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(KHOU Houston)   Teen in Texas planning to blow up some turtles with the homemade bomb in his pocket decides to enjoy a cigar while walking down to the bayou. Since this is Fark, you can guess what happened next   (khou.com) divider line 88
    More: Dumbass, homemade bomb, Houston Police Department, Texas, Harris County  
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12488 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 May 2013 at 5:50 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-06 02:23:15 AM
FTFA: The Houston Police Department said that at about 7:40 p.m. on Saturday the teen and another 18-year-old male had gone down to a bayou near the 3100 block of Valley Rim Drive. The teens had materials to create what is being called a "combustible mixture" with the intention of going to go "blow up turtles."

And a booming voice shouted down from the heavens, "LEAVE MY TURTLES ALONE, FU*CKTARD!!!"
And there was an explosion in the sinner's pants.
And God saw this explosion was good.
And the turtles were left alone.
 
2013-05-06 02:36:05 AM
Let's hope the" injuries to his lower extremities" means he can't reproduce.
 
2013-05-06 02:36:11 AM

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: The Houston Police Department said that at about 7:40 p.m. on Saturday the teen and another 18-year-old male had gone down to a bayou near the 3100 block of Valley Rim Drive. The teens had materials to create what is being called a "combustible mixture" with the intention of going to go "blow up turtles."

And a booming voice shouted down from the heavens, "LEAVE MY TURTLES ALONE, FU*CKTARD!!!"
And there was an explosion in the sinner's pants.
And God saw this explosion was good.
And the turtles were left alone.


25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-06 03:06:46 AM
First thing I thought of
media.salon.com

/yeah i know it's a tortoise
 
2013-05-06 03:21:38 AM
Good.
 
2013-05-06 03:37:05 AM
That guy will never get laid again.

"OMG! What happened down there?!"
"I tried to blow up a turtle..."
"You WAT??? Zip it up and GTFO you sick creep!"
 
2013-05-06 05:12:14 AM
Isn't making bombs illegal nowadays? Then again, this is Texas.
 
2013-05-06 05:27:20 AM
Darwin is sitting somewhere with a martini and a cigar and saying to himself, "Missed him by that much."
 
2013-05-06 05:36:22 AM
collider.com

Yep.   Just a terrible, terrible accident.  Nothing more.
 
2013-05-06 05:39:46 AM
24.media.tumblr.com

Quoth the turtle: Good.
 
2013-05-06 05:52:59 AM

ecmoRandomNumbers: Darwin is sitting somewhere with a martini and a cigar and saying to himself, "Missed him by that much."


From the sound of it, he ain't reproducing.
 
2013-05-06 05:55:39 AM
Because if there's one terrible danger our country faces it's the scourge of rampaging turtles.
 
2013-05-06 05:56:39 AM

Another Government Employee: ecmoRandomNumbers: Darwin is sitting somewhere with a martini and a cigar and saying to himself, "Missed him by that much."

From the sound of it, he ain't reproducing.


www.maniacworld.com
 
2013-05-06 05:58:27 AM
Blowing up turtles needs to be an new Urban Dictionary entry.  Hmm, anybody got an opening on their to-do list today?
 
2013-05-06 06:02:08 AM
Hope the shiathead's nuts are in several different counties. Assholes like him don't need, nor deserve, to reproduce.
 
2013-05-06 06:07:37 AM
Since this is Fark, you can guess what happened next

He fixes the cable?
 
2013-05-06 06:25:02 AM
What is it with the cruelty to animals? I made perfectly fine bombs that I blew up in fields far away from everything.
 
2013-05-06 06:26:56 AM

LonMead: Since this is Fark, you can guess what happened next

He fixes the cable?


Don't be fatuous, LonMead.
 
2013-05-06 06:27:04 AM

LonMead: Since this is Fark, you can guess what happened next

He fixes the cable?


No, he breaks his cable forever.
 
2013-05-06 06:29:19 AM
A decade or two ago I had a problem with possums stealing eggs and killing my chickens, looking around I found their nest in a hollow stump. I took a old empty fire extinguisher I had lying around unscrewed the top and used my band saw to cut away the handle until the discharge hole was clear, I then filled it with black powder and screwed the top back down with some green cannon fuse stuck in the discharge hole. I had left 6 inches of fuse which should have been 3 minutes of burn time sticking out. I lit the fuse then shoved the extinguisher under the stump and ran like hell, well almost 4 minutes go by and no boom so my friend decides to go and try to relight it, assuming that the fuse had died, I grabbed him and asked what the hell he was doing, just then boom, the stump disintegrates in a fireball and my possum problem with it.
My friend asked later what I would have done if the bomb had not detonated, I told him I would have waited two days then made another bomb with fresh fuse and used it to set off both of em, ya never touch a "dud" explosive, either blow it in place or use something to remotely move it.

/Why am I sharing this? because the statute of limitations has lapsed and I am still plastered from last night and I have to open the shop in two hours.
 
2013-05-06 06:33:49 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-06 06:33:58 AM

bingethinker: Let's hope the" injuries to his lower extremities" means he can't reproduce.


Came here to say this.

/Glad I wasn't the only one with this thought.
 
2013-05-06 06:34:19 AM
Explosive Turtles is the name of my Sex Pistols tribute band.
 
2013-05-06 06:40:25 AM
Also, the last line of the article is pretty slick:
The 18-year-old was not injured in the explosion, police said. No have been no arrests or charges in connection with the incident.
 
2013-05-06 06:42:30 AM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: LonMead: Since this is Fark, you can guess what happened next

He fixes the cable?

Don't be fatuous, LonMead.


You're kidding, right? Not be fatuous? On FARK?

