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(Debka Files)   Russian and Iranian media predicting full-scale Middle East war involving Israel erupting in hours. CNN reports already sixty-five millionty-billion dead in Iceland, a giant octopus attacking Rome, and Ted Turner has grown five extra penises   (debka.com) divider line 344
    More: Followup, Iranians, Middle East, Russians, CNN, Israelis, Iceland, Syrian Army, Israel Air Force  
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14364 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2013 at 11:53 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-05 07:09:35 AM  
Was it Anderson Cooper or Wolf Blitzer reporting on Ted Turner? If it's Cooper, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. If it's Blitzer, I'm going to have to wait for the follow up report "I checked with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and yes, the initial report of five extra penii was inaccurate; the source was simply shaking Mr. Turner's hand and noticed he had fingers."
 
2013-05-05 07:14:49 AM  
Fox reporting that Barack Obama himself went over and peed in baby Jesus' manger to start the war, so Ted Nugent is automatically emperor for life.
 
2013-05-05 07:17:18 AM  
CNN now reports that a second bomber has hit the Alanta Olympics.
 
2013-05-05 08:07:22 AM  
I hear that Des Moines has declared martial law and is standing by to be overrun.
 
2013-05-05 08:09:00 AM  
I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up if anything ends up on Reuters or Al Jazeera.
 
2013-05-05 08:09:59 AM  
The Blaze is reporting UFO landing in Washington DC demanding our gold reserves and virgin girls.
 
DAR [TotalFark]
2013-05-05 08:22:51 AM  

PainInTheASP: I hear that Des Moines has declared martial law and is standing by to be overrun.


possible, it's still raining here in Des Moines and the farmers are pissed about it......but other wise its quiet outside this am........k/dar
 
2013-05-05 08:23:49 AM  
MSNBC reports zombie Reagan ate Chris Mathew's brain when he was touring with Aerosmith.
 
2013-05-05 08:42:48 AM  
Time for Times Square to be invaded by a giant space alien octopus.
 
2013-05-05 08:47:25 AM  
Let me guess, the CIA is basing their intelligence on the situation off a sudden spike in the sale of Adobe Photoshop licenses?
 
2013-05-05 08:51:47 AM  
A sobbing Glenn Beck confirms that the mole on President's right shoulder as the mark of the beast as initially reported by Newsmax
 
2013-05-05 08:59:16 AM  
they should stop dancing around and either start f*cking or go home and stop wasting everyone's time.
 
2013-05-05 09:22:05 AM  
And his underwear fits like a glove
 
2013-05-05 09:30:34 AM  
Nothing is going to happen.

Syria can't even tame their own rebel, and suddenly they are going to take on Israel? Lebanon is scared shiatless that the sectarian violence will spill over on their side of the border worst than it already has, and no way they are getting involved over this. Jordan? Egypt? Don't make me laugh. What are the Iraqis going to do about it? Yemen? Saudi Arabia? Qatar? Dubai? UAE?

The only wildcard there is Iran... and how on earth are they going to be able to project enough power to make it to Israel? What, they'd fire missiles at Israel? That would be giving us (and America) the perfect opportunity to get rid of their nuclear weapons program.

These cries of 'Tis the end of the world as we know it!' are ridiculous.
 
2013-05-05 09:38:11 AM  

ginandbacon: I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up if anything ends up on Reuters or Al Jazeera.


Wake up

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/05/05/us-syria-crisis-blasts-idUS B RE94400020130505
 
2013-05-05 09:41:02 AM  
i411.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-05 09:41:22 AM  
Well, nice knowing everyone. I wonder which side we will choose the former terrorists or the former terrorists.
 
2013-05-05 09:44:35 AM  

Tatsuma: These cries of 'Tis the end of the world as we know it!' are ridiculous.


I have to agree, there's no way Syria can even think about effectively fighting on two fronts, and no other nation is going to jump in there for them (despite what Russia may bluster).

I don't know that I'm FOR it, but I don't think it's going to snowball into a huge thing.
 
