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(US Magazine)   Police say the lead singer of the Grammy nominated metal band "As I Lay Dying" forgot the cardinal rule: Unless you are a Mob boss or the head of the CIA, anyone you try to hire as a hitman is really an undercover cop   (usmagazine.com) divider line 154
    More: Dumbass, Tim Lambesis, CIA, Grammy, heavy metal bands  
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4154 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 May 2013 at 12:45 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-08 12:46:14 PM
This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.
 
2013-05-08 12:46:57 PM
I saw them live about 8 years ago.

I doubt anything associated with their music could be called singing.
 
2013-05-08 12:50:33 PM
I think the receptionist where I work hires out for stuff like this.  She really isn't that bad of a person, just years of working the phones and talking to salespeople have made here a little morally flexible.
 
2013-05-08 12:51:13 PM
I don't get this at all, if you have watched even a few Law and Order episodes you should be able to pull off a murder and know that unless your hit man dies of an OD you aren't going to get away with it that way... and they will get you when you try it again on your next wife.
 
2013-05-08 12:51:59 PM

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.


*pro-tip, they become more controllable, but less effective under the Black Sleep of Kali
 
2013-05-08 12:52:00 PM
That's a real nice Christian band you have there.  Would be a shame if anything happened to it.

/sigh
 
2013-05-08 12:52:01 PM
www.mbird.com
 
2013-05-08 12:53:27 PM
The best under cover hitman can be found working at fast food, and you know they're not cops.
 
2013-05-08 12:53:37 PM
Hiring someone to murder another for you is so not metal. It's just lazy is what it is.
 
2013-05-08 12:59:01 PM
Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album
 
2013-05-08 12:59:27 PM

Cheron: I think the receptionist where I work hires out for stuff like this.  She really isn't that bad of a person, just years of working the phones and talking to salespeople have made here a little morally flexible.


What someone who is morally flexible may look like

4.bp.blogspot.com

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
 
2013-05-08 01:00:38 PM
Black Metal is not impresed by your pathetic attempts
 
2013-05-08 01:01:57 PM
hitman is just a terrible idea for a job.  What are people willing to pay to off people? $10k?  Whoopty freakin' do.  You'd need to off 100 people just to get the 1 mil to retire and that's if you aren't looking at any business expenses.  High risk low payout.  Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?
 
2013-05-08 01:01:59 PM
"Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer. 212 555 4200"
 
2013-05-08 01:02:37 PM
www.let.rug.nl

cdn.openculture.com
 
2013-05-08 01:02:43 PM
Can't wait for the heavy metal version of "Folsom Prison Blues".
 
2013-05-08 01:03:20 PM
Hey man! Tuuuurn it up! It's "I Lost my Freedom Rock"!
 
2013-05-08 01:04:11 PM
Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.
 
2013-05-08 01:05:34 PM

uncleacid: Can't wait for the heavy metal version of "Folsom Prison Blues".


D.O.A. turned it into "Folsom Prison Dirge", but they're punk, is that close enough?
 
2013-05-08 01:05:48 PM

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.


topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.



That is a cunning plan until the Indian subcontractors subcontract to blacks: Link
 
2013-05-08 01:05:55 PM

No Time To Explain: Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album


Nah... We'll just have to wait 2 to 10 years for it.

Brutal.
 
2013-05-08 01:06:21 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Hiring someone to murder another for you is so not metal. It's just lazy is what it is.


THIS. Hiring unwitting red herrings? Definitely. Hiring alibis? Maybe. But the deed itself, that's just taking outsourcing waaaay too far.
 
2013-05-08 01:07:35 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.


Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal
 
2013-05-08 01:08:04 PM
Yeah, he's an idiot to the inth degree. He should have hired a roadie to do the job, then packed that guy off to Istanbul without a way home.
 
2013-05-08 01:08:18 PM

99.998er: topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.


That is a cunning plan until the Indian subcontractors subcontract to blacks: Link


Oops!  http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/hit-man-guilty-in-atlanta-murder-for-h i re-trial/nJXDq/
 
2013-05-08 01:09:31 PM

No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal


Rob Halford sings
Dio sang
Doro Pesch sings

this asshole just screams

no talent, no merit.
 
2013-05-08 01:09:34 PM

Real Women Drink Akvavit: Hiring someone to murder another for you is so not metal. It's just lazy is what it is.


Mayhem totally agrees.
 
2013-05-08 01:10:02 PM
flowingdata.com
Madame Chancellor, ve must not allow... a metal gap!
 
2013-05-08 01:10:20 PM

Desquamation: No Time To Explain: Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album

Nah... We'll just have to wait 2 to 10 years for it.

Brutal.


Double brutal?

/maybe triple?
//funny how I love the adm tunes for it's parody metal, but never liked aild
///still, what the fark led to the hitman story?
 
2013-05-08 01:10:52 PM

No Time To Explain: Well, there goes the next Austrian Death Machine album


Totally Brutal man.
 
2013-05-08 01:11:51 PM

FARK rebel soldier: [flowingdata.com image 850x386]
Madame Chancellor Mister President, ve must not allow... a metal gap!


What the fark, brain.
 
2013-05-08 01:14:03 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal

Rob Halford sings
Dio sang
Doro Pesch sings

this asshole just screams

no talent, no merit.


There's talent involved for some of the best, even if you don't like it.  Lemmy Kilminster is a pretty god awful singer, even though he's got a cool gravelly voice, but I still like Motorhead.
 
2013-05-08 01:14:23 PM

FARK rebel soldier: [flowingdata.com image 850x386]
Madame Chancellor, ve must not allow... a metal gap!


nordic countries are also some of the biggest coffee consumers.. coincidence? ;)
 
2013-05-08 01:15:12 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal

Rob Halford sings
Dio sang
Doro Pesch sings

this asshole just screams

no talent, no merit.


