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(Slate)   Slate: Making kids play team sports in PE is neither healthy nor educational, uses as an example: dodgeball, probably the most sociopathic "team sport" of them all   (slate.com) divider line 55
    More: Stupid, Kid 'n Play, J.V. Junior High School, physical education, nature documentary, nature programme, sick comedy, Loughborough University, educations  
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4955 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2013 at 12:55 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-05-10 01:06:15 PM
7 votes:
In anticipation, as each summer waned, I'd do drills in my backyard. I'd practice dribbling balls, swinging rackets, serving volleyballs over a tree branch.

That is the oddest assortment of euphemisms I have ever seen.
2013-05-10 11:23:07 AM
6 votes:
I bet she dodges balls.
2013-05-10 01:09:21 PM
5 votes:

internut scholar: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Pocket Ninja: I_Am_Weasel: As I recall when I was in school, it was referred to as "murder ball"

Murder Ball was one variety of Dodge Ball, which (the way we played it) involved everybody trying to nail a person who was tagged "it." It was not usually officially sanctioned by the gym teachers, although I don't recall them ever stopping us from playing it during free time. There was also Prison Dodgeball (where team members were "taken prisoner" after being hit and could be freed to rejoin your team in what basically amounted to hostage exchanges); Pin Dodgeball (basic dodgeball with the addition of bowling that had to be protected by your team; if the pins were all knocked down, you lost, so the basic strategy was to stand your weakest players in front of the pins as human shields and do what you could to protect them from being nailed); Quad Dodge (a four-way dodgeball game where you were under threat from all sides); and many others. I loved them all.

My high school gym had an upper balcony area, and we played sniper dodgeball - one person from each team could walk the perimeter and target people, but could only get more balls if they were tossed up to them. The sniper could only get out if you hit them from the floor (which was one hell of a throw). Common strategy was to target the people who could toss the ball up and basically starve the sniper.

That sounds awesome.

We played medic ball. Each team had two medics that wore a mesh shirt. when you got hit, you would sit where you got hit. A medic could come over and drag you back behind the line and you were in the game again. So you would target their medics, because once you get both medics, no one can get back in. And in turn you would try to protect your medics.

it added some strategy.


And bonus war crimes!
2013-05-10 11:06:43 AM
5 votes:

AngryPanda: This author is like my friend who says that even watching sports and enjoying it is unhealthy. Whatever, dude.


I no longer enjoy football. Whenever I see 250 lbs. men run into in each other head first all I can think about are the brain injuries that are going to cripple them down the road.

I only still watch it due to my gambling addiction.
2013-05-10 02:30:14 PM
3 votes:

Bruxellensis: DROxINxTHExWIND: Bruxellensis: We had to learn how to line dance in PE.  Yeah.  I farking HATE country music, and hate frig-dancing even more.

/but we got to play lots of hockey and dodgeball

Farking square dance week in PE.

GRRRRRRRRR!

I hated it with the fiery passion of one thousand suns.

Sorry to hear.  Although, admittedly, I'm glad it wasn't just our school.


It was especially stressful when you didn't get paired up with the girl you wanted and you had to spend a week promenading with Big Shirley Manhands.
2013-05-10 01:43:34 PM
3 votes:
I posted several times in this thread and I don't think any of my posts were tagged as funny or smart. My self-esteem is really starting to trend down. I called my mom and she said you guys have to give me some kind of trophy for participating, or, there will be lawyers.
2013-05-10 01:30:06 PM
3 votes:

Saborlas: This thread reeks of Stockholm Syndrome.


You reek of Fatholm Syndrome.
2013-05-10 05:54:09 PM
2 votes:

Dr. Goldshnoz: I'm sure this horse has been beat to death already, but all phys ed and sports teams in public k-12 schools are a complete waste of student time and parent tax dollars. Trash the sports teams completely to save the money, and change phys ed to a nutrition ed and daily workout class. Make everyone be on the elliptical for 45 mins every day. that would actually get people in shape and be way better than the farce that is a new sport every week, never to be picked up again by anyone until next years PE class. Elliptical is also way better for the body than that farking retard weekly mile run.


