If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Legacy.com)   Greatest obituary ever. No, really   (legacy.com) divider line 39
    More: Amusing, lupus, Dollar General, Bay St. Louis, kidney diseases  
•       •       •

32507 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2013 at 1:28 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-05 01:36:38 PM
15 votes:

simplicimus: How does a human contract feline  leukemia?


Eating pussy.
2013-05-05 01:32:35 PM
11 votes:

simplicimus: How does a human contract feline  leukemia?


Catting around . . .
2013-05-05 01:36:36 PM
10 votes:

Speaker2Animals: Popcorn Johnny: TLDR

You thought THAT was too long? Surprised you make it to the end of headlines. Oh, and if you're going to use the meme, at least use it correctly:

tl;dr


Apparently even the meme was too long.
2013-05-05 01:20:40 PM
9 votes:
i'd like my obit to read like that, but most think they have to be all solemn and somber and stuff.

"just like his perpetual motion machine, his quest for global domination failed miserably"

"liked to attend book burnings. not for any political or social reasons, he just hated anything literary"
2013-05-05 04:16:58 PM
4 votes:
some of you are being anti-semantic
2013-05-05 03:08:51 PM
3 votes:
I want people to wear all black to my funeral. Not because it should be sad, but because it should be metal.
2013-05-05 02:26:47 PM
3 votes:
Scurvy and feline leukemia?  So she was a pirate cat?  Meoarrrrgghhh!
2013-05-05 01:56:18 PM
3 votes:

basemetal: puckrock2000: basemetal: Reminds me of my California side of the family, they don't have funerals per say, they have celebrations.  Much more fun.

Folks, if you want to impress people by using foreign words and phrases, please learn to spell them correctly.

Hey grammar nazi, no one cares.


Yes we do

But don't worry, we're laughing with you.

No wait, we're laughing at you.
2013-05-06 03:35:51 AM
2 votes:

ladyfortuna: stevejovi: I don't think the people in my life are sure whether or not to take me seriously, but I want my funeral to be in a large outdoor amphitheater, open casket on a dais at center stage, with a 40-piece orchestra performing Tchaikovsky's "1812" Overture, complete with the cannons and fireworks. When people ask me why, I tell them, "If you attended a funeral like that, would YOU ever forget it?"

I tend toward the dramatic.

I want a giant bonfire, enough ale to keep everyone in bed with the hangover for two days, and a DJ who starts out with ~20 minutes of trance, goes to 90s rock, and eventually when everyone's getting tired and drunk, some nice Celtic music for the end of the bonfire. Closed casket, bury me wherever they spilled the most beer, put a big boulder as my headstone, and plant a tree over the grave.

/party in the woods, yo.


I want "The chicken dance" played on a loop.

Just to annoy people one last time.
2013-05-05 03:54:17 PM
2 votes:

Rodeodoc:  If you are in favor of ignorance, continue to be a moron but spare the rest of us your asshatery.


Even though it is a non-word, simple elementary school grammar rules dictate that there should be a double t, unless the root word is asshate.
2013-05-05 03:47:51 PM
2 votes:

titwrench: This grammer Nazi crap is boring, bush league attention whoring at its most rudimentary. Scanning posts for typos and grammatical errors so you can blast somebody is farking juvenile.


We don't scan posts for them.  They jump out when one is reading a post and slap the reader across the face, saying "Look!! I'm a farking illiterate adult!  Look at me!"  Is it too much to ask that one use basic grammar skills?  It's not a simple spelling mistake, or something caused by typing too fast.  It's ignorance.  If you are in favor of ignorance, continue to be a moron but spare the rest of us your asshatery.

And it's grammar, you twit.

But getting back to the obit... What's Teri's Fark handle?
2013-05-05 01:37:39 PM
2 votes:
I want my obit to read :"...and cut. That's a wrap."
2013-05-05 01:35:38 PM
2 votes:

simplicimus: How does a human contract feline  leukemia?


img545.imageshack.us
2013-05-05 12:37:37 PM
2 votes:

Apos: Anyone wearing black will not be admitted to the memorial. She is not dead. She is alive.


The best three remarks of this stellar send-off.


Then why was she in the casket? I hope they didn't bury a live person!
2013-05-05 12:17:37 PM
2 votes:

Popcorn Johnny: TLDR


You thought THAT was too long? Surprised you make it to the end of headlines. Oh, and if you're going to use the meme, at least use it correctly:

tl;dr
2013-05-06 10:26:41 AM
1 votes:
I want my funeral to feature I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General.  Played on the bagpipes.  If they can find anyone who can do that, he's allowed to hang around afterwards, because clearly he's a guy I'd want to be friends with.
2013-05-06 07:26:51 AM
1 votes:

basemetal: Reminds me of my California side of the family, they don't have funerals per say, they have celebrations.  Much more fun.


Sounds like when my dad passed. He had esophageal cancer that spread so damn quick. When
chemo failed, rather than stay in a hospital, hospice set up a bed for him in his parents' living room
that overlooked the lake (my dad was a big boater and fisherman).

When it looked like the end was near, I Greyhound-ed it up to TN to be with him. His last words on
this earth were, "Well f*ck sh*t!", said when I told him that some friends of his from his school days
were on their way up from Florida to see him.

He died with his friends and family around him, music playing on the stereo and an old Redskins
game from their 80's glory days on the TV.

We all knew he didn't want us crying over his death, so it came as no surprise to us when a few...
interesting...things happened right after he died.

My grandpa went to call hospice to send out someone to pick up my dad. So he picks up the
phone and we hear him say "He's dead...please come pick up the body." there was a pause and
then, "I am SO sorry. I think I have the wrong number."

We all about peed ourselves laughing.