2013-05-05 09:47:28 AM  
Oh fark off, DEBKA for even thinking we care what kind of bullshiat Pravda and Press TV is spreading today.

In other news, WND is reporting that Fartbongo is the Antichrist and the rapture will happen next week.
 
2013-05-05 09:49:42 AM  

cc_rider: In other news, WND is reporting that Fartbongo is the Antichrist and the rapture will happen next week.


So I'm never getting the last season of Breaking Bad?

Obaaaaaaaama!
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-05 09:53:28 AM  
Any giant twinkies?
 
2013-05-05 10:00:10 AM  
So, Syria is saying they consider Israel's attack a declaration of war... so Syria responds with a strongly worded letter?

It sounds like they're trying to avoid the war.
 
2013-05-05 10:03:07 AM  

Tatsuma: Nothing is going to happen.


well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick.  Which we already knew.  But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.
 
2013-05-05 10:03:40 AM  

Tatsuma: Nothing is going to happen.

Syria can't even tame their own rebel, and suddenly they are going to take on Israel? Lebanon is scared shiatless that the sectarian violence will spill over on their side of the border worst than it already has, and no way they are getting involved over this. Jordan? Egypt? Don't make me laugh. What are the Iraqis going to do about it? Yemen? Saudi Arabia? Qatar? Dubai? UAE?

The only wildcard there is Iran... and how on earth are they going to be able to project enough power to make it to Israel? What, they'd fire missiles at Israel? That would be giving us (and America) the perfect opportunity to get rid of their nuclear weapons program.

These cries of 'Tis the end of the world as we know it!' are ridiculous.


Thanks Tats, was wondering how series this actually was.
 
2013-05-05 10:09:19 AM  

Weaver95: well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick. Which we already knew. But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.


The rest of the world thinking that Israel are being pricks?

Obama came out and not only said that Israel was right to do what it did, but gave carte blanche for many such operations in the future as well. The EU also said that Israel had every right to do what it did, and while Arab States have not reacted openly about this, considering the fact that they are all rooting for Assad to fall and rooting openly for the rebels, I'm sure Jerusalem received many encrypted cables congratulating them and wishing for more.

The only people who think Israel was wrong to do that are the furthest extremists on the far fringes.
 
2013-05-05 10:14:00 AM  

Tatsuma: Weaver95: well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick. Which we already knew. But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.

The rest of the world thinking that Israel are being pricks?

Obama came out and not only said that Israel was right to do what it did, but gave carte blanche for many such operations in the future as well. The EU also said that Israel had every right to do what it did, and while Arab States have not reacted openly about this, considering the fact that they are all rooting for Assad to fall and rooting openly for the rebels, I'm sure Jerusalem received many encrypted cables congratulating them and wishing for more.

The only people who think Israel was wrong to do that are the furthest extremists on the far fringes.


if that's what gets you through the day, sure.
 
2013-05-05 10:16:00 AM  

Weaver95: if that's what gets you through the day, sure.


How does it feel to know that I have much more mainstream opinions than you about pretty much everything? That's how far you've gone, weav. We're waiting for you back in the center at some point!

/Still love you
//Hope your father is doing well too
 
2013-05-05 10:18:10 AM  

Tatsuma: So I'm never getting the last season of Breaking Bad?


Easy, there.  Some things we simply don't consider.
 
2013-05-05 10:23:16 AM  

Weaver95: Israel is being a prick


By attacking ammo depots belonging to people currently accused of unleashing chemical weapons?
 
2013-05-05 10:28:16 AM  

elvisaintdead: Easy, there. Some things we simply don't consider.


Thus, the raging.

doglover: By attacking ammo depots belonging to people currently accused of unleashing chemical weapons?


"Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.
 
2013-05-05 10:37:33 AM  
Surprised Israel has taken this long to do anything. With the crazy civil war next store, reports of Assad having chemical weapons (before the reports of using them), I figured they'd strike depots early to avoid those weapons getting distributed to the crazies. Also surprised Turkey hasn't done anything either.

