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(Chicago Trib)   In-car internet has automakers salivating: get ready for Your Odometer, Brought To You By Tostitos Hint of Lime And Geico Insurance   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 15
    More: Sad, Allstate, navigation system, connected car, Onstar, cars  
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2391 clicks; posted to Business » on 05 May 2013 at 11:04 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
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Archived thread
2013-05-05 11:30:03 PM
5 votes:
"Your wipers will begin following this brief advertisement."
2013-05-06 12:31:25 AM
3 votes:

ArkAngel: What if I don't want my Tostitos flavored with Geico?


Buy some Geicomole.
2013-05-06 12:00:27 AM
3 votes:

No Line For Beer: "Your wipers will begin following this brief advertisement."



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2013-05-06 01:44:35 PM
1 votes:

groppet: All you need is a reliable car with good gas mileage that doesn't look like an econo box and the world will beat a bath to your door


Will they bring soap as well?
2013-05-06 06:19:12 AM
1 votes:
GM says its upcoming changes to OnStar will allow the automaker to "make some real money" from OnStar, Akerson said. He did not quantify or give projections. "We do want to change this from primarily a safety and security business to one that is much more feature-rich," Akerson said of his plans for OnStar. "We have never been properly compensated, in my opinion, having come out of this industry, in terms of what we provide to the carriers."

While I don't begrudge a company offering compelling products the opportunity to make a giant pile of money THIS GUY sounds a lot like a video game exec defending things like in-game advertising and Day 0 DLC's.  It's not that the CUSTOMERS want that shiat, its that another company paid them a stack of cash to shoehorn their advert straight in front of your face at a time when  you can't do shiat about it.

I can see it now:
"Your car will start in 6 seconds, but first a word from BP on where you should go to fill up your tank which is only 1/4 full..."

"The panic stop brought to you by Pepboys!  You would have stopped 5 feet sooner with new brake pads...."

"That's your fourth left turn in a row.... do you feel like your life is going around in circles?  Maybe consider career training at the University of Phoenix..."

"Thank you for driving GM - your doors will unlock and allow you to exit soon, but first, a 25 minute montage of Flo commercials from Progressive..."
2013-05-06 01:26:56 AM
1 votes:
 Fark you, I'm driving...

Sponsored by Carl's Jr..
2013-05-06 01:09:33 AM
1 votes:

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd love to see a car company advertise a car with minimal electronic gadgets.  Something with the bare minimum of necessary moving parts.


New for 2014: the Luddite! For when the flashy lights are too scary for you!
2013-05-06 12:02:25 AM
1 votes:

moothemagiccow: I'm fine as long as the passenger window popup ad obscures the image of the driver in the adjacent lane masturbating furiously.


Unfortunately, my passenger window popup ad is of a driver masturbating furiously. Oh, wait, he seems happy now.
2013-05-05 11:42:38 PM
1 votes:

RogermcAllen: /heated seats are for chicks


And this chick in northern Canada would farking kill for heated seats to go with the engine block heater and remote starter.
2013-05-05 11:29:53 PM
1 votes:

insano: King Something: insano: I just taped my iPad to the dashboard. Boom, in-car internet. Pay me GM.

Counter: adhesive-free in-car internet.

Payment denied.

So basically, for the non-adhesive version, I'd be paying extra for services already provided (ad-free I might add) on my mobile devices? No thanks,.


Yeah, if I have to pay for it or its full of ads, I won't use it.
If it would tether with my phone (without me having to move out of my grandfathered unlimited data plan) I'd like the ability to get all that real time traffic information on a screen in the dash instead of on my phone.

