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(Mother Nature Network)   Not to alarm you, but Martha Stewart is currently looking for somebody to sleep with   (mnn.com) divider line 208
    More: Scary, Matt Lauer, MNN  
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15123 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 30 Apr 2013 at 5:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



208 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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vpb [TotalFark]
2013-04-30 08:20:54 AM  
Is the "Bats are running out of time" banner on the right related to TFA?
 
2013-04-30 08:25:18 AM  
I know it might end like peeling a grilled cheese apart, but I'd still bring the tomato soup to the party
 
2013-04-30 08:28:49 AM  
Sure, if I can take a time machine to 1962.

ryanseacrest.com
 
2013-04-30 08:54:25 AM  

IdBeCrazyIf: I know it might end like peeling a grilled cheese apart, but I'd still bring the tomato soup to the party


Thanks for that. Laughing out loud while at work is very awkward.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-04-30 08:56:38 AM  
Can I have Ana Gasteyer instead?
 
2013-04-30 09:18:18 AM  

Sybarite: Sure, if I can take a time machine to 1962.

[ryanseacrest.com image 600x400]


She still ain't badfor her age.  I imagine she'd be a decent catch for someone 60+, or for a younger man who wants to scratch an Oedipal itch.
 
2013-04-30 09:27:58 AM  

dittybopper: Sybarite: Sure, if I can take a time machine to 1962.

[ryanseacrest.com image 600x400]

She still ain't badfor her age.  I imagine she'd be a decent catch for someone 60+, or for a younger man who wants to scratch an Oedipal itch or to have a sugar-momma.


FTFY
 
2013-04-30 09:34:41 AM  
Imagine the doilies she uses as lingerie.
 
2013-04-30 09:50:47 AM  
Well, at least she can cook.
 
2013-04-30 09:53:43 AM  

remus: Well, at least she can cook.


Imagine the awesome breakfast she'd make for you the next morning.
 
2013-04-30 10:04:01 AM  
Harder to hate on Martha Stewart ever since the Illuminati threw her under a bus. Still, insufferable know it all Type A personality with probable bipolar disorder. I'm going to say by day 5 I would put a very fancy pillow over her face until she stopped breathing.
 
2013-04-30 10:10:01 AM  

I can already see the headlines now:

LOCAL MAN DIES FROM HYPOTHERMIA OF THE PENIS
 
2013-04-30 10:21:15 AM  
I may be in the minority here, but I'd probably hit it.  Just sayin.
 
2013-04-30 10:21:41 AM  

remus: Well, at least she can cook.


Yes, like "If you want to make this dish sweeter, just add some sugar..."
 
2013-04-30 10:42:55 AM  
media-cache-ec4.pinimg.com
"My vagina: It's a good thing."
 
2013-04-30 11:05:47 AM  
I'm old. She looks pretty good to me.  I'm adding my name to the "I'd do her" list.
 
2013-04-30 11:22:10 AM  

Godscrack: remus: Well, at least she can cook.

Yes, like "If you want to make this dish sweeter, just add some sugar..."


angam.ang.univie.ac.at 

A poon full of sugar helps the men go down, in the most delightful way...
 
2013-04-30 11:22:30 AM  
I'd wreck that.

I'd hit her so hard her old cellmate comes.
 
2013-04-30 11:53:06 AM  
sfcitizen.com
 
2013-04-30 12:15:50 PM  
She can toast my artistically grown 12 grain  bread any day.
 
2013-04-30 12:22:50 PM  
Meh, I'd probably do it. I get a kick out of the idea of becoming famous because of sticking your dick in someone.

/implying I have standards
 
2013-04-30 12:33:00 PM  
Huh.  I would have expected her to turn it into a unique table decoration.

Though it's not as if I've not be wrong before.
 
2013-04-30 12:54:15 PM  
Would I have to use a placemat when I went down on her?
Sure, it would catch the crumbs, but it just seems so formal.

When she goes down on me, will she be wearing a bib with a picture of my junk on it?
 
2013-04-30 01:49:49 PM  

miss diminutive: I can already see the headlines now:

LOCAL MAN DIES FROM HYPOTHERMIA OF THE PENIS


We're done here.
 
2013-04-30 02:28:30 PM  
She's still rich right?
 
