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(Daily Mail)   Fark ready headline: Carpet cleaner left screaming in agony after his testicles were burned by 99p 'shower gel'   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 99
    More: Scary, shower gel, Raymond Cuss, eggs, showers  
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12980 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2013 at 7:57 PM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-30 09:07:22 PM
Why's a guy cleaning his carpet?
 
2013-04-30 09:10:41 PM
Technically his scrotum was burned, not his testicles.

Hydrofluoric acid might be able to burn his testicles.
 
2013-04-30 09:14:15 PM

fusillade762: calm like a bomb: Reacted with chemicals used when he was working?  Dude, why are you putting carpet cleaner on your junk?

My thought as well (now that we have some more reliable sources and I've decided to actually think about it. Thanks, Walker). Why would he only have burned his crotch and nowhere else??


Maybe the first thing he does when he gets in the shower is use his shower gel to get down to business.  You know, shake hands with the president.  Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more say no more.


/I'm talking about masturbation.
 
2013-04-30 09:15:57 PM
i232.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-30 09:16:54 PM

Walker: He has now been given £1,000 as part of an out-of-court settlement.

See this is the difference between the UK and the US. People in the US would laugh at that pitiful amount.  People in the UK are like "Good show ol chap! You showed them! Pip pip etc" The minimum someone in the US would have gotten was $300,000.



In the US, $100k would have went to the lawyer, $200k to the hospital, he would still be in debt by $50k, and his bank/landlord would have kicked him out because he was a few days late making a payment while in the hospital.
 
2013-04-30 09:17:28 PM
What he failed to realize is that "Shower Gel" meant "Gel for cleaning the shower".
 
2013-04-30 09:20:10 PM

1000Monkeys: No-one posted this yet?

/ Read the reviews


I find it funny cos for a while I had to use isopropyl alcohol on my change purse and little co-pilot several times a day.

I am quite sure that pain is worse than using a silly hair remover. It's like fire ants with flamethrowers shooting bees out of their mouths with lasers.
 
2013-04-30 09:23:44 PM

the ha ha guy: Walker: He has now been given £1,000 as part of an out-of-court settlement.

See this is the difference between the UK and the US. People in the US would laugh at that pitiful amount.  People in the UK are like "Good show ol chap! You showed them! Pip pip etc" The minimum someone in the US would have gotten was $300,000.


In the US, $100k would have went to the lawyer, $200k to the hospital, he would still be in debt by $50k, and his bank/landlord would have kicked him out because he was a few days late making a payment while in the hospital.


Considering your name, that wasn't very funny.

/way too true
 
2013-04-30 09:25:04 PM

JesusJuice: When I was in the military my buddies and I used to compete to see who could smear the most IcyHot on their cock and balls.

I just thought you might like to know.


That's the gayest and most stupid thing I've read all day. My $0.02.
 
2013-04-30 09:25:14 PM

Smeggy Smurf: What really happened was he pissed off some nerds


Can I have some for my shoulder joint?
//Getting old
 
2013-04-30 09:27:13 PM
Came for carpet jokes.  Leaving disturbed.
 
2013-04-30 09:29:53 PM

JesusJuice: When I was in the military my buddies and I used to compete to see who could smear the most IcyHot on their cock and balls.  I just thought you might like to know.


I have the utmost respect for military personnel, and I have absolutely no problem with homosexuals. But that is quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever heard, and I'm using "gay" in its strictly perjorative sense. That story is only made gayer by the fact that all of you would probably claim that it wasn't gay at all, and that engaging in balls-exposed fun-time with a roomful of other men just means that all of you are extremely confident in your hetrosexuality. Uh huh... as confident in your heterosexuality as the two or three guys in my college fraternity who always came up with suggestions like "Hey! Let's see who can smear the most IcyHot on their cock and balls!" when the rest of us just wanted to smoke dope.

/obligatory but sincere NTTAWWT
 
2013-04-30 09:31:09 PM

The Third Man: I would be very, very careful about using anything called "Dettol" near the family jewels. I am only familiar with that product's use as the world's most disgusting cold remedy. It's one of those medicines that you have to be sick to use because if you aren't already violently ill, you will be after using it.


I'd be warier of the Chinese characters on the label.
 
2013-04-30 09:31:22 PM
Points for brevity, Jument.
 
2013-04-30 09:37:09 PM
I am guessing Axe Body Spray would have turned this poor bastard into a pile of embers.
 
