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(Fox News)   When my grandmother turned 60, she started walking five miles a day. Now she's 83 and we don't know where the hell she is   (foxnews.com ) divider line
    More: Sad, Barbados, Washington, National Airport, Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority  
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8261 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 May 2013 at 9:15 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



39 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-05-06 08:36:35 AM  
5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.
 
2013-05-06 09:17:28 AM  

ZAZ: 5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.


Depends on if it's before or after the afternoon brandy and coke.
 
2013-05-06 09:17:45 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-06 09:20:29 AM  
Hispanics are the fastest growing minority in America. Losing one or two every now and then isn't even a blip on the radar.
 
2013-05-06 09:23:25 AM  
Only 458 miles?  That math doesn't sound right..
 
2013-05-06 09:23:31 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Hispanics are the fastest growing minority in America. Losing one or two every now and then isn't even a blip on the radar.


Caucausians are suddenly very unpopular.
 
2013-05-06 09:26:26 AM  
Dogs, cats and old people should be microchipped. Also, why would you move an elderly dementia sufferer away from familiar surroundings? Isn't that like secretly rearranging Helen Keller's room?
 
2013-05-06 09:27:44 AM  
She's been missing outside since Friday evening. If they've not found her yet, odds are high that she's been eaten by a roving pack of unemployed white shoe lawyers. Thing are getting brutish along the Potomac.
 
2013-05-06 09:33:29 AM  

ZAZ: 5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.



I'll bite.
 
2013-05-06 09:35:51 AM  
FTFA: "fair-skinned Hispanic woman is about 5 feet 3 inches tall and weighs about 130 pounds. She has brown eyes and short black hair and was last seen in a long purple or brown dress with a flower print and sandals."


CSB and all that, my grandma has the Alzheimers. The first thing that happened is forgetfulness, the second is she started acting like she was young again. I'm not saying she's incredibly attractive nownow, but seriously, with those stats, she was a contender back in her youth. I hope she's out having the time of her life and otherwise safe.
 
2013-05-06 09:36:07 AM  
1.bp.blogspot.com


Inconsolable.
 
2013-05-06 09:36:55 AM  

Kristoph57: nownow


Oh god. Early onset!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-05-06 09:39:25 AM  
 
2013-05-06 09:43:22 AM  
And you would think the TSA would have been all over am elderly woman in an airport.
 
2013-05-06 09:44:36 AM  
My grandfather had Alzheimer's, and we got him in on a new program (at the time) that attached a GPS tracking bracelet to his wrist so we could locate him when he wandered away. He really liked to walk, and the neighborhood animals LOVED him and would walk with him all the time. So every day when he came home from his walks, our house would be filled with all our neighbors pets, dogs and cats, because he didn't know any better and always let them in the house. Man, I miss him.

/CSB
 
2013-05-06 09:45:02 AM  
Tituba gonna' fly back down to Barbados!  Devil, him be pleasure-man in Barbados, him be singin and dancing... It's you folks - you riles him up 'round here!
 
2013-05-06 09:45:03 AM  
last seen Friday evening at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport

Where's my Obvious tag?
 
2013-05-06 09:55:23 AM  

MBooda: last seen Friday evening at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport

Where's my Obvious tag?


Wow, that just went right by me at about 80mph didn't even see the dust.  Great catch, thanks.
 
2013-05-06 10:00:48 AM  
Roosevelt Island was closed when I biked by it this morning. (It's a park off the same trail several miles north of the airport.)  There were loads of cops and a tv truck. Supposedly they think she's on the island or in the Potomac. It's been fairly chilly nights recently. So....
 
2013-05-06 10:08:45 AM  

yequalsy: Roosevelt Island was closed when I biked by it this morning. (It's a park off the same trail several miles north of the airport.)  There were loads of cops and a tv truck. Supposedly they think she's on the island or in the Potomac. It's been fairly chilly nights recently. So....


I drove by there yesterday afternoon and wondered what was going on.
 
2013-05-06 10:15:12 AM  

ZAZ: 5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.


