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(The Onion)   The Richard B. Cheney Vice-Presidential Library is now open to the public. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here   (theonion.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, library, Jonathan Luddom  
•       •       •

4977 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 May 2013 at 2:18 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



87 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-05-02 01:15:25 PM  
This is LITERALLY unbelievable.
 
2013-05-02 01:19:46 PM  
Free shotgun blast to the face for the first 500 customers.
 
2013-05-02 01:31:44 PM  
Mom, it's cold in here.
 
2013-05-02 01:32:35 PM  
you may or may not get shot in the face.  and before you leave, you have to apologize for getting shot in the face.
 
2013-05-02 01:35:10 PM  
There's something not right here... I feel cold. Death.
 
2013-05-02 01:55:59 PM  
WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.
 
2013-05-02 02:20:00 PM  
Lesen macht frei
 
2013-05-02 02:21:14 PM  

poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.


Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?
 
2013-05-02 02:23:18 PM  
I hope the Cheney Library shows the video of the prep work for his heart surgery.

i.ytimg.com
 
2013-05-02 02:23:23 PM  
media.abovetopsecret.com
 
2013-05-02 02:23:37 PM  
Price of admission: YOUR SOUL!
 
2013-05-02 02:24:43 PM  
The outside of the library looks like the Death Star
 
2013-05-02 02:24:51 PM  

nekom: This is LITERALLY unbelievable.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-02 02:25:12 PM  

poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.


No, no... you don't understand how comically super villain evil he is.

When I canvassed for the Democrats in 04 in a super Republican rich neighborhood, even the people who said "I vote Republican all my life and will again for Bush, but I'm frightened as hell of Cheney".


His own party fears him.
There is no other that compares.
photos1.blogger.com

 
2013-05-02 02:25:31 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?


It's an EVIL library.
 
2013-05-02 02:26:20 PM  

Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.


Correction: EEEVILLLLL
 
2013-05-02 02:27:27 PM  

Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.


I thought ALL libraries are evil... because they have books... and books hold facts, which we all know have a LIBERAL BIAS!  Hence, evil.
 
2013-05-02 02:29:34 PM  

CaptSacto: Free shotgun blast to the face for the first 500 customers.


Then waterboarded.
 
2013-05-02 02:29:51 PM  

NostroZ: Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.

I thought ALL libraries are evil... because they have books... and books hold facts, which we all know have a LIBERAL BIAS!  Hence, evil.


The books in the Cheney library are written in blood and bound with HUMAN SKIN.
 
2013-05-02 02:30:54 PM  
I also heard the library contains potassium benzoate.
 
2013-05-02 02:31:19 PM  
Laughed heartily at the headline. Would laugh again.
 
2013-05-02 02:32:12 PM  

CaptSacto: NostroZ: Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.

I thought ALL libraries are evil... because they have books... and books hold facts, which we all know have a LIBERAL BIAS!  Hence, evil.

The books in the Cheney library are written in blood and bound with HUMAN SKIN.


Ed Gein would look at Cheney and say "ew"
 
2013-05-02 02:33:33 PM  

CaptSacto: NostroZ: Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.

I thought ALL libraries are evil... because they have books... and books hold facts, which we all know have a LIBERAL BIAS!  Hence, evil.

The books in the Cheney library are written in blood and bound with HUMAN SKIN.


If only the next president had shopped smart and worked at S-Mart
 
2013-05-02 02:34:41 PM  

SpdrJay: I also heard the library contains potassium benzoate.


Can I go now?
 
2013-05-02 02:35:33 PM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: Lesen macht frei


www.deathcamps.org

/beat me to the reference.
 
2013-05-02 02:35:37 PM  

CaptSacto: NostroZ: Keeve: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: poonesfarm: WE GET IT. HE'S EVIL.

Then why is he getting a god damn shrine in the form of a library?

It's an EVIL library.

I thought ALL libraries are evil... because they have books... and books hold facts, which we all know have a LIBERAL BIAS!  Hence, evil.

The books in the Cheney library are written in blood and bound with HUMAN SKIN.

Welcome to ][umanLeather. We are specialists in producing exquisite and exclusive products for an extremely discerning clientele. All products are carefully hand-crafted by experienced master craftsmen, with years of experience in handling the finest leather known - human leather.


He is their number one customer.
 
2013-05-02 02:36:02 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
Klaatu! Barata! Ni-*cough cough*...
 
2013-05-02 02:36:21 PM  
the Hall of Obfuscation

That's glorious.
 
2013-05-02 02:39:16 PM  
Deep down in the Rockies out in Wyoming
Way back up in the woods among the evergreens
There stood a scary mountain that was dark and rainy
Underneath it was a cavern home to Richard B. Cheney
The horrible screams and the sulphurous smell
Made you think it was another open gateway to Hell.

Go, Go
Go, Cheney, Go...
 
2013-05-02 02:39:21 PM  
Meh; you haven't seen shiat till you've seen Cheney's Volcano Lair.