Not arguing with you there, needs to be a proper 80'a revival

/like I stated, adm is the only thing I like from Tim, there's still guttural vocals I can enjoy, Opeth, LoG, (Dethklok gets honourable mention for being an awesome parody at the genre)
//Dio was the rare guy who could sing about rainbows and still be manly
 
2013-05-08 01:15:22 PM
A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.
 
2013-05-08 01:16:05 PM
No Time To Explain:
///still, what the fark led to the hitman story?

I wonder if that kick starter campaign was collecting money for something other than the next ADM album.

/Adjusts tinfoil
 
2013-05-08 01:16:36 PM

Plant Rights Activist: Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?


?

Who's going to stiff a professional killer?
 
2013-05-08 01:17:33 PM

Desquamation: No Time To Explain:
///still, what the fark led to the hitman story?

I wonder if that kick starter campaign was collecting money for something other than the next ADM album.

/Adjusts tinfoil


Hmmm

/interdasting
//was going to donate/expect product once final, but hit a poor spell
 
2013-05-08 01:19:23 PM

TheBlackFlag: "Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer. 212 555 4200"


I think

"Pick up the phone
I'm always home,
Call me any time,
36, 24, 36, 0 (oh?),
I lead a life of crime"

is more appropriate.

The Equalizer would never have stooped to ex-wife murder.
 
2013-05-08 01:20:56 PM

Yakk: I don't get this at all, if you have watched even a few Law and Order episodes you should be able to pull off a murder and know that unless your hit man dies of an OD you aren't going to get away with it that way... and they will get you when you try it again on your next wife.


Well, clearly, the only way to make this work is to hire a guy with a long criminal record that includes burglary and then arrange the hit in such a way that you can credibly claim to walk in on him just after he's finished the deed, and shoot him as a prowler.  That way, you leave no witnesses AND as a bonus, you don;t even have to pay him the other half of his fee.
 
2013-05-08 01:23:21 PM
My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat
 
2013-05-08 01:23:21 PM
Judging by the dumb, long name of the band, I am guessing these guys are one of those eyeliner and emo bangs bands?

Seems like there are a bunch of these out there.

Good riddance.
 
2013-05-08 01:23:46 PM

offacue: A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.


He supposedly already found him- that's what makes this SO much funnier.

Farking hypocrites. Love it. My Reasonable self is laughing at this asshole and anyone else who preaches "The Truth".
 
2013-05-08 01:27:14 PM

offacue: A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.


That'd be his Latino cellmate, I assume.
 
2013-05-08 01:27:17 PM

LovingTeacher: TheBlackFlag: "Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer. 212 555 4200"

I think

"Pick up the phone
I'm always home,
Call me any time,
36, 24, 36, 0 (oh?),
I lead a life of crime"

is more appropriate.


Calling Mr. Lee
Nice reference. Tell him the dog is turning blue
 
2013-05-08 01:27:51 PM

Plant Rights Activist: hitman is just a terrible idea for a job.  What are people willing to pay to off people? $10k?  Whoopty freakin' do.  You'd need to off 100 people just to get the 1 mil to retire and that's if you aren't looking at any business expenses.  High risk low payout.   Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?


Are you for real?  Its a hitman dude.  You  always pay the hitman.  Why?  Because he farking kills people for money...  what do you think he's going to do if you dont pay him?  Take YOU to court?  fark no, he's gonna kill your ass too, and probably torture you up for awhile first in order to squeeze any valuables out of your corpse.

At least, that would be my policy, if I were a hitman.
 
2013-05-08 01:29:00 PM

Pants full of macaroni!!: uncleacid: Can't wait for the heavy metal version of "Folsom Prison Blues".

D.O.A. turned it into "Folsom Prison Dirge", but they're punk, is that close enough?


Everlast did a cover of it that I thought was pretty good.
 
2013-05-08 01:29:19 PM
I was taken to an AILD show at a hxc space in Santa Fe around 2001-02, well before they broke big.  It was very much a Xian metal/hxc show, and some of my friends knew some of them, and the scene after the show was like prayer/fellowship, which I thought was pretty... interesting.  I think they've had a bunch of lineup changes since then, so I don't know if this guy was a member then....

/csb
 
2013-05-08 01:29:20 PM

El Brujo: Judging by the dumb, long name of the band, I am guessing these guys are one of those eyeliner and emo bangs bands?

Seems like there are a bunch of these out there.

Good riddance.


Nope.
 
2013-05-08 01:30:41 PM

orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat


I've seen plenty of young chicks at shows like that in the pit moshing and screaming along.  A very small majority mind, but present nonetheless.
 
2013-05-08 01:31:10 PM

orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat


Your friend's a real wordsmith.
 
2013-05-08 01:32:22 PM
More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?
www.wordandfilm.com
And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?
 
2013-05-08 01:33:26 PM
This band lives in the same town as I do.

/never heard of em
 
2013-05-08 01:36:34 PM
guess I'm out of touch.  Never heard of this band.
 
2013-05-08 01:36:53 PM
I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.
 
2013-05-08 01:38:12 PM
There is also a corollary: Just because your IT guy is Russian does not mean that he has connections to the Russian Mob.  That's what the noted Seattle opthamologist Dr. Mockovac learned a few years ago.

/He might just be a guy.
//With a friend who works for the FBI.
 
2013-05-08 01:39:21 PM
Zombie Eater:
And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

Ha!  Cookie Monster.  That's an astute observation you've made there.
 
2013-05-08 01:39:35 PM

orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat


Funny, we used to say the same thing about 80's hair bands when they'd worn out their welcome.
 
2013-05-08 01:40:19 PM

Zombie Eater: More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?

And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?


They sound like dying moose or something

/if you're gonna sound like cookie monster, then we may as well write a song about cookies
 
2013-05-08 01:40:47 PM

Plant Rights Activist: hitman is just a terrible idea for a job.  What are people willing to pay to off people? $10k?  Whoopty freakin' do.  You'd need to off 100 people just to get the 1 mil to retire and that's if you aren't looking at any business expenses.  High risk low payout.  Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?


