If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Week)   Dear Starshine, My mother-in-law is dumb as a bag of hammers. Will my toddler catch The Stupid from her if I let the child hang around with her?   (theweek.com) divider line 88
    More: Stupid, The Stupids, Starshine, mother-in-law, hammers, rock musical  
•       •       •

9485 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2013 at 12:53 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



88 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-05-10 01:56:52 PM  

Sybarite: Starshine?!?


Good morning, Starshine! The Earth says "Hello!"
You twinkle above us, we twinkle below!


That song was on the radio about twenty times a day, every day, for about twenty years. Somebody was bound to name their child "Starshine" somewhere, eventually.

Fortunately, I have never met or heard of a Shebuyinastaircasetohebbin yet. Sounds Indian.

I have a cousin named Starr (more than one if you dig into the family tree a bit deeper).

But she grew up in Maine, so it is pronounced STAH with an "A" so long it runs over the "R".

She is married to a guy named Judge, but it is spelled George.

Maine Yankees!

They're basically Massachusetts people too weird to stay in Massachusetts.
 
2013-05-10 01:57:59 PM  
Starshine?
 
2013-05-10 01:59:32 PM  
"Prolonged exposer?" Dude I know got six months in County for that.
 
2013-05-10 02:01:34 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: Crewmannumber6: basemetal: Yes.

The Earth says hello
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAOTxAGJUug

[lonelymachines.org image 340x269]


Just saw this. Glad you posted it. However it just occurred to me that the Wookie isn't wearing any pants. The question "Where is Scully's hand?" suddenly becomes very important.

Then again, where is a Wookie's anus? It could be high, it could be low, where it is, I just don't know.

Also, how does a Wookie keep its fur clean? Most apes tend to be a bit hairless around the whole general vicinity (and the taint). But Wookies are really covered with fur. Does a Wookie shiat in the woods, and if so, how? Do they carry a small wad of toilet paper somewhere? Is their species one of the few that invented bidets before they invented chairs?
 
2013-05-10 02:13:55 PM  
It depends on the upbringing of the parents.

If the child doesn't catch the stupid, but knows how to wrap Grandmama and Granpaw around her finger for example.

Friend- his daughter decided to pick a flower, while grampy was mowing.  Grampy didn't check behind him and sliced off part of her ankle.

Now-  "Grandma, can I have a pony."  "No honey."  "You know, one day Grandpa ran over my... "   2 days later, there was a pony at Grandma's.
 
2013-05-10 02:18:44 PM  
While visiting the other day, my father-in-law complained that my nephew told him that "dad says grampy doesn't know what he's talking about." Made me glad we live far enough away from my wife's parents that I'll likely not have to teach my daughter that same lesson.

//unless colloidal silver and excessive vitamin C do heal everything
 
2013-05-10 02:19:21 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Your child is already a carrier


THIS!!!

Congrats!  Your child is a carrier of "teh stupid", and your bad decision making skills.
 
2013-05-10 02:21:45 PM  
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com

RIP SUNSHINE
 
2013-05-10 02:23:53 PM  

eggrolls: Now we've got twins on the way, and I swear to god,if she uses any of her vicious, insulting, you'll-never-succeed-unless-you-do-as-I-say rhetoric, she'll never see them again.


You're.... alright in my book.
 
2013-05-10 02:25:10 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: But I kinda liked the answer they got.  I would have been more to the point, but the columnist was nice, yet got the point across.


I loved it.  The answer read like vintage Dear Abby.  Just perfect.
 
2013-05-10 02:25:37 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: [media.theweek.com image 240x300]

And then there's a lot of other dirty thingss in that butchered song. I can't believe I waited30 years to use it on someone actually named Starshine..


Learned it for 8th grad choir. back in '69.
 
2013-05-10 02:35:24 PM  
and actually dyes her hair blonde.

The horror.
 
2013-05-10 02:36:43 PM  
People are going to make fun of this lady, 'Deeeerrrrrr!  I caught the stupid from a lady on the bus!'

