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(Guardian)   I was swallowed by a hippo   (guardian.co.uk) divider line 55
    More: Scary  
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10681 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2013 at 10:19 AM (49 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-05-05 10:14:22 AM
No, this isn't a story about dating BBW.
 
2013-05-05 10:21:02 AM
Was the hippo hungry hungry?
 
2013-05-05 10:23:22 AM
Your mom.
 
2013-05-05 10:26:03 AM
I didn't know hippos were cannibalistic.
 
2013-05-05 10:27:11 AM
Not like there aren't enough warnings about this....

Syfylys parody

Worldstarhiphop

...and too many others that are more amateurish
 
2013-05-05 10:28:15 AM
i.imgur.com

"Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo and a giant sloth."
 
2013-05-05 10:28:23 AM
The only SFW "what a hippo swallowing might look like" that I could find.

i40.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-05 10:28:50 AM
Jonah..you're doing it wrong.
 
2013-05-05 10:29:08 AM
I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.
 
2013-05-05 10:30:50 AM
www.peachparts.com
 
2013-05-05 10:34:54 AM

ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.


For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
 
2013-05-05 10:41:29 AM

Snargi: ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.

For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.


Calm down there, Captain!
 
2013-05-05 10:42:33 AM
Did...did anyone else read that and think it sounded dirty and salacious?

Is there something wrong with me? Hey....where is everyone going?
 
2013-05-05 10:43:37 AM

Snargi: ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.

For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.


I'll chase him round Good Hope, and round the Horn, and round the Norway Maelstrom, and round perdition's flames before I give him up. And this is what ye have shipped for, men! to chase that white hippo on both sides of land, and over all sides of earth . . .
 
2013-05-05 10:43:47 AM
Did he at least get his gun back? I bet he wishes he could've neutralized himself after that.
 
2013-05-05 10:45:11 AM

Smidge204: [www.peachparts.com image 289x546]


What do you call that act?
 
2013-05-05 10:46:25 AM
Oh, you were not.
 
2013-05-05 10:47:05 AM
swahnhennessy,
I didn't know hippos were cannibalistic.


There was an outbreak of hippo ebola going around.

What someone figured out was that after hippo ebola would eventually kill the hippo, it guts would eventually blow out and into the river. Then other hippos would chow down and get hippo ebola.
 
2013-05-05 10:48:02 AM

derpy: The only SFW "what a hippo swallowing might look like" that I could find.

[i40.tinypic.com image 409x431]



1 tbsp garlic
16 onions chopped
2 thighs

preheat oven to 350 and roast for about a week
 
2013-05-05 10:49:12 AM
If I'm in the backwoods of Africa, I'd much rather run across a lion than a hippo.  A lion will probably run away from you.  A hippo, on the other hand, is a mean, aggressive bastard who's very likely to attack.
 
2013-05-05 10:50:22 AM

swahnhennessy: I didn't know hippos were cannibalistic.


Cannibalistic hippo underwater dwellers.
 
2013-05-05 10:50:29 AM
Smidge204:

Actually...
i44.tinypic.com
I'm skeptical about this story and I'll leave it to someone else to post the skeptical hippo pic.
 
2013-05-05 10:52:36 AM

dbrunker: Smidge204:

Actually...
[i44.tinypic.com image 379x556]
I'm skeptical about this story and I'll leave it to someone else to post the skeptical hippo pic.


s15.postimg.org
 
2013-05-05 10:53:42 AM
s21.postimg.org
 
2013-05-05 10:54:08 AM
Less 'swallowed by hippo', more 'chewed on by hippo'.

Either way, if the story's true, he's damned lucky to be alive.
 
2013-05-05 10:54:46 AM

NutWrench: Snargi: ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.

For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

I'll chase him round Good Hope, and round the Horn, and round the Norway Maelstrom, and round perdition's flames before I give him up. And this is what ye have shipped for, men! to chase that white hippo on both sides of land, and over all sides of earth . . .


www.fanpop.com

Steve Zissou: I'm going to find it and I'm going to destroy it. I don't know how yet. Possibly with dynamite.
 
2013-05-05 11:06:53 AM

derpy: The only SFW "what a hippo swallowing might look like" that I could find.

[i40.tinypic.com image 409x431]


Is that mayo in the cup holder?
 
2013-05-05 11:24:12 AM
i4.ytimg.com
 
2013-05-05 11:30:06 AM

derpy: The only SFW "what a hippo swallowing might look like" that I could find.

[i40.tinypic.com image 409x431]


Please tell me that's not real
 
2013-05-05 11:31:12 AM

wildcardjack: derpy: The only SFW "what a hippo swallowing might look like" that I could find.

[i40.tinypic.com image 409x431]

Is that mayo in the cup holder?