You cannot make a living as a retail murder provider. Even if you are a mob hitman you will need to diversify to keep up a decent revenue stream. I... I mean someone I know ... maybe I'll just shut up now.
 
2013-05-08 01:41:37 PM

Dee Snarl: Zombie Eater:
And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

Ha!  Cookie Monster.  That's an astute observation you've made there.


Please do not anger the Cookie Monster
 
2013-05-08 01:42:38 PM
I wonder if he prayed about finding a good hitman.
 
2013-05-08 01:44:44 PM

Magorn: Yakk: I don't get this at all, if you have watched even a few Law and Order episodes you should be able to pull off a murder and know that unless your hit man dies of an OD you aren't going to get away with it that way... and they will get you when you try it again on your next wife.

Well, clearly, the only way to make this work is to hire a guy with a long criminal record that includes burglary and then arrange the hit in such a way that you can credibly claim to walk in on him just after he's finished the deed, and shoot him as a prowler.  That way, you leave no witnesses AND as a bonus, you don;t even have to pay him the other half of his fee.


I think I saw that Colombo.
 
2013-05-08 01:47:28 PM

Alonjar: Plant Rights Activist: hitman is just a terrible idea for a job.  What are people willing to pay to off people? $10k?  Whoopty freakin' do.  You'd need to off 100 people just to get the 1 mil to retire and that's if you aren't looking at any business expenses.  High risk low payout.   Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?

Are you for real?  Its a hitman dude.  You  always pay the hitman.  Why?  Because he farking kills people for money...  what do you think he's going to do if you dont pay him?  Take YOU to court?  fark no, he's gonna kill your ass too


So... you get no money and two murders to your name... more than doubling your chances of getting caught and you have to find another client... this hitman business looks terrible.
 
2013-05-08 01:51:13 PM
Also: every underage girl you try to pick up in a chatroom is really an FBI guy setting you up for a sting.
 
2013-05-08 01:53:13 PM
I heard the band 'My Dying Bride' is planning on suing for copyright infringement.
 
2013-05-08 01:53:34 PM

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.


That would be an interesting call...

*brrrrng!*
"Thanks be to you for calling Wee-kill--um industries.  My name is Ghar---uh, "Steve".  How may I help you?"

"Yeah, look, I need a job done quick."

"Very much to be understood sir!  May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"What? No, look, I need to--"

"May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"I don't HAVE a Criminal Client number yet, I ---"

"Ah, very good sir! I am transferring your call to Sales...."

"Nooooooo!"
 
2013-05-08 01:57:51 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.


lol

Also, "metal" band.
 
2013-05-08 01:58:45 PM

ObscureNameHere: topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.

That would be an interesting call...

*brrrrng!*
"Thanks be to you for calling Wee-kill--um industries.  My name is Ghar---uh, "Steve".  How may I help you?"

"Yeah, look, I need a job done quick."

"Very much to be understood sir!  May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"What? No, look, I need to--"

"May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"I don't HAVE a Criminal Client number yet, I ---"

"Ah, very good sir! I am transferring your call to Sales...."

"Nooooooo!"


"The target is still alive!"

"Have you tried rebooting them?"
 
2013-05-08 02:00:06 PM

LovingTeacher: ObscureNameHere: topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.

That would be an interesting call...

*brrrrng!*
"Thanks be to you for calling Wee-kill--um industries.  My name is Ghar---uh, "Steve".  How may I help you?"

"Yeah, look, I need a job done quick."

"Very much to be understood sir!  May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"What? No, look, I need to--"

"May I have your Criminal Client card number?"

"I don't HAVE a Criminal Client number yet, I ---"

"Ah, very good sir! I am transferring your call to Sales...."

"Nooooooo!"

"The target is still alive!"

"Have you tried reshooting them?"


FTFY
 
2013-05-08 02:01:29 PM
Cheron:  "...years of working the phones and talking to salespeople have made here a little morally flexible."

I am stealing that phrase.
Fair and square.
 
2013-05-08 02:03:51 PM

No Time To Explain: Zombie Eater: More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?

And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

They sound like dying moose or something

/if you're gonna sound like cookie monster, then we may as well write a song about cookies


Got five band members to feed.
 
2013-05-08 02:08:08 PM

99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.


Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.
 
2013-05-08 02:11:40 PM

Plant Rights Activist: hitman is just a terrible idea for a job.  What are people willing to pay to off people? $10k?  Whoopty freakin' do.  You'd need to off 100 people just to get the 1 mil to retire and that's if you aren't looking at any business expenses.  High risk low payout.  Even if they can pay you a decent amount to do it how do you guarantee payment?  It's not like you can take someone to court if they decide not to pay you and really, how often are people going to need repeat business?


People who take this up as a career choice--or even a summer job--are generally not very good planners.
 
2013-05-08 02:11:59 PM

Carn: No Time To Explain: Zombie Eater: More like "As I Lay Crying", am I right?

And why do all the singers in metal sound like Cookie Monster?

They sound like dying moose or something

/if you're gonna sound like cookie monster, then we may as well write a song about cookies

Got five band members to feed.


www.empireonline.com
 
2013-05-08 02:12:09 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.



How else do you convey the inherent pain  involved with being a bourgeois upper middle class suburban white kid in America?  The cheerleaders wouldn't fark me in high school.  My dad would often try to make lame jokes around my friends.   My parents couldn't even afford to pay or a private education, and I was forced to go to a state college.

Just try to wrap your head around that level of human suffering, if you have the imagination for it.
 
2013-05-08 02:20:53 PM
James Franco?
 
2013-05-08 02:23:18 PM

manimal2878: 99.998er:

Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.


I have never seen "Breaking Bad". Gruesome things creep me out.
 
2013-05-08 02:25:35 PM

FARK rebel soldier: [flowingdata.com image 850x386]
Madame Chancellor, ve must not allow... a metal gap!


WTF, Tibet. Get your shiat together.
 
2013-05-08 02:27:09 PM

InmanRoshi: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.


