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(Hyperbole and a Half)   ಌ Maybe everything isn't hopeless bullshiat ಌ   (hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com) divider line 467
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17593 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2013 at 6:37 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-09 10:36:32 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Ambivalence: oMaJoJ: Since this is also a thread on depression, I wanted to know if anybody knows if it can be related or linked to social anxiety. I have felt off since maybe middle school. I feel like party of the reason I dropped out of college and can't bring myself to make a serious attempt at going back even though I want to. I can deal with people but I'd much rather eat glass. If I'm around people I try to stay quiet and end interaction asap. This also sucks because I'm supposedly a team leader or some stupid bullshiat and everybody comes to me to help them fix problems. It's overwhelming more times than I'd like to admit.

I have this, and anxiety-based disorders (social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, hoarding, etc) are all about desensitizing yourself to the anxiety.  It's a lot like being a duck in a freezing pond. The more you swim and the more you push through your anxiety, the bigger your world is.  But if you give up and avoid what makes you anxious, your entire world freezes around you until you're almost literally stuck in a little patch frozen by fear.  It's a constant struggle and a tough way to live. I haven't tried anti-anxiety medication as my condition is mild enough that I'm still functional, but it comes up at the oddest times.  I have a hard time meeting people for the first time.  Once I meet them, I'm fine. But while they're an "unknown quantity", I'm scared to put myself out there.  I just put on my best smile (my coping mechanism of choice) and charge ahead...most of the time.

I was going to ask something similar, because I've always been anxious and a little OCD (have to close cupboards in the right order, etc), but it wasn't until I had kids and got PPD that it turned into full-blown depression. I'm now noticing how one of my kids will run around perfectly happy and outgoing, and the other one, who's not yet two years old, has to stack things just so, and touch every doorknob in his room before bed, and I think, "oh no kiddo, you might h ...


Put a stop to that now, I have -had you always have whatever OCD. I would have to tap things or open close or fluff the pillow as many times as whatever number popped into my head and at 13 I realized this was getting out of control so I allowed myself to do it for one more week then a week of half of whatever number popped into my head then the following week only every other time it popped into my head then every other day etc.. It worked sounds nuts but so was what I was doing. Good luck it is best to nip it early!
 
2013-05-09 10:36:45 PM

Gonz: Kittypie070: a few meds that work well enough to keep me from blowing up the farking 'hood, and to top it off, all this dandy claptrap un-spikes my blood pressure

Beta blocker?


Nope.

Neat mix of three psych meds that finally worked well after several years of doctors fiddling and adjusting. One medication I take is actually secondarily prescribed for weight loss and quitting smoking, and while I have not lost any weight, I have not gained any either.

Not to mention the more important anger management stuff that gives me effective mental tools to knock it off when I get mad about something that's simply not worth it.

Meaning if I want to go off the meds, I'll still have some beneficially-readjusted thinking, and I'll still be able to use anger as something to motivate genuinely useful action.

There's a tremendous amount of energy in it. That's what it's for. I simply needed a lot of help to leash the beast.
 
2013-05-09 10:40:33 PM

megarian: Are you trying to ruin my "asshole" reputation? Stop that.

And you're still hot, even if you are crazy. :D

/or is that you're hot because you are crazy?
//with me, it's hard to know

I am absolutely batshiat crazy. Not
directed at others, though.

So yaaaaaaay!!!!!

It IS hard to know. I love me some crazy chicks. LOVE. All naked and crazy...with the weird requests...and yeah, I'll kiss you and then...wait...oh crap, there's people here.


Damn it.  Now I'm all depressed.
 
2013-05-09 10:40:35 PM
Thanks for the stories, y'all.
I've been on the up and down all my life. The ups are great and I get a lot of stuff done but the downs are devastating and unpredictable. I've tried medication but it made me much worse (welbutrin and another one I can't remember). Weed helps a lot, but it's expensive and I can't be stoned all the time. I want to start therapy and recently looked into it, but my insurance only covers 6 visits a year and I'm afraid of opening a can of worms that I can't close by myself.
The part that sucks is that I'm really good at a lot of stuff and when I'm up I do awesome things but the inevitable down brings all that to a screeching halt and I lose any momentum I built. This has been the story of my life.
I have a corn moment every few years. My favorite came while I was sitting at a red light, stuck in traffic. I had been feeling really shiatty for months. I glanced over to the sidewalk and saw this old crippled guy walking brokenly down the street. all of a sudden 'Dirty Laundry' came on the radio and the drum beat synced perfectly to the old man's lurching walk and it was actually beautiful. I laughed so hard at how life had turned into a musical for a moment that I had to pull over and for the rest of the day things seemed better and they kept getting better (until the next dive).
Right now I'm on the upswing again. The last down time only lasted a month or so, but I know another one will come eventually. I would trade half my IQ and all of my creativity for a pill that would make me like football, laugh at Jeff Dunham and love jesus and nascar. No snark at all.
 
