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(Jezebel)   Just in case you were wondering, all the characters on Friends were suicidal caffeine junkies. This timely expose brought to you by the "locked in the '90s" writers at Jezebel   (jezebel.com) divider line 63
    More: Strange, series finale  
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4678 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 30 Apr 2013 at 9:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-04-30 08:49:42 AM
here's a caffeine free version of friends:

chandler walks in:

hey guys wanna go for a run at the beach
i've been caffeine free for 6 weeks and i feel GREAT!!

rachel:
SURE!
let me get my swim trunks

then they run on the beach
 
2013-04-30 08:59:58 AM
Next they're going to tell us that Norm was a drunk, Dan Fielding was a sex addict and Alf had a feline fetish.
 
2013-04-30 09:10:12 AM
They're just getting around to figuring this out NOW?
 
2013-04-30 09:13:35 AM
Still waiting for the liver panel  of Cheers regulars
 
2013-04-30 09:15:44 AM
Amateurs

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-30 09:28:08 AM
and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.
 
2013-04-30 09:37:18 AM

Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.


My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.
 
2013-04-30 09:39:19 AM

Mugato: Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.

My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.


The twist was Angela was the murderer, and she just kept pinning it on others.
 
2013-04-30 09:42:33 AM

Mugato: Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.

My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.


not as bad as IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT! tiny mississippi town with a murder or other equally heinous crime EVERY FRIGGIN WEEK?!? i'll stay away from that town, thank you very much!
 
2013-04-30 10:09:16 AM

Cheron: Still waiting for the liver panel  of Cheers regulars


Norm in season 15 of Cheers:
www.startrek.com
 
2013-04-30 10:13:36 AM
Refuse to give jizzabull any clicks...
 
2013-04-30 10:20:26 AM

bungle_jr: Mugato: Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.

My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.

not as bad as IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT! tiny mississippi town with a murder or other equally heinous crime EVERY FRIGGIN WEEK?!? i'll stay away from that town, thank you very much!


Midsomer Murders...
Folks in that county would slaughter each other for the pettiest motives.
 
2013-04-30 10:21:52 AM
So that's why I wanted to kill myself when I watched Friends. Thanks, college friends who had no taste.
 
2013-04-30 10:34:23 AM
Friends > Seinfield
 
2013-04-30 10:43:53 AM

mr lawson: Friends > Seinfield


by what factors? i love both friends and seinfeld, but i think overall seinfeld is the clear winner
 
2013-04-30 10:49:33 AM

vudukungfu: Mugato: Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.

My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.

The twist was Angela was the murderer, and she just kept pinning it on others.


Yuk, yuk. You and every hack comedian from the '80s have made that joke.
 
2013-04-30 11:07:49 AM
img401.imageshack.us
 
2013-04-30 11:23:39 AM
www.ticketliquidator.com
Nothing beat the drinking on the original Dallas.

1.  Every time somebody came into JR's office he would say "how 'bout a drink?"  And whether or not the other person accepted the drink JR would pour a big glass of bourbon for himself from a crystal decanter.  It could be 9am.  Didn't matter.
2.  Every day the family would change out of their work clothes and into sportcoats and cocktail dresses, then pound liquor in the study while trading insults.
3.  Sue Ellen kept liquor bottles hidden in shoeboxes.
4.  Ray fell off the wagon again.
5.  Bobby fell off the wagon again.
6.  Lucy's drinking again and trading jewelry for bennies.
 
2013-04-30 11:24:21 AM

vudukungfu: Mugato: Dancis_Frake: and I guess the quantity of alcohol Angela Lansbury had over the course of Murder She Wrote's 12 seasons would be enough to send 2 persons in the ICU.

Pointless.

My grandmother used to watch that. Wasn't that the show where everywhere that broad went, someone got murdered every week? If any show needed a Fight Club-Tyler Durden twist it was that one.

The twist was Angela was the murderer, and she just kept pinning it on others.


Thank you captain obvious. You can go now your job is done.
 
2013-04-30 11:31:10 AM
They were also all people you would enjoy punching in the face.
 
2013-04-30 11:39:01 AM

mr lawson: Friends > Seinfield


Holy shiat are you high.
 
2013-04-30 11:54:39 AM
It's not often that I'd agree with the comments section of an article, but in this case, I pretty much have to. Stupid article is stupid.
 
2013-04-30 11:57:07 AM
Yes, having been a 20 something in the 90's we were all suicidal caffeine junkies, so you know a show about 20 somethings just starting out and how much their jobs suck, relationships suck, and in general life sucks would include being suicidal caffeine junkies.