Oh please 20 years ago kids in HS were having notes written to excuse them from gym class all the time. You think they are gonna be ok with actually having to break a sweat on an elliptical machine ?

The kids that didn't want to do gym then are the same kind of kids who won't do it now.

The thing about gym that sucks is by the time everyone changes and is ready there was only like 30 minutes or less for a class. It is basically an exercise of changing your clothes.
2013-05-10 02:31:49 PM
2 votes:
assets.nydailynews.com

"One day I'll work for Slate and you'll regret you did this!"
2013-05-10 02:22:43 PM
2 votes:

Agnes Gonxha's Confidant: I played dodgeball for the first time when I was 30 (two years ago).

It is without a doubt the most fun I have ever had playing sports. My fat teammates had fun too. There is this unspoken loyalty in every team. The athletic dudes protect the slow pokes and some even sacrifice themselves to expose the adversaries.

I say we need more dodgeball in schools.

/serious


to say I was nerdy growing up is an understatement. I was a tape-on-the-glasses, d&d playing geek. while other kids were behind the library smoking and making out, I was in the library reading. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was a teenager.

and I loved dodge ball.

the idea that some people are anti-dodge ball is so foreign to me, I cannot relate to those people.

torture terrorist suspects? well, if it gets them talking. gays going to hell? not my interpretation of the Bible, but I'm no scholar. Obama really from Kenya? doubtful, but I wasn't in the delivery room. ban dodge ball? DIAF.

kids these days could use a couple more balls to the face.

/have a seat over where?
//that's not what I meant
2013-05-10 02:14:38 PM
2 votes:
cdn103.iofferphoto.com
2013-05-10 02:04:32 PM
2 votes:
I love these articles - all the jocks relive their glory days of abusing the little/fat/shy/weak kids, and call everyone who disagrees with them a pussy.

Ok, well how about we step it up a notch...instead of Dodge Ball, let the kids play Paint Ball. Even the little kid can pull a trigger, and being the oversized glandular freak means you make a bigger target. Of course, many of the jocks would come home covered from head to toe with bruises and crying about how all the nerds ganged up on him!

And we couldn't have the jocks looking like pussies, could we?
2013-05-10 02:01:47 PM
2 votes:
Article's author?

i486.photobucket.com
2013-05-10 01:49:45 PM
2 votes:
www.uclaextension.edu

She's pretty okay looking with a good rack, too bad she got ruined by wymyn's studies and enough shrooms to make her brain smooth as a bowling ball.
2013-05-10 01:18:32 PM
2 votes:
This thread reeks of Stockholm Syndrome.
2013-05-10 01:15:31 PM
2 votes:

LordJiro: And bonus war crimes!


And if you lost you were tried at the Hague and if found guilty you were hanged.
2013-05-10 01:10:00 PM
2 votes:
Lotta "back in my day" in this thread. You farkers are old. Get younger!
2013-05-10 01:07:53 PM
2 votes:
Oh, crybabies. I got pegged right in the head with a dodgeball by a much larger and stronger classmate at point-plank rngee and\=
 osnthsa-zcdr-4ghzTt15/-8f8r-vn92/0=
g.luchtao-nisal+4

Thank you senator, good to meet you as well. Say hello to your lovely wife for me.
2013-05-10 12:05:44 PM
2 votes:
Dodge ball was a blast, even when I was the underclassman.  Throw that ball, asshole, I'll catch it.

/when you got to be the upperclassman, you gave the underclassman a pounding they deserved.
2013-05-10 11:48:22 AM
2 votes:
As I recall when I was in school, it was referred to as "murder ball"
2013-05-10 11:18:52 AM
2 votes:
Here's some more of Jessica Olien's "work" in case you hate yourself.
2013-05-11 12:56:53 PM
1 votes:

mxyzplk: "I was a dysfunctional loner as a child and now I'm a dysfunctional loner as an adult. I blame others for this."