2013-05-09 10:44:55 PM

megarian: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: megarian: Shadow Blasko: The corn isn't always good.

I'm just saying ... been there. My "corn" moment was when I realized I had completely snapped and needed professional supervision.

Corn moments are milestones... sometimes good, sometines bad. Always traumatic.

/SSRI Withdrawal syndrome sucks ASS

My "corn moment" involved a melted action figure in a Detroit FreePress mailbox.

Recently. I have a long way to go. I still can't feel sad or guilt or happy. I haven't been able to have sex for pleasure in 5 years (I'm in my late-mid-twenties, so it's a problem...haven't even dated anyone in 2 years because I don't want to mislead anyone).

Damn dude. Why have sex if not for pleasure?

Because I like relationships and that is a healthy part of it. I like sex once it is happening but initiating it is something that is beyond be simply because is never occur to me. I like pleasing the other person. I don't get anything out of umm...reciprocation. Well, I can but it takes like, a half an hour and an act of Congress.


You sound just like my wife. Honestly it drives me nuts. I mean it's nice that she likes it while its happening but how can someone just NEVER think of it? I don't get it. My greatest wish is for an unsolicited BJ. Just one.
 
2013-05-09 10:47:06 PM

LDM90: megarian: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: megarian: Shadow Blasko: The corn isn't always good.

I'm just saying ... been there. My "corn" moment was when I realized I had completely snapped and needed professional supervision.

Corn moments are milestones... sometimes good, sometines bad. Always traumatic.

/SSRI Withdrawal syndrome sucks ASS

My "corn moment" involved a melted action figure in a Detroit FreePress mailbox.

Recently. I have a long way to go. I still can't feel sad or guilt or happy. I haven't been able to have sex for pleasure in 5 years (I'm in my late-mid-twenties, so it's a problem...haven't even dated anyone in 2 years because I don't want to mislead anyone).

Damn dude. Why have sex if not for pleasure?

Because I like relationships and that is a healthy part of it. I like sex once it is happening but initiating it is something that is beyond be simply because is never occur to me. I like pleasing the other person. I don't get anything out of umm...reciprocation. Well, I can but it takes like, a half an hour and an act of Congress.

You sound just like my wife. Honestly it drives me nuts. I mean it's nice that she likes it while its happening but how can someone just NEVER think of it? I don't get it. My greatest wish is for an unsolicited BJ. Just one.


Ugh... the dreaded 'chore head'...
 
2013-05-09 10:47:47 PM

MarkEC: The emotionless issues that everyone is  talking about is quite frankly something that has been with me for my whole life. I have never cried over someone dying, and have always had the thought she has on her blog "uh oh...sad face sad face". I've sometimes thought that I was just a cold-hearted bastard.


Yeah for a while I was pretty sure I was a psychopath, nope just critically depressed.
 
2013-05-09 10:48:30 PM
redsquid:  I would trade half my IQ and all of my creativity for a pill that would make me like football, laugh at Jeff Dunham and love jesus and nascar. No snark at all.

This reminds me of a thought experiment I saw once.  If you had to choose one, would you rather be stupid, lazy, or mean?

It's an interesting look into what we value in others and in ourselves as most usually select whatever negative attribute they are strongest in.  Someone who is a hard worker but treats people like shiat might choose mean.  Someone who is really nice but not that smart, may choose stupid.  someone who is really smart but unmotivated may choose lazy, etc.
 
2013-05-09 10:49:31 PM
It's called apathy, not depression.
 
2013-05-09 10:51:07 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: I was going to ask something similar, because I've always been anxious and a little OCD (have to close cupboards in the right order, etc), but it wasn't until I had kids and got PPD that it turned into full-blown depression. I'm now noticing how one of my kids will run around perfectly happy and outgoing, and the other one, who's not yet two years old, has to stack things just so, and touch every doorknob in his room before bed, and I think, "oh no kiddo, you might have a rough road ahead."