/ Anybody else use Waze?  I love that "feature" where it tries to guess where you're driving and give you directions.  But it only guesses between "home" and "work", because I still don't know how to get between those two places.
// And the magic smart rule it uses between the two is that if it's before noon you're going to work, after noon you're going home.  I was heading to Denver after a ski trip to fly home one monday at 5:00, pulled up Waze to get directions to the airport, and it gingerly offered to give me directions home instead.  Yes Aaze, I am driving home, from Denver to Austin, because it's 5:00, and that's what I do at 5:00, is drive home, regardless of where I am.
2013-05-05 10:36:06 PM
1 votes:

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: "I have grandchildren that have only grown up in a world with smartphones," Akerson, a former telecommunications executive, said on a conference call on Thursday to discuss GM's quarterly results.

I've grown up in a world with indoor plumbing, but I don't want a toilet in my car.


I've often wanted a toilet in my car. I tried using adult diapers after reading about that astronaut who used them for a long road trip, but the farking things leaked. A toilet is the only real solution. Not a throne; something unobtrusive.
2013-05-05 10:28:44 PM
1 votes:
What if I don't want my Tostitos flavored with Geico?
2013-05-05 10:24:47 PM
1 votes:

Fark Me To Tears: FTFA: "I have grandchildren that have only grown up in a world with smartphones," Akerson, a former telecommunications executive, said on a conference call on Thursday to discuss GM's quarterly results.

I've grown up in a world with indoor plumbing, but I don't want a toilet in my car.

Dear Car Makers: Stop trying to turn cars into smartphones. I don't need or want a touch screen in my car. I want controls with actual knobs and buttons that I can use without having to divert my attention away from the road. By leaving off the touch screens and other distracting nonsense, you should be able to save enough on manufacturing costs to pass that savings onto your consumers. Cars already cost too much, and you keep adding unnecessary crap to them to justify raising the prices. That's why I keep maintaining my already-paid-off 1998 car.


I've ridden a motorcycle virtually every day of my life for nearly 15 years (commuter in the South so it's never particularly cold). Now, people back then were just as dumb as they are now, but there were limited ways you could be distracted while driving. Cell phones were definitely gaining in popularity but still weren't ubiquitous, and all you could do was talk on them. The most dangerous distractions were probably oral sex and trying to eat Taco Bell.

These days the average threats to my life seem to have tripled. When approaching a car from the rear I have to hang back and look for signs that the asshole is punching an LCD screen or scrolling a phone. Only then do I dare overtake the driver. Sadly, my bike isn't tall enough to see into all SUVs, so with them I just pass in my lane and hope they don't suddenly veer left and run me into an electrical pole.

Yes, I know that bikes are dangerous and I presume someone will tell me to STFU and drive a Hummer if I'm that concerned about not dying. But bikes are legal, and as long as they are I have as much right to the road as all you distracted people who can't be arsed to even cast a glance over your shoulder before violently changing lanes. With every addition made to cars, we lose our ability to just drive the farking things.

I'd be totally cool with tech in a car if people could be trusted to pull over when using it. But we can't. We all think we're the exception to careless driving right up to the point where we're texting and run over an old man crossing the street. I don't have the stats off-hand but my guess is that 95% of people claim to be safe drivers without realizing they're dragging a body pinned to the undercarriage.
2013-05-05 10:04:48 PM
1 votes:
FTFA: "I have grandchildren that have only grown up in a world with smartphones," Akerson, a former telecommunications executive, said on a conference call on Thursday to discuss GM's quarterly results.

I've grown up in a world with indoor plumbing, but I don't want a toilet in my car.

Dear Car Makers: Stop trying to turn cars into smartphones. I don't need or want a touch screen in my car. I want controls with actual knobs and buttons that I can use without having to divert my attention away from the road. By leaving off the touch screens and other distracting nonsense, you should be able to save enough on manufacturing costs to pass that savings onto your consumers. Cars already cost too much, and you keep adding unnecessary crap to them to justify raising the prices. That's why I keep maintaining my already-paid-off 1998 car.
2013-05-05 09:15:05 PM
1 votes:
I'm fine as long as the passenger window popup ad obscures the image of the driver in the adjacent lane masturbating furiously.
 
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