If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NBC News)   The number of people applying to live on Mars is now up to 78,000. Strangely, every application came with a return address from Cleveland   (science.nbcnews.com) divider line 116
    More: Followup, universe, Mike Wall, Mars Exploration, home countries  
•       •       •

3537 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 May 2013 at 9:45 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



116 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-05-09 04:10:14 PM  

ZeroCorpse: Things you'll have to deal with if you go live on Mars:

No natural atmosphere. You'll be breathing stale, recycled air until you can figure out how to make plants grow.

62% lower gravity than you enjoy on Earth, which means:
→ You poop by sticking a suction vacuum on your ass.
→ You can't ever lie down to sleep without being strapped in.
→ You can't even do something as simple as pouring a glass of water; You suck beverages and food from a bag.
→ You ladies will have to do some AWFUL things when your period comes. Think floating blood & menses.
→ Sex becomes a chore in low gravity.
→ Vomiting is horrifying and disgusting in ways you've never experienced on Earth, and you'll be doing a lot of it.
→ You'll be peeing in a suction device too. Either that, or wearing diapers.
Masturbation must be done into a bag, sock, or some collector unless you want semen floating around your room.

The radiation will make you sick. A lot.
The planet is cold. Bring lots of blankets. An average of -67 degrees Fahrenheit.
[resources.yesican-science.ca image 674x401]


After a while in space, your brain suffers a bit, too. Your eyes become deformed after a while. They get squashed, your vision blurs, and your optic nerve swells. Enjoy the pounding headaches, too!

Then there's the whole "being trapped in a confined space" thing. If you're lucky it's only weeks. If you're not lucky, it's months. Have fun with your new-found insanity. You could read during that time, but your eyes are going to be a little messed up. You could listen to music, but you need to conserve electricity for critical systems and can't use it to charge your iPod. Really, all you can do is float there and wait to occasionally have a bowel movement or eat some sludge out of a tube.

That's just a LITTLE of how miserable it will be. Now run along, you 78,000 morons. Enjoy your stay on a cold, barren, lifeless planet with less than half of Earth's gravity and none of Earth's benefits. While you're attaching a hose t ...


Now you've given the majority of farkers an excuse they can give their moms for what they're doing down in the basement -- It's astronaut training, Mom.
 
2013-05-09 04:13:16 PM  
For $38, 70,000 people get to be excited telling people "I signed up to go to Mars!" If that's how they get they're jollies, fine. But how many of them would actually ever step foot on the rocket if given the chance? 70?

I think this could be a scientology-type thing. You sign up for $38. Then to take the Level One astronaut training program, it costs $1,000. If you score high enough on those tests, you get to pay $5,000 to enter Level Two training. And so on.
 
2013-05-09 04:21:56 PM  

Too_many_Brians: I should start something like this for an underwater exploration colony. Yeah. Get the application fees and then slip away on my giant submarine to a domed city under the sea.


You spelled Bathysphere wrong.
 
2013-05-09 04:23:16 PM  
A $33 application fee times 78000 gullible idiots comes to about 2.5 million in fleeced money.

/They won't succeed despite you really, really wanting them to.
//Someone will get to Mars eventually, just not this scam.
 
2013-05-09 05:13:33 PM  
Shhh, let's call it the B-Ark
 
2013-05-09 05:21:20 PM  

SN1987a goes boom: A $33 application fee times 78000 gullible idiots comes to about 2.5 million in fleeced money.

/They won't succeed despite you really, really wanting them to.
//Someone will get to Mars eventually, just not this scam.


still a tiny amount per person than giving to the scammers at the church.
 
2013-05-09 05:30:20 PM  
"The Marching Morons".
An excellent short story.  It is relevant to this endeavor.
This is not a bad idea, and should be encouraged.
 
2013-05-09 06:34:25 PM  

rnatalie: I think we should build three great spaceships.   The idea was that into the first ship, the 'A' ship, would go all the brilliant leaders, the scientists, the great artists, you know, all the achievers; and into the third, or 'C' ship, would go all the people who did the actual work, who made things and did things, and then into the `B' ship would go everyone else, the middlemen you see."


You forgot the D ship for all the celebrities, so we can shoot them into the sun.
 
2013-05-09 06:51:57 PM  

TheOtherDub: Shhh, let's call it the B-Ark


i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-05-09 08:14:56 PM  

Skyfrog: rnatalie: I think we should build three great spaceships.   The idea was that into the first ship, the 'A' ship, would go all the brilliant leaders, the scientists, the great artists, you know, all the achievers; and into the third, or 'C' ship, would go all the people who did the actual work, who made things and did things, and then into the `B' ship would go everyone else, the middlemen you see."

You forgot the D ship for all the celebrities, so we can shoot them into the sun.


I support this technology.
 
2013-05-09 08:59:27 PM  

TheOtherMisterP: For $38, 70,000 people get to be excited telling people "I signed up to go to Mars!" If that's how they get they're jollies, fine. But how many of them would actually ever step foot on the rocket if given the chance? 70?

I think this could be a scientology-type thing. You sign up for $38. Then to take the Level One astronaut training program, it costs $1,000. If you score high enough on those tests, you get to pay $5,000 to enter Level Two training. And so on.


And if you can't afford the training program you can join the flotilla in the Sea Org.
 
2013-05-09 09:43:55 PM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: Deep Contact: They will make a statue on Mars of the first humans  with vacuums stuck up their butts.

Someone has an anal hose fixation.

//you might want to get some help on that.


Your advice sucks.
 
2013-05-10 07:53:12 AM  

Valiente: Sybarite: It's a godawful small affair.

Nice.

As for Subby's headline, it's funny because it's true.


Well, to be fair, applying requires having enough education to read and write, thus throwing out most of the population of the Southern United States.
 
2013-05-10 01:40:10 PM  

WhoGAS: Plus, this is a Dutch company and there aren't any slavery laws on Mars yet.  You remember what happened the last time the Dutch colonized a new country...


So you're saying there will be dykes? Count me in!
 
2013-05-10 05:49:14 PM  

BraveNewCheneyWorld: Jim.Casy: It seems people are always more willing to flee from the problems around them than to stay and try to make things right.

And that's exactly why the U.S. is turning into a giant shiat hole.


Nope, it's physics. Energy always follows the path of last resistance. It's no more a matter of choice than is falling down rather than up.
 
2013-05-10 09:03:52 PM  

ds615: "The Marching Morons".
An excellent short story.  It is relevant to this endeavor.
This is not a bad idea, and should be encouraged.


Did you know Kornbluth expanded this into a novel with Fredick Pohl called "Search the Sky".  Loved it as a kid, probably still would.
 
Displayed 16 of 116 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report