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(io9)   Wine reviews are bogus. Here comes the science strong and fruitful just to open up with notes of nuts and rosewood followed by a subtle smoky finish   (io9.com) divider line 66
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2213 clicks; posted to Geek » on 09 May 2013 at 12:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-08 08:15:51 PM
I drank a $5000.00 bottle of wine ≈ 25 years ago, tasted good (in todays money ≈ $11,500), but I would rather have a $40.00 bottle and bank the rest.
 
2013-05-08 08:48:27 PM
Am I the only one who absolutely hates io9's stupid ass picture "annotations" on every farking article? It annoys the living hell out of me. They're not funny and they add nothing. They only obscure the picture.

/I am also concerned about world peace and starving children
 
2013-05-08 08:58:07 PM

crypticsatellite: Am I the only one who absolutely hates io9's stupid ass picture "annotations" on every farking article? It annoys the living hell out of me. They're not funny and they add nothing. They only obscure the picture.

/I am also concerned about world peace and starving children


I find their articles jammy, with a hint of currant

/and subtle undertones of lameness and bullsh*t
//with sweat, and dead mans balls
 
2013-05-08 09:32:02 PM
Had my first glass of red wine this weekend. I'd describe it as "sour" with a "cough syrup" finish (though the slightly warm feeling afterward was nice).

After finishing less than half a glass, I tried a really weak white and the only real improvement is that it merely tasted sour.
 
2013-05-08 09:45:13 PM
When most people think of classic wines, they are unlikely to consider the Estonian reds, yet Estonian grapes are among the fruitiest and most subtle.
 
2013-05-08 09:48:37 PM

whither_apophis: When most people think of classic wines, they are unlikely to consider the Estonian reds, yet Estonian grapes are among the fruitiest and most subtle.


Are you Estoniaed?

/Hungarian reds are better
//always leave 'em Hungary
 
2013-05-08 09:52:58 PM
My personal rule is that I either like it or not, and sometimes I'll come back to a bottle and it'll improve, but even if I dislike it I'll probably still drink it.

Nothing wrong with buying a really expensive bottle of wine if you are rich and can afford it, for the same reason buying a jet is completely out of my price range but fine for billionaires, but over about $30 (outside of restaurants) it's pretty hard to miss drinking a good bottle of wine if you know anything about the winery or region. Still hit and miss, but overall the bottles will be pretty good. You can also buy totally overpriced crap from Napa though.

Between 15 and 30, it's mostly hit and miss, under 15 more misses than hits, and if you bring Yellowtail to my wine event I will bash your f*cking brains in with the bottle.
 
2013-05-08 09:54:07 PM
subtle yet bold
 
2013-05-08 10:01:04 PM

bdub77: My personal rule is that I either like it or not, and sometimes I'll come back to a bottle and it'll improve, but even if I dislike it I'll probably still drink it.

Nothing wrong with buying a really expensive bottle of wine if you are rich and can afford it, for the same reason buying a jet is completely out of my price range but fine for billionaires, but over about $30 (outside of restaurants) it's pretty hard to miss drinking a good bottle of wine if you know anything about the winery or region. Still hit and miss, but overall the bottles will be pretty good. You can also buy totally overpriced crap from Napa though.

Between 15 and 30, it's mostly hit and miss, under 15 more misses than hits, and if you bring Yellowtail to my wine event I will bash your f*cking brains in with the bottle.


Blackstone isn't horrible for a cheap wine.  Raymond is pretty mellow for Merlot, we favor that or something from the Flying Dutchman winery in Oregon when we can.

If you really want to know what shiat wine tastes like, get a bottle of Fetzer or especially (puke) Rex Goliath.  That shiat must be what antifreeze tastes like.
 
2013-05-08 10:09:29 PM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: whither_apophis: When most people think of classic wines, they are unlikely to consider the Estonian reds, yet Estonian grapes are among the fruitiest and most subtle.

Are you Estoniaed?

/Hungarian reds are better
//always leave 'em Hungary


Red Dwarfer...

/Tokaji Aszu is pretty tasty stuff
 
2013-05-08 10:10:48 PM

nvmac: bdub77: My personal rule is that I either like it or not, and sometimes I'll come back to a bottle and it'll improve, but even if I dislike it I'll probably still drink it.

