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(NBC News)   The number of people applying to live on Mars is now up to 78,000. Strangely, every application came with a return address from Cleveland   (science.nbcnews.com ) divider line
    More: Followup, universe, Mike Wall, Mars Exploration, home countries  
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3615 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2013 at 9:45 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-09 10:00:04 AM  
5 votes:
coworkmyr.com
2013-05-09 10:35:16 AM  
4 votes:
There are at least three women from Cleveland who know how to live in cramped quarters under less than ideal conditions and take orders. Just sayin'.
2013-05-09 08:08:50 AM  
4 votes:
mlblogsredstatebluestate.files.wordpress.com
2013-05-09 10:06:55 AM  
3 votes:
I think we should build three great spaceships.   The idea was that into the first ship, the 'A' ship, would go all the brilliant leaders, the scientists, the great artists, you know, all the achievers; and into the third, or 'C' ship, would go all the people who did the actual work, who made things and did things, and then into the `B' ship would go everyone else, the middlemen you see."
2013-05-09 11:05:26 AM  
2 votes:
Really, I have to do this one myself?
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-05-09 09:59:23 AM  
2 votes:
Will they all be packing their shiat in their Cleveland steamer trunks?
2013-05-09 09:47:16 AM  
2 votes:
"live"? You can lock yourself up in a closet with a piece of dry ice and some plutonium right here.
2013-05-09 08:33:38 AM  
2 votes:

Popcorn Johnny: As long as I was paired up with a female before leaving, I'd go. fark this planet, I'm outta here!


cdn.arstechnica.net
2013-05-10 01:40:10 PM  
1 vote:

WhoGAS: Plus, this is a Dutch company and there aren't any slavery laws on Mars yet.  You remember what happened the last time the Dutch colonized a new country...


So you're saying there will be dykes? Count me in!
2013-05-09 04:13:16 PM  
1 vote:
For $38, 70,000 people get to be excited telling people "I signed up to go to Mars!" If that's how they get they're jollies, fine. But how many of them would actually ever step foot on the rocket if given the chance? 70?

I think this could be a scientology-type thing. You sign up for $38. Then to take the Level One astronaut training program, it costs $1,000. If you score high enough on those tests, you get to pay $5,000 to enter Level Two training. And so on.
2013-05-09 04:10:14 PM  
1 vote:

ZeroCorpse: Things you'll have to deal with if you go live on Mars:

No natural atmosphere. You'll be breathing stale, recycled air until you can figure out how to make plants grow.

62% lower gravity than you enjoy on Earth, which means:
→ You poop by sticking a suction vacuum on your ass.
→ You can't ever lie down to sleep without being strapped in.
→ You can't even do something as simple as pouring a glass of water; You suck beverages and food from a bag.
→ You ladies will have to do some AWFUL things when your period comes. Think floating blood & menses.
→ Sex becomes a chore in low gravity.
→ Vomiting is horrifying and disgusting in ways you've never experienced on Earth, and you'll be doing a lot of it.
→ You'll be peeing in a suction device too. Either that, or wearing diapers.
Masturbation must be done into a bag, sock, or some collector unless you want semen floating around your room.

The radiation will make you sick. A lot.
The planet is cold. Bring lots of blankets. An average of -67 degrees Fahrenheit.
[resources.yesican-science.ca image 674x401]


After a while in space, your brain suffers a bit, too. Your eyes become deformed after a while. They get squashed, your vision blurs, and your optic nerve swells. Enjoy the pounding headaches, too!

Then there's the whole "being trapped in a confined space" thing. If you're lucky it's only weeks. If you're not lucky, it's months. Have fun with your new-found insanity. You could read during that time, but your eyes are going to be a little messed up. You could listen to music, but you need to conserve electricity for critical systems and can't use it to charge your iPod. Really, all you can do is float there and wait to occasionally have a bowel movement or eat some sludge out of a tube.

That's just a LITTLE of how miserable it will be. Now run along, you 78,000 morons. Enjoy your stay on a cold, barren, lifeless planet with less than half of Earth's gravity and none of Earth's benefits. While you're attaching a hose t ...


Now you've given the majority of farkers an excuse they can give their moms for what they're doing down in the basement -- It's astronaut training, Mom.
2013-05-09 03:13:14 PM  
1 vote:
2.bp.blogspot.com

Meanwhile, in a hidden studio in the california high desert.
2013-05-09 02:34:08 PM  
1 vote:

MetaCarpal: Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids.


In fact it's cold as hell.
2013-05-09 01:24:31 PM  
1 vote:
I wonder how many of those 78,000 are telephone sanitizers.
2013-05-09 12:51:34 PM  
1 vote:
ZeroCorpse:
→ You poop by sticking a suction vacuum on your ass.
→ You can't even do something as simple as pouring a glass of water; You suck beverages and food from a bag.
→ Sex becomes a chore in low gravity.
→ Masturbation must be done into a bag, sock, or some collector unless you want semen floating around your room.


Let me just address these points. First, a lot of people pay extra for ass vacuuming so no problem there.

IANAA but wouldn't there be enough gravity to (carefully) eat and drink somewhat normally?

Sex in low gravity is a chore? Again IANAA but I think you may be insane.

People have been masturbating into socks since socks were invented. I don't think that is going to be a huge problem.
2013-05-09 12:33:20 PM  
1 vote:
Things you'll have to deal with if you go live on Mars:

No natural atmosphere. You'll be breathing stale, recycled air until you can figure out how to make plants grow.