If/when Assad falls, there's a strong likelihood that the storage facilities get raided by rebels. If that crap falls into the wrong hands, like the crazy fundies instead of the FSA, every border country is at risk.
 
2013-05-05 10:39:10 AM  
Whatever happens can we please stay out of it? Wishful thinking, I know.
 
2013-05-05 10:40:02 AM  

Tatsuma: Weaver95: if that's what gets you through the day, sure.

How does it feel to know that I have much more mainstream opinions than you about pretty much everything? That's how far you've gone, weav. We're waiting for you back in the center at some point!

/Still love you
//Hope your father is doing well too


again, if that's what gets you thru the day, sure.  Dad passed away 4 years ago btw.  thanks for noticing.
 
2013-05-05 10:40:02 AM  

Tatsuma: "Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.


Well, honestly, the Israelis are often pricks in the international community. This isn't one of those times though.

Every single day it's "Syrian government commits new atrocity. Rebels gain West's support."

Israel actually does something to improve the situation in the very real interests of their own national security and you'd think it'd be lauded. But no, it's bad because it's Israel.

I don't get the hate.
 
2013-05-05 10:42:53 AM  
doglover:
Israel actually does something to improve the situation in the very real interests of their own national security and you'd think it'd be lauded. But no, it's bad because it's Israel.

I don't get the hate.


you answered your own question - it's because Israel has a reputation for being pricks that nobody trusts their motives.  think of it as 'the boy who cried wolf'.  Israel has cried wolf many, many, many, many times.  so even if/when they come up against a situation where they ARE in the right....nobody is gonna trust 'em.  And you know what?  I don't feel sorry for Israel at all.  I'd like us to be done with them.  they're big enough to stand on their own.  let them go and do things their own with, without the protection of the United States.
 
2013-05-05 10:51:45 AM  

Weaver95: Tatsuma: Nothing is going to happen.

well...nothing other than the fact that the rest of the world is going to think Israel is being a prick.  Which we already knew.  But I guess for some reason Israel felt the need to remind the world that they're ok with beating up on people weaker than themselves for no reason other than they can.


Meh. Not your best troll work, but an A for the effort.

//Right, it was a reminder!
 
2013-05-05 10:51:48 AM  

Weaver95: again, if that's what gets you thru the day, sure. Dad passed away 4 years ago btw. thanks for noticing.


Did he? Very sorry about that. I remember that you discussed his health and situation on TF, I did not realize it had been that long, I thought it would have been more or less around two years ago before I mostly left Fark.

My condolences. Very sorry about that.

doglover: Well, honestly, the Israelis are often pricks in the international community. This isn't one of those times though.

Every single day it's "Syrian government commits new atrocity. Rebels gain West's support."

Israel actually does something to improve the situation in the very real interests of their own national security and you'd think it'd be lauded. But no, it's bad because it's Israel.

I don't get the hate.


That's what happens when you treat politics with football. Your team or nothing!
 
2013-05-05 10:53:42 AM  

dr_blasto: Surprised Israel has taken this long to do anything. With the crazy civil war next store, reports of Assad having chemical weapons (before the reports of using them), I figured they'd strike depots early to avoid those weapons getting distributed to the crazies. Also surprised Turkey hasn't done anything either.

If/when Assad falls, there's a strong likelihood that the storage facilities get raided by rebels. If that crap falls into the wrong hands, like the crazy fundies instead of the FSA, every border country is at risk.


Well there are rumors of plenty of special ops things happening, and other things I won't go into details. As far as why right now? Well it has to do with the fact that Assad has decided to get the genie out of the bottle, and he's also been stepping up the transfer of weapons to Hizbullah.

By the time Assad falls, there won't be any chemical or biological weapons left.
 
2013-05-05 10:53:48 AM  

PainInTheASP: I hear that Des Moines has declared martial law and is standing by to be overrun.


Perfect example - do you know what the queers are doing to the soil there?
 