Anyway considering I typically drink a pot and a half of coffee every day, and I've cut down some, those guys were pikers.
 
2013-04-30 11:58:47 AM
...poisons do not work that way, moron.
 
2013-04-30 12:06:46 PM
Ok, but I don't get what their point is. Anything done over a span of time, especially 10 years, consolidated down to an instant would be fatal for one or more people. Ex: He ate one twinkie a week for 40 years for a total of 2,080 twinkies. If he were to try to eat that all in one sitting, it'd be 88.4 kg or 194.48 lb of twinkies! Well no shiat?

Or are they saying that if they maintained those habits it'd be too much coffee for someone to consume on a day to day basis?

Here's my math based on theirs:
480 mg caffeine / 20oz = 24 mg/oz

128 oz / 1 US gallon = 128 oz/gal

3100 gal * 128 oz/gal * 24 mg/oz = 9,523,200 mg caffeine

But that's over 10 years, so 3650 days.

9,523,200 mg / 3650 days = 2,609.09 mg/day

But, there's also 6 friends, so that's:
2609.09 mg/day / 6 friends = 434.84 mg/day/friend

According to wiki, orally LD50 for caffeine is 192 mg/kg (in rats). Let's say the average friend was 70 kg, that's 13,440 mg for a 50% chance to overdose.

Is my math wrong? Or are they just making stuff up?
 
2013-04-30 12:13:31 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-30 12:16:00 PM

mr lawson: Friends > Seinfield


You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.
 
2013-04-30 12:21:10 PM
i thought maybe I could muster up a fark to give and clicked on the link (hoping for Anniston bewb pics, I'll be honest). Then I realized that I really didn't care and closed it. I tried but I just cant care about this show.

Badgers: [25.media.tumblr.com image 350x291]

img.photobucket.com
 
2013-04-30 12:33:50 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-04-30 01:03:50 PM

kungfu jesus with a side of lime: i thought maybe I could muster up a fark to give and clicked on the link (hoping for Anniston bewb pics, I'll be honest). Then I realized that I really didn't care and closed it. I tried but I just cant care about this show.

Badgers: [25.media.tumblr.com image 350x291]
[img.photobucket.com image 510x300]


The Coffee Bean is a giant coffee bean wearing underwear and a white headband. He can only say the word "coffee" and has the ability to squirt hot coffee from his chest. His translator is an Asian business man who translates what he says.
 
2013-04-30 01:18:24 PM
I didn't like the show until I noticed that the set's temperature must have been set really, really low.
 
2013-04-30 01:27:14 PM
Can't we just turn this into a "fark Jezebel" thread plz?
 
2013-04-30 01:58:21 PM
It was actually brought to you by Scientific American, subby.  And it was brought to them by a grad student. Jezebel just thought it was a somewhat interesting story and wrote a small article about it.
 
2013-04-30 02:02:29 PM

ignacio: It was actually brought to you by Scientific American, subby.  And it was brought to them by a grad student. Jezebel just thought it was a somewhat interesting story and wrote a small article about it.


Wow, really? Scientific American is publishing this crap now?
 
2013-04-30 02:19:00 PM

mr lawson: Friends > Seinfield


Let me guess, you're the type of person who likes to clap along to the theme song.
 
2013-04-30 02:20:56 PM

keepitcherry: mr lawson: Friends > Seinfield

You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.


I  am a completely straight male and I liked Friends.....and Seinfeld too.  Still watch reruns of both on a somewhat regular basis in fact.  Haters gonna hate and all I guess...
 
2013-04-30 03:10:26 PM

NeoCortex42: Cheron: Still waiting for the liver panel  of Cheers regulars

Norm in season 15 of Cheers:
[www.startrek.com image 332x240]


His name is Morn. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I just got that.
 
2013-04-30 03:52:13 PM

keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.


Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.
 
2013-04-30 04:03:26 PM

Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.


Seinfeld was very popular too. I wouldn't go as far as saying men who liked it were queer, but it was definitely a chick-friendly show.
 
2013-04-30 04:14:05 PM

Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.


Lol so is Honey Boo Boo and your point being? I was going over the top saying it made you gay, but you're kidding yourself if you think that show wasn't aimed towards women and homosexuals.
 
2013-04-30 04:18:02 PM

TheHumanCannonball: Ok, but I don't get what their point is. Anything done over a span of time, especially 10 years, consolidated down to an instant would be fatal for one or more people. Ex: He ate one twinkie a week for 40 years for a total of 2,080 twinkies. If he were to try to eat that all in one sitting, it'd be 88.4 kg or 194.48 lb of twinkies! Well no shiat?