62% lower gravity than you enjoy on Earth, which means:
→ You poop by sticking a suction vacuum on your ass.
→ You can't ever lie down to sleep without being strapped in.
→ You can't even do something as simple as pouring a glass of water; You suck beverages and food from a bag.
→ You ladies will have to do some AWFUL things when your period comes. Think floating blood & menses.
→ Sex becomes a chore in low gravity.
→ Vomiting is horrifying and disgusting in ways you've never experienced on Earth, and you'll be doing a lot of it.
→ You'll be peeing in a suction device too. Either that, or wearing diapers.
→ Masturbation must be done into a bag, sock, or some collector unless you want semen floating around your room.

The radiation will make you sick. A lot.
The planet is cold. Bring lots of blankets. An average of -67 degrees Fahrenheit.
resources.yesican-science.ca


After a while in space, your brain suffers a bit, too. Your eyes become deformed after a while. They get squashed, your vision blurs, and your optic nerve swells. Enjoy the pounding headaches, too!

Then there's the whole "being trapped in a confined space" thing. If you're lucky it's only weeks. If you're not lucky, it's months. Have fun with your new-found insanity. You could read during that time, but your eyes are going to be a little messed up. You could listen to music, but you need to conserve electricity for critical systems and can't use it to charge your iPod. Really, all you can do is float there and wait to occasionally have a bowel movement or eat some sludge out of a tube.

That's just a LITTLE of how miserable it will be. Now run along, you 78,000 morons. Enjoy your stay on a cold, barren, lifeless planet with less than half of Earth's gravity and none of Earth's benefits. While you're attaching a hose to your ass to suck out your poop every day, we'll be down here watching the next Avengers movie, enjoying hot showers, and eating barbecue

But HEY! Have fun in space, though. Don't let Earth's door hit you on the ass on the way out.

It sounds  awesome.
2013-05-09 12:11:04 PM  
1 vote:

Quantum Apostrophe: Aidan: Ah well, I'm still excited that we're finally turning our attention back to the stars.

"stars"?


*facepalm* Guys, guys. It was a literary reference.
2013-05-09 11:46:09 AM  
1 vote:
They have pics of recent "applicants" on their website. I hate to judge a book by its cover, but if they are successful in their mission they will transform Mars into the first interplanetary trailer park.
2013-05-09 11:27:19 AM  
1 vote:

minnesotaboy: Maybe they will be coming here...

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 385x271]


Time to get out the Slim Whitman records...
www.alicia-logic.com
2013-05-09 11:24:19 AM  
1 vote:

Kibbler: I estrimate that at least 1200 of the applications bear the name "Weedlord Bonerhitler."


This monument here is to dedicate the brave astronaut Weedlord Bonerhitler whose brave sacrifice paved the way to mankind's continued exploration of his universe.
2013-05-09 11:03:04 AM  
1 vote:
Maybe they will be coming here...

3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-09 10:58:29 AM  
1 vote:

Too_many_Brians: I should start something like this for an underwater exploration colony. Yeah. Get the application fees and then slip away on my giant submarine to a domed city under the sea.


I've played this game..
2013-05-09 10:57:57 AM  
1 vote:
I saw let them all go, better chance of survival, more chaos, would make extremely good TV, and hey, when things go south you've got a large emergency food supply.
2013-05-09 10:25:53 AM  
1 vote:

berylman: This whole Mars One project reeks of a giant scam... they will never leave the stratosphere at all and after raking in enough cash those responsible will disappear.  Their original intentions may have been good though.


I'm throwing my hat in the ring with this person.

There are no details, the timelines are bunk, there have been no successful, long term studies on the type of life they would be living...

I don't know...they've made some decent money on the application process alone and they have 10 years before you even go.  (From http://www.space.com/20165-mars-one-colony-images.html)

Step 1 2016 - Send supplies - Where?  How? You sent food and supplies for people not arriving until 2023?  Yum.
Step 2 2018 - Send rover to find best location - Really?  So randomly drop the supplies on the planet and THEN look for where you'll be?  Good luck dragging all those supplies around.
Step 3 2021 - Living units arrive.  Great.  How are they getting setup and ready, exactly? Everything should be pre-setup for them by then?  Have we experimented with construction on an alien planet before?  How is it getting setup, exactly?

And so on...no details.

Plus, this is a Dutch company and there aren't any slavery laws on Mars yet.  You remember what happened the last time the Dutch colonized a new country...
2013-05-09 10:13:45 AM  
1 vote:
All 78,000 people that applied...

upload.wikimedia.org
2013-05-09 10:10:44 AM  
1 vote:
I estrimate that at least 1200 of the applications bear the name "Weedlord Bonerhitler."
2013-05-09 10:07:25 AM  
1 vote:
Bye bye!  Don't forget your miniatures and Can-D supply.
2013-05-09 10:03:37 AM  
1 vote:

doglover: Popcorn Johnny: As long as I was paired up with a female before leaving, I'd go. fark this planet, I'm outta here!

[cdn.arstechnica.net image 640x463]


24.media.tumblr.com
2013-05-09 09:58:56 AM  
1 vote:

Mentalpatient87: B-but all the little chicks with the crimson lips tell me Cleveland rocks!


www.boymeetsphone.com
 
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