I really wouldn't worry about it. OCD is essentially a problem with magical thinking, which only really becomes a problem when it carries over into adult life, and the rituals becomes increasingly elaborate to the point of interfering with day to day functioning...

All small children are magical thinkers. Minus any other troublesome quirks, I would tend to regard "OCD" behavior in a 2 year old as a sign of intellect/curiosity. It's just another way of expressing interest in learning how to manipulate reality. (They are just still at the age where reality is made up of all sorts of unseen forces and causes that they'll lose touch with when they get older.)
 
2013-05-09 10:51:19 PM

LDM90: You sound just like my wife. Honestly it drives me nuts. I mean it's nice that she likes it while its happening but how can someone just NEVER think of it? I don't get it. My greatest wish is for an unsolicited BJ. Just one.


You could write an app that sends out reminders at random times to wives' cellphones for just that purpose.  "Give your husband a BJ" or "hubby needs some lovin".

make it random, but at the same time act as a reminder.
 
2013-05-09 10:52:28 PM

Ambivalence: oMaJoJ: Since this is also a thread on depression, I wanted to know if anybody knows if it can be related or linked to social anxiety. I have felt off since maybe middle school. I feel like party of the reason I dropped out of college and can't bring myself to make a serious attempt at going back even though I want to. I can deal with people but I'd much rather eat glass. If I'm around people I try to stay quiet and end interaction asap. This also sucks because I'm supposedly a team leader or some stupid bullshiat and everybody comes to me to help them fix problems. It's overwhelming more times than I'd like to admit.

I have this, and anxiety-based disorders (social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, hoarding, etc) are all about desensitizing yourself to the anxiety.  It's a lot like being a duck in a freezing pond. The more you swim and the more you push through your anxiety, the bigger your world is.  But if you give up and avoid what makes you anxious, your entire world freezes around you until you're almost literally stuck in a little patch frozen by fear.  It's a constant struggle and a tough way to live. I haven't tried anti-anxiety medication as my condition is mild enough that I'm still functional, but it comes up at the oddest times.  I have a hard time meeting people for the first time.  Once I meet them, I'm fine. But while they're an "unknown quantity", I'm scared to put myself out there.  I just put on my best smile (my coping mechanism of choice) and charge ahead...most of the time.


I'm actually trying something like this. There was this weekly event recently at the Nintendo Store. I ended up talking to this guy and joining his group but I feel so awkward and out of place there.
 
2013-05-09 10:53:33 PM
I like the dead fish part. That's how I used to see people interact with each other, but as you get older it kind of grows on you and It all becomes a blur. After awhile you play the same game as them and you become a happy zombie whether you want to or not.  Hows your day? Nice weather we're having. Did you see the game last night? Makes you feel good inside. The "life is meaningless and has no point" still matters .but it doesn't make you depressed like it did. You begin to accept it, forget it and laugh at it. You enjoy the lie.

But seeing others think like this makes me feel really good.

 //hobbies and alcohol help
 
2013-05-09 10:54:13 PM
Wow, I never realized there were so many depressed people here. I got into a funk and was told to take high doses of d3 for awhile. It really helped.
Hope y'all feel better.

TFC was oddly amusing and most likely cathartic for the cartoonist.
 
2013-05-09 10:54:53 PM

radarlove: LovingTeacher:
my alt's alt's alt:
megarian:

Thanks for the input, y'all!   =)


CynicalLA: Adderall is a serious drug and hopefully you are taking it for the right reasons.

lol...they're ALL serious drugs.  In fact, of the three listed Adderal isn't even the most dangerous.  Just the most abused.


My buddy had me try one of his adderall once -- he has 'em for ADHD.

I *never* want to be that zoomy ever again.
 
2013-05-09 10:55:37 PM

megarian: Really: Detroit sucks. People get shot...often. And no one really cares. But I've sort of been fascinated by the strange degradation...and I have jobs that I *love* and I get to interact with the actual inhabitants of Detroit everyday. They're messed up, but pretty cool and they have a lot of interesting, shockingly humanistic awesome things to say. I do mental health and social work, so I see a lot to ridiculous assholes, too. And they SUCK.