2013-04-30 09:40:23 PM
maybe next time dont jerkoff using shower gel as lube
 
2013-04-30 09:47:43 PM

JesusJuice: When I was in the military my buddies and I used to compete to see who could smear the most IcyHot on their cock and balls.

I just thought you might like to know.


Navy?
 
2013-04-30 09:50:23 PM
I once accidentally spilled a big bowl of Korean hot and spicy soup in my lap.  That was not a pleasant feeling.  Koreans like soup lava hot and extra spicy, so I got two levels of burn.
 
2013-04-30 09:56:23 PM
He should've spent that extra pence on some Imperial Leather or Nivea body wash at Poundland.
 
2013-04-30 10:00:35 PM

MeanJean: From the comments:
how did chemicals from work get down to his testicles and why didn't it react on other parts of the skin first.


That is a  good question. Does he wash his junk before anything else?


He was beating off using cheap chemicals as lube. No sympathy.

/shudder
 
2013-04-30 10:08:11 PM

Timid Goddess: fusillade762: calm like a bomb: Reacted with chemicals used when he was working?  Dude, why are you putting carpet cleaner on your junk?

My thought as well (now that we have some more reliable sources and I've decided to actually think about it. Thanks, Walker). Why would he only have burned his crotch and nowhere else??

Thinner skin in the genital area than the rest of the body could explain why only that area was burned.
As for why chemicals from his work got there?  Unless they soaked through both pants and undergarments, that sounds like the lawyers saving face.


He was at work and had carpet cleaner on his hands and then took a whiz before washing hands thereby handling his junk getting the chemical only on that area.  Then the shower gel only reacted in that region.

/q.e.d.
 
2013-04-30 10:10:26 PM

Walker: He has now been given £1,000 as part of an out-of-court settlement.

See this is the difference between the UK and the US. People in the US would laugh at that pitiful amount.  People in the UK are like "Good show ol chap! You showed them! Pip pip etc" The minimum someone in the US would have gotten was $300,000.


One has to consider the relative value of the injured commodity.
 
2013-04-30 10:11:24 PM

remus: And whose choice was it to be self employed with no health insurance


It's the UK.
 
2013-04-30 10:26:44 PM

xanadian: [www.pianohelp.net image 352x352]


Aaannnd, we're done here.
 
2013-04-30 10:54:56 PM
TFA: "After a month of applying moisturiser at the doctors suggestion it healed"


images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-04-30 11:10:53 PM
I don't know what you all are talking about, but if I ever used a product designed to be used on my body, on my body, and it caused chemical burns....well I'd want them to pay for my medical treatment and for having suffer through that ordeal.  The time off I have to take from work would be included in this.  Then I might want more money, just because.  I'm not out to get rich, but I'll be damned if I let a company injure me through gross negligence and still make a profit from doing so.
 
2013-04-30 11:16:02 PM
Got chemical burns on her hands because the company she worked for was too cheap to put non-industrial strength soap in the bathrooms.

/bonus: Bank of America
 
2013-04-30 11:26:32 PM

Smeggy Smurf: berylman: 'I had tears in my eyes when pulling on my boxer shorts, and if any material simply brushed the area I almost doubled over in pain. I grimaced with every move.'

He added: 'I went to my local hospital and they said I had suffered burns. I don't have sensitive skin and had never suffered a reaction like this before.

'Because I'm self employed I had to go to work and battle through the pain, which was a real struggle. The whole incident left me feeling depressed because I feared my ordeal would never end.

Hombre needs to back to the man school of dealing with pain.

Real men scrub their balls with Lava


REAL Lava.....
 
2013-04-30 11:30:22 PM

Walker: He has now been given £1,000 as part of an out-of-court settlement.

See this is the difference between the UK and the US. People in the US would laugh at that pitiful amount.  People in the UK are like "Good show ol chap! You showed them! Pip pip etc" The minimum someone in the US would have gotten was $300,000.


Prolly someone else already corrected this, but the law doesn't work that way, not even in the US. You have to show actual DAMAGES. There is pain and suffering that can be awarded, but again, actual damages must be shown. There are also some penalties that can be tacked on (such as a company knowing a problem existed and doing nothing) and that's to prevent the bean counters from judging that 50 deaths is cheaper than a recall.

Many states have limitation caps on lawsuits. And the most 'famous' one that gets cited as an abuse of the system (the McDonald's coffee) wasn't even an abuse of the system or unreasonable when one looks at the actual facts of the case.

