your head.  I'm sure you know that there are several online support groups.


Thanks. I definitely understand how you'd get those head trips, I've got them too. I haven't looked into any support groups though.

/maybe I should
//nothing's gonna change
 
2013-05-11 10:08:21 PM  

Oldiron_79: OgreMagi: MattyBlast: dopekitty74: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead

Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

You're the second person to say that. What am I supposed to do, quit my job and become a motorcycle mechanic or something?

I would think that a woman with a brain in her head would consider it a plus that a man is gainfully employed and making decent money.

But what the hell do I know...my dick hasn't gotten wet in years.

The last woman I dated dumped me (but let's still be friends, ok, because blah blah blah)  for a an unemployed guy with no prospects.  I know I am not handsome, but that made me feel hideous.

Well you would not beleive how many of the ex gfs that have dumped me went to someone that even people who are her friends and not mine are like "downgrade".

I may not look like a Calvin Klein underwear model but I got a decent jorb am wel endowed and tall.


My underwear is disguised like a TARDIS: it's bigger on the inside.
 
2013-05-11 10:11:36 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.


You aren't bad looking at all. A bit above average, probably. But do you dominate dat pussy? You gotta dominate dat pussy. When you walk up in yo house, do you be like, "Oh, hi Mr. Egg, how would you like to get scrambled up on the griddle sometime?" Hell no! You just grab that mothafarkin egg like it aint nothin and you crack it upside the bowl and scramble that shiat like a mothafarkin boss. You gotta do that same shiat with the pussy, mang.


That paragraph felt so informative and instructional, and at the same time, I have never felt so confused.
 
2013-05-11 10:12:42 PM  

studebaker hoch: Q:  How is a base player different than a large pizza?


A large pizza can feed a family.
 
2013-05-11 10:16:25 PM  
Because my notional girlfriend lives halfway around the world, so I only get to see her a coupla times a year, so our times together largely consist of furtive farkings in hotels, and then she runs back home to her husband.

She did take me on a 10-day vacay once, so I could be her love slave :-)  There's a drink called "sex in a cenote".  Never had the drink, had the sex :-)

/well paid
//adequately hung
///might as well be a virgin again
 
2013-05-11 10:17:02 PM  

MattyBlast: I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead



Tax accountant from the Southwestern Connecticut area, recently transplanted from the greater Brew City area in Wisconsin. Alumnus bass player for Milwaukee rock band Random Maxx (randommaxx.com). Novice skydiver with Sky Knights Sport Parachute Club ("novice" means I suck, but everyone should have fun doing something they suck at). Otherwise, I'm just an ordinary guy with a job who does stuff.


Finance guy, not at all bad-looking, from WI, still love the PNW but in CT now and appreciating the New England winters.  I play bass for a local band and I like to skydive, but you don't have to like either.  I'd love to meet a Catherine Keener-type woman: smart, sexy, knowing, kick-ass.
 
2013-05-11 10:17:15 PM  
Total Farkers get laid more often
than regular Farkers (in fact, the opposite is probably TRUE)
 
2013-05-11 10:20:10 PM  
56, M. Married to a 48 y/o F in the midst of menopause. Coming up on 7 years of marriage, 11 years together. Things have kinda been on ice for a few months, but I'm confident (there's that word again) that things will get better. Good news is we still get along wonderfully. Just don't fark much lately. I think it's as much ancillary bullshiat (hating our jobs, aging parents problems) as the change of life thing.
 
2013-05-11 10:23:47 PM  

MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.


Speaking from experience, if you see someone on the street, in the grocery store, wherever and she really catches your attention, give her a sincere compliment and then carry on.
Example: walking down the street, some random guy walking past me paused and told me that I had really stunning eyes. This was quite a while ago but I still remember it clearly and I am certain that if I had been single I would have turned around, caught up with the guy and told him that he just brightened my day and then introduced myself to see where it led - maybe suggest grabbing a cup of coffee if it seemed right. I believe that something as simple as that really can work as long as its sincere, and not something that is used so frequently that it is obviously just a pick up line. And if it doesn't lead anywhere, know that you have very likely made someone's day better.
 
