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(Daily Mail)   Scientists say that if you carry a guitar on your back and pretend that you play one, your chance of getting laid increases by a third   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 40
    More: Interesting, behavioural sciences, Somalian, French Studies  
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9663 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2013 at 1:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-07 12:38:13 PM
11 votes:

Pocket Ninja: The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.


Don't forget to say "Crambone" when it happens.
2013-05-07 01:40:33 PM
8 votes:
www.explosm.net
gja [TotalFark]
2013-05-07 01:46:57 PM
5 votes:
I prefer to show gals my big organ........
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

Impressive, huh?
2013-05-07 12:36:51 PM
5 votes:
This glockenspiel on the other hand has done NOTHING for me.
2013-05-07 01:53:35 PM
4 votes:
i39.tinypic.com

Wrote a song about it.  Wanna hear it?
2013-05-07 12:30:17 PM
4 votes:
The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.
2013-05-07 01:54:41 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-05-07 01:49:41 PM
3 votes:
weknowmemes.com
2013-05-07 01:38:27 PM
3 votes:
carry an electric guitar without strings and use a kazoo to make guitar noises.
2013-05-07 12:46:30 PM
3 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
Take a look at my wang - can't you tell it needs shlumping?
Still my guitar gently weeps.
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
2013-05-07 12:43:16 PM
3 votes:
In related news, scientists say that if you carry around an accordion, your chances of being stuffed in a locker increase by 50%.
2013-05-07 03:53:49 PM
2 votes:
1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-07 03:00:51 PM
2 votes:
What if you have a guitar growing out of your head?

farm2.static.flickr.com
2013-05-07 02:50:55 PM
2 votes:
What are your chances if you carry a rusty trombone in your pants?
gja [TotalFark]
2013-05-07 02:22:58 PM
2 votes:

studs up: unfarkingbelievable: gja: I prefer to show gals my big organ........
[encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 257x196]

Impressive, huh?

But can you carry it on your back?

A girl's got to have standards?


She agrees........
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com

/not sure i could do the whole "six inch spike through a board with your penis"......but then again......
2013-05-07 01:44:17 PM
2 votes:

Some Bass Playing Guy: Unfortunately, I play bass, which has been proven to not get you laid. :)


I'm pretty sure even the sound guy gets laid more than the bass player.

Obligatory band joke: How do you spot a level headed bass player?  He's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

/bass player
2013-05-07 01:41:57 PM
2 votes:

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: In related news, scientists say that if you carry around an accordion, your chances of being stuffed in a locker increase by 50%.


What's the definition of a gentleman?

A guy that can play the accordion, but doesn't.
2013-05-07 01:40:01 PM
2 votes:
How about a soprano ukulele across your back? Does that improve or decrease your chances of getting laid?
I have a theory based on anecdotal evidence. It's not looking good.
2013-05-07 01:05:25 PM
2 votes:
ethicsalarms.files.wordpress.com


Ooops.
2013-05-07 01:04:22 PM
2 votes:
Unfortunately, I play bass, which has been proven to not get you laid. :)
2013-05-07 12:47:14 PM
2 votes:
Woot, my chances are now 1.33%

/Of course I did the math.
//Sadly that feeds back into the calculation
2013-05-07 11:35:20 PM
1 votes:
Know what you call a musician that does not have a girlfriend......


HOMELESS
2013-05-07 09:07:18 PM
1 votes:

Sybarite: This glockenspiel on the other hand has done NOTHING for me.


You just have to know how to work it....
2013-05-07 03:49:23 PM
1 votes:
I play a drum, and women dance and shake their boobs and hips to my mad rhythms.  It's pretty cool.
2013-05-07 03:22:46 PM
1 votes:
There's no need to actually play the damn thing.  Just sit there with the guitar on your lap while licking your eyebrows.  Works every time.
2013-05-07 02:53:21 PM
1 votes:
2.bp.blogspot.com

'forget all about that macho shiat and learn how to play guitar'
2013-05-07 02:52:04 PM
1 votes:
What about the 'Vette?  Cause I have heard it on good authority that it makes women ready for coitus.

4.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-07 02:49:24 PM
1 votes:

XMark: Man, I can actually play guitar really good. It hasn't helped me one bit!


See, that's the problem:  You can go overboard.  Stuff to avoid playing:
Any Yngwie Malmsteen tune.
2013-05-07 02:48:16 PM
1 votes:

Jayone: So, what happens when I carry around my three guitars? And can actually play them.


Depends.  Does you mean this?
i.imgur.com
Because That's probably only going to attract rednecks and burnouts.
2013-05-07 02:43:10 PM
1 votes:

Jayone: So, what happens when I carry around my three guitars? And can actually play them.


that doesn't work. it ends up smacking of real effort. it's like the difference between a single quick prestidigitation and rolling out balls and hoops and white doves.
2013-05-07 02:41:32 PM
1 votes:

noitsnot: The meta-rule is "Do stuff that gives you status" (or at least be perceived to do said stuff). Anything that will get a group of people paying attention to you as you either do it, or tell them about doing it.

It can be playing guitar, rock climbing, motorcycle racing, just getting back from overseas, winning big in Vegas, opening a brew pub, getting your black belt, whatever.

A big step in that direction is not being in your room playing Xbox. Another key feature is to achieve things as an individual - don't get buried in the group.


My god, man. That is genius. Honestly.
That's going on my kid's bedroom wall.
2013-05-07 02:35:08 PM
1 votes:

nickerj1: AlwaysRightBoy: I've lent out some of my dogs to single friends but  I'll tell them about the odds with a guitar.

I had significant success with my dog.  You can immediately start talking to any girl in any situation if you have a dog with you.  It is socially acceptable.


Ya, you look like a total AW, but if you take a dog to whichever area in your town has all the bars/restaurants, etc. it's like shooting fish in a barrel. It's extremely contrived and pathetic, but effective.
2013-05-07 02:23:01 PM
1 votes:
What if you're playing Stairway?

codinghorror.typepad.com
2013-05-07 02:01:33 PM
1 votes:
But this technique only works if your a man, women are not seen any more or less attractive if they carry a musical instrument.

This study is clearly flawed.

Anyways, I always feel like a douche playing even on my front steps.  I bring it on vacations and stuff because I love playing and become incredibly guilty if I don't practice, but it sucks to play out in public because it draws so much attention.  If you play in a park, on the beach, etc., most of the time people will come up and randomly try to give you a dollar which is super shiatty and annoying.
2013-05-07 01:59:10 PM
1 votes:

Accordion: As an accordionist I have gotten more women than as a guitarist. Chicks dig the accordion.


legalballerina.files.wordpress.com

"You know playing 'Bella Note' really gets my diaper wet!"
2013-05-07 01:57:59 PM
1 votes:
One-third of 0 is still 0.
2013-05-07 01:48:58 PM
1 votes:
A wedding ring probably yields better results.
2013-05-07 01:41:40 PM
1 votes:
FTFA: But this technique only works if your a man

If my a man what?
2013-05-07 12:47:24 PM
1 votes:
stop typing so fast Pocket Ninja.  i KNOW you're typing at like 120 wpm maybe cause you got so much work to do and can't be bothered with a site like FARK.  but BELIEVE YOU ME. it SHOWS
2013-05-07 12:46:35 PM
1 votes:
If you carry a bass guitar, chances of getting your dick sucked increase exponentially.
 
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