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(Daily Mail)   Scientists say that if you carry a guitar on your back and pretend that you play one, your chance of getting laid increases by a third   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 175
    More: Interesting, behavioural sciences, Somalian, French Studies  
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9656 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 May 2013 at 1:35 PM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-07 12:30:17 PM
The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.
 
2013-05-07 12:36:51 PM
This glockenspiel on the other hand has done NOTHING for me.
 
2013-05-07 12:38:13 PM

Pocket Ninja: The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.


Don't forget to say "Crambone" when it happens.
 
2013-05-07 12:42:39 PM
I've lent out some of my dogs to single friends but  I'll tell them about the odds with a guitar.
 
2013-05-07 12:43:06 PM
For extra booty points, sling it upside down.
 
2013-05-07 12:43:16 PM
In related news, scientists say that if you carry around an accordion, your chances of being stuffed in a locker increase by 50%.
 
2013-05-07 12:46:30 PM
i1151.photobucket.com
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
Take a look at my wang - can't you tell it needs shlumping?
Still my guitar gently weeps.
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
 
2013-05-07 12:46:35 PM
If you carry a bass guitar, chances of getting your dick sucked increase exponentially.
 
2013-05-07 12:47:14 PM
Woot, my chances are now 1.33%

/Of course I did the math.
//Sadly that feeds back into the calculation
 
2013-05-07 12:47:24 PM
stop typing so fast Pocket Ninja.  i KNOW you're typing at like 120 wpm maybe cause you got so much work to do and can't be bothered with a site like FARK.  but BELIEVE YOU ME. it SHOWS
 
2013-05-07 01:04:22 PM
Unfortunately, I play bass, which has been proven to not get you laid. :)
 
2013-05-07 01:05:25 PM
ethicsalarms.files.wordpress.com


Ooops.
 
2013-05-07 01:08:50 PM
playing guitar is easy, all you do is strum it like a retard
 
2013-05-07 01:12:44 PM
Better yet, carry it on your back in a soft case while you ride a motorcycle.

The *ONLY* reason I learned how to play is to get laid.
 
2013-05-07 01:37:13 PM
If you can play and sing Croce's Lover's Cross you get free beeg's too.
 
2013-05-07 01:38:27 PM
carry an electric guitar without strings and use a kazoo to make guitar noises.
 
2013-05-07 01:39:40 PM
Was the obvious tag home in the basement writing some brooding love song in which the girl's name can be multiple syllables?
 
2013-05-07 01:40:01 PM
How about a soprano ukulele across your back? Does that improve or decrease your chances of getting laid?
I have a theory based on anecdotal evidence. It's not looking good.
 
2013-05-07 01:40:08 PM
Fano:

Don't forget to say "Crambone" when it happens.


I heart you.
 
2013-05-07 01:40:33 PM
www.explosm.net
 
2013-05-07 01:40:37 PM
pizzabytheslice.com
didn't firkin work. What next?
 
2013-05-07 01:41:13 PM
I got to buy one then.  I must test these findings.

Repeatedly.  Until Christina Hendricks is mine.
 
2013-05-07 01:41:40 PM
FTFA: But this technique only works if your a man

If my a man what?
 
2013-05-07 01:41:57 PM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: In related news, scientists say that if you carry around an accordion, your chances of being stuffed in a locker increase by 50%.


What's the definition of a gentleman?

A guy that can play the accordion, but doesn't.
 
2013-05-07 01:42:41 PM

Sybarite: This glockenspiel on the other hand has done NOTHING for me.


Yep.  I wish I'd never taken tympani lessons, either.
 
2013-05-07 01:44:17 PM

Some Bass Playing Guy: Unfortunately, I play bass, which has been proven to not get you laid. :)


I'm pretty sure even the sound guy gets laid more than the bass player.

Obligatory band joke: How do you spot a level headed bass player?  He's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

/bass player
 
2013-05-07 01:45:26 PM

Uzzah: FTFA: But this technique only works if your a man

If my a man what?


i don't know.  point is don't play guitar.  play accoridan
 
2013-05-07 01:46:05 PM

FrancoFile: Sybarite: This glockenspiel on the other hand has done NOTHING for me.

Yep.  I wish I'd never taken tympani lessons, either.


Zither drives women crazy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8jN1treRKQ

Give it about 15 seconds then just lay back and groove for 3 more minutes...
 
2013-05-07 01:46:17 PM
s13.postimg.org
 
2013-05-07 01:46:43 PM
This kindof stuff is what pisses me off the most.  While I spent my formative years learning useful skills and advancing my career potential, I was all alone while douchebags who learned to play guitar got laid.  Yes, now that I'm a successful adult I've had plenty of girlfriends, but I will never get back the high school/college years when I could have had wild sex with barely legal girls.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-05-07 01:46:57 PM
I prefer to show gals my big organ........
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

Impressive, huh?
 
2013-05-07 01:48:01 PM
Carried around a gee-tar, got tons of poo-say. And the beotches were even willing to kill for him.
25.media.tumblr.com
Gun nuts. You got it all wrong. Ditch the AR-15s and pick up a Gibson.
 