But I honestly suspect there is a social element to intelligence, or at the absolute minimum, the appearance of intelligence.  Children are very impressionable and they do pick up habits of others.  In actual practice, the line between having natural intelligence and having knowledge is pretty blurry and if a child idolizes someone who does act like they are 'as dumb as a bag of hammers' will probably pick up habits that might not impact their natural intelligence, but could certainly impact their acquisition of knowledge.  And in a few years, it will have the same end result.

Growing up I moved from a nicer area to a crappier area and, in an attempt to fit in, my sister decided that doing good in school was 'uncool'.  She hung out with a dumb crowd and adopted a lot of their phrases and manorisms.  At first, that's just superficial.  But she also adopted their attitudes towards school and education; and after a few years of not applying herself....even if her intelligence was unaffected, she performed poorly academically and was completely turned off to learning.  It created a big knowledge deficit.  When it was time for junior high placement tests - she performed poorly, not because she 'caught the stupid' but she spent years trying NOT to learn anything.  And her poor placement scores meant that she was placed in a classroom with......students who performed poorly.  Some of whom might have been less intelligent, or lazy, or that had no desire to learn, or just didn't like school.  Whatever.  Those classes had more disruptions, less motivated teachers, covered less material, and kids tend to socialize with those around them.  Her social circle was filled with people in the 'slow' classes.  That became her normal.

Similarly, studies have shown that obesity has a large social component.  I suspect for many of the same reasons.  Your social circle has a huge impact on what defines your 'normal'.  And if all your friends are obese, it makes it a lot easier for you to be obese.  You're around obese people, you start to feel like it's normal.  You also hang out with these people and emulate their behaviors - if all your friends are going to go eat a lot - most teenagers are going to do what their friends do.  If they're all talking about eating salads or hitting the gym....most teenagers are going to go along with that too.

So yeah, at first glance, 'Catching teh fat!' sounds ridiculous; but it isn't.  I suspect 'Catching teh stupid' is the same.
 
2013-05-10 02:40:49 PM  

Charlie Chingas: Only if she's christian, republican, or teabagger. if it's a tri-fecta, you're farked...


They come separately? I thought those pathologies only came installed as a set.
 
2013-05-10 02:48:34 PM  
Can you catch stupid from your grandmother? I don't know. But here's my contribution.

All my life my dad has been sorta homophobic. When I was five, I wanted to be Dracula for Halloween, and my grandmother, his mother-in-law,  cut up an old evening gown to make me a Dracula cape and matching black velvet pants. When I wanted clown makeup, he objected, saying that makeup was for girls. His unspoken fear was that it would make me gay. He may have had a point.

Anyhow, my grandmother bought me the clown makeup. And gave me piano lessons. And taught me to sew. And pretty much taught me all the fun gay-boy stuff that my father hated. (I Everything, that is, aside from the coxzucking. I had to learn that on my own.) I'm pretty sure, knowing my grandmother and my father and how they disliked each other, that this was deliberate.

So while it's now considered backward and unenlightened to think you can train someone to be gay... I don't know if you can catch stupid from your grandmother, but I'll always have a doubt in the back of my mind about what early training and a dedicated old lady can do.
 
2013-05-10 02:50:34 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-10 02:51:17 PM  
This can't be a real question. Is this a real question?

Hey, I think she's starting to get the idea of this whole advice column thing.
 
2013-05-10 02:51:19 PM  
Funny to see Starshine Rochelle pop up somewhere else.  She also writes columns for Westways, the official magazine / life insurance sales pitch book for AAA Southern California.

Her last big article was about a road trip that her and her family took in a *gasp* RV.  As an ultra liberal city chick who's self admitted idea of a vacation was going to a resort and being pampered with cucumber facials, it was amusing reading her first time account of hitting the highways with her family in a rolling box.

As someone who owns and enjoys an RV it was entertaining to see it from that perspective.
 
2013-05-10 02:53:26 PM  

highwayrun: So while it's now considered backward and unenlightened to think you can train someone to be gay... I don't know if you can catch stupid from your grandmother, but I'll always have a doubt in the back of my mind about what early training and a dedicated old lady can do.


