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(Fox News)   Four reasons you're not having sex. Strangely absent: You're a Farker   (magazine.foxnews.com) divider line 220
    More: Obvious  
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16343 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 May 2013 at 6:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-11 01:57:13 PM
I've run out of chloroform?
 
2013-05-11 01:59:16 PM
Sex by yourself is still sex, right? Right?
 
2013-05-11 02:14:47 PM
I'm pretty sure it is because I am not at all attractive after the second date when the women realize the sarcasm and goofiness is great on a first date, but completely awful to wake up to Sunday morning.
 
2013-05-11 02:24:26 PM
Dr. Seth Meyers for eHarmony.com


www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com
 
2013-05-11 06:09:29 PM

Apos: Dr. Seth Meyers for eHarmony.com


[www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com image 396x594]


wow
just wow
He left out the part about not praying enough to jesus.
 
2013-05-11 06:14:26 PM
"You listen to what Fux News has to say about sex." is also strangely absent.
 
2013-05-11 06:15:15 PM

Apos: Dr. Seth Meyers for eHarmony.com


[www2.pictures.gi.zimbio.com image 396x594]


I thought that was this guy

img.gawkerassets.com

And maybe they are exhausted from working so hard because the rent is too damn high
 
2013-05-11 06:15:54 PM
I can have sex any time I want.  Except I have standards.  No fat women.
 
2013-05-11 06:16:26 PM
Reason #5: You're a middle-aged bass player with a bad haircut.

/so lonely
 
2013-05-11 06:18:10 PM
Carpal Tunnel Syndrome?
 
2013-05-11 06:19:15 PM
No more hookers to rape?
 
2013-05-11 06:19:22 PM
You're married.
 
2013-05-11 06:19:52 PM
They can recycle the four reasons for a later article titled:

"Why young adults don't get married"
 
2013-05-11 06:20:05 PM

farm2.static.flickr.comNotabunny: Reason #5: You're a middle-aged bass player with a bad haircut. /so lonely

 
2013-05-11 06:20:11 PM
Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.
 
2013-05-11 06:20:37 PM
If you have a partner, there is no excuse to not be having some manner of hanky panky with them.  That is a slap in the face to the millions of single people in the world.

/unless you are fat and/or ugly, in which case feel free to be a monk
 
2013-05-11 06:20:41 PM

WhippingBoy: You're married.


And we're done here
 
2013-05-11 06:22:43 PM
How about middle aged, married, bass-player, AND a bad haircut?

/gets it regularly
 
2013-05-11 06:22:56 PM
As a married Farker of 10 years who has had sex twice in the last 24 months, resentment and depression (hers not mine) are the two big reasons on that list. That and I'm too damn tired from work and being told "not tonight" all the farking time.
 
2013-05-11 06:24:45 PM

Dave and the Mission: How about middle aged, married, bass-player, AND a bad haircut?

/gets it regularly


You, sir, are my hero
 
2013-05-11 06:24:58 PM

jayphat: As a married Farker of 10 years who has had sex twice in the last 24 months, resentment and depression (hers not mine) are the two big reasons on that list. That and I'm too damn tired from work and being told "not tonight" all the farking time.


Are you me?
 
2013-05-11 06:26:27 PM

Opiate of the Lasses: WhippingBoy: You're married.

And we're done here


Never understood this one. I know stereotypes get started for a reason, but I was with my ex-wife for 11 years and had sex usually twice a day until the day I left. Hell, I WISHED the stereotype was true when I was growing up. My folks were farking 3-4 times a week until I moved out so that would put them in their 50s at the time. I bought my first walkman with birthday money for that reason alone, lol.
 
2013-05-11 06:27:28 PM

Dave and the Mission: How about middle aged, married, bass-player, AND a bad haircut?

/gets it regularly


Oh, I'm having sex right now...

/ mobile fark rules,
// and before a gig...
 
2013-05-11 06:27:31 PM

OgreMagi: I can have sex any time I want.  Except I have standards.  No fat women.


I regularly get shot down by a calibre women on internet dating sites who would be all-up-ons if we was at a bar. Its like once they have the anonymity of the internet they become the female equivilent of Studman69
 
2013-05-11 06:29:13 PM
Side effect of coming off Zoloft.
 
2013-05-11 06:29:35 PM

Oldiron_79: OgreMagi: I can have sex any time I want.  Except I have standards.  No fat women.

I regularly get shot down by a calibre women on internet dating sites who would be all-up-ons if we was at a bar. Its like once they have the anonymity of the internet they become the female equivilent of Studman69


I get that regularly too
 
2013-05-11 06:30:47 PM
I hate my own body too much to want any...
 
2013-05-11 06:30:48 PM
I'm not having sex because I'm in the line to do subby's mom.

img.izismile.com
 
2013-05-11 06:31:21 PM
My penis is too big?
 
2013-05-11 06:31:57 PM

Dave and the Mission: How about middle aged, married, bass-player, AND a bad haircut?