I lol'ed.


All dysfunctional loners should blame themselves. They may find they're good at it.
2013-05-10 06:52:57 PM
1 votes:

tlars699: Dr. Goldshnoz: kindms: Dr. Goldshnoz: I'm sure this horse has been beat to death already, but all phys ed and sports teams in public k-12 schools are a complete waste of student time and parent tax dollars. Trash the sports teams completely to save the money, and change phys ed to a nutrition ed and daily workout class. Make everyone be on the elliptical for 45 mins every day. that would actually get people in shape and be way better than the farce that is a new sport every week, never to be picked up again by anyone until next years PE class. Elliptical is also way better for the body than that farking retard weekly mile run.

Oh please 20 years ago kids in HS were having notes written to excuse them from gym class all the time. You think they are gonna be ok with actually having to break a sweat on an elliptical machine ?

The kids that didn't want to do gym then are the same kind of kids who won't do it now.

The thing about gym that sucks is by the time everyone changes and is ready there was only like 30 minutes or less for a class. It is basically an exercise of changing your clothes.

I agree on all the points you made, but I don't think any of them really contradict what I'm saying. So... agree to agree while shaking tiny fists at each other?

WAY TO GO! YOU HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN TO NEVER ALLOW CHILDREN TO HAVE FUN/Be in an effective cooperative physical setting/Allow for creativity in a physcial setting/Allow them to learn about anatomy before med school.

FUN, LIKE LIFE, ISN'T FAIR.


I'm sorry you were under the impression school was about fun.
2013-05-10 06:20:31 PM
1 votes:

kindms: Dr. Goldshnoz: I'm sure this horse has been beat to death already, but all phys ed and sports teams in public k-12 schools are a complete waste of student time and parent tax dollars. Trash the sports teams completely to save the money, and change phys ed to a nutrition ed and daily workout class. Make everyone be on the elliptical for 45 mins every day. that would actually get people in shape and be way better than the farce that is a new sport every week, never to be picked up again by anyone until next years PE class. Elliptical is also way better for the body than that farking retard weekly mile run.

Oh please 20 years ago kids in HS were having notes written to excuse them from gym class all the time. You think they are gonna be ok with actually having to break a sweat on an elliptical machine ?

The kids that didn't want to do gym then are the same kind of kids who won't do it now.

The thing about gym that sucks is by the time everyone changes and is ready there was only like 30 minutes or less for a class. It is basically an exercise of changing your clothes.


I agree on all the points you made, but I don't think any of them really contradict what I'm saying. So... agree to agree while shaking tiny fists at each other?
2013-05-10 06:20:15 PM
1 votes:

Bruxellensis: We had to learn how to line dance in PE.  Yeah.  I farking HATE country music, and hate frig-dancing even more.

/but we got to play lots of hockey and dodgeball


My Freshman year they forced us to learn polka.  This in a school with a 3:2 ratio boys to girls.  So guy-guy partnerships quickly turned it into full contact polka.  That turned out to be more fun than we were allowed to have so it was back to dodgeball.
2013-05-10 04:35:07 PM
1 votes:
Me and two friends used to play The Ghost and the Darkness when we were young(named after the movie came out). One person had to get from the end of the long windowless pitch black basement to the opposite wall. The remaining two people started at the opposite wall and had to make a takedown and force him give up by any means possible(usually suffocation via a blanket or a poorly applied bullshiat WCW leglock that actually hurt). The basement had a protruding wetbar with a giant rock base, a stone fireplace that stuck out, various metal vertical support beams strewn about, a ping pong table, etc. There is no reason for all three of us to be alive or without brain damage today. But easily the best memory I have of childhood. Such a great game.
2013-05-10 04:28:17 PM
1 votes:
We did not have dodgeball where I grew up.  But ours was better than football and harder than any physical sport.  Here is shot right before we shake the burro...
a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
2013-05-10 03:28:00 PM
1 votes:

R.A.Danny: Our favorite game was to take off a tube sock (they were really long back on the day), put a tennis ball in it, and beat the ever-loving shiat out of each other with them.