If your dad was so afraid of the gay that clown makeup was out, I don't think it was your grandmother you caught it from.
 
2013-05-10 02:53:35 PM  

CliChe Guevara: Charlie Chingas: Only if she's christian, republican, or teabagger. if it's a tri-fecta, you're farked...

They come separately? I thought those pathologies only came installed as a set.


You forget. There are Christian Democrats too
 
2013-05-10 02:54:45 PM  

CliChe Guevara: Charlie Chingas: Only if she's christian, republican, or teabagger. if it's a tri-fecta, you're farked...

They come separately? I thought those pathologies only came installed as a set.


But, but, according to Farkers...

/I'll just stop there...
 
2013-05-10 03:11:09 PM  

Carousel Beast: special20: Rapmaster2000: Yes.  Being dumb is a learned behavior.  It's when you've decided that there's no value in not being dumb and that decision is influenced by your role models.

That explains the Tea Party, and most of the GOP.

And before you know it, you start making wild, polarizing generalizations!


This is the way of the ITG.
 
2013-05-10 03:18:49 PM  

cwolf20: CliChe Guevara: Charlie Chingas: Only if she's christian, republican, or teabagger. if it's a tri-fecta, you're farked...

They come separately? I thought those pathologies only came installed as a set.

You forget. There are Christian Democrats too


They have hearts and actually care about people.
 
2013-05-10 03:23:18 PM  

Fano: moothemagiccow: Dyeing your hair is really stupid, but this person is also requesting advice from a person named Starshine. I don't know where to start.

... With your early morning singing song?


I lol'd
 
2013-05-10 03:25:15 PM  
dyes her hair blond to warn others she is stupid
and then this guy writes to her
who is more stupid?


/this is why i like brunetts.
 
2013-05-10 03:27:08 PM  
Whatever happened to teaching your child that respecting one's elders does not mean you have to respect everything they do?  It's fine for Grandma to be a dunce, because loving Grandma doesn't mean that you have to believe what she believe, say what she says, or act like she acts.  As long as Grandma isn't doing something that hurts the kid, that type of interaction is the perfect teachable setting.  What's the alternative - to teach the kid that they should avoid everyone who isn't exactly like them (or like Mommy)?  Whatever happened to, "It takes all kinds"?

Case in point: I grew up in the Deep South.  My paternal grandmother, who was the sweetest, kindest person on earth, was also one of the most uneducated.  She did not know any words to refer to black people except for the most offensive one, because that's what she was taught to say, and she was past the age where anyone could have changed her behavior.  My parents let me spend plenty of time with her, but also taught me that her language was utterly unacceptable for me to use.
 
2013-05-10 03:32:44 PM  
Stupid tends to socialize with stupid. Stupid tends to breed with stupid. So chances are the daughter is already stupid.
 
2013-05-10 03:44:14 PM  
If you have to ask if stupidity is contagious, for you, yes, yes it is

/don't catch the derp people
 
2013-05-10 03:59:44 PM  

Salem Witch: Fano: moothemagiccow: Dyeing your hair is really stupid, but this person is also requesting advice from a person named Starshine. I don't know where to start.

... With your early morning singing song?

I lol'd


Your mirth says hello?
 
2013-05-10 04:29:50 PM  
They should have been more specific about what kind of stupid the MIL was. Is she stupid because she dyes her hair? Stupid because she thinks stripey toothpaste is a miracle of science? Stupid because she's a lying, asswipey drama queen but happens to be popular with toddlers?

My own mother would love to spend time with her grandkids, but she's a lying, asswipey drama queen. She throws temper tantrums when things don't go her way, and is deliberately hyperbolic about it in public. We haven't spoken in years.

My MIL enjoys seeing the kids on birthdays and holidays, but she's very anal about her house and is uncomfortable with small kids running around. She is very vocal about things like fingerprints and messes. In her opinion, it's the height of rudeness for a guest to use the restroom and not take the time to wipe water spots off the bathroom fixtures. She's also made it very clear to all of her kids that she's NOT a babysitter.

