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(Omaha World Herald)   How to stop a dog from attacking your wife? Bite it back   (omaha.com) divider line 64
    More: Obvious, Iowa, Dallas County  
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4470 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 May 2013 at 10:11 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



64 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-05-03 08:14:32 PM  
It's Iowa. I'm gonna have to side with the dog here.
 
2013-05-03 08:20:57 PM  
Does your dog bite dear?
No honey buns, my dog does not bite.
*Growlcrunchomnomnom scream*
But sweetie, you said your dog didn't bite!
That's not my dog
 
2013-05-03 08:57:57 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-05-03 09:08:08 PM  
cinemafanatic.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-05-03 10:14:22 PM  
Correctly reported as a Lab? What is the world coming to?  It was obviously a 'Pitbull mix'.
 
2013-05-03 10:23:52 PM  
Undesirable lab results.
 
2013-05-03 10:24:24 PM  
A K-Bar will stop a K-9 every time.
 
2013-05-03 10:24:54 PM  
FTA : It's unclear who owns the dog. The resident who has been caring for the dog said it belongs to a homeless man.

How sad. The poor creatures lot in life is to follow around a farking homeless guy.

The dog's probably thinking to himself, "you know, I could do this shiat on my own."

/ forget which comedian I heard do the bit.
 
2013-05-03 10:25:32 PM  
Labrador mix... And the other half of that mix? Pit bull.
 
2013-05-03 10:26:27 PM  
If you press hard enough you will rupture their eyeballs.
 
2013-05-03 10:32:52 PM  
I love dogs more than humans but this one needs to be put down.
 
2013-05-03 10:34:13 PM  

lewismarktwo: Correctly reported as a Lab? What is the world coming to?  It was obviously a 'Pitbull mix'.


Basset hound bit my other half once- owner was walking her two dogs past our house and the Basset backed out of his collar to run over and attack my dog (who was on leash). He got in between. Of course, it was a Basset so he only ended up with a bruise... In our case I really don't think the owner did anything wrong but I do hope she got him a better collar...
 
2013-05-03 10:36:09 PM  
Does your husband bite?
 
2013-05-03 10:36:30 PM  
take off your shirt and wrap it around dogs head/face/mouth when it tries to attack. it won't be able to bite you or see you well. sure, you may get a light bite or scrape but its better than having your forehead eaten like a milk bone brand dog biscuit.
 
2013-05-03 10:38:02 PM  

KrispyKritter: take off your shirt and wrap it around dogs head/face/mouth when it tries to attack. it won't be able to bite you or see you well. sure, you may get a light bite or scrape but its better than having your forehead eaten like a milk bone brand dog biscuit.


Then jam your thumbs into its eyes.
 
2013-05-03 10:38:16 PM  
What happened to your face?

www.wmtw.com

She looks kind of banged up too.
 
2013-05-03 10:39:15 PM  
Stick your thumb up its butt....
 
2013-05-03 10:41:04 PM  
i thought if you stick your finger in the dog's arse it will let go. No?
 
2013-05-03 10:41:42 PM  
I had a part of my nose bit off by a lab mix when I was 12. My nose only has a teeny scar now and my
lips have a small parallel double-scar where the bottom teeth caught my face before clamping on the bridge of my nose.

Labs are the only dogs that make me nervous.

Little yippy dogs don't make me nervous. They just suck. DO YOU HEAR ME, NEIGHBOR?!? SHUT THAT DOG UP!
 
2013-05-03 10:47:11 PM  
Oh Mr Bones that's terrible.
 
2013-05-03 10:48:37 PM  
Where's doglover to tell us how it's everyone's fault but the dog's?
 
2013-05-03 10:55:11 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Labrador mix... And the other half of that mix? Pit bull

Chimp.
 
2013-05-03 11:00:05 PM  
First you have to figure out which one's the dog
 
2013-05-03 11:01:05 PM  

KrispyKritter: take off your shirt and wrap it around dogs head/face/mouth when it tries to attack. it won't be able to bite you or see you well. sure, you may get a light bite or scrape but its better than having your forehead eaten like a milk bone brand dog biscuit.


Sounds good, but if a dog is attacking me my first instinct probably won't be to start stripping.
 
2013-05-03 11:03:42 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

Not obscure, just old.
 
2013-05-03 11:04:17 PM  
Crap, I forgot to type "Approves".
 