We were beyond retarded.


It's the Chicago way.
2013-05-10 03:04:54 PM
1 votes:
We played a variant of dodgeball in school, and it was brutal.  It's been 35 years or so, and I don't remember what it was called (trenchball, maybe?).  There were no sides...the entire gym was in play for a massive free-for-all.  The whole class would spread out in the gym, and the coaches would throw about 10 of those heavy rubber balls onto the floor.  Since you've got multiple people scrambling for the same ball, the guy who got there second was farked, because the guy who got there first had a free head shot at a range of about 2 feet and would absolutely obliterate you.  Generally, half the class was lying on the sidelines within the first 20 seconds, and then the game settled in.  The strategy became to decide if you could make it to a loose ball before someone else, and if not head the other direction fast.  As the herd thinned more, inevitably one of the stronger players would gravitate towards the phalanx of girls cowering in the corner and commit genocide on them with extreme prejudice.  After the game, everyone would go out on the floor and pick up all the glasses, retainers, shoes, etc. that were strewn about and do it again.  When the coaches announced that we were playing trenchball, about 20 percent of the class was ecstatic, and the other 80 percent wished they were home with the flu...the fear was palpable.  God I loved that game.
2013-05-10 02:49:18 PM
1 votes:

OscarTamerz: [www.uclaextension.edu image 233x350]

She's pretty okay looking with a good rack, too bad she got ruined by wymyn's studies and enough shrooms to make her brain smooth as a bowling ball.


She seems like the kind of person who is so open minded that her brain walked off.
2013-05-10 02:42:57 PM
1 votes:

Englebert Slaptyback: nunyadang

Despite her lack of dodge-ball skills she looks like she made it through life ok so far.


Yup, she's got a beer, a pick-up truck, a cartoon raccoon, and what appears to be a gin-yu-wine cinder block and dirt driveway. High on the hog, indeed.


bigbaddie.com
2013-05-10 02:38:34 PM
1 votes:

nunyadang


Despite her lack of dodge-ball skills she looks like she made it through life ok so far.


Yup, she's got a beer, a pick-up truck, a cartoon raccoon, and what appears to be a gin-yu-wine cinder block and dirt driveway. High on the hog, indeed.
2013-05-10 02:33:14 PM
1 votes:

IAmRight: studs up: Racquetball is fun

True, but that's not lifting weights or running.


shiat. I must be doing it wrong.
2013-05-10 02:27:58 PM
1 votes:

DROxINxTHExWIND: Farking square dance week in PE.


My grandfather's last gift to me was that he died on Monday of square dance week and I got a week off of school for his funeral.
2013-05-10 02:20:54 PM
1 votes:

Fark_Guy_Rob: Yeah - we spent time 'lifting weights' or 'running' but it was poorly structured and designed to be miserable.

I had no idea there was an alternative way to work out.


Lifting weights and running are miserable. What's fun is doing things with a team.
2013-05-10 02:08:15 PM
1 votes:

PC LOAD LETTER: Dodgeball was validation for bullies. I see some folks think it was all fun and that those who got pounded "deserved it". And people wonder why kids want to kill their classmates. I know I did, and I am still not exactly sure how I am not in prison for life.

Now as an adult, I would LOVE to play it. Mainly because I am rather strong and have a massive tolerance for pain.



This came to mind immediately upon reading your tale.
joeskythedungeonbrawler.files.wordpress.com

"Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! "

It was the dodgeball that made you strong, that made you impervious to pain. Embrace it.
2013-05-10 02:07:45 PM
1 votes:

Private_Citizen: I love these articles - all the jocks relive their glory days of abusing the little/fat/shy/weak kids, and call everyone who disagrees with them a pussy.