Or are they saying that if they maintained those habits it'd be too much coffee for someone to consume on a day to day basis?

Here's my math based on theirs:
480 mg caffeine / 20oz = 24 mg/oz

128 oz / 1 US gallon = 128 oz/gal

3100 gal * 128 oz/gal * 24 mg/oz = 9,523,200 mg caffeine

But that's over 10 years, so 3650 days.

9,523,200 mg / 3650 days = 2,609.09 mg/day

But, there's also 6 friends, so that's:
2609.09 mg/day / 6 friends = 434.84 mg/day/friend

According to wiki, orally LD50 for caffeine is 192 mg/kg (in rats). Let's say the average friend was 70 kg, that's 13,440 mg for a 50% chance to overdose.

Is my math wrong? Or are they just making stuff up?


You seem to have it under control here.
 
2013-04-30 04:19:36 PM

Badgers: kungfu jesus with a side of lime: i thought maybe I could muster up a fark to give and clicked on the link (hoping for Anniston bewb pics, I'll be honest). Then I realized that I really didn't care and closed it. I tried but I just cant care about this show.

Badgers: [25.media.tumblr.com image 350x291]
[img.photobucket.com image 510x300]

The Coffee Bean is a giant coffee bean wearing underwear and a white headband. He can only say the word "coffee" and has the ability to squirt hot coffee from his chest. His translator is an Asian business man who translates what he says.


I got a contact high just from reading that.
 
2013-04-30 04:34:58 PM

keepitcherry: Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.

Lol so is Honey Boo Boo and your point being? I was going over the top saying it made you gay, but you're kidding yourself if you think that show wasn't aimed towards women and homosexuals.


i.imgur.com

What? I can't hear you over my hard nipples.
 
2013-04-30 04:44:18 PM

keepitcherry: Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.

Lol so is Honey Boo Boo and your point being? I was going over the top saying it made you gay, but you're kidding yourself if you think that show wasn't aimed towards women and homosexuals.


Not to white knight Friends or anything, but Honey Boo Boo has a tenth the viewers. My point is that a show that popular doesn't get that way by appealing to only half the population. And I think Shazam999 did a good job pointing out that there were perks for male viewers too.
 
2013-04-30 05:01:03 PM
I am certain the key to the success of   Friends  was a pair of these:

cityrag.blogs.com

images.teamsugar.com

Seriously, I think they knew that the whole draw for the show was the hard nipples, so they had her wear those things as part of Rachel's costume.

And then she kept wearing them after the show, to maintain the illusion.

Otherwise, she's either always nursing, or always REALLY cold.
 
2013-04-30 05:14:27 PM
Gentlemen, you may be interested to know that I have just discovered that Ralph Kramden was verbally and possibly physically abusive towards his wife.
 
2013-04-30 05:15:30 PM

browntimmy: Seinfeld was very popular too. I wouldn't go as far as saying men who liked it were queer, but it was definitely a chick-friendly show.


How was Seinfeld a chick friendly show?
 
2013-04-30 05:18:30 PM

ZeroCorpse: I am certain the key to the success of   Friends  was a pair of these:


I don't think so. They do just fine by themselves.

NSFW
 
2013-04-30 05:27:46 PM

Shazam999: keepitcherry: Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.

Lol so is Honey Boo Boo and your point being? I was going over the top saying it made you gay, but you're kidding yourself if you think that show wasn't aimed towards women and homosexuals.

[i.imgur.com image 640x480]

What? I can't hear you over my hard nipples.


I like her nips as much as the next guy but I'm not going to sit thru 30 minutes of horse shiat just to see them - that's what screenshots are for.
 
2013-04-30 05:34:22 PM

keepitcherry: Shazam999: keepitcherry: Third Leg: keepitcherry: You know how I know you're gay? No but seriously I've never met a straight man who actually enjoyed that garbage.

Waaah, I think it's edgy to hate on popular TV shows! Because a show that ranked in the top 10 every season it was on, with about 20 million viewers an episode, was the exclusive domain of women and queers. You're an idiot.

Lol so is Honey Boo Boo and your point being? I was going over the top saying it made you gay, but you're kidding yourself if you think that show wasn't aimed towards women and homosexuals.

[i.imgur.com image 640x480]

What? I can't hear you over my hard nipples.

I like her nips as much as the next guy but I'm not going to sit thru 30 minutes of horse shiat just to see them - that's what screenshots are for.


Friends: Serious Business.
 
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