Nothing wrong with buying a really expensive bottle of wine if you are rich and can afford it, for the same reason buying a jet is completely out of my price range but fine for billionaires, but over about $30 (outside of restaurants) it's pretty hard to miss drinking a good bottle of wine if you know anything about the winery or region. Still hit and miss, but overall the bottles will be pretty good. You can also buy totally overpriced crap from Napa though.

Between 15 and 30, it's mostly hit and miss, under 15 more misses than hits, and if you bring Yellowtail to my wine event I will bash your f*cking brains in with the bottle.

Blackstone isn't horrible for a cheap wine.  Raymond is pretty mellow for Merlot, we favor that or something from the Flying Dutchman winery in Oregon when we can.

If you really want to know what shiat wine tastes like, get a bottle of Fetzer or especially (puke) Rex Goliath.  That shiat must be what antifreeze tastes like.


Yep Blackstone is decent. I actually think Mondavi is a great low cost wine. Rex Goliath is total ass, I don't think I've stooped low enough to drink Fetzer.

Other tips: If you like Champagne, buy Prosecco. If you have to buy cheap, South American wines can be better.

One wine I'll tell you I've never had a bad bottle of: Shotfire Ridge Barossa Shiraz. About $20-25. Good stuff.
 
2013-05-08 11:01:27 PM
The Mad Dog 20/20 Kiwi Strawberry has a light, insouciant finish that matches wonderfully with pizza crusts out of the dumpster, and the new shatterproof bottle ensures that one need not fear falling from a moving boxcar.
 
2013-05-08 11:08:11 PM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: The Mad Dog 20/20 Kiwi Strawberry has a light, insouciant finish that matches wonderfully with pizza crusts out of the dumpster, and the new shatterproof bottle ensures that one need not fear falling from a moving boxcar.


But it lacks the broken bottle finish.  And how is one to afford to purchase another fine quality MD 20/20 if the only threat I have is my stink.  Which is powerful, but hard to corner people with.

/Ol' E for the win[e]
 
2013-05-09 12:38:06 AM
i.imgur.com
.
 
2013-05-09 12:38:47 AM
You mean, like, the bogosity of those was ever in doubt?

Most of the wine business is cheap marketing. Except the part where they mix alcohol, water and some coloring agent and pour the resulting liquid in a bottle with a price tag and a label "made from quality grapes".
 
2013-05-09 12:45:21 AM
CSB time:  I have a friend whose mother died from alcoholism.  Every year after her mom died, she'd celebrate by getting drunk on box wine.  Now, every time I see a box of Franzia, I can't help but think of the few times I met her mother when she was still alive.

//She was a really fun drunk, at least.  Not one of those mean drunks, or an "I love you, man" drunk.  Just fun.  Good memories.
 
2013-05-09 12:46:52 AM
Drink what you like and don't be a pompous asshole aboot it.
 
2013-05-09 12:48:46 AM

Chariset: Had my first glass of red wine this weekend.


Happy 13th birthday... You are 13, right? 'Cause otherwise that would just be sad.

/It's an acquired taste, like most of the best things
//I prefer beer, which is also an acquired taste
 
2013-05-09 12:49:42 AM

nvmac: bdub77: My personal rule is that I either like it or not, and sometimes I'll come back to a bottle and it'll improve, but even if I dislike it I'll probably still drink it.

Nothing wrong with buying a really expensive bottle of wine if you are rich and can afford it, for the same reason buying a jet is completely out of my price range but fine for billionaires, but over about $30 (outside of restaurants) it's pretty hard to miss drinking a good bottle of wine if you know anything about the winery or region. Still hit and miss, but overall the bottles will be pretty good. You can also buy totally overpriced crap from Napa though.

Between 15 and 30, it's mostly hit and miss, under 15 more misses than hits, and if you bring Yellowtail to my wine event I will bash your f*cking brains in with the bottle.

Blackstone isn't horrible for a cheap wine.  Raymond is pretty mellow for Merlot, we favor that or something from the Flying Dutchman winery in Oregon when we can.

If you really want to know what shiat wine tastes like, get a bottle of Fetzer or especially (puke) Rex Goliath.  That shiat must be what antifreeze tastes like.


My sister in law was telling me Fetzer is considered a fine, expensive wine in Sweden.

//I'm a "whatever is on sale" kinda a guy.
 