Now I would walk 458 miles and I would walk 458 more; just to be the man that walked 458 mile

/ bu duh duh bu duh duh
 
2013-05-06 10:17:24 AM  

Marcintosh: MBooda: last seen Friday evening at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport

Where's my Obvious tag?

Wow, that just went right by me at about 80mph didn't even see the dust.  Great catch, thanks.


You're welcome.

/does Air Florida still have daily flights to the 14th street bridge?
 
2013-05-06 10:27:00 AM  
she started walking five miles a day

Proclaimers unimpressed.

/here's your earworm for today
 
2013-05-06 10:28:28 AM  

spickus: ZAZ: 5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.


I'll bite.


Yeah I don't get it either. 5 miles a day, every day, for 23 years is 42,003.75 miles.
 
2013-05-06 10:29:06 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Hispanics are the fastest growing minority in America. Losing one or two every now and then isn't even a blip on the radar.


I'll bet you are, or used to be a police officer...?
 
2013-05-06 10:55:13 AM  
""Mrs. Kong is an Asian female from Barbados and has fair/light skin tone""
""Police say the fair-skinned Hispanic woman is about 5 feet 3 inches tall and weighs about 130 pounds"
 
2013-05-06 11:04:49 AM  
Subby, stop stealing this guys material.
 ww1.hdnux.com
 
2013-05-06 11:17:25 AM  
Have you looked in the closet?
 
2013-05-06 11:56:44 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Hispanics are the fastest growing minority in America. Losing one or two every now and then isn't even a blip on the radar.


2/10

You need to learn better racist jokes.
 
2013-05-06 12:07:59 PM  

John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]


You mean Ellen's material.
 
2013-05-06 12:34:35 PM  

vabeard: John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]

You mean Ellen's material.


Pretty sure Wright did a bit very similar, and pre-dating DeGeneres by several years. Regardless, the headline isn't original, on that we can agree.
 
2013-05-06 12:35:37 PM  
Where was she going without ever knowing the way?
 
2013-05-06 01:19:35 PM  

John Buck 41: vabeard: John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]

You mean Ellen's material.

Pretty sure Wright did a bit very similar, and pre-dating DeGeneres by several years. Regardless, the headline isn't original, on that we can agree.


Actually Rodney Dangerfield did the joke before either Wright or DeGeneres.
 
2013-05-06 02:05:56 PM  

John Buck 41: vabeard: John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]

You mean Ellen's material.

Pretty sure Wright did a bit very similar, and pre-dating DeGeneres by several years. Regardless, the headline isn't original, on that we can agree.


Agreed.  I seem to remember Ellen suing Hallmark because they used the line on one of their cards.
 
2013-05-06 02:44:17 PM  

Mattyb710: spickus: ZAZ: 5 times square root of (23 * 365.25) = 458 miles away. Basic random walk problem. Unless she doesn't walk in a straight line every day.


I'll bite.

Yeah I don't get it either. 5 miles a day, every day, for 23 years is 42,003.75 miles.


You're assuming she goes the same direction every day that she walks 5 miles.
 
2013-05-06 04:25:20 PM  
Body Found at Gravely point
 
2013-05-06 04:41:58 PM  

NDP2: John Buck 41: vabeard: John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]

You mean Ellen's material.

Pretty sure Wright did a bit very similar, and pre-dating DeGeneres by several years. Regardless, the headline isn't original, on that we can agree.

Actually Rodney Dangerfield did the joke before either Wright or DeGeneres.


Which means Henny Youngman did it three decades before Rodney.
 
2013-05-06 05:40:07 PM  

Kirk's_Toupee: Body Found at Gravely point


Too few details here.
 
2013-05-06 06:24:39 PM  

MBooda: NDP2: John Buck 41: vabeard: John Buck 41: Subby, stop stealing this guys material.?W
 [ww1.hdnux.com image 619x471]

You mean Ellen's material.

Pretty sure Wright did a bit very similar, and pre-dating DeGeneres by several years. Regardless, the headline isn't original, on that we can agree.

Actually Rodney Dangerfield did the joke before either Wright or DeGeneres.

Which means Henny Youngman did it three decades before Rodney.


By extension, KIng Arthurs court jester was the first.
 
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