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(Debka Files)   Russian and Iranian media predicting full-scale Middle East war involving Israel erupting in hours. CNN reports already sixty-five millionty-billion dead in Iceland, a giant octopus attacking Rome, and Ted Turner has grown five extra penises   (debka.com) divider line 62
    More: Followup, Iranians, Middle East, Russians, CNN, Israelis, Iceland, Syrian Army, Israel Air Force  
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14361 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2013 at 11:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-05-05 07:09:35 AM
21 votes:
Was it Anderson Cooper or Wolf Blitzer reporting on Ted Turner? If it's Cooper, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. If it's Blitzer, I'm going to have to wait for the follow up report "I checked with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and yes, the initial report of five extra penii was inaccurate; the source was simply shaking Mr. Turner's hand and noticed he had fingers."
2013-05-05 07:14:49 AM
9 votes:
Fox reporting that Barack Obama himself went over and peed in baby Jesus' manger to start the war, so Ted Nugent is automatically emperor for life.
2013-05-05 07:17:18 AM
8 votes:
CNN now reports that a second bomber has hit the Alanta Olympics.
2013-05-05 08:07:22 AM
7 votes:
I hear that Des Moines has declared martial law and is standing by to be overrun.
2013-05-05 11:25:36 AM
6 votes:

serpent_sky: You're <i>Israeli</i>? Holy shiat, that explains so much.


I tried to sell you that radio because it's a good deal. IT'S GOOD DEAL! Cahme ann, you know you want it.
2013-05-05 12:02:41 PM
5 votes:

akuma976: Wait....whats that Anderson?

I'm being told the initial count of 5 is wrong, it is in fact 6 penises


Anderson would not make such a mistake, he's quite the expert when it comes to multiple penises.
2013-05-05 09:22:05 AM
5 votes:
And his underwear fits like a glove
2013-05-05 08:51:47 AM
5 votes:
A sobbing Glenn Beck confirms that the mole on President's right shoulder as the mark of the beast as initially reported by Newsmax
2013-05-05 03:01:41 PM
4 votes:
Ever wondered where she keeps the magazine?
2013-05-05 10:53:48 AM
4 votes:

PainInTheASP: I hear that Des Moines has declared martial law and is standing by to be overrun.


Perfect example - do you know what the queers are doing to the soil there?
2013-05-05 12:22:20 PM
3 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-05-05 11:21:09 AM
3 votes:

Tatsuma: Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.


You're <i>Israeli</i>? Holy shiat, that explains so much.
2013-05-05 11:04:45 AM
3 votes:
This just in: The New York Post reports that the Syrian rebels have assembled, Voltron-like, into a two hundred foot tall combat robot and are attempting to hijack the International Space Station.  Developing . . .
2013-05-05 05:19:15 PM
2 votes:

BolshyGreatYarblocks: Speaking of cephalopods, has the psychic World Cup octopus weighed in on who will win?  I've got some disposable income, and 401(k)s don't earn what they used to.


Octopus passed away over two years ago, btw.  Thanks for noticing.

www.tfmetalsreport.com
2013-05-05 12:26:18 PM
2 votes:
FTFA: at least 300 members of the Syrian Army's 501st Unit dead and hundreds filling four Damascus hospitals

The Israelis wiped out 300 star wars fanatics? The monsters!

img2u.info
2013-05-05 12:25:20 PM
2 votes:

NewportBarGuy: Agarista: The US has to avoid condemning Israel's "pre-emptive strikes" or else it would look like a hypocrite due to drone use etc in Pakistan.

Yeah, after Iraq, we lost that high ground forever.


No way. We may be hypocrites, but we'll never lose our inherent right to be judgemental.
2013-05-05 12:12:20 PM
2 votes:
Why is Tatsuma trolling on the Sabbath?

Also:
CNN is reporting that Israel has deployed their new space ships to attack Iranian satellites.
farm4.static.flickr.com
2013-05-05 11:57:28 AM
2 votes:
Ted Turner has grown five extra penises

I bet his pants fit like a glove.
2013-05-05 11:33:40 AM
2 votes:
All I want to know is, what are people saying about all this on twitter?
2013-05-05 11:29:02 AM
2 votes:
Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!
2013-05-05 11:20:15 AM
2 votes:

Tatsuma: LasersHurt: Well that's... fun. For certain definitions of "fun."

Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.

What I can post about, I certainly will, on the other hand.


In Likud Israel ships sink loose lips
2013-05-05 11:14:33 AM
2 votes:

dr_blasto: I think Wolf is the Timecube guy.


Impossible, some of those calculations are pretty spot on.
2013-05-05 11:11:31 AM
2 votes:

NewportBarGuy: DEBKAfile is the original WorldNutDaily.

They've been spreading disinformation since Geocities and Angelfire made up the bulk of internet pages.

I still think CNN needs to consult the Timecube guy if they want to get the full story. I'm sure Wolf has it bookmarked.


I think Wolf is the Timecube guy.
2013-05-05 11:10:05 AM
2 votes:

Weaver95: they should stop dancing around and either start f*cking or go home and stop wasting everyone's time.