How else do you convey the inherent pain  involved with being a bourgeois upper middle class suburban white kid in America?  The cheerleaders wouldn't fark me in high school.  My dad would often try to make lame jokes around my friends.   My parents couldn't even afford to pay or a private education, and I was forced to go to a state college.

Just try to wrap your head around that level of human suffering, if you have the imagination for it.



White People Problems.
 
2013-05-08 02:42:43 PM

No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal


I think you missed the point. I love metal and I agree with him. It's screaming. all it what it is or call them vocalists, but it's definitely not singing. Where did he ever say anything about the lyrical content?
 
2013-05-08 02:44:09 PM

99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.


Hey, it's OJ Simpson!
 
2013-05-08 02:49:54 PM

Hella Fark: FARK rebel soldier: [flowingdata.com image 850x386]
Madame Chancellor, ve must not allow... a metal gap!

nordic countries are also some of the biggest coffee consumers.. coincidence? ;)


No wonder we go through coffee so fast. Mom and grandma are both straight outta Norway. They've been blaming ME this entire time.

/they must be having secret Lutheran meetings
//like sekrit Muslin meetings, but with waffles and coffee
 
2013-05-08 02:50:35 PM

manimal2878: 99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.

Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.


In every movie and TV show, writers are encouraged to leave a "crucial" detail out of a "foolproof" criminal plan so that law enforcement can easily nab such perpetrators. Why do you think guns don't work at all like in TV, nor is there anything like iocaine powder?
 
2013-05-08 02:55:23 PM

Fano: In every movie and TV show, writers are encouraged to leave a "crucial" detail out of a "foolproof" criminal plan so that law enforcement can easily nab such perpetrators. Why do you think guns don't work at all like in TV, nor is there anything like iocaine powder?


My favorite TV hitman was from an episode of Law and Order, a pudgy, bald guy with a little dog.  He was busted because people remembered the dog.  His MO was walk the dog, perform the hit, put the gun in the bag of dog poop, stick around and talk to the police giving a description of the shooter.
 
kab
2013-05-08 02:56:48 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: no talent, no merit.


psst.  you might want to check out the name you're posting under before you start wagging your finger about folks who don't sing.
 
2013-05-08 02:58:39 PM

No Time To Explain: Well, there goes the Austrian Death Machine album.


www.deadredart.com
 
2013-05-08 02:59:58 PM

offacue: A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.


What do you mean?  One of the lucky ones who is able to avoid the Sky Faerie brigade in prison?
 
2013-05-08 03:04:01 PM

Fano: manimal2878: 99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.

Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.

In every movie and TV show, writers are encouraged to leave a "crucial" detail out of a "foolproof" criminal plan so that law enforcement can easily nab such perpetrators. Why do you think guns don't work at all like in TV, nor is there anything like iocaine powder?


While yes "Breaking Bad" does simplify things over much (and no one really has a reason to have that much HF lieing around and it is a rather deadly poison) bodies can be disolved in sulfuric acid (faster if it's heated up) or lye (NaOH or KOH) again faster if it's heated up. Dissolving in lye is now being used as an alternative to cremation and lye is easier to come by in large, untraceable quantities than sulfuric acid. If you want ot get rid of all the evidence dissolving is best, you may ave a few bits of bones and teeth left over but those can be ground up or tossed into a river.

/not that I've given it any thought
//nor researched it at all
///She was alive last time I saw her
 
2013-05-08 03:24:17 PM

mortimer_ford: WTF, Tibet. Get your shiat together.


Even Mongolia is doing better
userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2013-05-08 03:34:30 PM
si0.twimg.com

Count Grishnackh is amused
 
2013-05-08 03:37:05 PM

Zombie Eater: orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat

Funny, we used to say the same thing about 80's hair bands when they'd worn out their welcome.


THIS

Poison, Crüe, Warrant, Slaughter, Trixter, G'nR, all those LA glam bands. That's true cock rock.
 
2013-05-08 03:41:12 PM

TheBlackFlag: offacue: A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.

What do you mean?  One of the lucky ones who is able to avoid the Sky Faerie brigade in prison?


(I think the joke is that As I Lay Dying is a "Christian" band)
 
2013-05-08 03:42:11 PM

Snapper Carr: [si0.twimg.com image 500x400]

Count Grishnackh is amused


He shouldn't be. Look what happened to him
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-08 04:29:13 PM
Well, he doesn't have the fanatic sort of listeners he could direct to kill people.
 
2013-05-08 04:43:25 PM
My mother is a fish.
 
2013-05-08 05:13:38 PM

triptheory: TheBlackFlag: offacue: A lot of people who go to prison find Jesus and turn their life around.  Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones.

What do you mean?  One of the lucky ones who is able to avoid the Sky Faerie brigade in prison?

(I think the joke is that As I Lay Dying is a "Christian" band)


When he puts on the traditional cartoon prison garb, will he be a Stryper?
 
2013-05-08 05:14:15 PM
How to kill your wife and get away with it.


Take her Kayaking, and get attacked by a "shark"
 
2013-05-08 05:16:44 PM

manimal2878: 99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.

Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.


Pig farm
 
2013-05-08 05:17:14 PM
Unless you are a Mob boss or the head of the CIA, anyone you try to hire as a hitman is really an undercover cop

I suspect that that applies to every hot underage teen that you solicit on the internet as well. I have no desire or plans to verify that theory, however.
 
2013-05-08 05:20:04 PM
Ah, another metal shiatting thread where all the cultured fark dipshiats tell us how uncivilized us metal fans are. 
 
That being said, As I lay Dying is pretty awful.
 
2013-05-08 05:21:30 PM

Kanemano: How to kill your wife and get away with it.


Take her Kayaking, and get attacked by a "shark"


Is there another article that talks about being charged for murder cuz all I see in that link is the initial shark attack report.
 
2013-05-08 05:22:39 PM

roflmaonow: Kanemano: How to kill your wife and get away with it.