2013-05-09 12:51:56 AM
The only way to drink wine:

www.whiskyantique.com
 
2013-05-09 12:53:53 AM
Just google Krunch Kretshmar, one of 24 so called "International Grand Confrerie Sommeliers".  Thing is, the only name I've found that is associated with them is Krunch Kretshmar.

What a buffoon.

/I'm a member of the International Grand Confrerie Airships
 
2013-05-09 12:53:55 AM
Just buy stuff that isn't from concentrate.  It's all the same.
 
2013-05-09 12:56:36 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: The only way to drink wine:

[www.whiskyantique.com image 850x1214]


Someone posted about the Balvenie Madeira, and I've not had either of these two Madeira scotches... disappointed.
 
2013-05-09 01:01:17 AM

Chariset: Had my first glass of red wine this weekend. I'd describe it as "sour" with a "cough syrup" finish (though the slightly warm feeling afterward was nice).

After finishing less than half a glass, I tried a really weak white and the only real improvement is that it merely tasted sour.


Tame it and mix it up with some Sangria. Everything tastes better with Sangriaaaaaaaaaa!
 
2013-05-09 01:20:06 AM
If you like Cabernet, buy a Zin from Oregon and save yourself a shiatload of money. Other favorite alternatives to overpriced California wines include Rioja and Barberas. Avoid wines from Texas, Iowa, Long Island and England.
 
2013-05-09 01:22:45 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: The only way to drink wine:

[www.whiskyantique.com image 850x1214]


hates you
without a doubt, this is my favorite scotch
 
2013-05-09 01:23:40 AM
Is this the one where they stick nice wine in front of people who've never tasted wine before, and expect it to taste like fruit juice?

I hated beer the first time I tried it, and I sure as hell wouldn't have been able to tell a good one from a bad one. Same with liquor. The burn was too strong at first for me to pick out the flavor at all.

Guess what? My brain got used to the concepts, and now I can really get into the flavors and complexities of any of those. And the fancy terms are jut poetic ways of describing flavor notes that are familiar to people who actually can appreciate the good stuff. I can get a lot out of knowing the character of most grape varietals in combination with knowing what flavors various terms are describing. The exact character of any wine you haven't had before is going to be a surprise, of course, but generally, the varietal gets you in the ballpark, and the flavor notes will tell you what section of the stadium you're sitting in. Finding your seat does require tasting.

Look, if you can't taste the difference, whatever. Not my problem. If you're happy with your Boone's Farm, who am I to tell you can't enjoy it? But please don't pretend that nobody can tell the difference. Some of us were raised on good wine, and really can. Which sucks when you're stuck in the budget range, and can pretty much instantly tell WHY a bottle is in the budget bin.

On the other hand, thanks to the recession, cheaper wines (but not stuff from consolidated operations like Yellow Tail) are the best they've ever been, so you can occasionally stumble across some great stuff in the $10-15 range. The reason being that they like to keep the values of the nice wines up, so that instead of cutting prices, they reduce volume. And most wineries don't actually grow their own grapes, so all of a sudden some really nice grapes are on the market at prices affordable to the budget guys. So they make their wine much better, and still charge the same for it as well. Look for stuff like "vintner's reserve" on the bottle, in a cheaper wine, that's usually what that indicates. So you get the thrill of the hunt, a bit.
 
2013-05-09 01:28:43 AM

HaywoodJablonski: If you like Cabernet, buy a Zin from Oregon and save yourself a shiatload of money. Other favorite alternatives to overpriced California wines include Rioja and Barberas. Avoid wines from Texas, Iowa, Long Island and England.


Rioja is awesome. Haven't had a lot of Barberas, and the ones I've had were more exercises in how to make a wine radically different (one of which was awesome, but I haven't been able to find again), so I can't comment on those.

Also, South American stuff. Chile, Argentina. They make some very good stuff down there, and it can be found at reasonable prices.
 
2013-05-09 01:36:31 AM

cptjeff: HaywoodJablonski: If you like Cabernet, buy a Zin from Oregon and save yourself a shiatload of money. Other favorite alternatives to overpriced California wines include Rioja and Barberas. Avoid wines from Texas, Iowa, Long Island and England.