That's what my grandmother said at my brothers wedding, before they said "I do."
2013-05-05 11:07:47 AM
2 votes:
CNN reporter live at the scene:

"Wolf, the tension is palpable. It's as if someone dropped a bomb."
2013-05-05 11:07:09 AM
2 votes:
DEBKAfile is the original WorldNutDaily.

They've been spreading disinformation since Geocities and Angelfire made up the bulk of internet pages.

I still think CNN needs to consult the Timecube guy if they want to get the full story. I'm sure Wolf has it bookmarked.
2013-05-05 08:59:16 AM
2 votes:
they should stop dancing around and either start f*cking or go home and stop wasting everyone's time.
2013-05-05 08:47:25 AM
2 votes:
Let me guess, the CIA is basing their intelligence on the situation off a sudden spike in the sale of Adobe Photoshop licenses?
2013-05-05 07:04:06 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: spiderpaz: You are aware that those countries have purchased enough American fighter jets over the last few decades that they would pose a serious problem for Israel if not for the fact that they'd be cutting their own throats due to the American backlash right? Or are Israeli's THAT naive and arrogant to think they really don't need the US in order to continue going on like they have?

The fact that you think Dubai and Qatar and the EU and Yemen would team up to fight Israel just makes me laugh. I am laughing as I type this. Laughing and shaking my head in disbelief.


Now wait a minute. He said Dubai AND the UAE. That changes *everything.* Israel would have to ally itself with Tel Aviv to repel a threat like that.
2013-05-05 06:33:16 PM
1 votes:

Techhell: Was it Anderson Cooper or Wolf Blitzer reporting on Ted Turner? If it's Cooper, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. If it's Blitzer, I'm going to have to wait for the follow up report "I checked with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and yes, the initial report of five extra penii was inaccurate; the source was simply shaking Mr. Turner's hand and noticed he had fingers."


Being Ted Turner, you sure he wasn't shaking his hand and noticed he had penii?
2013-05-05 05:04:59 PM
1 votes:

C18H27NO3: Tatsuma, have you always been over there or have you been to the U.S. at all?
No reason for asking really, just curious.


I believe he is a US native who has recently spent time in Israel. From a recent post, he was somewhere that involved getting up at 6am and spending all day in prayer and religious study. Or, as we say when it's the other side, he was radicalised at a training camp.
2013-05-05 04:08:42 PM
1 votes:

ThrobblefootSpectre: Obama has two unpleasant choices here.  Sit back and do nothing while WMDs are used against people, or start another bombing campaign and seriously piss off Iran.


Seems to me like there is a third choice, which is called "diplomacy" but which nobody likes because stuff doesn't get blowed up
2013-05-05 03:54:03 PM
1 votes:

Infernalist: Tatsuma: spiderpaz: You are aware that those countries have purchased enough American fighter jets over the last few decades that they would pose a serious problem for Israel if not for the fact that they'd be cutting their own throats due to the American backlash right? Or are Israeli's THAT naive and arrogant to think they really don't need the US in order to continue going on like they have?

The fact that you think Dubai and Qatar and the EU and Yemen would team up to fight Israel just makes me laugh. I am laughing as I type this. Laughing and shaking my head in disbelief.

I completely agree.  The US is completely unnecessary in regards to the defense of Israel.  Redundant, really.


Makes you wonder why they waste all that money lobbying the US when they don't even need them.
2013-05-05 03:52:50 PM
1 votes:

spiderpaz: The UAB, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Iran would be VERY difficult for Israel to defeat without help from the US, or using nukes (which they got from the US). If you don't think so, you are in a sad state of denial, blinded by nationalism and a false sense of superiority.


You know who would be hard to defeat?

Optimus Prime, Rainbow Dash, Solid Snake and Papa Smurf.
2013-05-05 03:35:15 PM
1 votes:
Hello?  Where did everybody go?

www.biography.com

I am very important and... like... I have nukes and stuff too...
2013-05-05 01:50:58 PM
1 votes:

jehovahs witness protection: MSNBC reports zombie Reagan ate Chris Mathew's brain when he was touring with Aerosmith.


Poor Zombie Reagan! He's STARVING!
2013-05-05 01:26:02 PM
1 votes:
i290.photobucket.com
2013-05-05 01:17:16 PM
1 votes:
3.bp.blogspot.com
2013-05-05 01:12:13 PM
1 votes:

readbot42: Don't forget kids, tomorrow is Martyrs Day.



F**k, is that TOMORROW? I always wait until the last minute to get my mom a Martyrs Day card and flowers.
2013-05-05 01:00:16 PM
1 votes:
LOL. Who still reads Debka? It's like getting your news from this:

imageshack.us

Or like using rightwing media in the US for election predictions:

imageshack.us
2013-05-05 12:57:07 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: elvisaintdead: Easy, there. Some things we simply don't consider.

Thus, the raging.

doglover: By attacking ammo depots belonging to people currently accused of unleashing chemical weapons?

"Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.


