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(Metro)   If you need to get out of a bad boardroom meeting in your high-rise office, this is the way to go   (metro.co.uk) divider line 58
    More: Spiffy, highrises  
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14360 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2013 at 12:11 AM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-08 12:09:39 AM
I keep asking for this  my mid-town 20 something floor CUBE and all they keep telling me is the defibrillators are on the 5th floor. HR  Always someone you want to drop in on.

They're coming for me wEEEZY

/deputy fire warden on the floor.. year after year, making idiots safe.
 
2013-05-08 12:13:02 AM
lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-05-08 12:13:10 AM
Nice!
It is getting dusty in here.
 
2013-05-08 12:13:28 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-08 12:14:42 AM

meat0918: [lh3.googleusercontent.com image 320x176]


All that farking around with cropping and resizing and you beat me. Stupid fark image size limitation...
 
2013-05-08 12:16:32 AM
Wasn't there a opportunistic tard who made a fool of himself just after 9/11 with a similar, but worse, product?
 
2013-05-08 12:18:10 AM
This would be a funny idea if office buildings had windows from which you could jump. But as it is, these glass and steel towers are shut tight and the only air that's let in is through the HVAC systems sucking in the polluted city air from the outside and intermingling it with the sweaty stench of the engineering department. I've even left bars of Irish Spring outside the elevator doors for them, just to give them a push. I came back two days later and they had built a pyramid out of the soap and it must have been 100 soda cans. The smell was no better. They live in squalor and reek to high heaven, and I can't imagine they're very healthy. One guy comes up to the exec floor every now and then sniffling and dragging some sort of pillow doll behind him. I see him at meetings every now and then, guzzling a soft drink and nuzzling that goddamned pillow. We can't fire him because he apparently knows the entire network and he works for very little pay, only taking the free drinks and free chips. I have been thinking of proposing that we do away with these things in an effort to promote a healthier workplace, but I really just want the engineering floors to stop smelling like a zoo.
 
2013-05-08 12:18:37 AM
Ummmm
lh3.googleusercontent.com
 
2013-05-08 12:18:48 AM
A parachute? Pussy.

suckerpunchcinema.com
 
2013-05-08 12:21:18 AM
"That was Wilkins"
"No it wasn't"
"THAT WAS WILKINS"
 
2013-05-08 12:21:24 AM
quick! everyone double post pics!
 
2013-05-08 12:22:35 AM
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-05-08 12:23:37 AM
When is the sidewalk fully dressed?
 
2013-05-08 12:26:18 AM
olyaf81.narod.ru
 
2013-05-08 12:28:07 AM
Of course, it's only rated for 200 pounds, so get it for your boss and encourage him to try it out.
 
2013-05-08 12:28:32 AM
www.chinasmack.com
 
2013-05-08 12:29:45 AM
Farker stole my idea!
 
2013-05-08 12:32:00 AM
I've often wanted to help some boring dipstick do just that, and it's usually the guy with the Powerpoint show.

"Here, let me help you out the window ..."
 
2013-05-08 12:32:12 AM
Came for The IT Crowd reference. Leaving satisfied.
 
2013-05-08 12:41:32 AM
I can only imagine how thousands of people jumping out of a building at the same time and then opening parachutes simultaneously would end up.
 
2013-05-08 12:43:21 AM
In all seriousness that would have been good for the stranded on 9/11.
Hell it should be mandatory for highrises.
 
2013-05-08 12:43:21 AM
 
2013-05-08 12:49:09 AM

Harry_Seldon: When is the sidewalk fully dressed?


When it's Waring Hudsucker!
 
2013-05-08 12:49:11 AM
img547.imageshack.us
 
2013-05-08 12:52:19 AM
Attention all Hudsucker employees. Attention all Hudsucker employees. We regretfully announce that at thirty seconds after the hour of noon, Hudsucker time, Waring Hudsucker, Founder, President, and Chairman of the Board of Hudsucker Industries, merged with the infinite. To mark this occasion of corporate loss, we ask that all employees observe a moment of silent contemplation.  [moment of silence] Thank you for your kind attention. This moment has been duly-noted on your time cards and will be deducted from your pay. That is all.
 