You make me wish I'd made time for the Detroit (Ann Arbor?) Fark meetup. I'm not the boozer type, but I do like interesting people. :)

Ironically I have another friend who works in Detroit at a last chance mental health clinic. She's amazing.
 
2013-05-09 10:55:56 PM

MelGoesOnTour: Great story.

By the way, can someone tell me who "she" is? I guess I missed something.


This blog is funny and has unique, well-written prose. It spawned the "clean all the things!" meme that was popular here on Fark and a whole bunch of other places. The blog's been dead for over a year, so the fact that she's alive and making a new post is newsworthy enough to at least get attention from Farkers. I also saw this on Reddit today and the reaction was the same there. Also that last post was the "clean all the things" post, so I bet there's a lot of people like me who went, saw what the deal was, and then never saw her again, so we all kinda wondered.

Also, this blog entry and the one before it are incredibly well-written descriptions of depression from a very self-aware person. I really like the "dead fish" analogy. It perfectly describes how non-depressed people try to deal with depressed people. Her personality, shown through her frustration without sounding biatchy, is perfect. That's really how I wish I could explain those feelings to people. I'm not currently depressed or anything, but I understood pretty much every word of that.

The difference for me was that my depression has never been that severe or lasted that long. Any time I've ever felt that overwhelming "nothing" she describes, I've always had the reassurance that it's temporary because I know myself well enough to know the weird cycles I've been through.
 
2013-05-09 10:57:46 PM

oMaJoJ: Ambivalence: oMaJoJ: Since this is also a thread on depression, I wanted to know if anybody knows if it can be related or linked to social anxiety. I have felt off since maybe middle school. I feel like party of the reason I dropped out of college and can't bring myself to make a serious attempt at going back even though I want to. I can deal with people but I'd much rather eat glass. If I'm around people I try to stay quiet and end interaction asap. This also sucks because I'm supposedly a team leader or some stupid bullshiat and everybody comes to me to help them fix problems. It's overwhelming more times than I'd like to admit.

I have this, and anxiety-based disorders (social anxiety, agoraphobia, OCD, hoarding, etc) are all about desensitizing yourself to the anxiety.  It's a lot like being a duck in a freezing pond. The more you swim and the more you push through your anxiety, the bigger your world is.  But if you give up and avoid what makes you anxious, your entire world freezes around you until you're almost literally stuck in a little patch frozen by fear.  It's a constant struggle and a tough way to live. I haven't tried anti-anxiety medication as my condition is mild enough that I'm still functional, but it comes up at the oddest times.  I have a hard time meeting people for the first time.  Once I meet them, I'm fine. But while they're an "unknown quantity", I'm scared to put myself out there.  I just put on my best smile (my coping mechanism of choice) and charge ahead...most of the time.

I'm actually trying something like this. There was this weekly event recently at the Nintendo Store. I ended up talking to this guy and joining his group but I feel so awkward and out of place there.


I recently joined a group of tech geeks to build a project for the Red Bull Challenge. It was very hard to put my self out there and be social. Joining a group of geeks helped a lot. They're just as weird and awkward as I am and we have stuff in common to talk about and do. I have trouble with just socializing but if there's an activity I'm fine, so joining a hackers collective was a good fit.
 
2013-05-09 10:57:47 PM

traylor: It's called apathy, not depression.


No, it's called depression. Apathy is a part of it, but only a part. Depression is not just sadness.
 
2013-05-09 10:57:51 PM

patchvonbraun: My buddy had me try one of his adderall once -- he has 'em for ADHD.

I *never* want to be that zoomy ever again.


The scariest side-effect - bar none - of taking Adderall for me is how normal and right I feel. I spent a month going "Oh god I have ADD auuugh the pills work my life is ooooverrrrrr".

I can be kinda melodramatic at times. :P
 
2013-05-09 10:59:12 PM
I'm a schizoid personality type so I got a kick out of that article.

Low-level, high-functioning depressive since the age of 13. You just get used to it after a while and it becomes part of your personality. Antidepressants suck. The cure was worse than the disease.
 
2013-05-09 10:59:47 PM

torusXL: TheOtherMisterP: I was in a decent mood until I started reading that....comic? Whatever it is. Everything about the page is just freaking creepy to me.

Well, that's what a lot of people are living through.

Are you just gonna ignore them because you feel creeped out about it?