Take her Kayaking, and get attacked by a "shark"

Is there another article that talks about being charged for murder cuz all I see in that link is the initial shark attack report.


Followup
 
2013-05-08 05:47:14 PM
This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.
 
2013-05-08 06:09:19 PM

NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.


*notsureifserious.jpg*
 
2013-05-08 06:10:43 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-08 06:15:26 PM

darch: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

*notsureifserious.jpg*


Well, I don't know how well I expressed what I was trying to see, but God made music so we could glorify Him. You can't tell me doing your best impression of the devil over some ominous guitars is glorifying to God. I think you know what I mean. I see you share an email address with your significant other, so you must be one of the few other Christians on this website.
 
2013-05-08 06:50:34 PM

topcon: This is why I always outsource my murder-for-hire plots to Indian subcontractors.




They do the needful.
 
2013-05-08 07:01:46 PM
I dunno, The Revelation According to John and the Book of Lamentations are pretty metal to me.
 
2013-05-08 07:06:29 PM

NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.


Because non-christians are more resilient in the face of Satan and won't buckle under the strain of performing music in the full glare of Satan's love? Or just that christians make sucky rock music?
 
2013-05-08 07:10:13 PM

Carn: orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat

I've seen plenty of young chicks at shows like that in the pit moshing and screaming along.  A very small majority mind, but present nonetheless.


And most of them could charitably be described as spherical. Skinny and moshing just don't mix.
 
2013-05-08 07:11:55 PM

LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

Because non-christians are more resilient in the face of Satan and won't buckle under the strain of performing music in the full glare of Satan's love? Or just that christians make sucky rock music?


I'm not following. Perhaps if you learned how to write in complete sentences (unlike this one).
 
2013-05-08 07:19:01 PM

foxyshadis: Carn: orange whip: My friend has a name for metal bands with screaming (read: not singing) front men: Cock Rock cuz only 14-25 year old men like that shiat

I've seen plenty of young chicks at shows like that in the pit moshing and screaming along.  A very small majority mind, but present nonetheless.

And most of them could charitably be described as spherical. Skinny and moshing just don't mix.


It's not just boys fun.
 
2013-05-08 07:19:59 PM

NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

Because non-christians are more resilient in the face of Satan and won't buckle under the strain of performing music in the full glare of Satan's love? Or just that christians make sucky rock music?

I'm not following. Perhaps if you learned how to write in complete sentences (unlike this one).


You said that you don't condone christians making heavy metal. I asked why, is it because if they play rock music they (christians) are  so much weaker than non-christians and they (christians) will become corrupted by Satan and kill people or is it because christians make sucky rock music?

/ I think that is a clear and understandable question
// I also think the reason they should stay out of any rock music is they make sucky rockers.
 
2013-05-08 07:29:54 PM

LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

Because non-christians are more resilient in the face of Satan and won't buckle under the strain of performing music in the full glare of Satan's love? Or just that christians make sucky rock music?

I'm not following. Perhaps if you learned how to write in complete sentences (unlike this one).

You said that you don't condone christians making heavy metal. I asked why, is it because if they play rock music they (christians) are  so much weaker than non-christians and they (christians) will become corrupted by Satan and kill people or is it because christians make sucky rock music?

/ I think that is a clear and understandable question
// I also think the reason they should stay out of any rock music is they make sucky rockers.


Oh, you were just being snarky. I think I was pretty clear that the reason I don't think Christians should play heavy metal is that it will corrupt them. I don't really have any concern over whether their music sucks or not because, as a tolerant human being I realize that if I don't like something I don't have to listen to it.
 
2013-05-08 07:37:44 PM

NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

Because non-christians are more resilient in the face of Satan and won't buckle under the strain of performing music in the full glare of Satan's love? Or just that christians make sucky rock music?

I'm not following. Perhaps if you learned how to write in complete sentences (unlike this one).

You said that you don't condone christians making heavy metal. I asked why, is it because if they play rock music they (christians) are  so much weaker than non-christians and they (christians) will become corrupted by Satan and kill people or is it because christians make sucky rock music?

/ I think that is a clear and understandable question
// I also think the reason they should stay out of any rock music is they make sucky rockers.

Oh, you were just being snarky. I think I was pretty clear that the reason I don't think Christians should play heavy metal is that it will corrupt them. I don't really have any concern over whether their music sucks or not because, as a tolerant human being I realize that if I don't like something I don't have to listen to it.


YES I WAS BEING SNARKY!

Like "darch" I find it hilarious that you think that a particular style of music is "satanic" or "evil" no matter what the lyrics might be. Do you also find the Beatles and Elvis are corrupting our youth by imitating that horrible negro music?
 
2013-05-08 07:48:50 PM

LovingTeacher: YES I WAS BEING SNARKY!

Like "darch" I find it hilarious that you think that a particular style of music is "satanic" or "evil" no matter what the lyrics might be. Do you also find the Beatles and Elvis are corrupting our youth by imitating that horrible negro music?


I have no problem with Africa-Americans, but yes I do have a problem with music being used to tittilate and tempt adolescents. I find it disturbing that I can't turn on the radio or television without exposing my daughter to sexual content. I wasn't arount to observe it, but from what I've studied, Elvis seems to have brought that garbage into the mainstream.
 
2013-05-08 08:00:22 PM

NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: YES I WAS BEING SNARKY!

Like "darch" I find it hilarious that you think that a particular style of music is "satanic" or "evil" no matter what the lyrics might be. Do you also find the Beatles and Elvis are corrupting our youth by imitating that horrible negro music?

I have no problem with Africa-Americans, but yes I do have a problem with music being used to tittilate and tempt adolescents. I find it disturbing that I can't turn on the radio or television without exposing my daughter to sexual content. I wasn't arount to observe it, but from what I've studied, Elvis seems to have brought that garbage into the mainstream.


Man I usually don't fall for trolls but I guess I did this time.
 
2013-05-08 08:06:33 PM
NorCalLos, Lol.

