If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(US Magazine)   Police say the lead singer of the Grammy nominated metal band "As I Lay Dying" forgot the cardinal rule: Unless you are a Mob boss or the head of the CIA, anyone you try to hire as a hitman is really an undercover cop   (usmagazine.com) divider line 24
    More: Dumbass, Tim Lambesis, CIA, Grammy, heavy metal bands  
•       •       •

4154 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 May 2013 at 12:45 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-08 12:53:37 PM
4 votes:
Hiring someone to murder another for you is so not metal. It's just lazy is what it is.
2013-05-08 01:31:10 PM
3 votes:

orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat


Your friend's a real wordsmith.
2013-05-08 01:03:20 PM
3 votes:
Hey man! Tuuuurn it up! It's "I Lost my Freedom Rock"!
2013-05-08 12:50:33 PM
3 votes:
I think the receptionist where I work hires out for stuff like this.  She really isn't that bad of a person, just years of working the phones and talking to salespeople have made here a little morally flexible.
2013-05-08 01:36:53 PM
2 votes:
I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.
2013-05-08 01:10:02 PM
2 votes:
flowingdata.com
Madame Chancellor, ve must not allow... a metal gap!
2013-05-08 12:59:27 PM
2 votes:

Cheron: I think the receptionist where I work hires out for stuff like this.  She really isn't that bad of a person, just years of working the phones and talking to salespeople have made here a little morally flexible.


What someone who is morally flexible may look like

4.bp.blogspot.com

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
2013-05-08 10:24:30 PM
1 votes:
I guess i'm the only 32 year old guy that still likes this band. Pure headbanging grooved out shiat to jam to at a show.  I love the production of their albums and had a blast seeing them multiple times over the years .

I'm still bummed out about jeff hanneman dying off, too.

Tim is a pretty big idiot apparently, deserves whatever he gets. Just ironic that the lead singer of cannibal corpse is totally clean living and spends all his time playing world of warcraft, and the lead singer of a christian-ish metal band tries to get his wife offed.
2013-05-08 06:50:34 PM
1 votes:

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.




They do the needful.
kab
2013-05-08 02:56:48 PM
1 votes:

Lemmy Kilmister: no talent, no merit.


psst.  you might want to check out the name you're posting under before you start wagging your finger about folks who don't sing.
2013-05-08 02:11:59 PM
1 votes:

Carn: No Time To Explain: Zombie Eater: More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?

And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

They sound like dying moose or something

/if you're gonna sound like cookie monster, then we may as well write a song about cookies

Got five band members to feed.


www.empireonline.com
2013-05-08 01:58:45 PM
1 votes:

ObscureNameHere: topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.

That would be an interesting call...

*brrrrng!*
"Thanks be to you for calling Wee-kill--um industries.  My name is Ghar---uh, "Steve".  How may I help you?"

"Yeah, look, I need a job done quick."

"Very much to be understood sir!  May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"What? No, look, I need to--"

"May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"I don't HAVE a Criminal Client number yet, I ---"

"Ah, very good sir! I am transferring your call to Sales...."

"Nooooooo!"


"The target is still alive!"

"Have you tried rebooting them?"
2013-05-08 01:53:34 PM
1 votes:

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.


That would be an interesting call...

*brrrrng!*
"Thanks be to you for calling Wee-kill--um industries.  My name is Ghar---uh, "Steve".  How may I help you?"

"Yeah, look, I need a job done quick."

"Very much to be understood sir!  May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"What? No, look, I need to--"

"May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"I don't HAVE a Criminal Client number yet, I ---"

"Ah, very good sir! I am transferring your call to Sales...."

"Nooooooo!"
2013-05-08 01:39:35 PM
1 votes:

orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat


Funny, we used to say the same thing about 80's hair bands when they'd worn out their welcome.
2013-05-08 01:39:21 PM
1 votes:
Zombie Eater:
And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

Ha!  Cookie Monster.  That's an astute observation you've made there.
2013-05-08 01:32:22 PM
1 votes:
More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?
www.wordandfilm.com
And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?
2013-05-08 01:15:22 PM
1 votes:
A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.
2013-05-08 01:14:03 PM
1 votes:

Lemmy Kilmister: No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal

Rob Halford sings
Dio sang
Doro Pesch sings

this asshole just screams

no talent, no merit.


There's talent involved for some of the best, even if you don't like it.  Lemmy Kilminster is a pretty god awful singer, even though he's got a cool gravelly voice, but I still like Motorhead.
2013-05-08 01:11:51 PM
1 votes:

FARK rebel soldier: [flowingdata.com image 850x386]
Madame Chancellor Mister President, ve must not allow... a metal gap!


What the fark, brain.
2013-05-08 01:05:55 PM
1 votes:

No Time To Explain: Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album


Nah... We'll just have to wait 2 to 10 years for it.

Brutal.
2013-05-08 12:59:01 PM
1 votes:
Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album
2013-05-08 12:53:27 PM
1 votes:
The best under cover hitman can be found working at fast food, and you know they're not cops.
2013-05-08 12:52:00 PM
1 votes:
That's a real nice Christian band you have there.  Would be a shame if anything happened to it.

/sigh
2013-05-08 12:46:14 PM
1 votes:
This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.
 
Displayed 24 of 24 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report