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(Daily Mail)   Scientists say that if you carry a guitar on your back and pretend that you play one, your chance of getting laid increases by a third   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 175
    More: Interesting, behavioural sciences, Somalian, French Studies  
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9674 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2013 at 1:35 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-07 03:02:02 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: stop typing so fast Pocket Ninja.  i KNOW you're typing at like 120 wpm maybe cause you got so much work to do and can't be bothered with a site like FARK.  but BELIEVE YOU ME. it SHOWS


u jelly
 
2013-05-07 03:04:03 PM  

Pocket Ninja: The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.


I got one better on ya....
I'm a lefty, so whenever I'd get the "oh, you play guitar? play something" and be handed a right handed guitar, I'd look even cooler by holding it upside, knocking out a chord or two and saying "sorry, it's too hard to play upside down. If I had mine...."

This backfired on me once when one of the other guys there had a left handed guitar. At least by then it had been a few years and I could actually play something.
 
2013-05-07 03:08:32 PM  

sure haven't: noitsnot: The meta-rule is "Do stuff that gives you status" (or at least be perceived to do said stuff). Anything that will get a group of people paying attention to you as you either do it, or tell them about doing it.

It can be playing guitar, rock climbing, motorcycle racing, just getting back from overseas, winning big in Vegas, opening a brew pub, getting your black belt, whatever.

A big step in that direction is not being in your room playing Xbox. Another key feature is to achieve things as an individual - don't get buried in the group.

My god, man. That is genius. Honestly.
That's going on my kid's bedroom wall.


sure haven't: noitsnot: The meta-rule is "Do stuff that gives you status" (or at least be perceived to do said stuff). Anything that will get a group of people paying attention to you as you either do it, or tell them about doing it.

It can be playing guitar, rock climbing, motorcycle racing, just getting back from overseas, winning big in Vegas, opening a brew pub, getting your black belt, whatever.

A big step in that direction is not being in your room playing Xbox. Another key feature is to achieve things as an individual - don't get buried in the group.

My god, man. That is genius. Honestly.
That's going on my kid's bedroom wall.


Thanks - as long as he gets some, I will not have lived in vain :)

The bonus is that it also makes your life go somewhere - and people want to be around someone who's life is going somewhere. So you get success, friends, and chicks all in one fell swoop.

The downside is it can be exhausting - and I'm pretty lazy.
 
2013-05-07 03:10:47 PM  
What actually being able to play the guitar may look like:

www.malchick.com

/Yes, that is me
//Her name was Angel
///I could have... but I'm married these days.
 
2013-05-07 03:13:29 PM  
Forget all about that macho shiat
And learn how to play guitar

http://youtu.be/RI7iqnuly4Q
 
2013-05-07 03:14:14 PM  
pfffttt...try this instead
i112.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-07 03:19:15 PM  

WienerButt: It definitely works. My buddy plays gigs all around Orlando and while he's a relatively decent lookin guy, he's no Ryan Gosling 2.0. Kind of that grungy, my mom may still shop for me type appearance. He's smart and educated though.

That being said, he bagged a 9/10 in looks, 2/10 in lifestyle (29 and has 3 kids with different dudes). But he gets a lot of attention otherwise and he's not cheesy like some of those lame guys you see at coffee shops and stuff.


I think I can explain why he's having some trouble with the ladies.
 
2013-05-07 03:20:08 PM  

Odd Bird: pfffttt...try this instead
[i112.photobucket.com image 228x279]


a Greaser haircut?
 
2013-05-07 03:21:27 PM  
Now some people say he had a girl back home
Who messed around and did him pretty wrong
They tell me it kinda hurt him bad
Kinda made him feel pretty sad
 
2013-05-07 03:22:46 PM  
There's no need to actually play the damn thing.  Just sit there with the guitar on your lap while licking your eyebrows.  Works every time.
 
2013-05-07 03:26:40 PM  
pffft had "scientists" been reading MAD Magazine in the '60's that grant application would've written it's self.

Exact same premise was covered in '67?  I think it was 67 - a bit blurry but that's what I'm going with . . .
" Can you play"
no answer
"can you play huh can ya'?
no answer
"What's in the guitar case?"
*looks around conspiratorially*
"  .  .  .  status  .  .  ."
 
2013-05-07 03:40:24 PM  
In high school and college, I learned A LOT of shiatty Dave Matthews songs (redundant, I know), and yes, playing things that girls like, even when you're only a C-minus singer like I am, is a great way to get a conversation with girls.

The rest is up to you, so if your looks and personality are to up to par, you can still chase her away, but having a talent like guitar or piano is an excellent way to get your foot in the door, and your penis in the backdoor,if ua catch my drift.
 
2013-05-07 03:49:23 PM  
I play a drum, and women dance and shake their boobs and hips to my mad rhythms.  It's pretty cool.
 
2013-05-07 03:53:49 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-07 04:00:09 PM  

scarmig: I play a drum, and women dance and shake their boobs and hips to my mad rhythms.  It's pretty cool.



i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2013-05-07 04:03:05 PM  
Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.
 