Loving Teacher, come on man, really?
 
2013-05-08 08:55:15 PM

Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.


But is it not still shiny?
 
2013-05-08 09:16:59 PM
I'm pretty sure I have one of their CD's in a box in my garage that I listened to once.
Might have to give it another spin.
 
2013-05-08 09:21:45 PM
Yeah- I'm pretty sure I got trolled by NorCalLos.
 
2013-05-08 09:30:52 PM

No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: No Time To Explain: Lemmy Kilmister: Please.

that's not "singing" . not even close. Screaming with aggressive music is just that, screaming.

you can polish a turd until it shines, but it's still a turd.

Don't like metal because you can't understand the lyrics?
Nicki Minaj must be a true poet

/I keed, partially
//lot of good metal bands that have understandable, thought provoking/meaningful lyrics, and many where it's instrumental
///love me my metal

Rob Halford sings
Dio sang
Doro Pesch sings

this asshole just screams

no talent, no merit.

Not arguing with you there, needs to be a proper 80'a revival

/like I stated, adm is the only thing I like from Tim, there's still guttural vocals I can enjoy, Opeth, LoG, (Dethklok gets honourable mention for being an awesome parody at the genre)
//Dio was the rare guy who could sing about rainbows and still be manly


No Time To Explain: //Dio was the rare guy who could sing about rainbows and still be manly




You sound like a poser.
i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-05-08 09:40:22 PM

darch: Yeah- I'm pretty sure I got trolled by NorCalLos.


I wouldn't even call it a troll because it was so obviously tongue in cheek. I really didn't expect anyone to take the Christian heavy metal stuff seriously. I do think certain sounds do evils certain emotions in people, though I think it's mostly a learned behavior. And I do believe music often has a significant effect on the emotions and behavior of those who perform and listen to it; but I don't necessarily believe in God and Satan per se. I think an instrumental heavy metal album could help inspire a young man who believes the music is compelling him to do something "evil" to do so.

Having said that, I do believe in what I said about Elvis and pop culture to a certain extent.
 
2013-05-08 10:01:20 PM
Dude- you need to get out more.
 
2013-05-08 10:11:33 PM

darch: Dude- you need to get out more.


Nah-I just have a daughter. Ironically, going out in public is not nearly as offensive as staying home and watching TV/movie/listening to most radio/podcasts. You don't find it odd that every primetime network tv show and top 40 radio station is filled with content that if said in the work place could get you fired/sued for sexual harassment? I understand that the workplace and entertainment are two totally separate worlds, but if you take a step back there is clearly a bit if a disconnect. I'm no prude as far as media I consume or even create. I like Usher as much as the next guy (joke); but I think there is an argument to be made for more strict  guidines on content.
 
2013-05-08 10:24:30 PM
I guess i'm the only 32 year old guy that still likes this band. Pure headbanging grooved out shiat to jam to at a show.  I love the production of their albums and had a blast seeing them multiple times over the years .

I'm still bummed out about jeff hanneman dying off, too.

Tim is a pretty big idiot apparently, deserves whatever he gets. Just ironic that the lead singer of cannibal corpse is totally clean living and spends all his time playing world of warcraft, and the lead singer of a christian-ish metal band tries to get his wife offed.
 
2013-05-08 11:42:55 PM
Phedex

I'm a few years older than you, but I like their sound, which actually got me to buy one of their albums. I just found that they didn't have the actual songs to allow me to really enjoy their music or take them seriously enough to listen to it repeatedly--and my standard isn't that high. I genuinely like quite a bit of music that others don't take seriously like Mindless Self Indulgence and 36 Crazyfists.
 
2013-05-08 11:45:35 PM
Way to fark over the rest of your band- they were slated to start touring shortly.

/headline sucks
 
2013-05-09 12:23:11 AM
Just for the record, Tim Lambesis is very talented - with the exception of the Ahnult lines and guest guitar solos, he played every instrument on the Austrian Death Machine albums.

He's just not a talented singer.
 
2013-05-09 01:36:40 AM

NorCalLos: darch: Dude- you need to get out more.

Nah-I just have a daughter. Ironically, going out in public is not nearly as offensive as staying home and watching TV/movie/listening to most radio/podcasts. You don't find it odd that every primetime network tv show and top 40 radio station is filled with content that if said in the work place could get you fired/sued for sexual harassment? I understand that the workplace and entertainment are two totally separate worlds, but if you take a step back there is clearly a bit if a disconnect. I'm no prude as far as media I consume or even create. I like Usher as much as the next guy (joke); but I think there is an argument to be made for more strict  guidines on content.


And I think there is an argument for fewer guidelines on content. It's YOUR kid- it's YOUR responsibility.

Enough with parading children to the forefront to cover for your own insecurities. Why do parents DO that?
 
2013-05-09 07:51:22 AM

ShadowKamui: manimal2878: 99.998er: I have never, ever, ever entertained the idea of murdering my wife/girlfriend. But if I did, I would dress like a lumberjack with fake beard & mustache, plaid hat and all, and of course workman's gloves. Go to the hardware store up in the next county and buy a gas powered wood chipper with cash. Then I would plant said wood chipper about 678 yards up in the woods off old county rd. 312 just off that dirt road on the right that is 1.23 miles past the abandoned post office. Next I would lure my wife/GF for a leisurely picnic in the woods, making sure she had no jewelry or personal belongings with her...like phone, purse, etc. Then, after plying her with roofie laced wine, I would disrobe her and send her body head first into wood chipper, making sure to collect any teeth that may have passed unharmed. I would bundle up her clothes and take them back home with me and simply put them in the wash.

But again, the idea of killing her has never crossed my mind.

Is the thought of using the wood chipper to punish her corpse to dispose of evidence?  It would seem to me that a wood chipper would actually be spraying evidence everywhere, and blood and bits of bone and hair would be impossible to completely clean from the chipper so now the chipper itself is a big hunk of evidence.