He hosted the Real Republican National Convention last year. I worked for months to perfect my evil laugh/ moustache combo.
 
2013-05-02 02:40:46 PM  
It is EEE-Ville

Like the FROO-ITTS of the DE-Ville.


EEE-Ville.
 
2013-05-02 02:40:52 PM  
Cheney supports gay rights, btw
 
2013-05-02 02:41:51 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Cheney supports gay rights, btw


Does his perfidy know no bounds?
 
2013-05-02 02:42:05 PM  

iheartscotch: Meh; you haven't seen shiat till you've seen Cheney's Volcano Lair.

He hosted the Real Republican National Convention last year. I worked for months to perfect my evil laugh/ moustache combo.


I hear every republican has an evil goatee which they must cover at all times while outside the Volcano. This is the first I've heard of the mustache.
 
2013-05-02 02:42:38 PM  
is it in the hague?
 
2013-05-02 02:43:12 PM  
www.secretsofthefed.com
 
2013-05-02 02:43:21 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Cheney supports gay rights, btw


Of course he does, the whole issue is just a distraction to convince fundies the GOP is on their side.
 
2013-05-02 02:44:33 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Cheney supports gay rights his daughter, btw


ftfy
 
2013-05-02 02:47:37 PM  

God-is-a-Taco: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Cheney supports gay rights his daughter, btw

ftfy


"People ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish," Dick Cheney
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2009/06/02/dick-cheney-speaks-out-in-favou r- of-gay-marriage/
 
2013-05-02 02:48:33 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

i.qkme.me
 
2013-05-02 02:48:46 PM  

UsikFark: iheartscotch: Meh; you haven't seen shiat till you've seen Cheney's Volcano Lair.

He hosted the Real Republican National Convention last year. I worked for months to perfect my evil laugh/ moustache combo.

I hear every republican has an evil goatee which they must cover at all times while outside the Volcano. This is the first I've heard of the mustache.


You have to be very evil to get the goatee. I'm only moderately evil; so I only have an evil mustache. Someday, if I am evil enough, I'll have the goatee.

/ you're right; no one can see them outside the volcano; so we made evil facial hair cloaking devices
 
2013-05-02 02:49:31 PM  

Contrabulous Flabtraption: God-is-a-Taco: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Cheney supports gay rights his daughter, btw

ftfy

"People ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish," Dick Cheney
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2009/06/02/dick-cheney-speaks-out-in-favou r- of-gay-marriage/


probably the sanest, least evil, thing he's ever said
he could have very easily turned against the entire thing...whether he supports his daughter's lifestyle or not
still can't stand the man, though
 
2013-05-02 02:53:39 PM  
He walks the line...


/Has to be obscure
 
2013-05-02 02:55:09 PM  
When did the The Onion start doing real news?
 
2013-05-02 02:55:24 PM  
I thought the Onion was supposed to be Satire?
 
2013-05-02 03:06:31 PM  
Te intranasal forcefeeding at the snackbar was a bit much.  I had a decent breakfast and was just hoping for something like a pretzel, since I was feeling a bit peckish. I blame myself for not foreseeing that the all you can drink option for an extra fifty cents was gonna be getting waterboarded with Vanilla Coke.
 
2013-05-02 03:06:55 PM  
 
2013-05-02 03:07:54 PM  
I'll only go if I can piss all over the place.
May he rot in hell.
 
2013-05-02 03:12:59 PM  

CaptSacto: Free shotgun blast to the face for the first 500 customers.


Do they have to publicly apologize for being shot in the face afterwards?
 
2013-05-02 03:13:39 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 189x267]
Klaatu! Barata! Ni-*cough cough*...


Necktie?
 
2013-05-02 03:14:10 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com i2.ytimg.comthewordzombie.com images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-05-02 03:21:10 PM  
Will it be at an undisclosed location? Has google earth been told to blank out the location?

Wouldn't it be more properly described as Cheney's "lair?"
 
2013-05-02 03:21:25 PM  
I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.
 
2013-05-02 03:31:32 PM  

Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.


Absolutely gorram right! Unconvicted war criminals always cheese me off!

media.dcentertainment.com
 
2013-05-02 03:34:16 PM  

Astorix: The outside of the library looks like the Death Star


I was going to say Mount Doom or The Black Forest.
 
2013-05-02 03:37:16 PM  
cvillewords.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-05-02 03:41:21 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-02 03:49:02 PM  
No matter if you like him or hate him, you got to give a hand to someone who makes this an official White House portrait....

www.fema.gov
 
2013-05-02 03:52:37 PM  

albatros183: If only the next president had shopped smart and worked at S-Mart


He did.

i190.photobucket.com
 
2013-05-02 03:57:58 PM  

Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.


I bet you love Sarah Palin too, because everyone is "scared" of her.
 
2013-05-02 04:02:18 PM  
Even though you are deep in a cave, you'll feel a draft. In fact five of them. One for every deferment that he received. Was it his last one... ole Number 5, that he got for knocking his wife up? Though she was only a few months along, he wrangled a pass. Knowing that he porked his wife to avoid military service and she popped out a lesbian must eat at him every waking moment of his life.
 