2013-05-08 12:54:51 AM

JasonOfOrillia: Ummmm
[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 800x731]


Came for the Hudsucker Proxy and left satisfied
 
2013-05-08 12:55:26 AM

Almost Everybody Poops: I can only imagine how thousands of people jumping out of a building at the same time and then opening parachutes simultaneously would end up.


Um... I'd rather take my chances there than DIAF or collapsing with the building
 
2013-05-08 12:58:34 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: This would be a funny idea if office buildings had windows from which you could jump.


There are tools that will break right through large office window glass.   Anyone buying this parachute would be wasting their money if they didn't store the requisite glass breaking tool along side the chute.   Most of that sort of glass is designed to fail without creating large shards, so combined with a parachute, it could be quite effective.

The valid reason to get one of these is fire, not airplanes.  Even so, nearly all skyscraper fires are very survivable by simply following directions and taking the stairs when the fire is under control.   But hey, if you work in the 90th floor and have money to burn, why not?  Piece of mind has a value.
 
2013-05-08 01:02:44 AM
A golden parachute for the CEO?
 
2013-05-08 01:05:53 AM

AlwaysRightBoy: I keep asking for this  my mid-town 20 something floor CUBE and all they keep telling me is the defibrillators are on the 5th floor. HR  Always someone you want to drop in on.

They're coming for me wEEEZY

/deputy fire warden on the floor.. year after year, making idiots safe.


I did not understand this post.
 
2013-05-08 01:07:35 AM
I use careful planning to get out of corporate meetings.

The morning of I eat microwave burritos and eggs with a bowl of sauerkraut.  Since our meetings tend to be later in the day, my gut is nice and bloated by the time things kick off.  I crop dust on my way to my chair and continue to let loose a barrage of SBDs while giving someone next to me the stink eye and shifting my seat away from them,giving the illusion that its not me.

The meetings are always cut way short of the scheduled end time....always.  My gas could make the UN's list of WMDs....so I've got that going for me, which is nice.
 
2013-05-08 01:14:14 AM
With any luck you'd slam into another high rise right after the parachute deploys and come crashing down on a power line.

/useful but they'd need a lot if the building was stocking them. Too many temps without offices or you're doing an errand on another floor and can't get back to your chute.
 
2013-05-08 01:18:58 AM
The dollar store version of this would be a few feet of clothesline and a pair of my ex wife's panties.
 
2013-05-08 01:26:12 AM

sweet-daddy-2: a few feet of clothesline


Indeed, wouldn't a really long fire-proof rope be more idiot proof?

/maybe not
 
2013-05-08 01:27:26 AM
A lot of people jumped from the towers. I'm guessing that a few would have survived had they had a chute. Perhaps quite a few of them.  I think it's a great idea.  Couple it with one of those sonic glass breakers and you've got your escape plan.
 
2013-05-08 01:31:34 AM

Sgygus: sweet-daddy-2: a few feet of clothesline

Indeed, wouldn't a really long fire-proof rope be more idiot proof?

/maybe not


A quarter mile of rope?  Seriously?
 
2013-05-08 01:36:36 AM
You know... for the kids!
static.guim.co.uk
 
2013-05-08 01:54:15 AM

Almost Everybody Poops: I can only imagine how thousands of people jumping out of a building at the same time and then opening parachutes simultaneously would end up.


Jump with scissors to cut the lines of anyone violating your airspace.
 
2013-05-08 02:03:09 AM
Wasn't there something very similar called the "Execu Chute" around shortly after 9/11.
 
2013-05-08 02:07:57 AM
So he invents BASE jumping?
 
2013-05-08 02:08:06 AM
In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.
 
2013-05-08 02:33:59 AM
As long as his device works better than Franz Reichelt's.
 
2013-05-08 02:35:37 AM
...because there are so many occasions when one needs to leap from a building over 20 stories under circumstances when the stairs are not the better option. It's happened so many times around the world in the last 20 years.
 
2013-05-08 02:36:15 AM

swingerofbirches: I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?