2013-05-03 11:04:49 PM  
I bite my cats occasionally when they get uppity, but the dog would have to be pretty far into some kind of attack motion (like about to latch on) for me to bite it; they've got much bigger teeth usually.
 
2013-05-03 11:06:56 PM  

Erix: Sounds good, but if a dog is attacking me my first instinct probably won't be to start stripping.


Yeah I've been attacked by dogs before and my instinct was shriek and run not try to put my hands closer to the dogs mouth.
/Both dogs were German Shepherds,farking hate those assholes.
 
2013-05-03 11:07:08 PM  
Wow, an actual "Man Bites Dog" story.
 
2013-05-03 11:07:26 PM  
i got bit when i was a kid

i don't like dogs

I'd like to nibble on your wife some though
 
2013-05-03 11:11:52 PM  
I thought that only works with bees.
 
2013-05-03 11:11:52 PM  

megarian: I had a part of my nose bit off by a lab mix when I was 12. My nose only has a teeny scar now and my
lips have a small parallel double-scar where the bottom teeth caught my face before clamping on the bridge of my nose.

Labs are the only dogs that make me nervous.

Little yippy dogs don't make me nervous. They just suck. DO YOU HEAR ME, NEIGHBOR?!? SHUT THAT DOG UP!


The big question is... do any dogs like you?  If not, I'd like to isolate the chemical you secrete so I can make a detector to alarm others about your illegitimate disposition.

/if they can detect bombs, they can certainly detect people who shouldn't be part of society
 
2013-05-03 11:12:51 PM  

SpdrJay: Stick your thumb up its butt....


That'll really piss it off
 
2013-05-03 11:13:13 PM  

nytmare: What happened to your face?

[www.wmtw.com image 640x360]

She looks kind of banged up too.


LOL!  Thats the best "shut your whore mouth" pic i've ever seen.  The bandage on his hand is just farking priceless.
 
2013-05-03 11:18:46 PM  

megarian: I had a part of my nose bit off by a lab mix when I was 12. My nose only has a teeny scar now and my
lips have a small parallel double-scar where the bottom teeth caught my face before clamping on the bridge of my nose.

Labs are the only dogs that make me nervous.

Little yippy dogs don't make me nervous. They just suck. DO YOU HEAR ME, NEIGHBOR?!? SHUT THAT DOG UP!


I'd bite that ass.
 
2013-05-03 11:19:31 PM  
Erix: Sounds good, but if a dog is attacking me my first instinct probably won't be to start stripping

that's my reaction to everything
 
2013-05-03 11:22:06 PM  

Arkanaut: Wow, an actual "Man Bites Dog" story.


Yeah, this is kinda blowing my mind that it's actually happened.
 
2013-05-03 11:45:17 PM  
www.ifc.com
 
2013-05-04 12:04:45 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-05-04 12:26:06 AM  
simpsonswiki.net
 
2013-05-04 12:26:50 AM  
My husband used to have a dog.  The dog "play bit" once, so my husband bit the dog back.  Dog never bit again.

Not sure if I agree with the methodology used here, but it got the job done.  Unfortunately, my husband, his three kids, and the dog were in New Orleans during Katrina.  When the rescue copters came, they had to leave the dog behind.
 
2013-05-04 12:28:44 AM  

lewismarktwo: Correctly reported as a Lab? What is the world coming to?  It was obviously a 'Pitbull mix'.


It was a Glock AR-47 tactical assault dog.
 
2013-05-04 12:38:33 AM  

Gyrfalcon: lewismarktwo: Correctly reported as a Lab? What is the world coming to?  It was obviously a 'Pitbull mix'.

It was a Glock AR-47 tactical assault dog.


No doubt, probably with extended penis.
 
2013-05-04 12:45:44 AM  
FTFA: The resident who has been caring for the dog said it belongs to a homeless man.

Oh, bullshiat.
 
2013-05-04 12:57:45 AM  
"She said her husband was bit on an arm "

"Bitten," you fool.  Christ, even the AP has fired its copy editors...
 
2013-05-04 01:00:23 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: "She said her husband was bit on an arm "

"Bitten," you fool.  Christ, even the AP has fired its copy editors...



THANK YOU.
 
2013-05-04 01:11:26 AM  
that's news!
 