The next day, at the funeral home, we were making the final arrangements. My dad was to be
cremated and beyond what they were going to put in the memorial urn and all of the smaller
urns, my mom wanted some separate so she could visit all of their favorite fishing spots and
spread some of his ashes at each one.

The funeral directory looks at us somberly and says "We can give them to you, but we don't
have a designated container for extra ashes. We can put them in a plastic baggie for you though."

We laughed so hard, I know the funeral director thought we were nuts. The plastic baggie was
a perfect suggestion, as my dad had smoked pot almost daily.

There was no funeral, no ashes interred. There was a memorial about a month after he died
and all of his friends, co-workers and bandmates were there. A good time was had by all, and
that is just the way he would have wanted it.
2013-05-05 08:47:06 PM
1 votes:
I don't think the people in my life are sure whether or not to take me seriously, but I want my funeral to be in a large outdoor amphitheater, open casket on a dais at center stage, with a 40-piece orchestra performing Tchaikovsky's "1812" Overture, complete with the cannons and fireworks. When people ask me why, I tell them, "If you attended a funeral like that, would YOU ever forget it?"

I tend toward the dramatic.
2013-05-05 07:06:58 PM
1 votes:

Popcorn Johnny: TLDR


But you bothered to comment?
2013-05-05 04:01:16 PM
1 votes:

LordOfThePings: Dragonflew: Rodeodoc:  If you are in favor of ignorance, continue to be a moron but spare the rest of us your asshatery.

Even though it is a non-word, simple elementary school grammar rules dictate that there should be a double t, unless the root word is asshate.

What a caty comment.


Sick of grammar douches and their asshate.
2013-05-05 03:57:27 PM
1 votes:

Dragonflew: Rodeodoc:  If you are in favor of ignorance, continue to be a moron but spare the rest of us your asshatery.

Even though it is a non-word, simple elementary school grammar rules dictate that there should be a double t, unless the root word is asshate.


What a caty comment.
2013-05-05 03:43:11 PM
1 votes:
Posting about good obits and no one has posted this?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-gRxhAV_vE
2013-05-05 03:26:15 PM
1 votes:
Given that next Sunday is Mother's Day, I think we should all send this family anonymous Mother's Day cards.
2013-05-05 03:18:38 PM
1 votes:

Wulfman: I want my obit to read :"...and cut. That's a wrap."


You're circumcised and use condoms?
2013-05-05 03:12:54 PM
1 votes:
Toni often remarked that her son, Jean III, was "just like his father," her ex-husband, Jean Jr., a statement that haunts her son to this day.

Mom?  ;_;
2013-05-05 03:01:32 PM
1 votes:

puckrock2000: basemetal: Reminds me of my California side of the family, they don't have funerals per say, they have celebrations.  Much more fun.

Folks, if you want to impress people by using foreign words and phrases, please learn to spell them correctly.


How do you know he didn't type it correctly and auto correct farked him? This grammer Nazi crap is boring, bush league attention whoring at its most rudimentary. Scanning posts for typos and grammatical errors so you can blast somebody is farking juvenile. Sorry people don't write three drafts of every post to make sure it's perfect but get over it. You add nothing to the conversation. You are the equivalent of people that yell "bah bah bah" whenever they hear Sweet Caroline.
2013-05-05 02:57:11 PM
1 votes:

Wulfman: I want my obit to read :"...and cut. That's a wrap."


A John Landis Production
2013-05-05 02:43:25 PM
1 votes:

Bondith: Prey4reign: Now, that's a send off!  I'll bet Toni had a hand in writing this before she died.

This.

"Graham Chapman, co-author of the Parrot Sketch", is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.
Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him, but mindless good taste.  "

I think she and Graham would have gotten along quite well.


IT'S:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkxCHybM6Ek
2013-05-05 02:31:43 PM
1 votes:

Prey4reign: Now, that's a send off!  I'll bet Toni had a hand in writing this before she died.


This.

"Graham Chapman, co-author of the Parrot Sketch", is no more. He has ceased to be. Bereft of life, he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky. And I guess that we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only forty-eight, before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he'd had enough fun.
Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn't, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him, but mindless good taste.  "

I think she and Graham would have gotten along quite well.
2013-05-05 01:59:08 PM
1 votes:

Iceman208481: Here lies Lester Moore
Four shots with a .44.
No less no more.


You worked at Knott's Bury Farm, didn't you?
2013-05-05 01:58:53 PM
1 votes:
Wow, trying too hard until the very end.
2013-05-05 01:50:09 PM
1 votes:

basemetal: puckrock2000: basemetal: Reminds me of my California side of the family, they don't have funerals per say, they have celebrations.  Much more fun.

Folks, if you want to impress people by using foreign words and phrases, please learn to spell them correctly.

Hey grammar nazi, no one cares.


Guess again.
2013-05-05 01:46:42 PM
1 votes:
I think this one has it beat:


Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.
He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.
Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.
In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.
Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.
2013-05-05 01:41:09 PM
1 votes:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four shots with a .44.
No less no more.
2013-05-05 01:39:59 PM
1 votes:

basemetal: Reminds me of my California side of the family, they don't have funerals per say, they have celebrations.  Much more fun.


Folks, if you want to impress people by using foreign words and phrases, please learn to spell them correctly.
2013-05-05 01:37:15 PM
1 votes:
Thanks Subby. Brought a much needed smile to my face today.
2013-05-05 11:51:43 AM
1 votes:

Popcorn Johnny: TLDR


Your loss.
2013-05-05 11:43:23 AM
1 votes:
TLDR
2013-05-05 11:23:11 AM
1 votes:
Everything about it screamed fake until the last paragraph. She must've been a fun person to be around.
 
Displayed 39 of 39 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report