If the mother is "stupid" like mine, I understand. If the mother is simply airheaded, suck it up and be grateful she enjoys time with your kid. Unless of course you have plenty of other people willing to watch your kid from time to time. Because it sucks balls when you don't.
 
2013-05-10 04:34:07 PM  

penthesilea: My mother is a fundie teabagger type.  My sister & I both have 10 year old sons.

My sister's kid is at grandma's house almost everyday.  Grandma has taught the boy that the world is 6,000 years old and that dinosaurs are the work of the devil.  She has also taught him that black/brown people are scary and bad.  The kid goes to a really good school and is otherwise a smart kid.  Unfortunately, he believes everything his grandma says is true.

We live in a different state and limit visits with her to once a year at most.  I don't want my mom's particular brand of crazy to influence my kid in any way.  Hell, most of my family are drug addicts, child molesters, and/or violent.  You don't get to be around my kid just because we're related.


Don't worry, get the kid a job at a young age where he has to interact with other non-WASP/teabagger people and he'll realize it's all bullshiat pretty quick.

/Raised in a neo-con household where we listened to Rush Limbaugh on a daily basis
//Trying to save my Mom from the derp, my Dad keeps on reinfecting her though
 
2013-05-10 04:54:33 PM  

teeny: They should have been more specific about what kind of stupid the MIL was. Is she stupid because she dyes her hair? Stupid because she thinks stripey toothpaste is a miracle of science? Stupid because she's a lying, asswipey drama queen but happens to be popular with toddlers?

My own mother would love to spend time with her grandkids, but she's a lying, asswipey drama queen. She throws temper tantrums when things don't go her way, and is deliberately hyperbolic about it in public. We haven't spoken in years.

My MIL enjoys seeing the kids on birthdays and holidays, but she's very anal about her house and is uncomfortable with small kids running around. She is very vocal about things like fingerprints and messes. In her opinion, it's the height of rudeness for a guest to use the restroom and not take the time to wipe water spots off the bathroom fixtures. She's also made it very clear to all of her kids that she's NOT a babysitter.

If the mother is "stupid" like mine, I understand. If the mother is simply airheaded, suck it up and be grateful she enjoys time with your kid. Unless of course you have plenty of other people willing to watch your kid from time to time. Because it sucks balls when you don't.


What are her thoughts on wire coat hangers?
 
2013-05-10 05:35:08 PM  
Well, considering that my mother-in-law once got in her car to chase after the end of a rainbow, I share similar concerns..
 
2013-05-10 05:58:01 PM  

basemetal: Yes.

 
2013-05-10 07:42:10 PM  

Fano: Salem Witch: Fano: moothemagiccow: Dyeing your hair is really stupid, but this person is also requesting advice from a person named Starshine. I don't know where to start.

... With your early morning singing song?

I lol'd

Your mirth says hello?


You chuckle above us
We chuckle at Fano
 
2013-05-10 10:34:46 PM  
Came for Order of the Stick references and/or captions.

Leaving disappointed.
 
2013-05-11 12:12:31 AM  

Salem Witch: Fano: Salem Witch: Fano: moothemagiccow: Dyeing your hair is really stupid, but this person is also requesting advice from a person named Starshine. I don't know where to start.

... With your early morning singing song?

I lol'd

Your mirth says hello?

You chuckle above us
We chuckle at Fano


Lol
 
2013-05-11 04:35:37 AM  

Boris S. Wort: B-b-but she undermines all her advice by saying she dies her hair.

It would be like my doctor giving me a whole bunch of prescriptions and then telling me he's not really a doctor.

/on the interweb, no one knows you dye your hair.


*snrk*

There is the photo to the right. Could anyone suspect those highlights stripes were natural?

CSB: Ma used to work at a religious school where make-up and hair-dye were strictly forbidden. Nonetheless, she decided to go from D.Trump Yellow to Fire-Engine Red in one weekend. A co-worker with Purrrple-ish Highlights sidled up to her and whispered conspiratorially, "Psst! Do you dye your hair too? Tee-hee!" Ma replied with a straight face, "Nope. I never have."
 
Displayed 38 of 88 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report