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(Debka Files)   Russian and Iranian media predicting full-scale Middle East war involving Israel erupting in hours. CNN reports already sixty-five millionty-billion dead in Iceland, a giant octopus attacking Rome, and Ted Turner has grown five extra penises   (debka.com) divider line 344
    More: Followup, Iranians, Middle East, Russians, CNN, Israelis, Iceland, Syrian Army, Israel Air Force  
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14362 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2013 at 11:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-05 11:14:33 AM  

dr_blasto: I think Wolf is the Timecube guy.


Impossible, some of those calculations are pretty spot on.
 
2013-05-05 11:19:34 AM  

Tatsuma: By the time Assad falls, there won't be any chemical or biological weapons left.


I would expect that would be because neighboring powers would have incinerated them by now. That's the surprising bit for me; everybody knows he has chemical agents, everybody knows Assad isn't going to last and everybody knows the rebelling forces aren't all "free Syria" types.

What I would have expected to happen is bunkers being incinerated by somebody by now. Jordan, Turkey and Israel all have the capacity to destroy the bunkers. They all have interests in not allowing that stuff to exist on their border. Why any of them have allowed that stuff to continue to exist is beyond me.
 
2013-05-05 11:20:15 AM  

Tatsuma: LasersHurt: Well that's... fun. For certain definitions of "fun."

Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.

What I can post about, I certainly will, on the other hand.


In Likud Israel ships sink loose lips
 
2013-05-05 11:21:09 AM  

Tatsuma: Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.


You're <i>Israeli</i>? Holy shiat, that explains so much.
 
2013-05-05 11:21:23 AM  

Bontesla: Well, other sources are reporting it...


A full-scale mideast war? I doubt it. Bashar is a little busy right now.
 
2013-05-05 11:24:05 AM  

dr_blasto: I would expect that would be because neighboring powers would have incinerated them by now.


I meant that as in 'Israel will have taken care of them'.

dr_blasto: What I would have expected to happen is bunkers being incinerated by somebody by now.


Well the reason they weren't is twofold:

1 - Will Assad really fall?
2 - Will he use those chemical weapons?

Even right now, it is not assured that Assad is going to be removed from power. It's not even 'likely'. It's a completely unknown outcome at this point, as long as it stays an internal conflict (well, as internal as it can be when Iran is pouring in weapons and fighters, and the Arab states are backing the rebels).

If Assad had not used those weapons, Israel most likely would not have greenlit that strike. Assad in power having those chemical weapons, while definitely not optimal, is not much of a problem as long as these weapons stay in bunkers and he's not trying to give them to terrorist groups. He's never going to fire them himself on Israel.

Once it looks like he's about to fall AND he's using them on the populace, whose to say that some of the troops meant to fire them at civilians won't defect with them? That's why Israel is stepping up right now.

fark letting Al-Nusra or Hizbullah get their hands on these weapons.
 
2013-05-05 11:24:12 AM  
With any luck, we'll avoid the sort of tangle-of-alliances scenario that got WWI going.
 
2013-05-05 11:25:36 AM  

serpent_sky: You're <i>Israeli</i>? Holy shiat, that explains so much.


I tried to sell you that radio because it's a good deal. IT'S GOOD DEAL! Cahme ann, you know you want it.
 
2013-05-05 11:25:59 AM  

dr_blasto: Surprised Israel has taken this long to do anything. With the crazy civil war next store, reports of Assad having chemical weapons (before the reports of using them), I figured they'd strike depots early to avoid those weapons getting distributed to the crazies. Also surprised Turkey hasn't done anything either.

If/when Assad falls, there's a strong likelihood that the storage facilities get raided by rebels. If that crap falls into the wrong hands, like the crazy fundies instead of the FSA, every border country is at risk.


I think it had a lot to do with timing.

Israel has always been the US "deputy" in the Middle East for World Police. When the US and sane Arabic country need a job done, it's Israel who is willing to do the job.

It's hady for the following reasons
1) US/UN/NATO keeps their hands clean. Justifies their government investment into Israel.
2) Arabic countries won't be deemed traitors for attacking one of its own (see Sadam Huseuien )
3) Israel is already hated-so they don't care what anyone else thinks. But at least they remind everyone they are still badasses.
 
2013-05-05 11:29:02 AM  
Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-05-05 11:29:37 AM  
Tatsuma:

Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.

What I can post about, I certainly will, on the other hand.



Ah, I guess we miss out on all of the secret alien technology and chem-trails then.
 
2013-05-05 11:32:01 AM  

Tatsuma: dr_blasto: I would expect that would be because neighboring powers would have incinerated them by now.

I meant that as in 'Israel will have taken care of them'.

dr_blasto: What I would have expected to happen is bunkers being incinerated by somebody by now.

Well the reason they weren't is twofold:

1 - Will Assad really fall?
2 - Will he use those chemical weapons?