Seems the best way to get rid of a body is to dissolve it in acid like in Breaking Bad.

Pig farm


I think you would have an easier time bringing acid to your corpse, than getting your corpse into a pig farm unnoticed.
 
2013-05-09 07:56:53 AM

NorCalLos: darch: NorCalLos: This is why I've never condoned Christians playing heavy metal. People use all sorts of gymnastics to try to justify it; but heavy metal is just not appropriate for Christians. Even if the lyrics are not satanic, it's still all about negativity and self-indulgence and glorifying yourself with guitar solos. I'm sure this guy started out with a pure heart, but when you flirt with the devil long enough, he eventually gets a hold on you.

*notsureifserious.jpg*

Well, I don't know how well I expressed what I was trying to see, but God made music so we could glorify Him. You can't tell me doing your best impression of the devil over some ominous guitars is glorifying to God. I think you know what I mean. I see you share an email address with your significant other, so you must be one of the few other Christians on this website.


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.
 
2013-05-09 10:52:36 AM

NorCalLos: LovingTeacher: YES I WAS BEING SNARKY!

Like "darch" I find it hilarious that you think that a particular style of music is "satanic" or "evil" no matter what the lyrics might be. Do you also find the Beatles and Elvis are corrupting our youth by imitating that horrible negro music?

I have no problem with Africa-Americans, but yes I do have a problem with music being used to tittilate and tempt adolescents. I find it disturbing that I can't turn on the radio or television without exposing my daughter to sexual content. I wasn't arount to observe it, but from what I've studied, Elvis seems to have brought that garbage into the mainstream.


Gramps?? When did you learn how to internet?
 
2013-05-09 11:49:10 AM
I'm listening through the album and it's kinda meh. Very standard, not too varied. Lyrics are a little emo, and even though it's that scream vocal stuff you should still be able to make out more of the words. I know, it's so unhip to actually be able to make out the words.
 
2013-05-09 11:53:38 AM

phedex: I guess i'm the only 32 year old guy that still likes this band. Pure headbanging grooved out shiat to jam to at a show.  I love the production of their albums and had a blast seeing them multiple times over the years .

I'm still bummed out about jeff hanneman dying off, too.

Tim is a pretty big idiot apparently, deserves whatever he gets. Just ironic that the lead singer of cannibal corpse is totally clean living and spends all his time playing world of warcraft, and the lead singer of a christian-ish metal band tries to get his wife offed.


I'm 47.  You're not alone.
 
2013-05-09 01:03:14 PM

darch: And I think there is an argument for fewer guidelines on content. It's YOUR kid- it's YOUR responsibility.

Enough with parading children to the forefront to cover for your own insecurities. Why do parents DO that?


The personal attack makes it clear you're thinking emotionally, not rationally; so I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore. This has nothing to do with any doubts I may have about myself. I'm not parading anyone anywhere. I have no problem protecting my child from people like you who seem to think they can say and do whatever they want regardless of who's watching. I just find it odd that in the workplace where there are zero children, everyone is so up tight about anything remotely sexual, but on television, radio, and internet which is streamed into our living rooms it's virtually impossible to find content that is stimulating to adults that isn't saturated with sex.
 
2013-05-09 01:05:18 PM
manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.
 
2013-05-09 01:09:26 PM

NorCalLos: manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.


Well now that you won't engage in conversation regarding children and "protecting" them, what, pray tell, do YOU consider "metal"? I can't WAIT to hear this one.
 
2013-05-09 01:51:50 PM

darch: NorCalLos: manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.

Well now that you won't engage in conversation regarding children and "protecting" them, what, pray tell, do YOU consider "metal"? I can't WAIT to hear this one.


You are obviously too simple to realize that neither of these things has anything to do with the other, but the bands he mentioned are emo/screamo, with the exception of Deftones who are Nu-Metal/alternative metal. Metal is something entirely different that I shouldn't have to explain, but...Slayer, Sepultura, Deicide, Napalm Death...hell, even Pantera and Metallica are way more metal than any of these bands.
 
2013-05-09 01:53:45 PM

darch: NorCalLos: manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.

Well now that you won't engage in conversation regarding children and "protecting" them, what, pray tell, do YOU consider "metal"? I can't WAIT to hear this one.


Hell, Stryper has more metal cred than Thursday, Senses Fail, or Deftones.
 
2013-05-09 03:04:18 PM

NorCalLos: darch: NorCalLos: manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.

Well now that you won't engage in conversation regarding children and "protecting" them, what, pray tell, do YOU consider "metal"? I can't WAIT to hear this one.

Hell, Stryper has more metal cred than Thursday, Senses Fail, or Deftones.


I am in no way "simple" and will not react to your put-downs, but I must say that I agree with your last assessment.
 
2013-05-09 03:36:06 PM

NorCalLos: manimal2878:


I think metal had a silly reputation for that sort of thing in the 80s and probably still does in certain genres, but most of the metal bands that I ever listened to sing more about science fiction stuff or politics or just a lot of emo stuff with bands like Thursday and SensesFail.  Heck, my favorite band, the Deftones, I can only think of songs that seem to indicate they are believers.

That's great, but what you're listening to isn't metal.


Before I engage in this debate, why don't you define metal for me, and tell me why those bands aren't metal.
 
2013-05-09 03:39:15 PM
manimal2878:

Before I engage in this debate, why don't you define metal for me, and tell me why those bands aren't metal.

I didn't mean it as an insult. I like Thursday and Deftones. It's just not metal. I'm not going to define metal for you. If you'd like to hear a ridiculous argument about that, search Fark for old threads.
 
2013-05-09 03:45:51 PM

NorCalLos: manimal2878:

Before I engage in this debate, why don't you define metal for me, and tell me why those bands aren't metal.

I didn't mean it as an insult. I like Thursday and Deftones. It's just not metal. I'm not going to define metal for you. If you'd like to hear a ridiculous argument about that, search Fark for old threads.