/gets it regularly


/// Austin bass players in the house tonight...
 
2013-05-11 06:32:49 PM
It's usually because one or both of the partners is having sex with someone else.
 
2013-05-11 06:33:45 PM
Oh, and put me down as another bass player gettin' it.
 
2013-05-11 06:34:16 PM

Oldiron_79: OgreMagi: I can have sex any time I want.  Except I have standards.  No fat women.

I regularly get shot down by a calibre women on internet dating sites who would be all-up-ons if we was at a bar. Its like once they have the anonymity of the internet they become the female equivilent of Studman69


Heh. The downsides of dating on the "Russian Sniperz 4 u" dating site..
 
2013-05-11 06:35:44 PM
I was hoping this was a link to an Onion statshot.

"Why aren't we having sex?"

24% - gained protection from prison gang
17% - don't want to ruin bed sheets by tearing hole in them
41% - recently saw picture of Rush Limbaugh
18 % - exhausted after long commute to mistress's place
 
2013-05-11 06:38:03 PM
I'm calling bullshiat on all of you bass players claiming you're getting laid. Nobody shags the bass player.
 
2013-05-11 06:38:38 PM

Bane of Broone: Opiate of the Lasses: WhippingBoy: You're married.

And we're done here

Never understood this one. I know stereotypes get started for a reason, but I was with my ex-wife for 11 years and had sex usually twice a day until the day I left. Hell, I WISHED the stereotype was true when I was growing up. My folks were farking 3-4 times a week until I moved out so that would put them in their 50s at the time. I bought my first walkman with birthday money for that reason alone, lol.


I don't understand it either. My wife, however, understands it perfectly it would seem.
 
2013-05-11 06:39:36 PM
It's because of gay marriage, obviously.
 
2013-05-11 06:39:56 PM

Bane of Broone: Opiate of the Lasses: WhippingBoy: You're married.

And we're done here

Never understood this one. I know stereotypes get started for a reason, but I was with my ex-wife for 11 years and had sex usually twice a day until the day I left. Hell, I WISHED the stereotype was true when I was growing up. My folks were farking 3-4 times a week until I moved out so that would put them in their 50s at the time. I bought my first walkman with birthday money for that reason alone, lol.


As someone who gets screwed maybe 1/3 as much as 4 years ago (and I'm only engaged, not even married yet), I was going to respond with something bitter. Instead I shall say I'm happy for you, and here's hoping your good fortune continues.
 
2013-05-11 06:40:13 PM
I used to have it frequently....a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.
 
2013-05-11 06:42:17 PM
I suppose it falls under exhaustion, but how about kiddus interruptus?  It's like the little tyrants sense that mom and dad are getting frisky and blam!  "Mom, I frew up."  "Dad, I had a nightmare."  If we get a night of uninterrupted peace and quiet, we get nervous and go check on them.

Thank God for afternoon delight.
 
2013-05-11 06:43:11 PM

titwrench: I'm calling bullshiat on all of you bass players claiming you're getting laid. Nobody shags the bass player.


I probably had the highest rate of gash as yet in my life when I was an active bass player. Kinda makes me wanna go buy a combo amp and join some shiatty local band just for the action.
 
2013-05-11 06:44:17 PM

Dave and the Mission: How about middle aged, married, bass-player, AND a bad haircut?

/gets it regularly


Why would you get a bad haircut regularly?
 
2013-05-11 06:44:55 PM
I'm gonna go with "because  Beatlefreak is on a plane right now"

/at least she's on her way here
 
2013-05-11 06:45:23 PM

HotWingAgenda: If you have a partner, there is no excuse to not be having some manner of hanky panky with them.  That is a slap in the face to the millions of single people in the world.

/unless you are fat and/or ugly, in which case feel free to be a monk


I would but my Wisdom and Dexterity are both pretty low.  I'd have a lousy AC.
 
2013-05-11 06:46:15 PM
Fatigue has hit the Smurf household.  Mrs. Smurf is now teaching preschool again.  A half dozen toddlers will run anybody ragged.  It's up to me to seduce her better.
 
2013-05-11 06:51:04 PM
I don't get any because I'm not in a relationship.

/match.com member
//eHarmony member
///constantly rejected
////not bad looking, so I'm at a loss as to why
///wish I were dead
 
2013-05-11 06:51:16 PM
 
2013-05-11 06:51:17 PM
Only total farkers aren't getting any sex.
 
2013-05-11 06:52:18 PM
#1 - Wedding Cake
 
2013-05-11 06:53:51 PM

Saborlas: Since it's from Fox, I presume the reasons are Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and brown people in general.


1) Politics tab is a few over.
2) "Brown people" is a racial slur used by the KKK and anyone else who thinks that certain Caucasians aren't white enough to be "white".  Oddly, the only people I hear use it tend to be people lost on their way to the politics tab.
 
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