I'd be... all alone...
 
2013-05-06 06:43:32 AM

Does not approve:


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-06 06:43:48 AM
I'm just so glad it was a white guy this time, you know guys? So relieved.
 
2013-05-06 06:49:42 AM

Ebenator: Does not approve:
[img.photobucket.com image 337x219]


Dangitsofarkingmuch.
 
2013-05-06 06:51:19 AM
Come on in here boy
Have a cigar
You're gunna go far.
 
2013-05-06 06:58:32 AM

Pribar: A decade or two ago I had a problem with possums stealing eggs and killing my chickens, looking around I found their nest in a hollow stump. I took a old empty fire extinguisher I had lying around unscrewed the top and used my band saw to cut away the handle until the discharge hole was clear, I then filled it with black powder and screwed the top back down with some green cannon fuse stuck in the discharge hole. I had left 6 inches of fuse which should have been 3 minutes of burn time sticking out. I lit the fuse then shoved the extinguisher under the stump and ran like hell, well almost 4 minutes go by and no boom so my friend decides to go and try to relight it, assuming that the fuse had died, I grabbed him and asked what the hell he was doing, just then boom, the stump disintegrates in a fireball and my possum problem with it.
My friend asked later what I would have done if the bomb had not detonated, I told him I would have waited two days then made another bomb with fresh fuse and used it to set off both of em, ya never touch a "dud" explosive, either blow it in place or use something to remotely move it.

/Why am I sharing this? because the statute of limitations has lapsed and I am still plastered from last night and I have to open the shop in two hours.


The statute of limitations on being an asshole, however, has not passed. So you have that going for you.
 
2013-05-06 07:12:04 AM
Minus the turtle angle, that could have been me in my youth.
 
2013-05-06 07:15:22 AM
No have been no arrests or charges in connection with the incident.

WTF am I reading?
 
2013-05-06 07:36:56 AM

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: The Houston Police Department said that at about 7:40 p.m. on Saturday the teen and another 18-year-old male had gone down to a bayou near the 3100 block of Valley Rim Drive. The teens had materials to create what is being called a "combustible mixture" with the intention of going to go "blow up turtles."

And a booming voice shouted down from the heavens, "LEAVE MY TURTLES ALONE, FU*CKTARD!!!"
And there was an explosion in the sinner's pants.
And God saw this explosion was good.
And the turtles were left alone.


i44.tinypic.com
An explosion....in my pants.
 
2013-05-06 07:41:50 AM
FTA: "The 18-year-old was not injured in the explosion, police said. No have been no arrests or charges in connection with the incident."

No have been no arrests, but they been done had needed to arrest the person who wrote the article for malicious destruction of language.

/so sorry for my addition
//feel dirty
 
2013-05-06 07:47:08 AM
Hey, I used to keep a couple of pipe bombs in my backpack in high school. I think it was a response to the fact I'd get punished for "laying hands" upon farkers that were intentionally antagonizing me. In hindsight, my suburban white high school wasn't much more advanced than a jail.

fark you, Marcus High School, Lewisville ISD.
 
2013-05-06 07:48:05 AM
He was going to blow up turtles.

Fark him.  I'm sorry he didn't kill himself.
 
2013-05-06 07:48:48 AM
Somuchwin.jpg
 
2013-05-06 07:56:23 AM
Hey there just a moment Texas law enforcement,

The 19 yr old created explosives with the intent to injure animals by blowing them up. Detonated the explosives.

No charges? YA GOTTA BE FARKIN KIDDIN ME.
 
2013-05-06 07:58:18 AM
You guys just don't understand. A turtle killed his father!
 
2013-05-06 08:00:03 AM
Wow, it looks like Farkers may be developing a sense of compassion for turtles. Way to go guys. Proud of you!
 
2013-05-06 08:06:33 AM
Perhaps killing turtles is an expression of self-loathing--he sounds both slow and cold-blooded.
 
2013-05-06 08:08:17 AM
It was just a science experiment!
 
2013-05-06 08:10:28 AM

yagottabefarkinkiddinme: Hey there just a moment Texas law enforcement,

The 19 yr old created explosives with the intent to injure animals by blowing them up. Detonated the explosives.

No charges? YA GOTTA BE FARKIN KIDDIN ME.


Really. Why aren't the authorities and the media going all, "TERRORY TERROR TERROR TERROR" about this?
 
2013-05-06 08:11:40 AM
He had a bomb, I don't understand why  No have been no arrests.

Is it because it's Texas?
Is it because he's white and christian?  (cause you know if he had been brown and/or muslim it would have said yes have been arrest)
 
2013-05-06 08:13:01 AM
Probably not the first bad decision he's made.
 
2013-05-06 08:15:15 AM
Turtles in MT flee the state.

ATF offers $5,000 reward in Red Lodge explosives theft

 it is offering a $5,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for stealing 559 pounds of explosives last month near Red Lodge.

How much boom is that?
 
2013-05-06 08:27:00 AM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-05-06 08:32:02 AM
What kind of dickless mofo would blow up wildlife for fun?
 
2013-05-06 08:32:59 AM

neversubmit: Turtles in MT flee the state.

ATF offers $5,000 reward in Red Lodge explosives theft

 it is offering a $5,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of those responsible for stealing 559 pounds of explosives last month near Red Lodge.

How much boom is that?


559 pounds worth.
 
2013-05-06 08:34:03 AM

susler: He had a bomb, I don't understand why  No have been no arrests.

Is it because it's Texas?
Is it because he's white and christian?  (cause you know if he had been brown and/or muslim it would have said yes have been arrest)


Probably because he blew his own dick off.
 
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