You are not going to define metal, because by any definition they are clearly metal.  Perhaps you shouldn't make stupid claims if you aren't willing to back them up.
 
2013-05-09 04:03:06 PM

manimal2878: NorCalLos: manimal2878:

Before I engage in this debate, why don't you define metal for me, and tell me why those bands aren't metal.

I didn't mean it as an insult. I like Thursday and Deftones. It's just not metal. I'm not going to define metal for you. If you'd like to hear a ridiculous argument about that, search Fark for old threads.

You are not going to define metal, because by any definition they are clearly metal.  Perhaps you shouldn't make stupid claims if you aren't willing to back them up.


I'm not going to try to define metal because it's partly subjective and impossible to define definitively. In general, a few things that separate the bands you mentioned from what I consider metal are tempo, guitar solos, and aggressive drumming/blast beats (snare drum at every quarter-note, aggressive double-bass playing). Also, absent: highly technical guitar parts, particularly lead guitar. Also, metal generally has a rigid feel to it, not something you can really nod your head to. That's why people bang their heads to it. Also, metal songs generally feature two distinct guitar parts played simultaneously, usually one lead and one rhythm. Of course there are exceptions to these general guidelines, but there's a start for you. Now to go you tube and listen to Cannibal Corps, Morbid Angel, and Slayer; then click on any of the other bands that come up in the sidebar and listen to them. You're welcome for the education.
 
2013-05-09 04:12:05 PM

NorCalLos: manimal2878: NorCalLos: manimal2878:

Before I engage in this debate, why don't you define metal for me, and tell me why those bands aren't metal.

I didn't mean it as an insult. I like Thursday and Deftones. It's just not metal. I'm not going to define metal for you. If you'd like to hear a ridiculous argument about that, search Fark for old threads.

You are not going to define metal, because by any definition they are clearly metal.  Perhaps you shouldn't make stupid claims if you aren't willing to back them up.

I'm not going to try to define metal because it's partly subjective and impossible to define definitively. In general, a few things that separate the bands you mentioned from what I consider metal are tempo, guitar solos, and aggressive drumming/blast beats (snare drum at every quarter-note, aggressive double-bass playing). Also, absent: highly technical guitar parts, particularly lead guitar. Also, metal generally has a rigid feel to it, not something you can really nod your head to. That's why people bang their heads to it. Also, metal songs generally feature two distinct guitar parts played simultaneously, usually one lead and one rhythm. Of course there are exceptions to these general guidelines, but there's a start for you. Now to go you tube and listen to Cannibal Corps, Morbid Angel, and Slayer; then click on any of the other bands that come up in the sidebar and listen to them. You're welcome for the education.


You are truly confounding us, NorCalLos. Are you a troll? An arrogant prick who believes his own self-invented hype? Or are you just an asocial asshole?
 
2013-05-09 04:17:41 PM
darch:

You are truly confounding us, NorCalLos. Are you a troll? An arrogant prick who believes his own self-invented hype? Or are you just an asocial asshole?

YOU insulted ME and I'm an asocial asshole/troll? OK.
 
2013-05-09 04:27:39 PM
Yeah, because troll or not, your overwhelming sense of entitlement and smugness DRIPS off the screen.
 
2013-05-09 04:28:43 PM
And also- it's farking creepy that you checked my profile and commented on my email address in the thread.
 
2013-05-09 04:38:38 PM

darch: And also- it's farking creepy that you checked my profile and commented on my email address in the thread.


I just clicked on your profile again to find that you have been around here way too long to be shocked by being told you were wrong about something. I guess I am asocial in the sense that I sometimes forget how angry, aggressive, and irrational people become when you point out that they're wrong about something.
 
2013-05-09 05:17:45 PM

NorCalLos: darch: And also- it's farking creepy that you checked my profile and commented on my email address in the thread.

I just clicked on your profile again to find that you have been around here way too long to be shocked by being told you were wrong about something. I guess I am asocial in the sense that I sometimes forget how angry, aggressive, and irrational people become when you point out that they're wrong about something.


Wrong? About what exactly? Please- I await your enlightenment. And if you profer a cogent explanation, I shall admit so. But until then- I'll stick with my original supposition: you believe your own hype.
 
2013-05-09 05:27:23 PM

darch: NorCalLos: darch: And also- it's farking creepy that you checked my profile and commented on my email address in the thread.

I just clicked on your profile again to find that you have been around here way too long to be shocked by being told you were wrong about something. I guess I am asocial in the sense that I sometimes forget how angry, aggressive, and irrational people become when you point out that they're wrong about something.

Wrong? About what exactly? Please- I await your enlightenment. And if you profer a cogent explanation, I shall admit so. But until then- I'll stick with my original supposition: you believe your own hype.


You didn't like being told the songs you try to make your parents angry with are not actually metal, but a filtered-for-safety version of it more appropriate for my daughter than a young man. Yes, I believe in my own hype. The tabloids and op-eds are going crazy about me. I really need to stop reading my own press clippings praising my witty comments on Fark.
 
2013-05-09 05:38:18 PM

NorCalLos: darch: NorCalLos: darch: And also- it's farking creepy that you checked my profile and commented on my email address in the thread.

I just clicked on your profile again to find that you have been around here way too long to be shocked by being told you were wrong about something. I guess I am asocial in the sense that I sometimes forget how angry, aggressive, and irrational people become when you point out that they're wrong about something.

Wrong? About what exactly? Please- I await your enlightenment. And if you profer a cogent explanation, I shall admit so. But until then- I'll stick with my original supposition: you believe your own hype.

You didn't like being told the songs you try to make your parents angry with are not actually metal, but a filtered-for-safety version of it more appropriate for my daughter than a young man. Yes, I believe in my own hype. The tabloids and op-eds are going crazy about me. I really need to stop reading my own press clippings praising my witty comments on Fark.


SEE?!?! I was RIGHT! You DO beli... oh wait- you're being snarky. Damn.

Off to listen to Reign in Blood...
 
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