2013-05-11 10:31:37 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-11 10:37:39 PM  

Oldiron_79: John Buck 41: Bane of Broone: Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.

I'm pretty much one of the libbiest libs that ever libbed, but regardless of party people who can't turn their political filters off for two seconds are some of the most annoying people in the world. I can handle seeing a Fox tag on a link and not feel the need to rant about them in a thread that has nothing to do with politics. I feel sorry for you.

That's refreshing to read. I honestly don't think I've ever seen that POV from any political side before, at least here on Fark. (Not that I spend that much time in the Politics tab). Good on ya.

People expecting sanity from Fark? You must be new here.


Way to miss the point. Read much?
 
2013-05-11 10:38:09 PM  

MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.


Just casually tell her that you are having a cookout, and you have the hotdog if she'll bring her buns. I can guarantee at least a 2% success rate.

In all seriousness, just walk up to said hottie and say whatever you want. Tell her you think she is gorgeous and introduce yourself, or you can say the most ridiculous shiat just to break the ice and get a conversation going. I once used this stupid line  "I love your high heels; they look a lot like the pair I was wearing last night" just to get the a laugh and start conversation. You can normally tell very quickly into the conversation if someone is receptive or not.

Just realize that you will not be every woman's cup of tea. Some might think you are creepy and some might be glad that you stopped to talk to them. You will not ever know unless you speak up.
 
2013-05-11 10:38:25 PM  
Men... married or single.  This book is a must.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-05-11 10:38:26 PM  
middle of a divorce right now and I have an amazing new GF. i get it practically every day, sometimes more than once. Prior to that I sometimes had problems saluting if you know what I mean, so I was a tad nervous with the new GF. I have since concluded that my willie didn't like my wife any more than the rest of me did.
 
2013-05-11 10:38:45 PM  

dopekitty74: Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...


Beats tech.

Is there any job that pays a reasonably middle-class wage and doesn't make you too lame to date?

I guess fire fighters and cops?
 
2013-05-11 10:44:24 PM  

fnordfocus: dopekitty74: Being a tax accountant *might* have something to do with that...

Beats tech.

Is there any job that pays a reasonably middle-class wage and doesn't make you too lame to date?

I guess fire fighters and cops?


Drool.
 
2013-05-11 10:54:37 PM  

ElizaDoolittle: spentmiles: It's probably because your husband is exhausting himself at the local park on his lunch break.  Seriously, I've been a marital counsellor for over a decade.  9 times out of 10, when the sex stops in a relationship, it's because the husband has started getting his shiat packed by the local jean short wearing man stallion.  The other 1 time out of 10, the guy won't admit it.  Closet homosexuality is like the new AIDS of suburbia.  Chances are, if your husband has lost interest in you, he's getting it from a dude behind your back.

Easy test: When he falls asleep, smell his penis and his rectal opening.  If the come and shiat smells have swapped places, go see a divorce lawyer.  He's gay.

You're sick and deluded, displaying a tad too much fervor over closeted gay husbands... and your handle anagrams to Penis Melts.  Seriously?  9/10 husbands not having sex are gay and "getting their shiat packed?"  A bit obsessed, are we?  The local jean-short-wearing man stallion?  Smell his penis and rectal opening?  Good grief.  I'd call you farking nuts, but I don't want to get you too stirred up.


New here, are you?  Jeez, even I know the handle "Spentmiles" mean "funny bulldada"
 
2013-05-11 10:56:15 PM  
So a really quiet, shy buddy of mine comes to the dining hall one day in a shirt that had a stitched in name tag that said "Russel".  We were teasing him, eventually calling him Russel the love muscle.  Anyway, these girls sit down near us and my friend really really wanted to get to know one of them.  We wound up collectively paying / daring him over $80 cash for him to go up to her and introduce himself as Russel the Looooove Muscle with pointy gun fingers and everything and to do it loud enough so we could hear.  Long story short, he comes back to the table with her phone number and they go out on a couple of dates.

That's confidence and self-depreciating humor with financial incentive.  If you can't talk to women, try having one of your friends pay you to do so.
 