No, I ignore them because it's what they seem to want. And because I desperately want to ignore them myself.

/not everyone has the same type of depression
//sounds like ennui, not depression at all
///some of us just grow the fark up and stop being so goddamn self-absorbed
 
2013-05-09 11:00:07 PM

oMaJoJ: I'm actually trying something like this. There was this weekly event recently at the Nintendo Store. I ended up talking to this guy and joining his group but I feel so awkward and out of place there.


Good for you! It's going to be uncomfortable, but that's the entire point.  The more you fight the urge to run or avoid the situation, the less uncomfortable it becomes over time.  The more you avoid, the more uncomfortable it is when you ever do need to do whatever triggers the anxiety.

I remember once going to a garage sale (one I really wanted to go to) and turning around halfway there because I felt anxiety at the prospect of meeting the people running the sale.  I signed up for an art class I've been wanting to take for YEARS, and almost didn't go to that first class. I had to call a friend and have her talk me down and force me to confront my anxiety.  I ended up meeting wonderful people and having a really good time.  Once I meet people and feel comfortable with them I'm the life of the party, it's getting past that hurdle of meeting people that is a struggle for me.

The more I fight it, the bigger my world is and the better my life is.  The more I give up, the more "shut in" I get and the crappier I feel in general.
 
2013-05-09 11:00:44 PM
Rik01:  It's a bit worse if, like me, you worked in psychiatrics and understand what's happening ...

Interestingly, I find it helps me.  My background is in molecular biology, and whenever I get into a bad episode, I start reading as many journal articles, etc. as possible about my meds, what we know about how bipolar manifests in the brain, and such.  The more technical, the better.  For some reason, intellectualizing it like that makes it easier to keep in mind that the crap running through my brain is not actually coming from me -- it's coming from a malfunction.

Of course, my episodes tend to come on pretty suddenly (within a few days), so it's much easier to tell that my thinking has changed drastically since, say, Tuesday.  This last one came on slowly, though, over months.  To tie into oMaJoJ's question about social anxiety and depression, that was my main symptom this time.  A slowly developing sense that everyone around me secretly thought that I was not worth interacting with.  Absolutely no empirical evidence to support this, and I initially tried to talk myself out of these feelings, but after a while, every single thing that came out of my mouth was immediately followed by the almost unconscious feeling of unworthiness and incompetence.  And after a while of this, you start to believe it might be rooted in reality.

I was developing quite the psychological complex when I finally started noticing physical symptoms that are typical of my type of depression (e.g. waking up ungodly early in the morning and being unable to go back to sleep.  Not anxious, not manic, just physiologically unable to sleep.)  All of a sudden, the pieces fell into place and I realized that all of these unbearable thoughts might, just might, be coming from brain malfunction instead of reality.  My doctor increased my dose of mood stabilizer, and within a week, those thoughts started to simply melt away.

It f*cking blows my mind that a handful of misfiring neurons can create such horrible, intrusive thoughts.  And that's why I want to slap people who complain that "we're too quick to medicate people who say they're depressed."  Therapy can be very useful, especially if you need to unravel years of these kinds of malfunctioning ideas infecting your thinking.  But these thoughts are stemming from biophysical causes, not "issues."  You can learn how to cope with them, but they won't go away until you force your neurons to behave with meds, or as someone said above, your brain cells simply decide to show you some mercy and shape up.
 
2013-05-09 11:01:31 PM

jonny_q: traylor: It's called apathy, not depression.

No, it's called depression. Apathy is a part of it, but only a part. Depression is not just sadness.


My depression was a lot of anger, inverted. Took me a long time to realize the problem because you tend of think of depression as listlessness and instead I was maniacally overscheduling myself, trying to keep on top of things because deep down I felt so out of control.
 
2013-05-09 11:03:35 PM
I still have days when I feel not good.

That FRAKKIN STUPID HUMANS!! thing.

That WHAT THE HELL DID I SCREW UP THIS TIME!!?? thing.

That I'M GONNA JAM THAT MOTHER@#&%ING PHONE UP A DOG'S ASS IF IT RINGS JUST ONE MORE TIME thing.

I would like quite a whole LOT for someone to come up with a legal and harmless euphoriant. It really would help.
 
2013-05-09 11:03:38 PM

SnakeLee: Wow being depressed sounds shiatty


The best metaphor I've ever seen for it (before seeing TFA) was "wearing shiat-colored glasses".
 