Rioja is awesome. Haven't had a lot of Barberas, and the ones I've had were more exercises in how to make a wine radically different (one of which was awesome, but I haven't been able to find again), so I can't comment on those.

Also, South American stuff. Chile, Argentina. They make some very good stuff down there, and it can be found at reasonable prices.


That reminds me. I've recently "discovered" Carmeneres from Chile (I think). Highly drinkable and I can get it for £6 a bottle. I'm sure it's cheaper in the States.
 
2013-05-09 01:37:07 AM

Quantum Apostrophe: The only way to drink wine:

[www.whiskyantique.com image 850x1214]


Pure swill. I raise you:

img.21food.com
 
2013-05-09 01:40:16 AM
I love the double blind taste tests, I love the multiple tests of the same wine, unknown to the taster.
HOW else would you do taste tests?
I love the addition of fakes and controls.

at some point consumers will demand better and more honest taste ratings
reviewers would be ranked and rated by their ability to actually rate wines, rather than spew verbiage

still
the best answer is always the simplest
when ordering out, I ask for recommendations in the type of wine which I am looking at or something to go with what I am ordering
the sommelier will recommend something. in general, they help weed out the so-so crap that fills the wine menus

better yet are wine flights
a little bit of 3 different wines, pick the one you like and get a glass, or move on to another flight

/anyone else notices that the article author signed off with a beer jab?? what is the point of having a beer lover write an article on wine? that is like having a gay man writing about the tips on cunnilingus
 
2013-05-09 01:42:35 AM
I imbibe about two tablespoons of wine a year and I can taste the difference between red and white.
 
2013-05-09 01:44:03 AM
tommelodywerner.files.wordpress.com

Link is hot, with not so subtle hints of charcoal and battery acid
 
2013-05-09 01:51:14 AM
No love for Cardboardeau?
 
2013-05-09 01:52:08 AM
Feel free to extend this to all the bullshiat foodie-ism going on. I love the note about people not being able to differentiate pate from dog food. It's all ridiculous snobbery perpetuated by yuppies and hipsters.
 
2013-05-09 02:20:36 AM
Last week I opened two bottles of wine, both of which had gone bad. Turns out red wine shouldn't have bubbles, and it shouldn't smell like a cross between rum and urine.
 
2013-05-09 02:20:39 AM

Richard Sauce: Feel free to extend this to all the bullshiat foodie-ism going on. I love the note about people not being able to differentiate pate from dog food. It's all ridiculous snobbery perpetuated by yuppies and hipsters.


people or people who actually have working taste buds?
 
2013-05-09 02:38:20 AM

NateAsbestos: Quantum Apostrophe: The only way to drink wine:

[www.whiskyantique.com image 850x1214]

Pure swill. I raise you:

[img.21food.com image 294x500]


Ahem.

img.thewhiskyexchange.com
 
2013-05-09 02:58:28 AM
cdn.motinetwork.net
 
2013-05-09 05:19:09 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
Still my favorite.
 
2013-05-09 05:36:04 AM
The writer misused "begs the question."
 
2013-05-09 06:10:34 AM
It's probably all about presentation and trying to fit into social expectations. I guess this is why marketing wine is very important. If you convince people that your wine is worth $1,000 a bottle without even letting them taste it, then even the wine tasters will have to write flower adjectives about them to "justify" the price.
 
2013-05-09 06:11:17 AM
It's still wine and wine is for slackers.
 
2013-05-09 06:17:23 AM
Headline was fruity and not at all complex.
 
2013-05-09 06:26:11 AM
*cough*
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-09 07:19:31 AM

GreenAdder: The writer misused "begs the question."


As often as Penn Jillette rants about such misuse, I was surprised someone who was comfortable referencing Bullshiat! would do such a thing.
 
2013-05-09 07:56:23 AM
A Whisky thread!

/excellent.
//drink all but the J&B 'cuz that stuff is blended.
///and not from Scotland, so not Whisky.
 
2013-05-09 08:21:47 AM
I would guess that the point where wine stops tasting like rubbing alcohol could as low as $3 and the point of diminishing returns is probably hit at about $12.
 
2013-05-09 08:55:32 AM
If you don't like Two Buck Chuck, I don't know what to tell you.

But if your palate can't pick up on different flavors in various types of wine... then you have no taste buds.
 
2013-05-09 09:15:36 AM
vito.org.pl
 
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