2013-05-11 11:03:51 PM  

TheRealAde: MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.

Speaking from experience, if you see someone on the street, in the grocery store, wherever and she really catches your attention, give her a sincere compliment and then carry on.
Example: walking down the street, some random guy walking past me paused and told me that I had really stunning eyes. This was quite a while ago but I still remember it clearly and I am certain that if I had been single I would have turned around, caught up with the guy and told him that he just brightened my day and then introduced myself to see where it led - maybe suggest grabbing a cup of coffee if it seemed right. I believe that something as simple as that really can work as long as its sincere, and not something that is used so frequently that it is obviously just a pick up line. And if it doesn't lead anywhere, know that you have very likely made someone's day better.


Dude, dog parks.  If you have a dog, great.  Otherwise just tell people you like dogs, and you're kind of thinking about getting one.  Dog people love to talk about their dog - it's a great opening.

/Course, if you're allergic to dogs, you're screwed
 
2013-05-11 11:04:58 PM  

fnordfocus: Beats tech.

Is there any job that pays a reasonably middle-class wage and doesn't make you too lame to date?

I guess fire fighters and cops?


A lot of women find construction workers sexy.
 
2013-05-11 11:07:42 PM  

TommyDeuce: TheRealAde: MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.

Speaking from experience, if you see someone on the street, in the grocery store, wherever and she really catches your attention, give her a sincere compliment and then carry on.
Example: walking down the street, some random guy walking past me paused and told me that I had really stunning eyes. This was quite a while ago but I still remember it clearly and I am certain that if I had been single I would have turned around, caught up with the guy and told him that he just brightened my day and then introduced myself to see where it led - maybe suggest grabbing a cup of coffee if it seemed right. I believe that something as simple as that really can work as long as its sincere, and not something that is used so frequently that it is obviously just a pick up line. And if it doesn't lead anywhere, know that you have very likely made someone's day better.

Dude, dog parks.  If you have a dog, great.  Otherwise just tell people you like dogs, and you're kind of thinking about getting one.  Dog people love to talk about their dog - it's a great opening.

/Course, if you're allergic to dogs, you're screwed


Or hang out at a regular park.  When a hot milf asks you which one is yours, tell you haven't picked one, yet.  They love that kind of thing.
 
2013-05-11 11:08:56 PM  
She got fat and doesn't care. What can you do?
 
2013-05-11 11:12:11 PM  

Charlie Chingas: sotua: Bass player, married for ten years.

The reason I'm not getting as much as I'd like? Exhaustion, and a two year old baby who's the biggest cockblock in town.

/still, got properly laid on Friday morning. It's amazing how good sex when you aren't both on the brink of falling asleep like we've been doing for the past year or so.

Ah, babies. Nature's cockblockers.


That's what makes having teenagers fun.  They're grossed out by the thought of their parents having sex.  It is out duty as parents to traumatize the children as much as possible.
 
2013-05-11 11:13:07 PM  

Metal: She got fat and doesn't care. What can you do?


Well if your woman gets fat and dont care you have 2 options

1) dump her and find a skinny one

2) break out the flour
 
2013-05-11 11:13:38 PM  

Metal: She got fat and doesn't care. What can you do?


Thanks, Johnny Raincloud.
 
2013-05-11 11:17:01 PM  
They're clearly not incorporating wendy's buns in an erotic fashion.. Possibly in a dumpster, covered in baco'bits like a cobb salad...
 
2013-05-11 11:17:11 PM  

darkjezter: fnordfocus: Beats tech.

Is there any job that pays a reasonably middle-class wage and doesn't make you too lame to date?

I guess fire fighters and cops?

A lot of women find construction workers sexy.


www.libertarianbookclub.com
Indeed.
 
2013-05-11 11:18:24 PM  

Smeggy Smurf: Charlie Chingas: sotua: Bass player, married for ten years.

The reason I'm not getting as much as I'd like? Exhaustion, and a two year old baby who's the biggest cockblock in town.