2013-05-07 04:03:19 PM  

gja: I prefer to show gals my big organ........


Impressive, huh?


Playing organ is only a useful skill if you know Toccata &Fugue in D minor.
 
2013-05-07 04:06:00 PM  

Oldiron_79: gja: I prefer to show gals my big organ........


Impressive, huh?

Playing organ is only a useful skill if you know Toccata &Fugue in D minor.


I did that too.  It is very impressive, but not much for the getting laid bit.  People associate you with Phantom of the Opera instead of Casanova.
 
2013-05-07 04:16:33 PM  

Odd Bird: pfffttt...try this instead
[i112.photobucket.com image 228x279]


+Eleventy internets for you, good sir.
 
2013-05-07 04:38:36 PM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.


Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in, he keeps this "I'm constipated and trying to crap' look on his face and the chicks stop (hell so do a lot of dudes) to listen to him like he is Andy fricken McKee or something


/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4
 
2013-05-07 04:42:16 PM  
Yup. You can have the cure for cancer, AIDS and premature baldness in your back pocket, and you'll still get laid a hell of a lot less than the high school drop out living with his mom who can play one chord on a thrift store guitar and sing a song that he can stick the girl's name into.

I don't know why it be like it is, but it do.
/thanks Oscar
 
2013-05-07 04:44:50 PM  

Fano: Pocket Ninja: The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.

Don't forget to say "Crambone" when it happens.


t2.gstatic.com
 
2013-05-07 04:55:39 PM  

Pribar: DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.

Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in, he keeps this "I'm constipated and trying to crap' look on his face and the chicks stop (hell so do a lot of dudes) to listen to him like he is Andy fricken McKee or something


/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4


Oh, so you've met me?
 
2013-05-07 05:00:59 PM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Pribar: DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.

Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in, he keeps this "I'm constipated and trying to crap' look on his face and the chicks stop (hell so do a lot of dudes) to listen to him like he is Andy fricken McKee or something


/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4

Oh, so you've met me?


I bet this guy gets more tail than any blues guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2xOw-VXe_g

52 seconds is nice.
 
2013-05-07 05:05:11 PM  

SnakeLee: But this technique only works if your a man, women are not seen any more or less attractive if they carry a musical instrument.

This study is clearly flawed.


Horribly flawed. A woman with a Cello is insanely hot. Women bass players are hot. Women drummers are hot (though maybe not if they carry their drumkit on their back I suppose)
 
2013-05-07 05:05:42 PM  
Or there's always the kazookeylele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAg5KjnAhuU

/he must be tired all the time
 
2013-05-07 05:08:50 PM  
I'm pretty good at guitar (good for an amateur/crappy for a professional) and not bad looking, but I forgot the part where you also have to play in public for women to see you. Since I was never in a band the only other scenarios I can think of that justify bringing a guitar are to pretend to be homeless on a street corner or when singing Kumbaya at Vacation Bible Camp.
 
2013-05-07 05:12:02 PM  
Are these scientists or "scientists"?
 
2013-05-07 05:16:16 PM  
It sure is interesting how in our society, it's acceptable and even encouraged to objectify men, but to objectify a woman is the root of all evil.
 
2013-05-07 05:18:39 PM  
 Pffft, Whatever I figured this out in 7th grade.

Hypnozombie
/It was an integral part of my biology research
 
2013-05-07 05:20:29 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Or there's always the kazookeylele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAg5KjnAhuU

/he must be tired all the time


My journeyman was watching over my shoulder, when she saw that....thing she said and I quote "oh my farking god, if anyone ever brings one of those into the shop I will use the anti robbery broadsword on em"


/currently have a Hurdy Gurdy in the shop, she treats it like it will infect the other insturments
 
2013-05-07 05:26:35 PM  

Pribar: Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in

    Sounds a little like Blind Lemon Pledge who was a very polished performer that had a shining hit with " I Put a Smell on You". He recorded stacks of wax but only ever charted again with "I've got Joy, Joy, Joy Down in my Heart" a tribute to his main squeeze, Lemon Joy. He also covered "Endust My Broom",  "Pride and Joy" and headlined the Wax On Wax Off festival but had a bad build up of misfortune and faded over the years. I lost track of him along with Martin Mull. It might be either one of them.
 
2013-05-07 05:27:06 PM  
I think it's all about showing off your tight G-string.
 
2013-05-07 05:28:49 PM  

Why Would I Read the Article: In high school and college, I learned A LOT of shiatty Dave Matthews songs (redundant, I know), and yes, playing things that girls like, even when you're only a C-minus singer like I am, is a great way to get a conversation with girls.

The rest is up to you, so if your looks and personality are to up to par, you can still chase her away, but having a talent like guitar or piano is an excellent way to get your foot in the door, and your penis in the backdoor,if ua catch my drift.


Learn a few party songs and you're golden.