Because by the time a human climbs into a net and packs himself in Styrofoam peanuts, he's burnt to death in the highrise fire.
 
2013-05-08 02:44:05 AM

swingerofbirches: My point is: why can't we do this for a human?


Humans won't fit in sour cream containers.
 
2013-05-08 02:46:53 AM
I'm getting off this merry-go-round!
 
2013-05-08 03:03:11 AM

swingerofbirches: In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.


Do you also have a theory about dinosaurs?
 
2013-05-08 03:35:13 AM

JasonOfOrillia: Ummmm
[lh3.googleusercontent.com image 800x731]


Dammit. Eleven seconds.

*grumblegrumble*
 
2013-05-08 03:40:18 AM

CruiserTwelve: swingerofbirches: My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

Humans won't fit in sour cream containers.


And the ones who do won't be the ones with corner offices.
 
2013-05-08 06:15:22 AM

swingerofbirches: In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.


you just dumped the sour cream into the trash?
 
2013-05-08 06:25:15 AM

Insurgent: swingerofbirches: In 6th grade, we had an assignment where we had to invent a device capable of carrying an egg to safety from the top of our 3-story school building.

Unlike everyone else, I didn't use a parachute.

And it worked perfectly.

Here's how I did it (and I didn't get any help):

I took a large sour cream container and dumped out the sour cream and then washed it out.

Next, I took that type of netting that comes around turkeys. I poked a hole in both the center of the lid of the sour cream container and the center of the bottom of it. I pulled the netting through each hole and tied a knot on the side with the lid. I then placed the egg in the said netting.

I pinched off an area both above and below the egg in the netting that formed a cocoon for the egg. Basically, the egg ended up being suspended in the netting once I pulled the string through the other side of the container and tied a knot.

If you dropped it, it couldn't hit any of the sides of the container.

But as a fail safe, I also put packing peanuts in around it.

The egg survived.

My point is: why can't we do this for a human?

/I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto. And also this was before the WWW, no looking things up online. I did it all by myself.

you just dumped the sour cream into the trash?


All by myself.

I can't re-iterate that point enough.

This was not one of those projects where your dad is some engineer and is secretly orchestrating the whole thing. Every single idea was mine.
 
2013-05-08 06:51:48 AM

swingerofbirches: My point is: why can't we do this for a human?


For the container to have enough crumple zones "space" for that to work on a human it would be prohibitively big, and the container would have to be soemthing so strong that it would likely trap you upon landing.

swingerofbirches: /I'd like to re-iterate I didn't get any help. It's something I can hold onto.


You mihgt want to let that go...
 
2013-05-08 06:53:16 AM
 
2013-05-08 07:52:37 AM
I used to have an AS400 get me out of meetings. I wrote a quick ATDT program with my pager number. I would then have ROBOT schedule to call me 5 minutes in to the meeting and 15 minutes in to the meeting. I gave them 5 minutes because they served refreshments. As soon as the boss's boss started his BS, my pager would go off, I'd look at it and moan. I would go to the phone and call my desk. After a couple of rings, I would tell nobody "If it doesn't come back in ten minutes call me. I am in a very important meeting." Ten minutes later, I was free from the boss's boss's bloviating.

I also had the AS400 call me at 5 am every morning, Monday through Friday and on the first Saturday of every month (end of month processing). Since I submitted it in to ROBOT as SYSADMIN (or SYSOPR), I continued to get a wake up call even after I left the company. Then I changed phone numbers. I often wonder if someone still gets a 5 AM call from a computer.
 
2013-05-08 07:56:36 AM
pictures.historicimages.net

Remember, Mindy. When we get to the ground, you owe us a Devil's Tricycle.
 
2013-05-08 08:17:59 AM

tenpoundsofcheese: Nice!
It is getting dusty in here.


What the fark are you now crying about?
 
2013-05-08 08:30:13 AM
i.imgur.com

Also, everyone who sits in one of these gets to go first, to create a nice, soft place for everyone else to land.
 
2013-05-08 08:35:27 AM
Well this is old; there were a lot of these after 9/11
 
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