Its her sunscreen.

/that's made of mayo
//rule 34.
 
2013-05-05 11:33:25 AM
What's her POF profile?
 
2013-05-05 11:42:36 AM

LordJiro: Less 'swallowed by hippo', more 'chewed on by hippo'.

Either way, if the story's true, he's damned lucky to be alive.


It's true.

Irate hippo attacks safari, Lodi News Sentinel, Monday March 11, 1996 (http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=J94zAAAAIBAJ&sjid=RCEGAAAA IBAJ&pg =5120,1282317&dq=paul-templer&hl=en)

And a followup two months later from the Chicago Tribune:  http://articles.chicagotribune.com/1996-05-24/news/9605250137_1_hippo - zambezi-river-canoe

Best line of that article, incidentally: "I let go of the paddler because the hippo was giving me good attention under the water." Good attention. Nice turn of phrase.

He's a motivational speaker now:  http://www.paultempler.com/
 
2013-05-05 11:57:49 AM
A friend who used to live in Tanzania told me that by far the most dangerous wild animals are hippos.  They're super territorial, and they get really nervous when they're out of the water.  So never get between one of them and the river, because they panic and head for the water and they don't even notice that they've crushed you to death.

Seriously, imagine a Tea Partier in their hoveround and you're in between them and the Doritos aisle at Walmart.
 
2013-05-05 12:05:45 PM
www.toysrus.com
 
2013-05-05 12:24:16 PM
His head DOES kinda look like a marble.
 
2013-05-05 12:43:27 PM
Here, hippo, hippo, hippo ....

sp0.fotolog.com
 
2013-05-05 12:43:30 PM
I was expecting
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
What I got was
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2013-05-05 12:47:20 PM

SoupJohnB: Snargi: ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.

For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

Calm down there, Captain!


pbfcomics.com
 
2013-05-05 01:00:49 PM

ciberido: SoupJohnB: Snargi: ChrisDe: I guess is wasn't so bad, considering he's still leading expeditions down the Zambezi River.

For revenge! To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

Calm down there, Captain!

[pbfcomics.com image 850x283]


Huh.  Now I'm wondering whether the "Jaws" novel and movie may have been inspired by Melville.

/Nah.  No way.

//"Fare well and away, ye Spanish maidens..."
 
2013-05-05 01:06:48 PM
Hippos ain't no joke. The meanest mammal who lives in the waters of rivers of Africa is not to be screwed with - they kill waaaay more people every year than crocodiles do.
 
2013-05-05 01:30:53 PM

Yaxe: Hippos ain't no joke. The meanest mammal who lives in the waters of rivers of Africa is not to be screwed with - they kill waaaay more people every year than crocodiles do.


Even the crocodiles don't fark with hippos.
 
2013-05-05 01:33:48 PM
Article says he lost his left arm.  Picture shows his left arm intact, unless it's a prosthetic, or an old picture.  In any case, I don't think I'd want to do a hippo river tour with a guide who lost his arm to a hippo.
 
2013-05-05 01:33:57 PM

SoupJohnB: Huh. Now I'm wondering whether the "Jaws" novel and movie may have been inspired by Melville.
/Nah. No way.


Random trivia of the day: they were loosely inspired by a series of real life shark attacks along the New Jersey shore in 1916.

Couple more fun hippo facts: for all their bulk, they can move surprisingly fast out of the water. And if they're just annoyed with you, instead of biting, they switch ends and cut loose with a lovely spray. So, yeah, avoid avoid avoid.
 
2013-05-05 01:54:45 PM
Sounds like my honeymoon
 
2013-05-05 02:08:53 PM

Assimilate This: Article says he lost his left arm.  Picture shows his left arm intact, unless it's a prosthetic, or an old picture.  In any case, I don't think I'd want to do a hippo river tour with a guide who lost his arm to a hippo.


It looks like a prosthetic arm and hand.
 
2013-05-05 02:11:33 PM

Mister Peejay: Yaxe: Hippos ain't no joke. The meanest mammal who lives in the waters of rivers of Africa is not to be screwed with - they kill waaaay more people every year than crocodiles do.

Even the crocodiles don't fark with hippos.


That's because flour doesn't work in the water
 
2013-05-05 03:50:25 PM

Mister Peejay: swahnhennessy: I didn't know hippos were cannibalistic.

Cannibalistic hippo underwater dwellers.


Nice one!

But seriously, I would never go to Africa.
 
2013-05-05 04:12:10 PM
I'm disappointed in Fark to say the least. Here you go.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-05 05:20:21 PM

Clemkadidlefark: Here, hippo, hippo, hippo ....


FUUUUUUU
 
2013-05-05 05:32:31 PM
What, no gratuitous picture of gaping hippo mouth?
 
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