2013-05-04 01:14:06 AM  

fusillade762: [www.ifc.com image 310x229]


I see my work here is done.
 
2013-05-04 01:35:28 AM  
thetestmarketevolution.com
 
2013-05-04 01:41:23 AM  
The resident who has been caring for the dog said it belongs to a homeless man.
 Of course it does.  It's the pet owner version of "Officer, I wasn't driving!  It was my twin brother!"
 
2013-05-04 01:58:40 AM  

arcas: The resident who has been caring for the dog said it belongs to a homeless man.
 Of course it does.  It's the pet owner version of "Officer, I wasn't driving!  It was my twin brother!"


So, you feed it,

you own it?
 
2013-05-04 02:05:02 AM  

thisisarepeat: arcas: The resident who has been caring for the dog said it belongs to a homeless man.
 Of course it does.  It's the pet owner version of "Officer, I wasn't driving!  It was my twin brother!"

So, you feed it,

you own it?


The dog will have to pick its owner out of a lineup, then testify in court.

/actually the dog will probably get a nap.
 
2013-05-04 02:13:35 AM  

nytmare: What happened to your face?

[www.wmtw.com image 640x360]

She looks kind of banged up too.


i43.tinypic.com
 
2013-05-04 02:32:12 AM  
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

seriously?

for the second time tonight, Fark, I am disappoint
 
2013-05-04 03:19:16 AM  
Why did the dog get to his wife? My wife and I have been in a situation with a dog running at us like in this story. The dog knew full well before he got within 10 feet he was going to have to go through me to get to her. Luckily for the dog, he backed off when I growled at him.
 
2013-05-04 07:55:11 AM  
Man bites kan b nasti...
 
2013-05-04 08:42:41 AM  

Sugarbombs: megarian: I had a part of my nose bit off by a lab mix when I was 12. My nose only has a teeny scar now and my
lips have a small parallel double-scar where the bottom teeth caught my face before clamping on the bridge of my nose.

Labs are the only dogs that make me nervous.

Little yippy dogs don't make me nervous. They just suck. DO YOU HEAR ME, NEIGHBOR?!? SHUT THAT DOG UP!

The big question is... do any dogs like you?  If not, I'd like to isolate the chemical you secrete so I can make a detector to alarm others about your illegitimate disposition.

/if they can detect bombs, they can certainly detect people who shouldn't be part of society


*slowly shuffles away*
 
2013-05-04 08:58:42 AM  
My veterinarian sister and I were talking about this scenario a few days ago. She said the biggest, meanest dog in the world will choke to death if you shove your hand down its throat.


/yuck
 
2013-05-04 11:43:06 AM  
Surprised they got that badly mauled with two people on the attack.  Dogs may be merciless murder machines but humans are actually fairly well built to seriously fark up a dog if the need arises.  Mentally humans have to get past the whole "I can do this but this is going to farking hurt" portion of the fight.  Once they are passed that the dogs pretty screwed.  There was a informative article on handling a dog attack about a year ago posted here.  A wonderful and useful piece that also had the best piece of information for when more than one dog was attacking you.  In the event of attack from a pack of dogs.....you might be farked.
 
2013-05-04 12:33:19 PM  

katerbug72: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 462x352]

Not obscure, just old.


Came here for the World According to Garp references.

"My son is not dog food,"
"Garp bit Bonky"
 
2013-05-04 12:55:34 PM  

Nexus-6: katerbug72: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 462x352]

Not obscure, just old.

Came here for the World According to Garp references.

"My son is not dog food,"
"Garp bit Bonky"


One of my favorite all time movies.

I tried without any luck to find an image of the family Christmas pic with Bonkers wearing his reindeer antlers.

/ if you don't smile, you'll never find a husband...
 
2013-05-04 01:07:11 PM  
Mount it and yell loudly "I AM THE ALPHA MALE!"

//this advice brought to you by harvey birdman, attorney at law..
 
2013-05-04 01:17:04 PM  

SpdrJay: Stick your thumb up its butt....


That's why he was biting me in the first place.
 
2013-05-04 10:48:03 PM  
CSB
My Llahsa apso bit my thumb so hard I had to immediately lay down before passing out.   Granted I was trying to take something out of his mouth but I never expected that amount of pain from a 24 pound dog.  felt like every ounce of blood left my brain probably like fainting.
 
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