2013-05-02 04:03:02 PM  

freetomato: Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.

I bet you love Sarah Palin too, because everyone is "scared" of her.



www.nypost.com

"Sarah Palin porn star Lisa Ann is the number one porn star in the world."


I'm scared of how she gives me a GIANT BONER!!

i.imgur.com
 
2013-05-02 04:03:54 PM  
infoscussion.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-05-02 04:08:48 PM  
what's the penalty for an overdue book?
what kinds of books do they feature in the weekend reading circles?
what kinds iof fun cartoon characters do they bring to do guest readings?
 
2013-05-02 04:09:39 PM  

freetomato: Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.

I bet you love Sarah Palin too, because everyone is "scared" of her.


Conservatives with half a brain are also frightened of him.

Mr. RoadWarrior, do you hate your fellow country men so much so that your only criteria for liking a leader is how much your opponents hate/fear him?
 
2013-05-02 04:11:48 PM  

grokca: Mom, it's cold in here.


Shut up, or I'll flush it again.
 
2013-05-02 04:12:15 PM  

ChipNASA: [i.imgur.com image 480x343]


I'm almost evil enough to vote for him.
 
2013-05-02 04:27:18 PM  

CaptSacto: Free shotgun blast to the face for the first 500 customers.


That is the penalty for over due books, or maybe Gitmo.
 
2013-05-02 04:35:58 PM  

NostroZ: freetomato: Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.

I bet you love Sarah Palin too, because everyone is "scared" of her.

Conservatives with half a brain are also frightened of him.

Mr. RoadWarrior, do you hate your fellow country men so much so that your only criteria for liking a leader is how much your opponents hate/fear him?


Not to put words in his mouth, but what I think he means is that he likes the guy because he tweaks their noses.  Everybody, liberal, conservative or whatever, gets a kick out of seeing their rivals squirm a little.  I doubt anyone's only criterion for liking a leader is the degree of fear which he engenders.
 
2013-05-02 04:38:33 PM  
The library no longer has an administrative board.  Fear will keep the librarians in line now.
 
2013-05-02 04:41:45 PM  
The guides are super helpful, though.

www.stanwinstonschool.com
 
2013-05-02 04:46:55 PM  
i1.ytimg.com
 
2013-05-02 04:52:13 PM  
Jesus, you guys need to get over it.
 
2013-05-02 04:52:45 PM  

NostroZ: freetomato: Road Warrior: I love Cheney. Mostly for how completely batshiat unhinged libbies get when his name is mentioned. Farking hilarious.

I bet you love Sarah Palin too, because everyone is "scared" of her.

Conservatives with half a brain are also frightened of him.


Can you be more specific? How many is that?
 
2013-05-02 04:53:26 PM  
ts4.mm.bing.net
The basement of the Richard B Cheney Library
 
2013-05-02 04:57:36 PM  

Grimlock2099: [media.abovetopsecret.com image 640x480]


That black out is actually in the farking book itself on Google Books. I wonder if the first edition, first printing was that way.
 
2013-05-02 04:57:41 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Klaatu! Barata! Ni-*cough cough*...


Did you say the words correctly?
 
2013-05-02 05:34:53 PM  
Remember when the Onion was funny?  A groundbreaker and not a tired meme echo chamber?  I do. Those were Good times.....
 
2013-05-02 06:21:33 PM  
Is there a hologram of him greeting visitors with "Go fark yourself?"
 
2013-05-02 07:17:43 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: [ts4.mm.bing.net image 300x186]
The basement of the Richard B Cheney Library


"This is not a dream..."

John Carpenter on a limited budget puts out GREAT work!
 
2013-05-02 07:45:07 PM  
Forget Metallica
s18.postimg.org
The true Master of Puppets.
 
2013-05-02 10:28:49 PM  
Cue the pic from the first Indiana Jones flick of the old man pushing the cart in the warehouse.
 
2013-05-02 11:27:01 PM  

2wolves: Cue the pic from the first Indiana Jones flick of the old man pushing the cart in the warehouse.


Or the warty albino pushing a creeky wooden cart into the forest, leading to the torture chamber under the forest.
 
2013-05-02 11:51:01 PM  
This song, with bad acoustics, plays in the background.....
 
2013-05-02 11:53:01 PM  
Doh. Don't like the new fark layout.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QEllLECo4OM"> http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=QEllLECo4OM#!

There!
 
2013-05-03 01:23:35 AM  
Coming to an undisclosed location near you!
 
2013-05-03 11:58:04 AM  

Allen. The end.: Mr. Shabooboo: [ts4.mm.bing.net image 300x186]
The basement of the Richard B Cheney Library

"This is not a dream..."

John Carpenter on a limited budget puts out GREAT work!


IMHO Prince of Darkness is a very underrated movie..

I wonder if Dick Cheney spewed evil water at W. and that was how he was controlled?
 
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