Even right now, it is not assured that Assad is going to be removed from power. It's not even 'likely'. It's a completely unknown outcome at this point, as long as it stays an internal conflict (well, as internal as it can be when Iran is pouring in weapons and fighters, and the Arab states are backing the rebels).

If Assad had not used those weapons, Israel most likely would not have greenlit that strike. Assad in power having those chemical weapons, while definitely not optimal, is not much of a problem as long as these weapons stay in bunkers and he's not trying to give them to terrorist groups. He's never going to fire them himself on Israel.

Once it looks like he's about to fall AND he's using them on the populace, whose to say that some of the troops meant to fire them at civilians won't defect with them? That's why Israel is stepping up right now.

fark letting Al-Nusra or Hizbullah get their hands on these weapons.


I don't think Assad is going to stay no matter how shiat goes down; if he quashes the rebellion, he still won't have control over the entire state--worst case is he does the typical post-rebellion mass slaughter of his own people, but he isn't likely to maintain control over the same area. I'd expect him to be dead within a few months of that. Either way, though, stability is going to be a problem. There's going to be power struggles, infighting and whatnot. All it takes is one General to trade some weaponry off for support in his bid to the guy in charge.
 
2013-05-05 11:33:40 AM  
All I want to know is, what are people saying about all this on twitter?
 
2013-05-05 11:34:01 AM  

dr_blasto: I don't think Assad is going to stay no matter how shiat goes down; if he quashes the rebellion, he still won't have control over the entire state--worst case is he does the typical post-rebellion mass slaughter of his own people, but he isn't likely to maintain control over the same area. I'd expect him to be dead within a few months of that. Either way, though, stability is going to be a problem. There's going to be power struggles, infighting and whatnot. All it takes is one General to trade some weaponry off for support in his bid to the guy in charge.


Well he could go down the Saddam route and kill half a million people and fashion himself a throne out of their bones. He's been doing a great job so far.
 
2013-05-05 11:41:09 AM  

serial_crusher: All I want to know is, what are people saying about all this on twitter?


i39.tinypic.com

IT'S BLOWIN' UP, DOG!
 
2013-05-05 11:57:08 AM  
Wait....whats that Anderson?

I'm being told the initial count of 5 is wrong, it is in fact 6 penises
 
2013-05-05 11:57:28 AM  
Ted Turner has grown five extra penises

I bet his pants fit like a glove.
 
2013-05-05 11:57:57 AM  
I am sure Ted Turner's wife would have a hard time swallowing the fact that he has 5 extra penises.
 
2013-05-05 11:59:33 AM  

Mugato: Whatever happens can we please stay out of it? Wishful thinking, I know.


Bwahahaha. You said that with a straight face, too.
 
2013-05-05 11:59:53 AM  
Tatsuma:

"Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.

I think there might be a persecution complex in there somewhere....
 
2013-05-05 12:01:01 PM  

Weaver95: well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick.  Which we already knew.


I know, right? How dare Israel stop Syria from shipping missiles to Hezbollah in Lebanon.
 
2013-05-05 12:02:41 PM  

akuma976: Wait....whats that Anderson?

I'm being told the initial count of 5 is wrong, it is in fact 6 penises


Anderson would not make such a mistake, he's quite the expert when it comes to multiple penises.
 
2013-05-05 12:02:46 PM  
CNN exclusive: Syria's deputy foreign minister says his country will retaliate against Israel.
 
2013-05-05 12:07:14 PM  

Tatsuma: That's what happens when you treat politics with football. Your team or nothing!


Oh, the irony.
 
2013-05-05 12:09:39 PM  
www.funnyvideogame.com
 
2013-05-05 12:09:44 PM  
Israel had better not even dream about starting something that they can't finish without our help.

/With friends like these, eh Gary?
 
2013-05-05 12:10:04 PM  

Techhell: Was it Anderson Cooper or Wolf Blitzer reporting on Ted Turner? If it's Cooper, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. If it's Blitzer, I'm going to have to wait for the follow up report "I checked with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and yes, the initial report of five extra penii was inaccurate; the source was simply shaking Mr. Turner's hand and noticed he had fingers."


Penii is an awesome word.
 
2013-05-05 12:10:43 PM  

Hollie Maea: Israel had better not even dream about starting something that they can't finish without our help.

/With friends like these, eh Gary?


When has Israel ever gone into a conflict and needed US help to finish?
 
2013-05-05 12:12:20 PM  
Why is Tatsuma trolling on the Sabbath?

Also:
CNN is reporting that Israel has deployed their new space ships to attack Iranian satellites.
farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2013-05-05 12:14:19 PM  
The US has to avoid condemning Israel's "pre-emptive strikes" or else it would look like a hypocrite due to drone use etc in Pakistan.
 
2013-05-05 12:15:59 PM  
Election day in Malaysia!!!

The National Front are sooo gonna win.
 
2013-05-05 12:16:47 PM  

Tatsuma: When has Israel ever gone into a conflict and needed US help to finish?