I prefer:

if (Israel doing something)
    Israel is being a prick;
else
    Israel is being a prick;
2013-05-05 12:31:46 PM
1 votes:

Satanic_Hamster: Why is Tatsuma trolling on the Sabbath?


Because he's not a Christian?
2013-05-05 12:31:15 PM
1 votes:

Bontesla: So, Syria is saying they consider Israel's attack a declaration of war... so Syria responds with a strongly worded letter?

It sounds like they're trying to avoid the war.


It's sounds like they are ready to join the UN.
2013-05-05 12:26:26 PM
1 votes:

Ennuipoet: The Blaze is reporting UFO landing in Washington DC demanding our gold reserves and virgin girls.


I'm calling B.S. It's well known we have no gold and why would they want a Farkette?
2013-05-05 12:25:16 PM
1 votes:

DAR: it's still raining here in Des Moines and the farmers are pissed about it.


When are the farmers NOT pissed about the weather?
2013-05-05 12:22:27 PM
1 votes:
CNN exclusive: Ted Turner's five penis attack has impregnated 23.63% of Atlanta's women
2013-05-05 12:09:39 PM
1 votes:
www.funnyvideogame.com
2013-05-05 12:07:14 PM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: That's what happens when you treat politics with football. Your team or nothing!


Oh, the irony.
2013-05-05 11:57:57 AM
1 votes:
I am sure Ted Turner's wife would have a hard time swallowing the fact that he has 5 extra penises.
2013-05-05 11:57:08 AM
1 votes:
Wait....whats that Anderson?

I'm being told the initial count of 5 is wrong, it is in fact 6 penises
2013-05-05 11:34:01 AM
1 votes:

dr_blasto: I don't think Assad is going to stay no matter how shiat goes down; if he quashes the rebellion, he still won't have control over the entire state--worst case is he does the typical post-rebellion mass slaughter of his own people, but he isn't likely to maintain control over the same area. I'd expect him to be dead within a few months of that. Either way, though, stability is going to be a problem. There's going to be power struggles, infighting and whatnot. All it takes is one General to trade some weaponry off for support in his bid to the guy in charge.


Well he could go down the Saddam route and kill half a million people and fashion himself a throne out of their bones. He's been doing a great job so far.
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-05-05 11:29:37 AM
1 votes:
Tatsuma:

Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.

What I can post about, I certainly will, on the other hand.



Ah, I guess we miss out on all of the secret alien technology and chem-trails then.
2013-05-05 11:24:12 AM
1 votes:
With any luck, we'll avoid the sort of tangle-of-alliances scenario that got WWI going.
2013-05-05 10:37:33 AM
1 votes:
Surprised Israel has taken this long to do anything. With the crazy civil war next store, reports of Assad having chemical weapons (before the reports of using them), I figured they'd strike depots early to avoid those weapons getting distributed to the crazies. Also surprised Turkey hasn't done anything either.

If/when Assad falls, there's a strong likelihood that the storage facilities get raided by rebels. If that crap falls into the wrong hands, like the crazy fundies instead of the FSA, every border country is at risk.
2013-05-05 10:16:00 AM
1 votes:

Weaver95: if that's what gets you through the day, sure.


How does it feel to know that I have much more mainstream opinions than you about pretty much everything? That's how far you've gone, weav. We're waiting for you back in the center at some point!

/Still love you
//Hope your father is doing well too
2013-05-05 10:14:00 AM
1 votes:

Tatsuma: Weaver95: well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick. Which we already knew. But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.

The rest of the world thinking that Israel are being pricks?

Obama came out and not only said that Israel was right to do what it did, but gave carte blanche for many such operations in the future as well. The EU also said that Israel had every right to do what it did, and while Arab States have not reacted openly about this, considering the fact that they are all rooting for Assad to fall and rooting openly for the rebels, I'm sure Jerusalem received many encrypted cables congratulating them and wishing for more.

The only people who think Israel was wrong to do that are the furthest extremists on the far fringes.


if that's what gets you through the day, sure.
2013-05-05 09:49:42 AM
1 votes:

cc_rider: In other news, WND is reporting that Fartbongo is the Antichrist and the rapture will happen next week.


So I'm never getting the last season of Breaking Bad?

Obaaaaaaaama!
i.imgur.com
2013-05-05 09:47:28 AM
1 votes:
Oh fark off, DEBKA for even thinking we care what kind of bullshiat Pravda and Press TV is spreading today.

In other news, WND is reporting that Fartbongo is the Antichrist and the rapture will happen next week.
2013-05-05 09:41:22 AM
1 votes:
Well, nice knowing everyone. I wonder which side we will choose the former terrorists or the former terrorists.
2013-05-05 09:41:02 AM
1 votes:
i411.photobucket.com
2013-05-05 08:23:49 AM
1 votes:
MSNBC reports zombie Reagan ate Chris Mathew's brain when he was touring with Aerosmith.
2013-05-05 08:09:59 AM
1 votes:
The Blaze is reporting UFO landing in Washington DC demanding our gold reserves and virgin girls.
 
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