But companies have a very big vested interest in making it LOOK like these things are out of control, so they can get limitations placed on what they'll have to pay (and selling it as 'we' have to pay).

Not saying there's no abuses, but small settlements like this are far more common than not.
 
2013-05-01 12:21:14 AM
I spent 99pence now my biatch gets none
 
2013-05-01 12:23:59 AM
Scrotum != testicles

Parry for your lots.
 
2013-05-01 12:33:26 AM
1.Only guy affected
2. Only lawsuit filed, and filed against the store, not the makers of the product

I have to wonder: what kinda raging microcosm was living in his genitals? Why such a strong reaction to a CLEANSER?

Maybe it was his first shower in eons.
 
2013-05-01 12:50:49 AM
Jesus Juice
When I was in the military my buddies and I used to compete to see who could smear the most IcyHot on their cock and balls.

I just thought you might like to know.


I just looked it up on Youtube and holy shiat that is hilarious.

Thank you for the new BDSM technique. My submissive loves cock and ball torture.
 
2013-05-01 12:53:14 AM

1000Monkeys: No-one posted this yet?

/ Read the reviews


God dammit.. I could spent all night reading those reviews.... hilarious!
 
2013-05-01 12:53:50 AM
www.technologytell.com
 
2013-05-01 12:59:48 AM
Hard to believe that guy is only 42.
 
2013-05-01 01:25:47 AM

Now, THAT, Farkers and Farettes, is how you clean the carpet.  Always contact a professional -- but wear rubber gloves.



4.bp.blogspot.com
"This ball sack is CLEAN."
 
2013-05-01 01:31:08 AM
What an ornery old Cuss. It takes balls to ask for an apology from the 99p store for being a cheap bastard. Inflamed, chemically burned balls.
 
2013-05-01 01:46:42 AM
Pain was so much even his underwear hurt when it touched burns

When not only the burns touched by the underwear, but your underwear itself hurts, it's pretty bad.

It is believed chemicals in gel reacted with chemicals he uses for work

blogs.amctv.com
 
2013-05-01 01:58:20 AM

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: 1000Monkeys: No-one posted this yet?

/ Read the reviews

I find it funny cos for a while I had to use isopropyl alcohol on my change purse and little co-pilot several times a day.


Now that sounds like a story for the ages.
 
2013-05-01 04:10:23 AM
Who in their right mind bathes with 14 year old pee anyway?
 
2013-05-01 06:07:28 AM

FrancoFile: calm like a bomb: Reacted with chemicals used when he was working?  Dude, why are you putting carpet cleaner on your junk?

He probably still had them on his hands, and washed his junk before anything else.

/which is weird, but it's England, so who knows


Or he scratched his balls because he had an itch. Washed his hands after work and during the shower he only had some carpet cleaner left on his balls. That way the soap wouldn't react in any other place.
 
2013-05-01 06:59:06 AM

MrHappyRotter: Hmmm.  I thought a red, inflamed penis was somewhat normal.


Mom?
 
2013-05-01 08:31:35 AM
Are we sure this wasn't a hair removal product like Veet?

(warning: reviews may make you cringe in sympathetic agony and/or spray your monitor and keyboard with your favorite beverage)
 
2013-05-01 03:05:40 PM
Sometimes nanny states get you paid. You don't see any settlement for slatted chairs in the U.S. now do you?
 
2013-05-01 03:12:29 PM

Habeas Porpoise: "Pain was so much even his underwear hurt when it touched burns"

The real question is, how does he know what his underwear was feeling?


I didn't even know underwear could feel. Wait, does that mean underwear has other senses as well? I think I owe my underwear an apology.
 
2013-05-01 03:58:55 PM
'I now get an even cheaper brand from Lidl.'

Good Lord, man. What are your privates worth?
 
2013-05-01 04:03:57 PM

fusillade762: calm like a bomb: Reacted with chemicals used when he was working?  Dude, why are you putting carpet cleaner on your junk?

My thought as well (now that we have some more reliable sources and I've decided to actually think about it. Thanks, Walker). Why would he only have burned his crotch and nowhere else??


Because he needed to get it *really* clean. Really, really, reeeeallly...reeeeeaaaallllyyyy...oh, Gooooooooooood...
 
2013-05-01 04:37:59 PM
Fubegra

That was hilarious! Thanks!
 
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