2013-05-07 01:48:06 PM

Uzzah: FTFA: But this technique only works if your a man

If my a man what?


LOL
 
2013-05-07 01:48:39 PM
Bullsh*t

BULLSH*T

BULLSH*T

I've been musical my whole life, and let me tell you, this whole trope of guitarists getting girls is complete and utter horsesh*t. Do you know what gets girls? I'll tell you:

Good looks
or
Money/power

That's it. I'm at the top end of the ugly scale (the way I figure it, may vary depending on the scale being used), and let me tell you, playing guitar don't do sh*t for you if you're not a John Mayer or a Slash type. I was actually in a band that started to gain a tiny bit of traction until our drummer went away to school, and it doesn't matter. At random times I was the "confident guy" playing and singing while everyone sang along or hung on my every note at a party. Doesn't matter. I'm not even fat, I'm just not good looking. Now, if I had been one of the lucky ones and was some rich famous asshole, oh man I'd be chased by supermodels and everyone would say "sigh, every girl loves a guitar player".

Do you think Jay-Z would be with any girl even approaching Beyonce if he wasn't so rich/powerful? Not a chance.

Like the SNL skit says
"Step 1, Be Attractive. Step 2, Don't Be Unattractive"

I eventually Ralph Kramden'd my way to marrying a hottie, so it worked out fine for me and I have a happy life, but I'm just saying this whole guitar thing is bullsh*t and needs to stop.
 
2013-05-07 01:48:58 PM
A wedding ring probably yields better results.
 
2013-05-07 01:49:41 PM
weknowmemes.com
 
2013-05-07 01:50:11 PM

Pocket Ninja: The most important element of this strategy -- and, truly, this cannot be emphasized enough -- is that once you've gone out and obtained the guitar that you're going to pretend to know how to play, you must develop some effortlessly authentic excuses as to why you cannot simply play on demand. This is more difficult than you might think. One strategy is to cut several of the strings...not all the way, mind you, but just enough that pressure upon them (the sort one might exert with a few "warm up" strums" will cause them to snap. "Damn, I left my replacement string at home." Practice saying that with a slow head shake, a disappointed lip curl. Be disgusted with yourself, and let her try to make you feel better.


Saying "I'm in a punk band" also works.
 
2013-05-07 01:53:35 PM
i39.tinypic.com

Wrote a song about it.  Wanna hear it?
 
2013-05-07 01:53:36 PM
This might be the dumbest thing I have ever heard...so it probably works.
 
2013-05-07 01:54:06 PM
As an accordionist I have gotten more women than as a guitarist. Chicks dig the accordion.
 
2013-05-07 01:54:41 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-07 01:55:28 PM
See, my problem is that I actually tried to play the guitar, often while sitting in my dorm lounge.  Yeah, I was that guy.  Sadly, it never got me laid.

/csb
 
2013-05-07 01:55:28 PM
Headline: Scientists find that carrying a guitar increases your chance of getting a date by a third

Article: double the amount of people who would give their number to the same man when he was empty-handed.

Numbers: When the actor was carrying the guitar case, 31% of the women gave them his number. When he was carrying nothing, 14% of the women gave them his number. (120% increase in positive response rate)
 
2013-05-07 01:57:28 PM
The gym bag was the worst because they knew he needed to be to the gym in 27 minutes.
 
2013-05-07 01:57:59 PM
One-third of 0 is still 0.
 
2013-05-07 01:59:10 PM

Accordion: As an accordionist I have gotten more women than as a guitarist. Chicks dig the accordion.


legalballerina.files.wordpress.com

"You know playing 'Bella Note' really gets my diaper wet!"
 
2013-05-07 02:00:23 PM

Pair-o-Dice: The gym bag was the worst because they knew he needed to be to the gym in 27 minutes.


Yes-I saw this on Twitter yesterday and that was my reaction. Using their scientifically rigorous logic, carrying a gym bag hurts you vis a vis carrying nothing. Perhaps there are heads in the bag?
 
2013-05-07 02:01:33 PM
But this technique only works if your a man, women are not seen any more or less attractive if they carry a musical instrument.

This study is clearly flawed.

Anyways, I always feel like a douche playing even on my front steps.  I bring it on vacations and stuff because I love playing and become incredibly guilty if I don't practice, but it sucks to play out in public because it draws so much attention.  If you play in a park, on the beach, etc., most of the time people will come up and randomly try to give you a dollar which is super shiatty and annoying.
 
2013-05-07 02:02:52 PM
Of more interest is the gym bag reducing your chances.  Apparently women don't like jocks?
 
2013-05-07 02:06:57 PM

SnakeLee: But this technique only works if your a man, women are not seen any more or less attractive if they carry a musical instrument.

This study is clearly flawed.

Anyways, I always feel like a douche playing even on my front steps.  I bring it on vacations and stuff because I love playing and become incredibly guilty if I don't practice, but it sucks to play out in public because it draws so much attention.  If you play in a park, on the beach, etc., most of the time people will come up and randomly try to give you a dollar which is super shiatty and annoying.


I always take a guitar with me on vacation thinking I can get some good practice/leisure time in, but somehow never actually play it.

/Hello, ladies
 
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