/still, got properly laid on Friday morning. It's amazing how good sex when you aren't both on the brink of falling asleep like we've been doing for the past year or so.

Ah, babies. Nature's cockblockers.

That's what makes having teenagers fun.  They're grossed out by the thought of their parents having sex.  It is out duty as parents to traumatize the children as much as possible.


I was standing in line at the supermarket one evening and a group of three teenage girls were being obnoxious.  Typical stuff, comments about people being too old to do anything.  So after listening to them for a while, I turned to them and said, with a straight face, "your parents still have wild monkey sex."  They looked like they were going to puke.  The cashier was trying not to lose it and kept choking on her giggling.
 
2013-05-11 11:25:32 PM  

JerkyMeat: Sex by yourself is still sex, right? Right?


Well, since that's been covered, I have nothing else to add.
 
2013-05-11 11:25:33 PM  

TheRealAde: MBA Whore: Honest Question:

Any Farkettes (or Farkers) care to answer:

How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?

I am not talking about the bar type scene where you might see "regulars".  I am talking about encountering random people whom you may never again have a chance to ask.

Speaking from experience, if you see someone on the street, in the grocery store, wherever and she really catches your attention, give her a sincere compliment and then carry on.
Example: walking down the street, some random guy walking past me paused and told me that I had really stunning eyes. This was quite a while ago but I still remember it clearly and I am certain that if I had been single I would have turned around, caught up with the guy and told him that he just brightened my day and then introduced myself to see where it led - maybe suggest grabbing a cup of coffee if it seemed right. I believe that something as simple as that really can work as long as its sincere, and not something that is used so frequently that it is obviously just a pick up line. And if it doesn't lead anywhere, know that you have very likely made someone's day better.


I am sure you are sincere, but you really aren't helping.  If you were single?  I believe that something as simple as that can work?

So in your whole life, you were never hit on by a random guy while you were single and have a success story to tell about that?  And as has been mentioned up-thread (and from my own experiences) "what woman say they want in a guy" != "what type of men women want to date"

women say they hate pickup lines, but they have all heard one they love (and probably dated more than enough losers due to some tacky pick-up lines)

To the guy asking the advice, say anything, look up some lines/conversation starters to give you something to work with and try to close quickly.

1.) offer up a compliment or mention what quality about her is causing you to be so bold to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger.
2.) mention that you would like to take her out for a date
3.) give her your contact info
4.) pray that she calls

that's about all you can do, but the most important thing is to put the ball in play and hope she is receptive.

For an example, just rephrase what I just said for #1 to get you somewhere, "Excuse me, I am not one to approach random people in the grocery store, but your eyes are so striking I would never forgive myself if I didn't ask if you would like to get coffee sometime?"
 
2013-05-11 11:34:39 PM  

spentmiles: Easy test: When he falls asleep, smell his penis and his rectal opening. If the come and shiat smells have swapped places, go see a divorce lawyer. He's gay.


One of your better efforts.
 
2013-05-11 11:35:31 PM  
I've gotten laid twice since Friday night, and a third time probably in the next hour or so.

Suck it, biatches!
 
2013-05-11 11:36:54 PM  

MBA Whore: How can a man approach a random woman in an everyday setting without being creepy?  For example, pretend I was just grocery shopping and saw a random hottie.  She had no ring.  Is there even a way to approach someone in such a random situation?


It's pretty simple, really:

1. Be good looking
2. Be attractive
3. Don't be unattractive
 
2013-05-11 11:39:26 PM  

mainstreet62: I've gotten laid twice since Friday night, and a third time probably in the next hour or so.

Suck it, biatches!


Your poor mom. She must be exhausted.
 
2013-05-11 11:39:28 PM  

OgreMagi: I was standing in line at the supermarket one evening and a group of three teenage girls were being obnoxious.  Typical stuff, comments about people being too old to do anything.  So after listening to them for a while, I turned to them and said, with a straight face, "your parents still have wild monkey sex."  They looked like they were going to puke.  The cashier was trying not to lose it and kept choking on her giggling.


I don't recall what you posted in the past that made me Favorite you, but you just confirmed it.
 
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