2013-04-30 02:56:36 PM  
You're right, subby, old people having sex is so scary and gross!  Especially ones that used to be models!
 
2013-04-30 03:54:47 PM  

bdub77: Harder to hate on Martha Stewart ever since the Illuminati threw her under a bus. Still, insufferable know it all Type A personality with probable bipolar disorder. I'm going to say by day 5 I would put a very fancy pillow over her face until she stopped breathing.


Harder to take anyone seriously who references the Illuminati.

/unless you're being facetious...
 
2013-04-30 03:58:50 PM  
As long as the will is updated first I am MORE than in.

"Ohh, baby. You know what gets me hot? You eating a big slab of this artisan butter then running up and down the stairs as hard as you can."
 
2013-04-30 04:12:08 PM  
She's a good looking dame.
 
2013-04-30 04:16:08 PM  
Subby must be under-30 to use the 'scary' tag and 'alarm you'.

We should all hope to look that good when we are 71.
 
2013-04-30 04:29:29 PM  
I bet she makes a tasty sandwich.
 
2013-04-30 05:04:17 PM  

johnnieconnie: Subby must be under-30 to use the 'scary' tag and 'alarm you'.

We should all hope to look that good when we are 71.


You're right, hell I'll be lucky to be alive at 71 let alone look in any kind of decent shape.
 
2013-04-30 05:05:59 PM  
*raises hand*

/as long as she includes me in her trust
 
2013-04-30 05:15:42 PM  
I'd give her an inside tip if you know what I mean.
 
2013-04-30 05:16:00 PM  
She can count the threads in my sheets any time she wants. I'll giver her a close up view of them.

/I'd rather go drink scotch and eat McDonald's with her
 
2013-04-30 05:16:22 PM  
She probably has lots of recipes.  She can make her pussy taste different every day.
 
2013-04-30 05:16:40 PM  
I'm 30, hopefully I'll be alive at 71.  She looks damn good for 71 (not that I'd hit it, but she looks like she could pass for being in her 50s)
 
2013-04-30 05:17:18 PM  
I'm 24 years old and I would break that in half and turn her old ass out.


/damn
//Angelica Houston too
///call me
 
2013-04-30 05:17:35 PM  

Sybarite: Sure, if I can take a time machine to 1962.


(In best scruffy the janitor voice) second.
 
2013-04-30 05:18:15 PM  
I would break that in half and turn her old ass out

/24 years young
//angelica houston too
///don't judge me
 
2013-04-30 05:18:25 PM  
She's done time...that's means she's probably down to inviting others to the party, if you know what I mean.
 
2013-04-30 05:18:30 PM  
Ain't gonna lie, I'd hit it.

/And then she'd make me a delightful caprese panini featuring local heirloom tomatoes and micro-basil, with a pressed-peach seltzer chaser.
//It's a good thing.
 
2013-04-30 05:19:05 PM  

gilatrout: I bet she makes a tasty sandwich.


I'm not proud. I'm willing to hang around until dinner, at least.
 
2013-04-30 05:19:35 PM  
"And when you're done, wipe your d**k on the curtains."

/punchline to dirty joke about Martha Stewart
//sure, why the hell not? It's not like my standards are higher than hers.....
 
2013-04-30 05:19:55 PM  

duffblue: I would break that in half and turn her old ass out

/24 years young
//angelica houston too
///don't judge me


that was like a weird echo

echo

echo
 
2013-04-30 05:22:43 PM  

YodaBlues: "My vagina: It's a good thing."


This was poetry.
 
2013-04-30 05:22:48 PM  
I'd imagine at 71 and her time in prison you would need a high powered hand mixer to get her off.
 
2013-04-30 05:23:02 PM  
I'd imagine that she picked up a few tricks while in the slammer that would probably shock and amaze.

/I'd hit it.
//Cry in the shower afterwards
///But would still hit it.
 
2013-04-30 05:23:12 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: As long as the will is updated first I am MORE than in.

"Ohh, baby. You know what gets me hot? You eating a big slab of this artisan butter then running up and down the stairs as hard as you can."


Heh...butter may be better for you than margarine, actually...

and she won't keel over, although that portrait hidden in her attic might suffer a bit...
 
2013-04-30 05:23:56 PM  
I'm in.
 
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