Ok, well how about we step it up a notch...instead of Dodge Ball, let the kids play Paint Ball. Even the little kid can pull a trigger, and being the oversized glandular freak means you make a bigger target. Of course, many of the jocks would come home covered from head to toe with bruises and crying about how all the nerds ganged up on him!

And we couldn't have the jocks looking like pussies, could we?


You got smeared and are still seething with resentment, right?
2013-05-10 02:06:05 PM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: I loved them all.


You monster.
2013-05-10 02:03:25 PM
1 votes:

noitsnot: nunyadang: Despite her lack of dodge-ball skills she looks like she made it through  life ok so far.

[www.jessicaolien.com image 418x428]

[www.jessicaolien.com image 418x428]

Going right for the 22oz'er - not messing around with the little bottles


It looks like all she does is hate fark. I don't think she's ever made love in her life.
2013-05-10 02:03:05 PM
1 votes:

Magnanimous_J: factoryconnection: What I don't like is how f*cking lazy all those games made the gym teachers out to be. I spent 13 years going to gym class and not one of those motherf*ckers ever took the time to show anyone the proper way to throw or catch sh*t. It took me an hour or two to teach my 5-year-old perfect throwing form that I learned from a YouTube video. You can't tell me all those 20-year-veteran jocks couldn't explain a bit of body mechanics.

That's so true, I never even thought about that. So after watching me miss the basket time after time after time, it never even occurred to the teacher to show me how to throw the damn thing correctly.

What a dick.


"Those who can't do, teach.  Those who can't teach, teach gym."
2013-05-10 02:02:38 PM
1 votes:
I was TERRIBLE at PE and I always hated team sports because I ALWAYS let the team down.  As a kid, you care about that shiat.  Now that I have a son, I think it's important to do at least a little team sports because if you don't do any, you lack understanding of the team dynamic.  It's a rare individual that does not WORK in the REAL WORLD on a team.  Fark exercise, this is about life.
2013-05-10 01:54:53 PM
1 votes:

studs up: I posted several times in this thread and I don't think any of my posts were tagged as funny or smart. My self-esteem is really starting to trend down. I called my mom and she said you guys have to give me some kind of trophy for participating, or, there will be lawyers.


You'll only get a reply if you use an apostrophe incorrectly.  You will occasionally (rarely) get a reply to a relevant post, but...troll.

/I typically get a reply for one out of every 30 posts or so
//for having an apostrophe in the wrong place...
2013-05-10 01:40:49 PM
1 votes:
Any chance that one of the points of PE was simply to get a little exercise? Games are easier to get kids involved in than just doing jumping jacks or wind sprints.
2013-05-10 01:38:05 PM
1 votes:
In middle school while digging through a supply closet near the gym we found four pairs of boxing gloves. I mean real, old school brown leather gloves -- couldn't have been eight-ouncers.

Our gym teacher said "have at it" -- the only thing he did was make sure there were no heavyweight vs. bantamweight bouts (in relative terms). Pure lack of skill prevented any real ass-kickings and the bouts went on until inevitably someone got tagged so hard he cried -- and yes, that kid suffered for said crying for the rest of his school life.

If that happened today the teacher would be in jail, the school would be on national news, a strike force of lawyers would have airdropped in and every one of us would be in thrice-weekly counseling until the sun burned out.
2013-05-10 01:30:55 PM
1 votes:

meat0918: Dancin_In_Anson: ManateeGag: when I was growing up, dodge ball was hardly a team sport.  there was no team work, no helping each other out.  there was a lot of "every man for himself" on both sides of the line.

We played with tennis balls too. Nowadays I think they'd call in grief counselors to share our feelings about some of the bruising we took.