2013-05-09 11:04:10 PM

Kittypie070: Gonz: Kittypie070: a few meds that work well enough to keep me from blowing up the farking 'hood, and to top it off, all this dandy claptrap un-spikes my blood pressure

Beta blocker?

Nope.

Neat mix of three psych meds that finally worked well after several years of doctors fiddling and adjusting. One medication I take is actually secondarily prescribed for weight loss and quitting smoking, and while I have not lost any weight, I have not gained any either.

Not to mention the more important anger management stuff that gives me effective mental tools to knock it off when I get mad about something that's simply not worth it.

Meaning if I want to go off the meds, I'll still have some beneficially-readjusted thinking, and I'll still be able to use anger as something to motivate genuinely useful action.

There's a tremendous amount of energy in it. That's what it's for. I simply needed a lot of help to leash the beast.


Uh-oh. A manic kitteh? That can't be good. You're angry enough most of the time anyway.

I better not stroke your fur backward...unless I need a static kitty to do some damage for me... ;)
 
2013-05-09 11:04:16 PM
Very good
 
2013-05-09 11:05:16 PM

AbbeySomeone: Wow, I never realized there were so many depressed people here. I got into a funk and was told to take high doses of d3 for awhile. It really helped.
Hope y'all feel better.

TFC was oddly amusing and most likely cathartic for the cartoonist.


Some "funk" is caused by hypothyroidism (or some type of thyroid hormone disorder where the liver doesn't properly convert thyroid hormone. Most people dont' realize that there isn't just one "thyroid hormone" but several hormones, some originate from the thyroid gland, some have to be converted by the liver), and high doses of D3 work very well for that as depleted D vitamin can be a symptom of thyroid hormone issues.

There's a lot of undiagnosed thyroid problems out there because most doctors will only measure total thyroid levels, not itemize the levels of various types of thyroid hormone.
 
2013-05-09 11:05:41 PM

Bumblefark: God Is My Co-Pirate: I was going to ask something similar, because I've always been anxious and a little OCD (have to close cupboards in the right order, etc), but it wasn't until I had kids and got PPD that it turned into full-blown depression. I'm now noticing how one of my kids will run around perfectly happy and outgoing, and the other one, who's not yet two years old, has to stack things just so, and touch every doorknob in his room before bed, and I think, "oh no kiddo, you might have a rough road ahead."

I really wouldn't worry about it. OCD is essentially a problem with magical thinking, which only really becomes a problem when it carries over into adult life, and the rituals becomes increasingly elaborate to the point of interfering with day to day functioning...

All small children are magical thinkers. Minus any other troublesome quirks, I would tend to regard "OCD" behavior in a 2 year old as a sign of intellect/curiosity. It's just another way of expressing interest in learning how to manipulate reality. (They are just still at the age where reality is made up of all sorts of unseen forces and causes that they'll lose touch with when they get older.)


Thanks. I'm hoping you're right, but he is shy and sad (for a 2 year old) and I can see a lot of me in him. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy; I figure the best thing to do right now is not make a big deal out of it, and make sure he gets outside as much as possible.
 
2013-05-09 11:06:31 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Have any of you sad sacks tried manning (or womanning) up and dealing with things? Depression is like adhd, namely that its not a real thing.


You sir, are an unrepentant donkey-botherer.

Clinical depression is related to brain chemistry defects involving serotonin regulation.  Look it up.
  If clinical depression isn't "real" then other biochemical disorders not involving the brain must
  also be "not real".   Like, oh, I dunno, ALS, or MS, or a bajillion other biochemical disorders commonly
  found in human populations.
 
2013-05-09 11:07:34 PM
So glad she was able to crawl out of the pit full of dead fish and post again. We've missed you Allie!
 
2013-05-09 11:09:16 PM
I've been going through a major depression for months now. I'm starting therapy next week because I've found myself eyeballing rope at the store, and determined an anchor point on my back porch where neighborhood children won't see. Told the neighbor that if she found a note on her door asking her to call police and paramedics, she'd know why. My place is a wreck because I can't work up the motivation to do housework, and even personal hygiene is a chore. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
 
2013-05-09 11:09:27 PM
Glad she's back.
 