2013-05-05 10:57:31 AM  

Tatsuma: dr_blasto: Surprised Israel has taken this long to do anything. With the crazy civil war next store, reports of Assad having chemical weapons (before the reports of using them), I figured they'd strike depots early to avoid those weapons getting distributed to the crazies. Also surprised Turkey hasn't done anything either.

If/when Assad falls, there's a strong likelihood that the storage facilities get raided by rebels. If that crap falls into the wrong hands, like the crazy fundies instead of the FSA, every border country is at risk.

Well there are rumors of plenty of special ops things happening, and other things I won't go into details. As far as why right now? Well it has to do with the fact that Assad has decided to get the genie out of the bottle, and he's also been stepping up the transfer of weapons to Hizbullah.

By the time Assad falls, there won't be any chemical or biological weapons left.


Do you have non-public information, or are you just trying to increase your mystique by hinting that there are things you "won't go into details" on?
 
2013-05-05 11:00:16 AM  

LasersHurt: Do you have non-public information, or are you just trying to increase your mystique by hinting that there are things you "won't go into details" on?


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israeli_Military_Censor
 
2013-05-05 11:00:57 AM  

Tatsuma: elvisaintdead: Easy, there. Some things we simply don't consider.

Thus, the raging.

doglover: By attacking ammo depots belonging to people currently accused of unleashing chemical weapons?

"Israel does something = Israel" being a prick to many people. "Israel not doing something = also Israel being a prick" to these people. Pretty much "Israel = Prick" is a constant value.


I would add this formula:

(Mommy+daddy)/(attention)=Troll

I don't believe it's really Israel's fault that thier mommy missed their fourth grade production of "The Miracle Worker".
 
2013-05-05 11:01:21 AM  

Tatsuma: LasersHurt: Do you have non-public information, or are you just trying to increase your mystique by hinting that there are things you "won't go into details" on?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israeli_Military_Censor


Well that's... fun. For certain definitions of "fun."
 
2013-05-05 11:04:45 AM  
This just in: The New York Post reports that the Syrian rebels have assembled, Voltron-like, into a two hundred foot tall combat robot and are attempting to hijack the International Space Station.  Developing . . .
 
2013-05-05 11:07:09 AM  
DEBKAfile is the original WorldNutDaily.

They've been spreading disinformation since Geocities and Angelfire made up the bulk of internet pages.

I still think CNN needs to consult the Timecube guy if they want to get the full story. I'm sure Wolf has it bookmarked.
 
2013-05-05 11:07:47 AM  
CNN reporter live at the scene:

"Wolf, the tension is palpable. It's as if someone dropped a bomb."
 
2013-05-05 11:09:54 AM  

NewportBarGuy: DEBKAfile is the original WorldNutDaily.

They've been spreading disinformation since Geocities and Angelfire made up the bulk of internet pages.

I still think CNN needs to consult the Timecube guy if they want to get the full story. I'm sure Wolf has it bookmarked.


Well, other sources are reporting it... but they're treating with elevated concern. Assad isn't happy and responded with something tatmount to a strongly worded letter.
 
2013-05-05 11:10:05 AM  

Weaver95: they should stop dancing around and either start f*cking or go home and stop wasting everyone's time.


That's what my grandmother said at my brothers wedding, before they said "I do."
 
2013-05-05 11:10:29 AM  

LasersHurt: Well that's... fun. For certain definitions of "fun."


Pretty much. I am an Israeli citizen, therefore I obey all laws of the State of Israel. I'm not going to rush and post things I know on the internet to impress a few strangers for being connected to (rather low-level, really) military knowledge when spewing these things all over the internet would put people in danger, some of them friends of mine. Loose lips sink ships is very real in Israel.

What I can post about, I certainly will, on the other hand.
 
2013-05-05 11:11:31 AM  

NewportBarGuy: DEBKAfile is the original WorldNutDaily.

They've been spreading disinformation since Geocities and Angelfire made up the bulk of internet pages.

I still think CNN needs to consult the Timecube guy if they want to get the full story. I'm sure Wolf has it bookmarked.


I think Wolf is the Timecube guy.
 
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