I was in college in the mid-90's, so I had some Hootie and the Blowfish, a little Jimmy Buffett, the aforementioned "Every Rose has its Thorn" (GOLD with drunk redneck girls), and similar in my playbook. Oh, and Zeppelin's "Hey, Hey, What Can I Do?". Basically, if a music snob hates it, it's probably worth learning... because the types of tuned music snobs hate are the same type that are fun to sing after a couple beers. And that's the real trick- get other people to have fun.

Oh, and a little Dylan never hurts. Hippie chicks and poetry majors dig "Tangled Up in Blue".
 
2013-05-07 05:32:36 PM  

Pribar: TheShavingofOccam123: Or there's always the kazookeylele

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAg5KjnAhuU

/he must be tired all the time

My journeyman was watching over my shoulder, when she saw that....thing she said and I quote "oh my farking god, if anyone ever brings one of those into the shop I will use the anti robbery broadsword on em"


/currently have a Hurdy Gurdy in the shop, she treats it like it will infect the other insturments


I'm pretty sure it's a one-off. Made from Goodwill purchases. I think the guy had way too much time on his hands. But kudos to the execution and the playing.
 
2013-05-07 05:38:18 PM  
I'm definitely not the best looking guy I the world, at all, and I'm married so I couldn't seal the deal even if I wanted to but this article doesn't surprise me at all. I like taking my kids to the park and playing guitar while they're running around. I don't even know how many times women have come up and started talkng to me because of that. It's nuts and I don't understand it but it is always an ego boost.
 
2013-05-07 05:52:19 PM  
Chicks dig guys with skills.

/nunchuck skills
//bowhunting skills
///slashy skills
 
2013-05-07 05:53:25 PM  

Pribar: DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.

Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in, he keeps this "I'm constipated and trying to crap' look on his face and the chicks stop (hell so do a lot of dudes) to listen to him like he is Andy fricken McKee or something


/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4


I can play that song, and it was my "ace in the pocket" for a few aussies. Last one to catch with it was my wife and we're still happily married >8-)

/Andy McKee's Drifting is played in DADGAD
//Fingers will bleed whilst learning
 
2013-05-07 05:56:04 PM  
What if it's the woman who plays the guitar?
 
2013-05-07 06:17:00 PM  

sewnandsilent: Pribar: DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.

Amen, theres a dude here sits in the local park playing nothing but two finger chords with an occasional pinky slide thrown in, he keeps this "I'm constipated and trying to crap' look on his face and the chicks stop (hell so do a lot of dudes) to listen to him like he is Andy fricken McKee or something


/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddn4MGaS3N4

I can play that song, and it was my "ace in the pocket" for a few aussies. Last one to catch with it was my wife and we're still happily married >8-)

/Andy McKee's Drifting is played in DADGAD
//Fingers will bleed whilst learning


currently working on learning this one, I have the tabs and sheet music for Drifting, but I keep putting off trying to tackle it
 
2013-05-07 06:22:50 PM  

dittybopper: Any Yngwie Malmsteen tune.


Wait wait. I always thought shredding meant "using a guitar to shred off her panties"???

It's all the better if you do it with giant 80s rocker hair.
 
2013-05-07 06:39:57 PM  
I hope they enjoy my medley consisting of parts of Misfits and Black Sabbaths songs.
 
2013-05-07 06:48:39 PM  

Some Bass Playing Guy: Unfortunately, I play bass, which has been proven to not get you laid. :)


I can confirm this.  I picked the wrong instrument.  You'd think I would have learned my lesson in middle school when I picked the oboe instead of sax.
 
2013-05-07 06:58:13 PM  

DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.


That high g--tune up to it or down to it?
 
2013-05-07 07:23:33 PM  

Zul the Magnificent: DreamyAltarBoy: Tune to an open G chord (d g d g b g). You may need to buy a tuner if you have no ear. Buy a slide. Think in 3s and 2s (third fret +2 =5th ect) Fake yourself some blues.

That high g--tune up to it or down to it?


All right, Zull, actually drop it to d, I was moving a little fast there. A light string up to g sounds a bit Hawaiian.
 
2013-05-07 07:46:48 PM  

SnakeLee: But this technique only works if your a man, women are not seen any more or less attractive if they carry a musical instrument.

This study is clearly flawed.

Anyways, I always feel like a douche playing even on my front steps.  I bring it on vacations and stuff because I love playing and become incredibly guilty if I don't practice, but it sucks to play out in public because it draws so much attention.  If you play in a park, on the beach, etc., most of the time people will come up and randomly try to give you a dollar which is super shiatty and annoying.




fark'em.

/one of those
 
2013-05-07 08:03:07 PM  
Reasons to learn to play the guitar:

1.  To get laid more often.

2.  See reason 1.
 
2013-05-07 08:20:05 PM  
I'm too lazy to do anything about it but this thread should be filled with pictures of babes with bass guitars.
 
2013-05-07 08:23:57 PM  
0 x 1.333 = 0
 
2013-05-07 08:30:04 PM  

StopKing: I'm too lazy to do anything about it but this thread should be filled with pictures of babes with bass guitars.


i play trumpet, the musical fruit of the ANGELS
answer me that SATAN
 
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