Never.  You guys are Real Tough Guys (tm).

/I was talking about the future, not the past.
 
2013-05-05 12:18:49 PM  

Mrtraveler01: The National Front are sooo gonna win.


But David, we wonder
We wonder if the thunder
Is ever really gonna begin
Begin, begin
Your mom says
"I've lost my boy"
But she should know
Why you've gone
Because again and again you've explained
You've gone to the
National
To the National
To the National Front disco

Hollie Maea: Never. You guys are Real Tough Guys (tm).

/I was talking about the future, not the past.


So you're complaining about something that has never happened, and Israel never asked to happen because...?
 
2013-05-05 12:20:11 PM  

Agarista: The US has to avoid condemning Israel's "pre-emptive strikes" or else it would look like a hypocrite due to drone use etc in Pakistan.


Yeah, after Iraq, we lost that high ground forever.
 
2013-05-05 12:22:20 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-05 12:22:27 PM  
CNN exclusive: Ted Turner's five penis attack has impregnated 23.63% of Atlanta's women
 
2013-05-05 12:22:55 PM  

Tatsuma: dr_blasto: I don't think Assad is going to stay no matter how shiat goes down; if he quashes the rebellion, he still won't have control over the entire state--worst case is he does the typical post-rebellion mass slaughter of his own people, but he isn't likely to maintain control over the same area. I'd expect him to be dead within a few months of that. Either way, though, stability is going to be a problem. There's going to be power struggles, infighting and whatnot. All it takes is one General to trade some weaponry off for support in his bid to the guy in charge.

Well he could go down the Saddam route and kill half a million people and fashion himself a throne out of their bones. He's been doing a great job so far.


And then we can "help" "free" them and watch as half a million more die in the ensuing utter clusterfark we cause.

We won't go in and help without 1) a clear indication of who the next leader will likely be and 2) no interference from China and Russia. I guarantee that if we do go in, Hezbollah will go nuts on Israel.

My bet: a coalition does go in, Hezbollah goes nuts, Iran does something retarded, and then it gets complicated. Fun times ahead.
 
2013-05-05 12:25:16 PM  

DAR: it's still raining here in Des Moines and the farmers are pissed about it.


When are the farmers NOT pissed about the weather?
 
2013-05-05 12:25:20 PM  

NewportBarGuy: Agarista: The US has to avoid condemning Israel's "pre-emptive strikes" or else it would look like a hypocrite due to drone use etc in Pakistan.

Yeah, after Iraq, we lost that high ground forever.


No way. We may be hypocrites, but we'll never lose our inherent right to be judgemental.
 
2013-05-05 12:25:44 PM  

sgnilward: And his underwear fits like a glove


Nice!
 
2013-05-05 12:26:18 PM  
FTFA: at least 300 members of the Syrian Army's 501st Unit dead and hundreds filling four Damascus hospitals

The Israelis wiped out 300 star wars fanatics? The monsters!

img2u.info
 
2013-05-05 12:26:26 PM  

Ennuipoet: The Blaze is reporting UFO landing in Washington DC demanding our gold reserves and virgin girls.


I'm calling B.S. It's well known we have no gold and why would they want a Farkette?
 
2013-05-05 12:26:39 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: Why is Tatsuma trolling on the Sabbath?


Because the Sabbath was yesterday.
 
2013-05-05 12:28:58 PM  
Anyone any views on how to solve syria?
 
2013-05-05 12:31:15 PM  

Bontesla: So, Syria is saying they consider Israel's attack a declaration of war... so Syria responds with a strongly worded letter?

It sounds like they're trying to avoid the war.


It's sounds like they are ready to join the UN.
 
2013-05-05 12:31:46 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: Why is Tatsuma trolling on the Sabbath?


Because he's not a Christian?
 
2013-05-05 12:31:58 PM  

21-7-b: Anyone any views on how to solve syria?


Captain Trips.
 
2013-05-05 12:32:25 PM  

Weaver95: Tatsuma: Nothing is going to happen.

well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick.  Which we already knew.  But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.


It reminded me of short bullies in school who only beat up kids who were shorter than they. Kick them when they're down I guess.

/please don't involve Canada. I don't want Canadians dying because Israel decided to fark up.
 
2013-05-05 12:33:41 PM  
So am I like just totally a bad person in hoping that there is a huge bloody war?

I am pretty liberal but seriously can't these two groups just destroy each other and be done with it.  It could be the first and last great act of humanity they ever do.
 
2013-05-05 12:34:08 PM  

Tatsuma: elvisaintdead: Easy, there. Some things we simply don't consider.

Thus, the raging.

doglover: By attacking ammo depots belonging to people currently accused of unleashing chemical weapons?

"Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.



And then you have people who think that Israel can do no wrong, and anyone who ever criticizes anything Israel has ever done are "the furthest extremists on the far fringes."
 
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