2013-05-09 11:10:44 PM

SmackLT: Happy to see that she's back


fark you. No, seriously, fark YOU. This isn't about you and whether or not you can read amusing things on the Internet. This is a human being who is in the middle of the black hole of depression. I don't care if she ever blogs again, as long as she gets the help she needs and can find her way back into the world outside the abyss. I've been there (not nearly as bad as her, but enough to see how terrifying it is) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care that she was one of the funniest people on the net (and she really was). Her being "back" is irrelevant. Her being ALIVE is.
 
2013-05-09 11:12:05 PM
I live like a monk, so I have money in the bank. I try to think of something I could buy that might cheer me up, but nothing comes to mind. I bought myself a new CBR1000RR a couple of months ago, but I haven't been able to work up too much enthusiasm to take it out for a ride. Going anywhere seems like more trouble than it's worth. I go to work because I have to.
 
2013-05-09 11:12:51 PM

Kittypie070: I still have days when I feel not good.

That FRAKKIN STUPID HUMANS!! thing.

That WHAT THE HELL DID I SCREW UP THIS TIME!!?? thing.

That I'M GONNA JAM THAT MOTHER@#&%ING PHONE UP A DOG'S ASS IF IT RINGS JUST ONE MORE TIME thing.

I would like quite a whole LOT for someone to come up with a legal and harmless euphoriant. It really would help.


Does catnip not work?
i.chzbgr.com
/Sorry : )
 
2013-05-09 11:13:19 PM

buckler: I've been going through a major depression for months now. I'm starting therapy next week because I've found myself eyeballing rope at the store, and determined an anchor point on my back porch where neighborhood children won't see. Told the neighbor that if she found a note on her door asking her to call police and paramedics, she'd know why. My place is a wreck because I can't work up the motivation to do housework, and even personal hygiene is a chore. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.


Glad you're going to see someone ( :
 
2013-05-09 11:13:50 PM

Cato: SmackLT: Happy to see that she's back

fark you. No, seriously, fark YOU. This isn't about you and whether or not you can read amusing things on the Internet. This is a human being who is in the middle of the black hole of depression. I don't care if she ever blogs again, as long as she gets the help she needs and can find her way back into the world outside the abyss. I've been there (not nearly as bad as her, but enough to see how terrifying it is) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care that she was one of the funniest people on the net (and she really was). Her being "back" is irrelevant. Her being ALIVE is.


Um cant we be happy that she is back AND alive? I mean - she seems to be happy she is back.... You might want to adjust your rage meter.
 
2013-05-09 11:16:13 PM

Ambivalence: There's a lot of undiagnosed thyroid problems out there because most doctors will only measure total thyroid levels, not itemize the levels of various types of thyroid hormone.


Amen. I've got an appt with my endocrinologist in two weeks to discuss this. He doesn't approve of using Armour, which I just think is kinda dumb. If it works, it works.

My GP on the other hand is almost delighted that I have thyroid issues, since it's another data point for his working theory about metabolic disorders running rampant through the populace.

For an interesting contrast, my thyroid medication makes me WANT to do things, and my Adderall makes me ABLE to do them. So if you're able but just can't bring yourself to mentally gird yourself to do things, it doesn't hurt to have the ol' thyroid checked out. Although frankly I don't think the straight blood tests are very useful. YMMV
 
2013-05-09 11:17:37 PM

Cato: SmackLT: Happy to see that she's back

fark you. No, seriously, fark YOU. This isn't about you and whether or not you can read amusing things on the Internet. This is a human being who is in the middle of the black hole of depression. I don't care if she ever blogs again, as long as she gets the help she needs and can find her way back into the world outside the abyss. I've been there (not nearly as bad as her, but enough to see how terrifying it is) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care that she was one of the funniest people on the net (and she really was). Her being "back" is irrelevant. Her being ALIVE is.


Oh, I think her being 'back' is a good indicator that she's climbing out of the pit, and we can all, those of us who have spent time in the pit, celebrate that.

/kinda hovering at the pit edge these days
 
2013-05-09 11:19:04 PM

Cato: SmackLT: Happy to see that she's back

fark you. No, seriously, fark YOU. This isn't about you and whether or not you can read amusing things on the Internet. This is a human being who is in the middle of the black hole of depression. I don't care if she ever blogs again, as long as she gets the help she needs and can find her way back into the world outside the abyss. I've been there (not nearly as bad as her, but enough to see how terrifying it is) and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. I don't care that she was one of the funniest people on the net (and she really was). Her being "back" is irrelevant. Her being ALIVE is.