I brought this up in a conversation with a group of my old high school classmates last year. The catalyst was this article. Now, most of my classmates' kids are getting into the late teen age range but there are still a few who started late. My question was when did we become such shiatty parents where we were so overly concerned about our kids and why? When we were growing up, many of our Fathers were WWII and/or Korea vets. We were all but expected to get into fights, (get caught fighting in school you'd get hauled to the gym, put on gloves and headgear and duke it out until tired then get a swat or two and sent to class), get cuts and scrapes, break a bone or two and into mischief. You might get your ass kicked, some stitches, wince at Bactine's sting or wear a cast for a couple of months but it was all part of growing up. A standard reply when you thought you were wronged was 'life's not fair'.

I'm stunned at how parents (when they have parents but that's a whole 'nuther conversation) act towards their kids today. Everyone's a winner, there are no losers, call the cops when a couple of 13 year olds squab on the ball field after school...These parents are in their late 30s to late 40s...just about my age and down. What made them such pussies?

The media.


the nerds have taken over.  nerd skills are more profitable nowadays, so nerds are raising nerd children, with nerd values, nerd physicques and nerd beliefs.

it used to take brass balls to make money in this country.  now it just takes nerd skills.
2013-05-10 01:13:38 PM
1 votes:

ecmoRandomNumbers: impaler: I sucked at team sports, but I loved dodgeball.

Kickball can go fark itself.

Same here. We lived for it. We had 3 PE periods a week, and if we were really good, we got to play dodge ball on Friday.


Carn: KyngNothing: NutWrench: I_Am_Weasel: As I recall when I was in school, it was referred to as "murder ball"

They called it, "smear the queer (with the ball)" when I was a kid. I have no idea why: none of us knew what a queer was.

See for us, "smear the queer" was basically "group + 1 rugby" - the entire group would try and tackle the person with the ball, until they gave up, and threw it up in the air, for everyone to try and get. You could also get tackled if you gave up too easily, or didn't try to get the free ball hard enough.

(northern MD, 1980s)

smear the queer was one of the most popular games in our neighborhood growing up.  Also regular tackle football, jail break, and massive water balloon fights.


BULLIES!
2013-05-10 01:10:35 PM
1 votes:
It's cute when Slate articles try to look like real journalism.

My younger kid starts middle school next year, she would burn and loot if we took her out of PE even though she sucks at dodgeball.  Our kids today need better coping skills.
2013-05-10 01:10:34 PM
1 votes:
Writing 1099 word long article takes the place of two 50-minute sessions with author's psychotherapist.
2013-05-10 01:09:20 PM
1 votes:
ponykiller I was the furthest thing from sporty when I was in school, but I liked playing nonsense things like flag football and kickball and yes, even the occasional dodgeball. Human interaction is a good thing.


Big shocker there.
2013-05-10 01:06:43 PM
1 votes:

impaler: I sucked at team sports, but I loved dodgeball.

Kickball can go fark itself.


I'll date myself right off.  We did "red rover" in PE. I loved it.  Being a fairly stocky farm girl that was carrying 75lb bales of straw at around 12 years old, I had the hand strength and footing to hang on to the wimpy chicks hands next to me and NO ONE got through.

I was ok in dodgeball and volleyball, but not great.
2013-05-10 01:06:26 PM
1 votes:
What's weird is,though I was definitely an outcast at school, I nonetheless loved dodgeball because it was a way to practice running away in a quasi-controlled environment.
2013-05-10 12:55:43 PM
1 votes:
i39.tinypic.com
2013-05-10 11:59:22 AM
1 votes:
I think Wallball is more sociopath. They made us stand against a brick wall and other kids would throw balls as hard as they could at us. Nowhere to run cause you're against a wall.
2013-05-10 11:55:05 AM
1 votes:

PowerSlacker: The author is a Portland hipster biatch.

Move along, nothing to see here.


Well, the dream of the 90s is alive in Portland.
2013-05-10 11:17:09 AM
1 votes:
The author is a Portland hipster biatch.

Move along, nothing to see here.
 
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