I think they kinda meant both at the same time. Either way, I'm not sure why it warrants a double Fark you.
 
2013-05-09 11:24:04 PM
I know I'm late to the thread, but wow. I have been dealing with debilitating depression and just started taking  an antidepressant, which is supposed to get worse before it gets better. Today, all I've done (from bed) is cry, stare at the wall, and look at websites.

/Not really getting a kick
//cause I can't feel much of anything
///rimshot
 
2013-05-09 11:24:48 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

She's always made me laugh. Hope she gets some wind in her sails.
 
2013-05-09 11:25:43 PM
I have to respect my friend. I have to treat his mental processes with a certain kind of respect.

There's no way to just yell at him to take off those damned shiat coloured glasses.

There's not even a nice way to pry those things off. It cannot be done that way. Period.

People used to tell me "get over it!" with my own crap, and to be perfectly blunt I wanted very badly to stick the crap in my mind into THEIR mind and see how the fark they liked it and to see if they could just "get over it" with a happy little snap of the fingers the way they wanted me to do.

So when I talk to my friend through the Net, I stick with him as much as I can for that day, through that choking mental muck.

I listen. That's all I can do to help. He needs someone to listen. It's all he asks.

It does help.

That's all I can say on it.

Hang on, buddy.
 
2013-05-09 11:27:38 PM
Reading this thread has been fascinating- I splash around in the kiddie pool of depression compared to many folks here but it's still a huge drag on things.  Two things that help these days

1) I finally bit the bullet and went on bupropion a few months back.  It's a fascinating drug- the effects are quite subtle at any given moment but in hindsight it really takes the edge off the things that use to start a depressive spiral.  I don't obsess anywhere near as much on the negative things in my life, and I've been a little more stable at the moment something bad's happening.
2) I took up guitar a few years back.  Allowing myself to suck at something actually is pretty liberating. I'm total crap.   I have *no* musical talent at all.  But nobody expects me to play well.  *I* don't expect me to play well.  I fail (and flail) at it daily, and when I'm done sucking I go back to the real world.

For those in the deep end- keep paddling.

(Bizarre bit- I had been reading this thread before practicing.  I decided to learn something new today, so I picked Iron Maiden's "Can I Play With Madness".  I was 20 minutes into learning it when I suddenly realized...)
 
2013-05-09 11:29:31 PM

J. Frank Parnell: Should have embraced buddhism or some other philosophy when she was having the existential breakdown about everything being pointless. There's absolutely nothing wrong with thinking that, and it can lead to a new, more honest, way to be happy. Instead it seems her road to happiness is to continue trying to be happy about the meaningless and superficial crap she became disillusioned with.

/"Products and TV shows give my life meaning!"


As a Buddhist and a Clinical Depressive I am here to say that you are mistaken about both. The emotionlessness/numbness/mindlessness of depression is the exact opposite of the mindfullness of good Buddhist practice. I think Buddhism can indeed help with depression (meds are important in my experience but just a start) by leading oneself from a state where nothing matters and you notice none of your surroundings to one where you work towards awareness of your inner and outer environment.

\glad Allie is still around
 
2013-05-09 11:30:59 PM
First I've ever heard of this person.

Glad she's... back? Or something?

/ok fine I'll go eat a sammich and shuttup
 
2013-05-09 11:31:13 PM
I hate to admit this, but Paxil saved my ass many moons ago. I'm so glad to have gotten over getting off it, but I found that chemistry-free living was unmanageable, and now take my meds with the nonchalance of a cigar smoker in Havana. It took years to accept that this was just going to have to be the norm for me, and that I needed 'em to function. I'd love to live free of meds, but I'd hate to go back to where I was. Acceptance sucks, therapy hurts, and remedies mostly cure symptoms, but rarely the diseases (disorders, irregularities, whatever). My point is that it takes years. We have to put in the years. The other options are all bad. And it's incredibly depressing to even talk about our depression most of the time. I wouldn't say that I 'love this thread so much', but maybe there's a picture of a cat who isn't totally happy, but not bummed out, either, somewhere on the internet I can find...

/grateful to the posters
//thankful to the suggesters
///shakas and good vibes to the sufferers
 
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